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__TOC__
=Headlines and Deadlines=

==2010==
===Gaugust===
'''19th August 2010''': The Cannonball Crew finally admit defeat, a full two weeks after being chased out of Gulsonside, announcing "The move into Vinetown was a success" - in other words, slinking off with their well-gnawed spinal cords hanging between their legs. C-Ball Crew proved a massive disappointment: we were hoping for more fighting spirit (or indeed ''any'' fighting spirit). Boasting that you held Blesley for "15 hours" shows the limits of your ambition. At least we now have some tourists from [[Knights Templar]] to munch on, they usually have more backbone.

'''5th August 2010''':An impertinent and ill-advised incursion at Blesley Mall by the Cannonball Crew, Fort Perryn refugees and other motley breathers is addressed with customary Clubbed to Death panache: after allowing them to bed down for the night, Clubbers broke in and feasted on the brains, with [[User:Josh_Clark|Josh Clark]]'s tiny brain serving as the hors d'oeuvres.

===July===
'''30th July 2010''': an otherwise mellow month in the ruins of Gulsonside comes to a raucous end as the Cannonball Crew continue their vain attempt to crash our eternal party. In the over-optimistic words of Josh Clark: "Hey Zombies can't you read the tag? The Party is over! Go home, there is no clubbing here. Buh bye now... Toodles. Don't let the door hit ya in the rear!" Unfortunately for Josh and the Crew, the party in Gulsonside isn't over till the fat lady sings, and she doesn't even have a throat right now because we ate it. 

'''24th July 2010''': the [[Cannonball Crew]]'s leaders turn up and attempt to wrest control of the [[Wetherall Building]] from our undead hands. A rapid response team is quickly on the scene to ensure their abject failure and rapid ingestion.

In late July, elements of the [[Malton Rangers]] show up and make a feeble effort to retake Blesley Mall before slinking off to [[Vinetown]] to lick their wounds.

Earlier in the month, Big Bash 3 skirts Gulsonside and Osmondville, evidently recognising that there is nothing for them to do as Clubbed to Death has already been there, done that, and eaten the tattered and bloodstained T-shirt.

{{BB3mapper}}

===June===
Not much to report as summer heats up: Gulsonside has been thoroughly trashed and few breathers remain in the suburb in order to offer up their juicy brains for our eating pleasure.

===DisMay===
'''Monday 17th May - Thursday 20th May''': sporadic skirmishing continues in the Blesley Mall environs, with Perryn NT, Wetherall NT and the Northcote Fire Station among key points being targeted, debrained and reclaimed by CTD. The breathers are reduced to fighting with knives, and even their leaders are unable to get the FAKs they need post-revivification, making the likes of [[User:Morrigana|Morrigana]] easy pickings for the Clubbers. 

[[Image:Blesley_battle.jpg|thumb|right|400px|Clean up on Aisle 5!]]
'''Sunday 16th May''': dawn breaks over a mall deserted except for its customary undead clientèle. The remnants of the breather alliance had already been eaten, dragged out or prompted to flee during the blood-letting of the previous day. After just two days of breather occupation, CTD had reclaimed the bra!nzbarn and completely re-ruined it.

'''Saturday 15th May''' Incredibly, over 20 zombies manage to get back into the mall despite the barricades having been extremely heavy earlier in the day. Desperate attempts to stem the flow of undead shufflers prove fruitless as the zombie incursion is just too numerous, and all it takes is one rotten foot in the door to render barricading impossible. Rapid strikes against horrible noisy generators, swift action to spread infection and the prompt removal of any dying meat helps restore the mall to a more customary sense of peace and order (and bloodslicks). Survivor numbers drop steadily as they are killed, dragged out or seek refuge in neighbouring buildings. Victory is ours! (Probably.) 

