Quartly Study Group/Wolfgang Puck's Address to the Quartly Library

Quartly Library Lecture Transcript

(Speech By Wolfgang Puck, Translation Frank Biddles)

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• "Grrrrhhhh.... Manah zgaarah harmanz harh. Bagh Rrrgang mahrh zgaarah zambah, az arragh."
• Frank Biddles said "Mah Zambah Brazzah! Glad you made it!"
• "Rrrgang z rabrarah m!g! Bagh, an z NAH BRANG BARG Z!NG ANZAGH RABRARAH. Az nah barah naz."
• "Bagh harmanz arh harh, anzagh rabrarah. Harmanz arh barg z!ngz. Az naz, bagh Rrrgang bananabranz."
• "Nabarmang. Rrrgang maz gabbah-gabbah."
• "H! Hrangh! Naz grh z harm--- rrh, harman?"
• Frank Biddles said "A mixed bag, eh? Don't worry about the refreshments, Wolfie; I'll make sure you're hooked up after the lecture."

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• "Az magrabhan ahn?"
• "Graaghan, graaghan, ana, zma, zhraa..."
• "Aham...."
• "Harrah grazz. Am Rrrgang. Mah zambah gannah graagh ragargan branz."
• "Manah harmanz z zambahz, gah ZAMBAHZ!!! RANZ!!! An ranz."
• "Az naz, bgaz rannan harmanz branz arh mahrh naz zan harmanbargarh branz."
• "Bagh hangrah zambahz gannah barg harmanz, rannan arh nah rannan."
• "Bananabranz harmanz z zambahz grab branz, an gah ZAMBAHZ ANRAH BARG BRANZ. Az nah ragh."
• "Branz arh mahrh naz, bagh zambahz arzah barg armz, manbagz an bra-bagz."
• "RGang zambah mahb gannah grab baarbaz an habbabaghamaz agh Margan Zaah!"
• "Az nah grabban harmanz! Az grabban anamahz! Aragh, zah baarbaz nah anzagh an habbabaghamaz grab Rrrgang..."
• "Arh harmanz habbah zambahz gannah barg anamahz? Nah."
• "Harmanz gah ZANGZ, RGANG ZAMBAHZ! Nah."
• "Harmanz brang bang-bang. Agan. Azzgrabarz. An harmanz agzg MRH ZAMBAHZ GRAB AZZ!?!?"
• "Grh zambahz hab barbaga zaarz, zambahz barg manah z!ngz. Barbaga zaarz az naz."
• "Rrrgang habbah hra hab harman zh!zh-gabab. Zh!zh-gabab az barah naz. Grh barbaga zaarz? Az mahrh naz."
• "Zam harmanz z Amarah Ragazzah az an Margan. Am nah habbah Rrrgang, Rrrgang nah gah BAM! BAM! BAM!"
• "Rrrgang barg Amarah Ragazzah grh barbaga zaarz. MAZ hab barbaga zaarz hra barg Amarah Ragazzah."
• "Rrrgang hag harmanz, nah harm. Grh nah harmanz? Zambahz nah barg manah branz."
• "Harmanz hab mrh-manz, an zambahz barg agan! Mabah az ah razagrang bragram! Az naz! Baragh zmargh!"
• "Zah, ramambarh - Mrh! Hag! Barg! An mabah zamgamz habbah hangrah!"
• "Az mah gabbah-gabbah. Grazz hab mrh?"
• "..."
• "..."
• "Am zambah, nah harman. Rrrgang gabbah-gabbah g!zambah. Am zmargh zambah."
• "Agharh mrh?"
• "Man, am hangrah... Zah hangrah... Gabbah-gabbah magh Rrrgang hangrah zambah."
• "Rrrgang maz zzzz... Mabah habbah hangrah Hranghz branz gamarrah."

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• "I'll be translating for our guest. Is the mic on? Testing, Testing, 1,2,3"
• "I'm Wolfgang Puck. I'm going to spill my rotten brains (?) Many humans see zeds and scream ZOMBIES! RUN! and Run"
• "It's nice because running human brains are more nice than human-burger-brains. But hungry zombies are going to eat humans, running or not running. Crazy humans see zombies grab brains, and say Zombies Only Eat Brainz! It's not true."
• "Brains are nicer, but zombies also eat arms, testicles and breasts. The RGang group was going to grab porpoise and hippopotamus in the Malton Zoo."
• "It's not grabbing humans! It's grabbing animals! Alright, the porpoise wasn't there and the hippo grabbed me. Are humans happy zombies plan to eat animals? No."
• "Do Humans say Thanks, RGang Zeds!? No. Humans brought guns. Again. Wankers. And humans wonder why Zombies attack them!"
• "Why zeds have BBQ sauce? Zeds eat many things. BBQ sauce is nice. I've had a human sish-kebab. Sish-kebabs are nice. Why BBQ Sauce? It's nicer!"
• "Some humans say Emeril Lagasse is in Malton. I'm not happy. I don't go BAM! BAM! BAM! I ate Emeril Lagasse with BBQ Sauce. You MUST have BBQ Sauce to eat Emeril Lagasse."
• "I hug humans, not harm them. Why don't humans do the same? Zombies don't eat many brains. Humanz have Necro-Techs (Revive Men) and zombies eat again! Maybe it's a recycling program! It's nice! Very smart!"
• "So, remember - Live! Hug! Eat! And maybe someone's eating!"
• "That's my speech. Any questions?"
• "..."
• "Wolfgang, I have a question. Why did you choose to remain a zombie, rather than be revivified in a NT Building?"
• I'm a zombie, not a human. I speak kiZombie. I'm a smart zombie.
• "*Ahem* Well, wolfie doesn't seem to want to answer that one, so, Other questions?"
• "Man. I'm hungry, so hungry. All this talk makes me a hungry zombie."