User:Jason 'Fock'n' Stafam

	Fock'n Nibbling Beavers
	This fock'n user is currently Nibbling beyond normal proportions. Innit?

Oi, whass dat, severe ‘ead? …Fock’n ‘ell, Oy fink you’re roight, dere is no reason dat Oy should ‘ave a shir’ on roight now!

News From Jason

Jason's been foightin' beavas!

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Now, normally oy's a big fan o' da beava, now don' oy? But lately oy's been 'avin a bit of trouble wiv some people who don't loike my shoiney new sazz wagon. So oy's been takin' moi shir' off and buggerin' 'em roight up. Oy's got some photos of moi adventchas!

Oi, in dis one, Oy’s gonna deflect dis wig-wearin' beavas knoife wif moy faice. Won’ be da first toime Oy’s won a starin contest wif a knoife.

Pretty noice, innit. Dat’s whoy Oy do free ‘undred bloody crunches a day now don’ Oy? (In case youse didn't know, I put da fort bubble onna picture moi self, oy fink dat's wot he woulda wanted.)

In dis one, Oy’s propa worried. Oy’s finkin, “Oi, Stafam. Did you do 800 pullups dis morning or only 799? Oi, eivva way, you’s sure an ‘andsome cunt.”

Oi, fock off, beava! Oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam now don’ oy! Oy can fock’n punch an kick at the same toime!

Oy fink oy should be inna remake of some popular films, now donnit?

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Inna Running Man

Inna Predator, now donnit?

Mickey Rourke Has A New Friend

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Mickey Rourke walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says, “Whoa, where’d you get that?” Parrot says, “Rawk! Passed out behind an Arby’s.”

Fock’n ‘ell! Is dat ‘oo oy fink it is?

Gaiys

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Jason Statham is gay, Says Transporter Director Louis Leterrier.

Oi, first fings first: da Staf ain got nuffin against da gaiys. Whateva two consentin blokes wanna do wif dere fock’n knobs ain’ none a moy fock’n business, now isn’ dey? But as far as da Staf' is concerned, and regahding moy fock’n Transpor’a movies - Oi, wat d’you expect a fock’n French git dat’s directin da fock’n movies is gonna say? A course e’s gonna fall in love wif me, oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam, now isn’ Oy? At least, Oy was da last toime Oy checked moy fock’n reflection in da soide a moy shoiny fock’n sazz wagon, savvy?

An’ since Oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam, when Oy taike moy shir’ off an staht frowin fock’n karate kicks an’ all dat: evry fit bird, evry bloke, evry fock’n crustacean inna fock’n foive moile radius - dey’s all gonna crave a knobbin, now doesn’ dey? So if some bloke’s standin’ behoind da fock’n cam’ra, a course ‘e’s gonna fink Oy loike blokes, now isn’ Oy? Ovvawoise, what’s ‘e got to live for? Which brings me to an importan’ fock’n point: If you’s watchin’ da fock’n Transpor’a, an’ ya staht noticin’ a plump in ya fock’n plonka, it don’t nessreally mean you’re a pufta, now doesn’ dey? It jus’ means your fock’n human.

You’re fock’n human, an’ Oy’s Jason fock’n Stafam, innit.

Films

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Jason Statham officially onboard for remake of Charles Bronson’s The Mechanic.: Oi, oy reckon after aw dis toime droivin’ round in flash sazz wagons, it wis about toime Da Staf' learnt ‘ow to fix ‘em, donnit.

Cahs

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Oi, da Staf’ ‘eah. So da ovva day, dese Germans come up to me an dey’s loike, “Oi, Stafe, ‘ow’d you loike ta do da fock’n commersho for dese fock’n cahs?”

An a course Oy’s loike, “Oi, if it’s a flash sazz wagon yous is troyin’ ta sell, den you ‘as come ta da roight place, now ‘aven’t you?” An so den Oy invoites dem down ta film whoilst Oy’s droivin fru billboards an doin’ fock’n jumps an aw dat - just your av’rage Fursday for da Staf’, innit. An da result is what you see heah, donnit. Now, da Staf knows what your finkin’: “Oi, Staf’, what ‘appened to dat fit bird in da rolla shoes?” Well, whoilst da Staf’ ain’t one ta kiss an’ tell, long story short, Oy knobbed ‘er. Now, Oy donnow whoy dey ain’ put dat paht in da bloody commersho, now doesn’ dey? When Oy first found out da knobbin weren’ in dere, Oy wiz so angry dat Oy took moy shir’ off an pulled down dis buildin wif moy bare ‘ands:

Oy pulled it roight down

But den later after Oy’s calmed down a bit, Oy felt bad. So dat noight, Oy rebuilt it.