'''Friday 14th May''' A furious real-time battle rages among the shops and food courts, with CTD rotters standing and nipping back in as fast as we can, ensuring a steady drain on the breathers' APs through shooting, healing, and running to Marks & Spencer for fresh underwear. When dawn breaks, nearly a dozen Clubbers are still partying hard inside. The breathers have suffered heavy casualties and are barely able to construct a barricade in the face of our stubborn, yet squishy, resistance.

'''Thursday 13th May''' While the Clubbers focus on liquidating a breather nest in Perryn, a combined force from [[The Fortress]], the [[Malton Rangers]] and the [[Knights Templar]] retakes [[Blesley Mall]]. It isn't long before [[Clubbed to Death]] operatives are able to get inside and scout out who's in aisle 5, but the breathers seem unwilling to allow us to stay overnight. With a number of feral zombies swelling the Clubbers' ranks, the stage is set for a lively Summer Sale!

'''Monday 3rd May''' Brockliss Grove PD in Osmondville is cleared of its foul-breathed Malton Ranger denizens, and restored to a state of disorder. Burp!

'''Saturday 1st May - The Tipney Bank Bailout''': [[Jimmy Moog]], the last breathing defender of [[Tipney Bank]], is unceremoniously dragged out, infected and prepared for the new version of the bailout plan: '''Brains, not Bonuses'''. In the previous day's fighting, several other [[Malton Rangers]] fell victim to the new austerity measures imposed on the Bank by Clubbed to Death's economic hardliners.

===Slaypril===
'''Friday 23rd April - The St George's Day Massacre''': CTD liquidates a heavily defended breather outpost at [[Grylls_Crescent_Police_Department|Grylls PD]] before moving swiftly to eliminate the defenders of [[The_Perryn_Building_(Gulsonside)|the Perryn Building]], which had been retaken while CTD visited the twin police station buffets. A defender thoughtfully announces our arrival with a warning graffito, but despite the heads-up numerous Malton Rangers and others are literally caught napping. Who thought we could eat so many brains in a day?

[[Image:Fat_zombie.gif|thumb|right|240px|All these brains are making us fat.]]

'''Tuesday 20th April''' Perryn NT falls to the undead clubbers, along with an abstract painting: the latter forming a poignant symbol of the breathers' futility in attempting to wrest [[Gulsonside]] from our undead hands.

'''Monday 19th April''' The Malton Rangers' and ACC's Gulsonside sojourn, nicknamed Operation Blip, comes to a close within 24 hours as Clubbed to Death takes back its ancestral mall.

'''Sunday 18th April''' While gorging ourselves on tasty if tiny brains (see below), the [[Malton Rangers]] and [[Army Control Corps]] capture Blesley (for the time being); even Club Simpson is lit up. The Clubbers get back to basics in order to reclaim our tribal stamping- and chomping-ground.

'''Saturday 17th April'''
[[web0]], [[User:Colonel Al|Colonel Al]] and some Haitian doctor made for a tasty three-course meal at [[the Pledger Hotel]], which surely deserves a Michelin star for this buffet of brains. If only it weren't ruined!

'''Friday 16th April'''
Another busy week for the Clubbers, this time eliminating the '''Stendhal Pantywad Brigade'''
from [[the Brien Arms|the Brain Arms]]. Old favourite [[web0]] was among those celebrating our victory, as we toasted our success with brain fluids drunk straight from his cranial pan. 

'''Friday 9th April'''
Clubbed to Death celebrates the anniversary of the capture of [[Blesley Mall]], which robbed the hapless Blesley sheeple of their home, and denied the Mall Tour '09 and its hangers-on its share of the brainfest. This is one mall you didn't get your rotten hands on, Tourists - we got there first! 

'''Thursday 8th April'''
Creek NT returns to CTD control, completing our [[Gulsonside]] hat-trick of NecroTech facilities.

===Death March===
March saw control of Gulsonside and western Osmondville see-saw between CTD and various survivor groups, with the month ending on a high note: the mall and its three surrounding NTs were all in undead hands. Survivor actions as the month drew to a close appeared uncoordinated, with a handful of experienced humans accompanied by swarms of hapless newcomers. 

