Clean Air Reclamators
| Clean Air Reclamators | |
| |
| Abbreviation: | CAR |
| Group Numbers: | 4 confirmed members |
| Leadership: | Max Von Heller |
| Goals: | Upholding Malton Ordinance Laws (#2234) and cleansing Malton of repeated farting/flatulence offenders |
| Recruitment Policy: | Anyone, but some sense of extreme humor is a requirement. |
| Contact: | Any CAR member |
Who are we?
Basically, we're a small group dedicated to cleaning the air for all of Malton. We police mainly the crowded mall areas and sniff the air for any offenders. Our members have very big penises and a sense of smell so acute they could kill simply by breathing in, and are able to accurately locate any offenders quickly.
Our pledge to all the good people of Malton is to make sure the air is clean for all. We will not tolerate any loose flatulence of any kind!!
Our mission!
As has been said, and will be said again, we work to combat the presence
of persistent farters in Malton. Although it is appreciated, the applause and
adoration of Malton survivors is not necessary for the good deeds that we
carry out. May the air be forever purified and cleansed!
NEWS!
August 29th, 2008
Help welcome our newest employee/member! His name is Chuck1.
He is well versed in the ordinances of Malton and will help insure that YOU, the citizens and survivors of the zombie outbreak,
will have CLEAN AIR to breath in the malls that we so desperately need for supplies and refuge.
(Edwin Driskill has also been promoted to Detective! Congrats on the pay upgrade!)
May your air be clean and your trousers spotless.
June 2nd, 2008
Just a small bit of news. The late and great Mrs. Maxine Von Heller has expired in the town of Monroeville. She was there on humanitarian business to help the citizens, bless her kind heart! There was a zombie outbreak in the city and she was subsequently killed one day, would you believe it, by a dirty PK'er! She then became a zombie and quickly succumbed to the dreaded head shot. May she rest in peace.
(Last known public image. What a saint! err...sister!)
May 18th
From the Desk of Max Von Heller: The Clean Air Reclamators are expanding
to several malls near YOU! This GOOD news comes at a time when nearly every mall in Malton
is screaming for clean air. We never shirk our duties, nor shy away from protecting the innocent bystanders that are now our charge. Rest assured that as we expand into the Tynte, Woodruff, Hildebrandt, and Nichols Malls we will be bringing our personal brand of serenity that can only come from a FILTERED environment. You asked for us, and here we come! It is times like these that being an FK'er (fart killer) is so rewarding. Wherever there is a soul that cries out for clean air... we WILL be THERE!
May 9th
Fuzzy Little Bunny has been promoted to sergeant! His diligent work in sniffing out those PK'ers, Blackhawk Nation members, is to be commended. Good work!
May 8th
Notice: Member AlliSabbah Sellmoore has filed papers for early semi-retirement. He will be awarded the official office of Executive Sniffer. While not enforcing Malton ordinances, he will still work in the capacity of identifying any violations and turning them in to the active members.
We also have a new member, Edwin Driskill, who should appear along side the other faithful members at the bottom of our page. Look for him and welcome him with open arms!
April 10th, 2008
It has come to our attention that some survivors in Malton are not aware of Malton City Ordinance #2234
that states CLEARLY:
Farting Est. 08-28-95 Farting (flatulence) prohibited in congested buildings unless the establishment
provides a farting section with a physical barrier or air barrier system between the sections and
an air purification system (electrically powered hospital grade, hepa media filter that will clean all of
the air in the designated farting area every 15 minutes as with not less than 95 percent of three-tenths
(0.3) micron particulates efficiency) or separate ventilation system that exhausts the air to the exterior
of the building. This section of the code includes cocktail lounges and private clubs ("bars") that are
regulated by the Malton Alcohol and Beverage Commission.
April 9th, 2008
After a long break where there were literally more zombies than survivors,
CLEAN AIR RECLAMATORS were busy reviving and healing folks. Their
normal duties were put on hold for a few weeks but now things are back to
normal.
Resuming their duties, Max Von Heller was the first to find the violator known as:
Skunkbomb! It was obvious he was a violator of the clean air and was promptly
filtered in accordance with Malton ordinance laws. C.A.R. is back in action and back
on the job!
March 21st, 2008
With the recent rise in the walking dead, C.A.R. has been temporarily
out of service. With
very little survivors at the mall and some members
out of
commission, it looks like our work has "dried" up for the time
being.
We hope to be back on the job soon to help keep your air clean in those
congested areas like the numerous malls folks seem to flock to!
March 10th, 2008
Once again Max and Rosco have been MURDERED multiple times
by a PK'er group called Blackhawk Nation. These guys cut us down
without cause and will be reported for bounties. What has Malton come
to when innocent survivors are shot in cold blood? Murdered by PK'ers?
