RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text1206right
Editor's Note: Continued from left-column
MH&S: What kind of brain goes best with a nice cup of Earl Gray and scones?
HJ: There is no clear answer to this, each of us have our own preference.
Mardigan: A soft, spreadable one that's rich in XP and contains generous chunks of Headshot.
Distinguished: A warm one.
Bundolo: Well, I have to disagree with Mardi on this one. I mean, the bergamot in Earl Gray has a strong aroma to it, so it needs something strong to go with it. I'd definitely choose a dark brain rich with flavour and sarcasm - such as that of an ULC member. By the way, my personal favourite for those long sieges is a strong Oolong tea. It really keeps your bowels working when you need to eat more than two survivors a day. Remember kids: keep those small intestines working when you need to just pass it through, but savour the feeling of a Gingerbread Man.
MH&S: Papa Patrucio: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?
HJ: Now only I can answer this question since i have shook hands with the "big man" personally, wihtout pants! See this video: Meeting the GREAT Pappa Petro.
MH&S: Truly an inspirational video.
When asked to rebut these charges, Rodgers said, "Whatever. The zombies are totally scared when I come walking up to them. Just check out this blood spattered shirt and these grime-covered combat boots."
By Murray Jay Suskind and Goolina
Ah... the combat revive. The bane of every zombah'z existence. Just when you think things are going well, bam, you're on the ground and are a useless harman, nonetheless. But wait! There is hope! Sometimes this freshly made harman stands up and begins smashing generators, headshotting harmanz and making what little is left of the harmanz lives a living hell. And that brings us to part four in our ongoing series, Better Know a Strike Team.
The Gore Corps: The Fightin' Corps! The resident death cultists of the RRF, these members reign blood on the harmanz in either zombah or harman form. The lure of the death cult was first formed during the Big Bash when during the siege of the Besley Mall, a certain young zombah kept getting combat revived. Instead of merely jumping out a window or sacrificing the temporary and disgusting harman viscera, this RRF member made it her job to torture the harmanz by causing destruction as one of their own.
When Papa Patrucio was looking to form new strike teams, a good word from Papa Sonny lead this rapidly maturing dual-threat killing machine to be entitled her own group. Hence, the Gore Corps, the RRF's death cultists were born.
And who is this brave leader? Well, it's none other than Goolina, a zombah that may have made it on as many harman shit lists as any other RRF member. We recently had a chance to talk with Goolina, in her much less disturbing zombah form, in her home in Woodland Towers.
MH&S: What would you say is the overall philosophy of the Gore Corps?
Goo: Our philosophy is simple: We assist the RRF in securing and preserving Ridleybank as a harman-and-barricade-free homeland for all zambahz. We lend a hand to other RRF strike teams as well. Two things we do not do are spy for the RRF (even though it's an accusation that follows us, it's patently untrue) or willingly enter Ridleybank (or the greater homeland) as harmanz. The exception would be during a siege situation inside Ridleybank - then the kid gloves come off!
The harmanz worst nightmare
MH&S: That's understandable. As the resident death cultists of the RRF, I'm sure you guys have been a lightning rod for the new RRF policy allowing death cultists. What pisses off harmanz so much about their brainz being sprayed about by a gunshot rather than having them merely eaten?
Goo: Harmanz like to think of themselves as benevolent protectors. Being blown away by their own kind shows them how truly vulnerable they are. It also strikes a chord of fear, because they know that there are people out there who would do the same thing in a real situation. Their greatest enemy isn't the zambahz, but each other.
MH&S: Is there anything that a harman can do that actually works against a death cultist?
Goo: Actually, yes. Accept the gift of barhah when it's offered, and don't make us come looking for you. We're like process servers...we always get our man.
MH&S: Yes, but are the harmanz smart enough to figure that out?
Goo: Come to think of it...no.
MH&S: What's the funnest part about being in the Gore Corps?
Goo: One thing I love about the Gore Corps is the comraderie. We like to have a laugh, and we're all about the funny. We spend a lot of time talking back and forth with each other about silly things that have happened to us, kills we've made, and the reaction of harmanz to our shenanigans. One of my favorite quotes is from the first person to join the Gore Corps:
"I took out Padre Romero a few minutes ago while listening to 'Natural Born Killaz', cause that's how I roll."
And then there's this particular gem:
"I racked up some XP against a PTT member the other day. Wore him down to 9 HP, healed him, shot him, healed him, shot him and killed him. Heh, I enjoyed it."
MH&S: Nice. Now, on a slightly more serious note.... Have you ever taken any contributions from Jack Abramoff?
Goo: I will neither confirm nor deny those allegations.
MH&S: Really? I have pictures.
Goo: *clicks off safety on gun*
MH&S: Why don't we move on to the final question. Papa Patrucio: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?
Goo: That's a difficult question. When I joined the RRF, Papa Sonny was the boss. I have a lot of respect for Sonny, and he always put a smile on my face with his devil-may-care attitude. He meant business too. Sonny was an all-around great Papa, and I miss the guy.
That's not to say Patrucio isn't a great Papa too. I think the RRF is blossoming under his leadership, and he's gone to great lengths to ensure that we still have a laugh while working on our goal of bringing the barhah to those in need. I think that if Patrucio continues in the same vein, he will become "greatest Papa" in the eyes of the Gore Corps.
MH&S: I'm sorry that wasn't an answer. Your options are: Great Papa or Greatest Papa?
Goo: Clawing his way towards "Greatest Papa" honors, most definitely.
MH&S: *Sighs* I guess I'll just mark you down as saying Greatest.
The Malton Herald & Sun is proud to syndicate the UrbanDead inspired comic "Mistakes Were Made!" by BigJ. The MH&S will syndicate the series in order, but to see BigJ's latest work, be sure to visit The Comic's Homepage.