===Deathruary===
'''Thursday 25th February''': after nearly a year, breathers claimed the entirety of Blesley Mall from the Clubbers, restoring all four corners to a hideous state of cleanliness and orderliness. Despite bringing allies from at least three human factions - [[Knights Templar]], [[FANNY]] and [[Serious Ponies]] - the Clubbed to Death mini-horde quickly broke in and held the SE corner against all comers. The mass infections and anti-industrial actions taken by our members ensured a rapid evacuation of the mall and its restoration to ruination within a few days of the outrageous intrusion.

'''Friday 5th February''': many buildings in [[Gulsonside]] have now been marred by the addition of unsightly barricades, including a laughable number all the way to EHB (not to mention garish lighting caused by foul-smelling generators), but the Gulsonside Heritage Society wing of CTD has preserved [[Blesley Mall]] and the local NTs in their state of glorious ruination. It has been noted that the uppity influx of nouveaux breathers is relying heavily on level 1 throwaways as meatshields.

===Brainuary===
'''Saturday 30th January''': Clubbed to Death has refocussed its efforts on our core business of running and ruining [[Blesley Mall]] and its nearby NTs and clubs in [[Gulsonside]] and [[Osmondville]], although with the Recession we have withdrawn our representatives from other outlying suburbs.

'''Friday 15th January''': well, it finally happened: coordinated strikes by [[The Fortress]] and other pompous pretenders to Ghoulsonside have resulted in [[Blesley Mall]] and [[the Perryn Building]] NT being repaired and caded by breathers after 9 months' glorious occupation by undead party-goers. Efforts are now underway to restore disorder to the shopping precinct and to prevent the unwanted post-Christmas gift of life being distributed with those horrid NecroTech needles.

'''Friday 1st January''': Clubbed to Death ushers in the New Year with the news that all four Clubber burbs are officially '''ghost towns''' - [[Gulsonside]], [[Osmondville]], [[Scarletwood]] and [[Pennville]] are officially all-but devoid of life! The screenshot of the SE burbs on 1/1/10 is preserved below for posterity:

[[Image:Happy_New_Year_2010.PNG|thumb|left|400px|Happy New Year, breathers!]]<br>

==2009==

[[Image:Zombie-santa.jpg|frame|Season's Eatings to all our Victims!]]<br>

===Deathember===
'''Saturday 19th December''': [[Scarletwood]] is briefly declared a '''Ghost Town''', thanks in part to CTD's efforts to protect a salty buffer zone around our Gulsonside homeland; however, [[User:Mallrat/Hermann Munster|Hermann Munster]]'s subsequent investigation reveals that several buildings in northeast Scarletwood are horribly repaired and barricaded, including [[the Tompson Building]] NecroTech office. This oversight is to be rectified in short order.

[[Image:ghost_town_picture_2.jpg|thumb|right|300px|Welcome to Clubberswood! Population: 0]]

'''Thursday 10th December''': in a sign of CTD's growing notoriety, graffiti is spotted as far away from our club heartland as [[East Boundwood]], viz. "Group, Clubbed To Death, Zed Group, KOS". Praise indeed! Meanwhile, CTD efforts have extended southwards into [[Pennville]], [[Scarletwood]] and [[Fryerbank]] in search of fresh brains.

'''Thursday 3rd December''': with the help of a Clubbed to Death special operative, [[the Rothwell Building]] in [[Penny Heights]] is added to the east-west Axis of Ruination, eliminating the last needle supply source in Penny Heights and creating a barrier of lifelessness across southeastern Malton.

'''Wednesday 2nd December''' becomes a grey-letter day in Clubbed to Death's history, as Osmondville is declared a Ghost Town for the first time under CTD's occupation. Plans are already underfoot to extend the '''Axis of Ruination''', by denying needles to the mouth-breathing denizens of a classified suburb.

