Assault on Stupid Survivors/Archive

News Archive

• June 19, 2006: Brendoshi got a rather Amazing kill.
• June 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob introduced Amazing to the business end of his shotgun.
• May 20, 2006: ASS scores its 100th kill!
• May 17, 2006: Jacob Cohen don't know no fancy book-learnin' magic, but he ser can shoot. And he done shoot, Amazing, in ther Crossman Grove PD.
• May 16, 2006: Grarghal Bob performs a magic trick, creating a corpse in Crossman Grove PD. It's Amazing!
• May 15, 2006: Grarghal Bob submits his resume (gunning down Amazing) and is hired on the spot.
• May 14, 2006: Bob Hammero slaughtered Amazing yet again to a thunderous roar of applause.
• May 10, 2006: In compliance with the recent arbitration ruling, ASS has removed some content from this page. When in doubt about the appropriateness of new material, ASS members should contact the Bobs for advice.
• May 7, 2006: Poor Amazing just can't catch a break, as Jimbo Bob kills him yet again.
• April 17, 2006: Jimbo Bob cut Amazing down like wheat before the scythe. Mm, white wheat bread.
• April 4, 2006: Amazing attempted to strike a deal with ASS, admitting that "Basically, I'd just like to pawn you off on someone else at this point." Plea denied.
• April 3, 2006: Acting on a tip, Bob Hammero/ASS tracked down and executed Amazing in St Pius's Hospital. Unfortunately, this execution had to take place at St. Pius's Hospital rather than at Crossman Grove PD, as outlined in our ultimatum.

Past ASSaults

ASSault on Amazing

ASS is currently targeting Amazing of the Crossman Defense Force. ASS will terminate one member of the CDF per day (or however often we feel like it - we're a funky bunch that way) until Amazing reports to Crossman proper for his repeated execution.

