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TEAM AMERICA NEWS (Most Recent to Oldest)
Dateline: Sunday, August 1, 2008
Today was a special day for Team America, and a very special day indeed for TA's leading lurching lady, Zoey Zarg! Now one more year rotten, she was the guest of honor at a birthday party held just a few blocks from a Woodroffe Mall lacking in food and presents. St. Joachim's hospital proved to be a much suitable venue. Party reservations were confirmed by a certain fishy fellow from the Department of Homeland Security, deserving of a tip of my hat.
Guests at Zoey's party included newlyweds Cialan and Sergeant Hawk, Nomad, Kira, Alesciel, DJ Deadbeat (me), We'reNotUnreasonable and latecomer babah Juanita.
Alesciel, quite eager to get the show going, started off the festivities by giving Zoey her first present in the form of the tasty brain of unlucky survivor Toallin.
The newly wedded couple, along with Nomad, presented Zoey with two more gifts as the birthday girl shared a few words for the occasion.
Two more guests, Kira and Juanita, arrived to the party, and in a most thoughtful way, Zoey decided to share the rest ofherprezzieswith one of TA's babahs.
The party finally came to an end with the arrival of We'reNotUnreasonable, who finished off the leftovers and cleaned up
Thanks to the contributions of the party guests, the party was a complete success, proving that barhah is the perfect gift, any day of the year and for any occasion.
Dateline: Tuesday, May 27, 2008
- The continued assault by Team America on targets in and around Nichols Mall has continued unabated for the last few weeks, brain after brain has been claimed and consumed at the expense of weary Harmans in the area. Below is the unbiased, unabashed report of one such attack, as told to Middian by the scribe, Omnicron.
Team America participates in a pan-horde strike on Nichols Mall!
It was a true Parade of depravity, led by by Team America Fearless Leader Ms.Zoey Zarg, Ben DiBanana, Cronus Magnus, DJ Deadbeat, grimtimes, Middian, MightyMu, and We'reNotUnreasonable. They were joined by Canker Sore, Go Forth and DIE and Swing Your Pants of the Gore Corps; dick in a blender, Felidae Mort, Tarman2007 and ZEmi33 of Aux Unit 10, and Distinguished of the GMT Breakfast Club.
On the signal from Commander Zarg, the zambahgang blitzed the barricades, overwhelming the Mall's pitifully inadequate
defenses in mere moments. Go Forth, operating in stickymode, fled the scene after sabotaging the mall's generator. In the dim light, one could just make out the RRF's highly efficient strike team dragging survivor after survivor out of the open doors and into the parking lot. AU10's ZEmi33 and Tarman2007 were both seen exiting the building with messy harman piles slung over their shoulders, as was Team America's own "Ol' Dependable" DJ Deadbeat.
AU10 and Team America continued enforcing a solid policy of forced smoke breaks for harmans as Ben DiBanana and Felidae Mort each ejected their respective bundles of harman detritus from the Nichols Mall proper. Following close behind in the throes of an epic nic-fit was GCer Canker Sore. With no way to harness the harman gift of fire, zambah Canker was forced to resort to secondhand, pre-absorbed nicotine. Happily, it took three harmans to satisfy his maniacal craving. Sensing the fun with special zambah organs, DJ and Felidae were also called to partake in their own little barhahs.
As is traditional, passing zherthren were welcomed to the feast... there was plenty to go around; even Felidae came back for seconds. Team American Middian scored one last, latebreaking kill as the actives started closing in, and Team America carried on to rise another day.
MAY 12/08
- FOR NICHOLS OR BUST!!!
- report by Omnicon
In an epic struggle of grey vs pink, Team America assaulted the recently renovated Nichols Mall. Eager to see what new goodies the mall had stocked during our field trip to Went NT, Team America fairly tore the mall doors clean off the hinges. What we found inside was no disappointment, lots of new toys for current TA bahbahz unholyfurball and We'reNotUnreasonable.
Front-lining for the DoHS tonight were Ben DiBanana, Cronus Magnus, DJ Deadbeat, drugsanimudongs, Middian, Omnicon, safetyinnumbers, Sergeant Hawk, unholyfurball, We'reNotUnreasonable, and former TA All-Star Gus Thomas.
We got off to a quick start, as safetyinnumbers bum-rushed one lucky winner, clamping him in a lethal embrace and popping him a zit. TA then helped unholyfurball to one, two, three helpings of harmanface (2nd kill, Bobby the Rookie, not pictured). New recruit, We'reNotUnreasonable, followed up strong with a vicious bearhug that squished the delectable harman mealworm Sgt Kane. We had one last Brainbag for unholy's dessert, and then Team America embarked on a drawn-out, intense, and brutal beating of the sole harman survivor, which culminated in one last kill for TA first-stringer DJ Deadbeat.
What followed was a grueling struggle to stave off our impending lethargy and frequent human incursions to ruin NE Nichols. With much ransacking completed, TA hung in there for an extra half hour while nearly all of its members swayed stuporously. Our eyes, safetyinnumbers and Cronus Magnus, kept us hanging on every update, until enough of us had roused ourselves to finally score the ruin.
Fantastic work tonight, TA, you done yourselfs real proud!
Special thanks also to (GCer?) Prep, without whom tonight's ruin would have been highly improbable.
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