'''Monday 30th November''': Gulsonside receives the coveted '''Ghost Town''' award for the second time while under Clubbed to Death management, reflecting the endeavours of the Clubbers in denying all 3 local NTs to the local breathers. A spokeszombie commented, "Now we want to achieve the same level of customer disservice in Osmondville: first we want to paint O'ville red, then watch it fade to grey as the flow of needles remains utterly dry."

'''Sunday 22nd November''': pioneer [[zedcee]] extends the dead hand of CTD friendship to [[Penny Heights]], occupying [[the Craddy Building]] and extending the Clubbers' salty domain of death to its easternmost point to date.
[[Image:DonTrump.jpg‎|thumb|left|240px|A land-grabbing corporate zombie]] 
'''Sunday 15 November 2009''': after days of heavy fighting, the iconic [[Doveton Towers]] falls to determined zombie attack by elements of Clubbed to Death's elite ''OstFront'' mob. Blissful silence falls across Osmondville as mobile phone chat is brought to a halt, and the inane radio spam of 28.01 is reduced to sparks and static. [[Fillmore West]] had the honour of delivering the coup de grace to the tower - and the pretentious African painting in the lobby is no more. A breather's attempt to reclaim Axtence is swiftly snuffed out.

On the northern front, [[Clinch Way Police Department]] in southern [[Crowbank]] is breached by Clubbed to Death's canine patrol unit, [[Rotting Snoopy]].

'''Sunday 8 November 2009''': Clubbed to Death celebrates the acquisition of its fifth NT building, as [[The Creek Building]] is added to the Clubbers' portfolio of former revivification centres. As well as holding 5 NT Buildings, the Clubbers continue to own Blesley Mall, the surrounding clubs, and [[St Polycarp's Hospital]], making them the undead equivalent of Donald Trump, but with better hair.

'''Monday 2 November 2009''': Clubbed to Death becomes a member of the [[Salt The Land Alliance]], and turns its activities from leisure-related venues to NT buildings. [[The Perryn Building]], [[Wetherall Building]], [[The Axtence Building]] and [[The Doubting Building]] NTs are immediately placed under Clubbed to Death management. This creates a diamond-shaped '''Salty Zone of Death''' around Blesley Mall and the nearby clubs which form the Clubbers' heartland.

= Endorsements = 
==The Umpteenth Siege of [[Blesley Mall]], May 2010==
'''Stan The Chopper'''  said "good show CTD! We liked playing with you so much last time that we came back for more! ;)" 

Thanks, Stan, but flattery won't stop us eating you and your friends: [[Knights Templar]] are crunchy, [[The Fortress]] are juicy, and the [[Malton Rangers]] are chewy. You all give us gas, but we love the smell of partially digested intestines and brain matter!

==Munster and Mike's Mutual Appreciation Society==

'''Mike Carson''' said "hmm. Herman Munster, One of club to deaths finest. Hold on, i will be back in a bit."

Bring some friends, Mike. Hermann is hungry!

'''Mike Carson''' said "I'll be inside for you to eat, ok?"

Look forward to it, Mike - mind if I bring a few friends for the smorgasbrains?

== Breathers at Brockliss ==

'''cineraryone''' said "Zerging clubbed to death strikes again."

Known zerger cineraryone - who once attacked a Clubber using three alts (the cunningly named Cinerary, cineraryone, and cinerary1), appears to be a bad loser into the bargain. Presumably he thinks we must be zergers because we attack in numbers... You know, erm, like a zombie horde.

== The (Re-)Taking of Gulsonside 1-2-3 ==
=== A Giant Percocet [http://urbandead.com/profile.cgi?id=818706]=== 
====The [[Tipney Bank]] Bailout====
'''A Giant Percocet'''  said "faggot zerg cheating CTD c***s".

Despite being an enormous painkiller, Percocet appears to be in some pain himself. Unfortunately for your thesis Percocet, we are neither faggots nor zergers nor cheats. And seeing how often you and your breathing allies have been f***ed by us lately, maybe '''you''' are the c***s!