CDF sacrifices on Amazing's conscience

1. April 2, 2006: Roybot
2. April 3, 2006: Mark Livengood
3. April 6, 2006: Ballbreaker
4. April 6, 2006: Gleidus
5. April 7, 2006: ELite Raynor
6. April 8, 2006: monkphin
7. April 10, 2006: Mark Livengood
8. April 11, 2006: ELite Raynor
9. April 11, 2006: monkphin
10. April 12, 2006: Exo2000
11. April 13, 2006: Gleidus
12. April 13, 2006: ELite Raynor
13. April 13, 2006: Roscoe Underbough
14. April 14, 2006: Exo2000
15. April 15, 2006: Pain from DS
16. April 16, 2006: Roybot
17. April 19, 2006: Gleidus
18. April 20, 2006: Toast Boy
19. April 20, 2006: Lord Brittish
20. April 21, 2006: Rashombie
21. April 21, 2006: Asher johnson
22. April 21, 2006: Cloaked Wraith
23. April 21, 2006: LokiJester
24. April 23, 2006: LokiJester
25. April 23, 2006: Toast Boy
26. April 25, 2006: LokiJester
27. April 26, 2006: Yelpish
28. April 26, 2006: Yelpish
29. April 26, 2006: Toast Boy
30. April 26, 2006: Lord Brittish
31. April 27, 2006: Ballbreaker
32. April 27, 2006: DaJiboo3
33. April 28, 2006: ELite Raynor
34. April 28, 2006: Yelpish
35. April 28, 2006: Atari Techno
36. April 29, 2006: Asher johnson
37. April 30, 2006: Roscoe Underbough
38. April 30, 2006: Yelpish
39. May 1, 2006: Cold Fuzion
40. May 1, 2006: Mark Livengood
41. May 3, 2006: Cloaked Wraith
42. May 3, 2006: Yelpish
43. May 4, 2006: An Obese Penguin
44. May 6, 2006: LokiJester
45. May 6, 2006: Delta flyer
46. May 6, 2006: Kronic X
47. May 7, 2006: Roybot
48. May 7, 2006: NIghtHawk Z
49. May 7, 2006: Cage midwell
50. May 7, 2006: Taceo666
51. May 7, 2006: An Obese Penguin
52. May 10, 2006: Cloaked Wraith
53. May 11, 2006: Yelpish
54. May 11, 2006: Ballbreaker
55. May 11, 2006: An Obese Penguin
56. May 12, 2006: Yelpish
57. May 12, 2006: Delta flyer
58. May 13, 2006: LokiJester
59. May 13, 2006: Delta flyer
60. May 14, 2006: Zod Rhombus
61. May 14, 2006: An Obese Penguin
62. May 15, 2006: NIghtHawk Z
63. May 15, 2006: Yelpish
64. May 16, 2006: Yelpish
65. May 16, 2006: LokiJester
66. May 16, 2006: Toast Boy
67. May 17, 2006: Zod Rhombus
68. May 17, 2006: Cyber D
69. May 17, 2006: Yelpish
70. May 18, 2006: Kamwo Mawar
71. May 19, 2006: Delta Flyer
72. May 20, 2006: Cold Fuzion
73. May 20, 2006: Lord Brittish
74. May 21, 2006: Zod Rhombus
75. May 22, 2006: Toast Boy
76. May 23, 2006: Marty the Party
77. May 23, 2006: seanmc10
78. May 25, 2006: LokiJester
79. May 25, 2006: Toast Boy
80. May 26, 2006: DaJiboo3
81. May 28, 2006: LokiJester
82. May 29, 2006: Roscoe Underbough
83. May 30, 2006: LokiJester
84. May 30, 2006: LokiJester (Again)
85. June 1, 2006: Toast Boy
86. June 2, 2006: Toast Boy
87. June 2, 2006: Quendus
88. June 2, 2006: seanmc10
89. June 5, 2006: NIghtHawk Z
90. June 6, 2006: Kamwo Mawar
91. June 6, 2006: seanmc10
92. June 8, 2006: mimja
93. June 8, 2006: Toast Boy
94. June 8, 2006: An Obese Penguin
95. June 10, 2006: Roybot
96. June 11, 2006: Cold Fuzion
97. June 12, 2006: Toast Boy
98. June 12, 2006: Cloaked Wraith
99. June 14, 2006: Kamwo Mawar
100. June 15, 2006: Kamwo Mawar
101. June 16, 2006: Toast Boy
102. June 17, 2006: Kamwo Mawar
103. June 17, 2006: Zod Rhombus
104. June 18, 2006: Quendus
105. June 19, 2006: Toast Boy
106. June 20, 2006: Marty the Party
107. June 20, 2006: Mil Mascaras
108. June 21, 2006: Marty the Party
109. June 22, 2006: Zod Rhombus

Immunity from ASSing

ASS is proud to introduce the ASS Weekly Immunity Guarantee. It's really quite simple: if you send us proof of killing anyone on our enemy list, ASS will grant you one week of immunity from ASSing. And that's not all! If you kill Amazing, you get two weeks of immunity! That's two weeks for the price of one, and you get to feel great about helping out, too! But wait, there's more! If you're not someone who stands to benefit immediately from immunity (e.g., you're not on our enemy or trophy list), ASS will grant you the ASS Medal of Valor. It's like a real medal, only online and completely meaningless! Hang on, we're not done yet! Multiple kills give you even more immunity -- that's right, killing two people gives you two weeks of immunity, and killing Amazing twice in one day would give you a whole four weeks! Wow!

The "fine print": proof must come in the form of a screenshot of the deed being completed, and the screenshot must include both your name, the enemy's name, and a picture of your mom (okay, maybe not that last). Said screenshot must be emailed directly to ASS. The immunity begins when we send you a confirmation email. We reserve the right to remove your immunity, in case you do something really stupid like try to attack us after we grant it. Oh yeah, one more thing: Amazing need not apply.