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| {{Fockn Nibbling Beavers}}
| | #REDIRECT [[User:Jason 'Fock'n' Stafam]] |
| [[Image:crank2_2.jpg|center|thumb|500px|''Oi, whass dat, severe ‘ead? …Fock’n ‘ell, Oy fink you’re roight, dere is no reason dat Oy should ‘ave a shir’ on roight now!'']] | |
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| =News From Jason=
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| ==== Mickey Rourke Has A New Friend ====
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| ----[[Image:mickeycockatoo.jpg|center|thumb|500px|''[http://www.dlisted.com/node/32128 Stop me if you’ve heard this one:] Mickey Rourke walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says, “Whoa, where’d you get that?” Parrot says, “Rawk! Passed out behind an Arby’s.”'']]
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| Fock’n ‘ell! Is [http://www.dlisted.com/files/imagecache/photo-preview/files/galleries/spl101011_001.jpg dat ‘oo oy fink it is?]
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| ==== Gaiys ====
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| ----
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| [http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/herocomplex/2008/11/the-transporter.html Jason Statham is gay, Says Transporter Director Louis Leterrier.]
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| Oi, first fings first: da Staf ain got nuffin against da gaiys. Whateva two consentin blokes wanna do wif dere fock’n knobs ain’ none a moy fock’n business, now isn’ dey? But as far as da Stafe is concerned, and regahding moy fock’n Transpor’a movies - Oi, wat d’you expect a fock’n French git dat’s directin da fock’n movies is gonna say? A course e’s gonna fall in love wif me, oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam, now isn’ Oy? At least, Oy was da last toime Oy checked moy fock’n reflection in da soide a moy shoiny fock’n sazz wagon, savvy?
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| An’ since Oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam, when Oy taike moy shir’ off an staht frowin fock’n karate kicks an’ all dat: evry fit bird, evr bloke, evry fock’n crustacean inna fock’n foive moile radius - dey’s all gonna crave a knobbin, now doesn’ dey? So if some bloke’s standin’ behoind da fock’n cam’ra, a course ‘e’s gonna fink Oy loike blokes, now isn’ Oy? Ovvawoise, what’s ‘e got to live for? Which brings me to an importan’ fock’n point: If you’s watchin’ da fock’n Transpor’a, an’ ya staht noticin’ a plump in ya fock’n plonka, it don’t nessreally mean you’re a pufta, now doesn’ dey? It jus’ means your fock’n human.
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| You’re fock’n human, an’ Oy’s Jason fock’n Stafam, innit.
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| ==== Films ====
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| [http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=24753 Jason Statham officially onboard for remake of Charles Bronson’s The Mechanic.]: Oi, oy reckon after aw dis toime droivin’ round in flash sazz wagons, it wis about toime Da Stafe learnt ‘ow to fix ‘em, donnit.
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| ==== Cahs ====
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| Oi, da Staf’ ‘eah. So da ovva day, dese Germans come up to me an dey’s loike, “Oi, Stafe, ‘ow’d you loike ta do da fock’n commersho for dese fock’n cahs?”
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| An a course Oy’s loike, “Oi, if it’s a flash sazz wagon yous is troyin’ ta sell, den you ‘as come ta da roight place, now ‘aven’t you?”
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| An so den Oy invoites dem down ta film whoilst Oy’s droivin fru billboards an doin’ fock’n jumps an aw dat - just your av’rage Fursday for da Staf’, innit. An da result is [http://www.youtube.com/v/m-dd9zIG87A&hl=en&fs=1 what you see heah], donnit. Now, da Staf knows what your finkin’: “Oi, Staf’, what ‘appened to dat fit bird in da rolla shoes?” Well, whoilst da Staf’ ain’t one ta kiss an’ tell, long story short, Oy knobbed ‘er. Now, Oy donnow whoy dey ain’ put dat paht in da bloody commersho, now doesn’ dey? When Oy first found out da knobbin weren’ in dere, Oy wiz so angry dat Oy took moy shir’ off an pulled down dis buildin wif moy bare ‘ands:
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| [[Image:Jason-statham-scaffold.jpg|center|400px|thumb|Oy pulled it roight down]]
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| But den later after Oy’s calmed down a bit, Oy felt bad. So dat noight, Oy rebuilt it.
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