====Blesley Mall, May 2010====
"Thank you ... we enjoyed ourselves just as much! You guys splatter almost as good as our dear friends from the St Ferreol's Noise Abatement Society! Thanks again for a great time!

"As always, you guys impress the hell out us! Cheers!"---Stan the Chopper, [[Knights Templar]]

'''A Giant Percocet''' said "ZERGS".

Eloquent and yet somehow unpersuasive, AGP. Must try harder.

=== Keigo Oyamada, Siege of the Brain Arms ===

'''Keigo Oyamada''' said " fucking pieces of rotten meat!... I hate them!"

Come back soon K.O., we like Japanese food!

=== Gordon Mullis ===
"Guys, I'm going to give up on the Creek... We have to coordinate our efforts at the same time. ... There's no use in killing a couple of zeds and then losing the building again."

That's the spirit, Gordon! Give up now and beat the rush.

===Kelenvor===
"I hate u guys go back to ur fucking MALL". 

Yes, we do indeed OWN the mall! Thank you for playing, Kelenvor. Your panty-wadded whining is music to our dead ears.

==Blesley Mall Siege, February 2010 ==

===Stan Chopper===
CTD is an awesome zed group, and we are honored to engage in combat with you! ... Again, thank you for the good times in Gulsonside! We have finished our operations in & around your home, but thoroughly enjoyed pitting ourselves against CTD, even for such a short time! As I said, you guys are awesome!!--Stan the Chopper 26 February 2010 

=== Utu ===

"To All you Zeds here, I UTU UNCONDITIONALLY WITHDRAW [from Blesley Mall] AND APOLOGISE TO YOU ALL. With utmost respect, your actions and deeds make you the most worthy left-alone players. I admire your courage and sense of our good game. BEST of luck for the future guys - You all are honourable in my mind."

=== Colonel Al salutes his worthy adversaries! ===

You've kept Gulsonside interesting.  Thanks a bunch! [[User:Asheets|Asheets]] 16:40, 22 February 2010 (UTC)
:In return, may I say your brains are among the tastiest we've had the pleasure of munching on since infesting this suburb.

:Please note that we don't mind being ousted from [[Blesley Mall]] (temporarily of course) by quality opposition, but we hope you will join us in getting the zergers out of the area - the '63 guy' (dexter63, pepsi63, rarebreed, chipper63...), Jordax19800/jordaxcz..., and cinerary1/cineraryone. Here's to a fair fight, and may the best zombie win!--{{User:Mallrat/sig}} 13:04, 23 February 2010 (UTC)

==The Fortress: October 2009==
=== Zombiedodger ===

"Thanks to CTD for being a great opponent. We'll move on eventually as we tend to get bored if we stay in one place for too long but don't worry I'll be sure to bring the team back for a visit next time we're round these parts."

=[[The Great Suburb Group Massacre/2010|GSGM-10]]=

{{Group Active!}}

<center>{{User:Misanthropy/Sig}} 18:47, 27 January 2010 (UTC)</center>

Active! --{{User:Mallrat/sig}} 16:45, 30 January 2010 (UTC)

==Calendar Advice==
Dudes. You couldn't come up with good zombie-related puns for June and July? Please.

I suggest Ju-icybrai-ne for June and Julyingalloverthefloorafterwenomyou for July. --[[User:Penguinpyro|Penguinpyro]] 02:56, 29 July 2010 (BST)

:Judging by the above you couldn't come up with any good zombie-related puns either, but thanks for trying!--{{User:Mallrat/sig}} 23:45, 30 July 2010 (BST)
::As a master of horrible puns, I loved the July one -- {{User:DanceDanceRevolution/sig3}} 13:17, 20 August 2010 (BST)

==Not Defeated==
Just letting you know we were not defeated we merely had to move off to take care of stuff. It's funny you would boast victory as we were just getting riled up. I can't divulge our secrets on how our inner workings and orders are done. My shooting Hermann in the head should show that we are not done here. --[[User:Josh Clark|Josh Clark]] 01:41, 21 August 2010 (BST)