Of course there are revives so no one really dies, which is a relief. We will
live again and forgive this despicable act of unlawful murder.
March 5th, 2008
While cleaning a mall of some violators a
young lad approached us
and extended his hand. He said he wanted
to personally thank us for
the good job we are doing and that he had
a sick mother in the other
room that could now breath much easier, thanks
to our efforts!
It brought a tear to our eyes knowing that we are
helping the good
people of Malton lead better and cleaner lives!
Feb. 25th, 2008
It seems some folks are calling us PK'ers.
Are bounty
hunters PK'ers? Some say yes, some say no. As for CAR,
we are NOT
PK'ers and do not randomly kill folks. We only punish and
eliminate
those who violate the clean air of MALLS for farting inside
among others!
Why, who else would do such a public service? Thus our
group was formed
and service provided for all of Malton to have the
cleanest air possible in our
cherished malls!
Feb. 14th During a recent filtering of a clean air violator an innocent bystander
asked Max "Why do you do it?" Obviously Joey tuck was unaware of our group
and what good we do for the survivor community. We keep the most congested
areas, the Malls, free from unwanted flatulence and punish any violators. We do
this to keep the air clean for YOU. For the good citizens and survivors of Malton
during this zombie outbreak. Why, without us, the air would be unbearably smelly
and most inhabitable! We do it for clean air, we do it for all of you.
Filtered Violators List
Those that have already been filtered include:
(Some may be repeat offenders and bold text is used for easier reading as the list is becoming quite extensive!)
Danny Butt, Sgt. Hump, anna watanabe, The Disemboweled, Goatspeed, stevens onions, Skunkboy, Dick Torn, MagnificentBastard, RobertBrowningJr., The Scissors Man, Filthy McNasty, PuddleWhite (Actually left a BROWN puddle), Sgt Hump, Abby Scuitto, Devestation,
Major Smithy, Skunkboy, Indian Scout, LaPrachio, Ikillurface. Onionsinthebag, executer, Old Dirty Bastard
(Blackhawk members and PK'ers): JSwanson, Tim Koltveit, Swan Warchief , Mad Muchacho, xBloodymessx, Denmark Vessey,
Rob Roy MacGregor
Doc Necrotic, cadloas, Vangabot, Stoner24 (pot smoking violation), Orzo Nacirema (PK'er of our members),
Dr. Heller (Name stealing and PK'er of our members), Pants Dance, Doctor Pootwaddle, Skunkbomb, Vagitarian,
Cleaning Woman (Not a woman! and multiple offender), rich bum, Rxrus, Ron Pile, Explosiv3s, Emily Corpse, The Manly Woman,
Todar, TheFreshOne, S1lent V1per, Freek M, Assi, Mortus Corpus, Joker Toker, Dzukas, Alexander Turpin,
Major Flip (Known PK'er of CAR member Max Von Heller), Fat Fred, SeekeranDestroyer, Deadlyintent, Doobydoo, Cheezwizz
Baubness, Pillbrain (For revive point killing AND farting!), NOOB' killer, KennyMcCormick, Andrew Wreaks, Tony Bommarito,
Thunderpants, Gussy, dukemeister, Buttnose, Evilpaperclip, liquid feces, Tod Browning, Bobs ATurd, big 'smoke, Capt Crack,
Pooo, Couchman, Ken Cussion, Rancid Corpse, fREAKsHOWgIRL, Joeypants, Tattered Butt, Sergeant Browntrousers, Maj Major M Major, DutchOven, Hank Steinbrenner
Members
We may be few, but we will filter!
LEADER:
Max Von Heller (High Commissioner)
MEMBERS:
Edwin Driskill (Detective):
Rosco Hendricks(Dep. comm.): 
George Straightway(Detective): 
Little Fuzzy Bunny(Sergeant): 
AlliSabbah Sellmoore:
(Executive Inspector: semi-retired)
Chuck1(Officer):
Ranks
High Commissioner: Highest rank. Four stars, similar to a full general.
Deputy Commissioner: Two or three stars, similar to a major or lieutenant general.
Assistant Chief: Special assistant to deputy commissioner.
Inspector: Either a gold or silver oak leaf, similar to majors and lieutenant colonels, or a gold eagle, similar to a colonel.
Captain: Two gold or silver bars ("Railroad tracks"), who supervises a precinct.
Lieutenant: A single gold bar ("Butter bar"), who supervises two to three sergeants.
Sergeant: A police officer who supervises an entire watch, made of two to three sections, and wears three inverted chevrons.
Detective: An investigatory specialist, usually working in plain clothes. This may be in several classes that correspond to higher supervisory and pay grades.
Officer: Usually a new or new low level member recruit. Wears no rank insignia.
Executive Inspector: Reserved for retired members that operate in a lowered capacity. Usually reserved for semi-retired members.
