RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text1006right

Better Know an Enemy: Quartly Study Group

By Goolina

Ah, the fair city of Malton - home to zambahz and harmanz whose main goals are the eradication of one another. But wait! There's more to Malton than pitched battles between various groups. A lone candle of literacy and intelligent rhetoric has been lit in the besieged suburb of Roftwood, shining its light on all who hunger for more than blood or brainz in these trying times.

Overseeing this bastion of all thing literary is Sir Fred of Etruria, an affable librarian at the Quartly Library, as well as the leader of the Quartly Study Group. Beloved by harmanz and zambahz alike, the busy Sir Fred took the time to sit down with the Malton Herald & Sun for this exclusive interview.

Goolina: How did the Quartly Study Group get started, and what are their goals?

Sir Fred: At first the librarians were lost without cause. The friends I knew in life who'd entered the battle in Malton were divided and spread to the four corners. But in the center of this maelstrom of zombie activity, we found the Quartly library. At first the Quartly Library was a way-station, a meeting place, a safe-house out of the way. Fairly centrally located, and near enough honest resource points to make the library a very low priority target but guarantee nearby action... I was surprised a group wasn't based there already. Only after my friends told me that "we are the only lit building in the suburb" did I realize we had made Malton a little more intriguing.

Ready for some reading?

The goals of the Quartly Study Group are thus: To protect the Quartly library, QSG members, and the head librarian; to operate our revive point for friends, guests, and the little ones; to survive in unrealistic situations; to spread interest in great authors like Vonnegut; and to secure libraries, and should a library not be available a school or museum should suffice.

Goolina: I've heard of the Apocalypse Horde Slow Readers. Are you guys connected with them in any way?

Sir Fred: During a particularly nasty battle with the Apocalypse Horde, we were the last group to stay in Roftwood. After they'd driven all the other groups out, they had the troops to dedicate sixteen of their members to the continued assault of the Quartly Librarians. Mz. Tonin did coin the phrase the Apocalypse Horde Slow Readers Group, but we are not affiliated. We have vendetta.

Goolina: Seriously though...why librarians?

Sir Fred: Being fans of the zombie-survival and one-liners, we quickly realized a more 'role-play' oriented group was needed. The professions in Malton are combatants, healers, zombies, and the rare civilian. The civilian was embraced, fleshed out, and given a classy home in the Quartly Library.

Goolina: And it’s a classy home indeed. However, you’re not just shelving books all the time. What are some of the major battles the QSG has participated in?

Sir Fred: I first cut my teeth at the Bear-Pit II, but then after the glory of combat the Big Bash crushed all of us on July 19th/20th. Next we had the victorious operation “Roftwood is for Readers.” Upon securing our homestead, we took a trip over to Ridleybank, to the Blackmore NT. During the first week of the Blackmore Occupation, the Apocalypse Horde started attacking our home suburb. We were in sieges everywhere we went... We were buried by the Apocalypse Horde at home, overwhelmed by four times our numbers. Eventually we recruited the Rangers to clear our namesake. This period of occupation by the Apocalypse Horde was on and off for four months. Then when Blackmore II happened we were invited, but it was entirely someone else's conflict. When the zombies were finally freed from Blackmore II they celebrated by visiting Roftwood. The Library held against a horde that exceeded the three-to-one ratio... twenty zombies to the six librarians within. Since then we prefer to keep the battle-lines outside of our neighborhood - the recent pre-Christmas trip to Caiger mall, and the current crisis in Stanbury Village, for example.

Goolina: The Zombie lecture series has been pretty popular. Are there any particular zombies you'd like to have as guest speakers? If so, who are they and why?

Sir Fred: Other than any of the RRF papas? I guess people we've fought. I already saw Graaaaaargh walk through here once. That was a huge surprise. I think Brett Favre and Spooge McDuck are members of the RRF that I'd like to swap war stories with. But the guest who would probably give an intriguing lecture is BaronSamedi, a level 42 who logged in a year before I started!

Goolina: If you suddenly decided to leave the harman life behind, which group would you want to join? Or would you want to start your own horde?

Sir Fred: Oh, a lovely question. Zombie skills are aimed at getting zambahz of different races and creeds to work together. Of course, I would join the Ridleybank Resistance Front, but the true spirit of barhah is found in the hearts of the ferals who brought the cades down to quite-strongly. Barhah to the non-affiliated!

Goolina: There's been talk of wild parties and other scandalous happenings at Quartly, and rumor has it that Paris Hilton has been seen leaving the library at the wee hours. Care to comment on these sordid tales?

Sir Fred: I will confirm that we have had some sordid exchanges in the Quartly Library's large print annex, but the rumors about Paris are lies and slander. I think you had better apologize to her before she sues you for implying she was in a library! How un-trendy...

Goolina: What's on your recommended reading list for harmanz and for zombies?

Sir Fred: For humans I recommend a book that celebrates the strength of individualism over an ever-pervading social structure: We the Living, by Ayn Rand. And for the zombies, a tale of triumph over sole-crushing evil through trust and cooperation: Divine Invasion, by Phillip K. Dick.

Goolina: What does the future hold for the Quartly Study Group - and indeed for literacy - in Malton?

Sir Fred: Well, the zombie lecture series is ongoing. Just recently a brain-rotted zombie broke through our barricades to join the discussion. And we will continue to go on daring suicide missions. For example, we slept in the Accourt Library, in Ridleybank, on the night of Jan 4th. Otherwise, we will attempt to spread class to the rest of Malton, for we have discovered that class is the delivery mechanism for literacy.

Goolina: Final question - which leader is classier, Ron Burgundy or Papa Patrucio?

Sir Fred: Hey, I want to go drinking with both those guys. They exhibit class on many levels and always encourage people to make more of Malton for themselves. But I've seen Patrucio's humor and good nature with some of the younglings on his forum, it was quite classy.

Goolina: Right, so I'll put you down as saying Papa Patrucio is the classier leader. Thanks for your time, Sir Fred. As always, it's a pleasure.