RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text1106right
By Murray Jay Suskind
If there are two things that the Malton Herald & Sun hates, it's harmanz in Ridleybank and television news. And guess who qualifies on both fronts? That's right, it's part one in our ongoing series, Better Know an Enemy.
The Channel 4 News Team, the fightin' fourth! Organized early in the game's history, the C4NT has been dedicated to fighting zombies (including the RRF quite frequently), makin' news and being concerned with petty harman things like hair and scotch. And who runs this "classy" organization? Well, it's none other the legendary Ron Burgundy. We had a chance to speak with Mr. Burgundy while he was temporarily zombified at Margery Lane.
MH&S: Wow. The Ron Burgundy. How does it feel to be public enemy #1 in Ridleybank?
RB: I try not to let it go to my head. We've got a lot of good folks on our side and they work hard- and I think it should go without saying that without our allies, we'd be nowhere. In point of fact, if you look at all the profiles in the Blackmore Building, most of them are non-News Team guys. Of course, they're the same people who have been following us for a while, and they might as well be members, but that's not what their profiles say. We've got a big group from all over Malton, if nothing else.
Getting back to the question, though, I do enjoy the infamy and everything that comes with it. Leading a large group- a very vocal large group- really brings a lot of new levels ot the game. It's been said before, Urban Dead takes about 10 minutes to play, but you can spend hours attending to it.
MH&S: I concur with the last point, that's something I know all too well and I just run a newspaper and a strike team. Anyway, the C4NT has a long and storied history, at least for a harman group. What do you think is the News Team's finest hour?
RB: The First Battle of Blackmore was pretty wild- and that's why we're back for a second (it ended too quickly)- but I'd have to say the Battle of the Bear Pit (Ackland Mall, for those of you who don't know) was the most interesting for me. We came down from Yagoton a month or two after the Second Siege of Caiger and took Ackland Mall by storm, kicking out something like 200 feral zombies and eventually took on the TSO while they were on their way to start the Big Bash.
There was nothing really interesting about the battle itself. We just moved into a mall and killed some zombies- standard deal. The thing is, it took place during a really intense period in News Team history. Before the battle, we were a medium sized group of about 40 people. We didn't have a forum or any real coordination and I was just counting on people to read the wiki, which I still pretty much do. I remember going in, I didn't even know if anyone was going to show up, so I started reaching out and making connections to the people who'd followed us to Yagoton and a few other folks around the wiki. We really set the foundations there and started working closely with the Malton Rangers and the Corleone Family. In a few weeks, we setup the forum and the alliance, took the mall, doubled in strength, and were launched on our way to being one of the game's larger groups.
That's just for me, though. The Battle of Blackmore has really become a phenomenon and I think among most News Team folks, it feels like our finest hour. It's the sort of thing no other groups have done- and not just because it's in Ridleybank. I mean, surviving by the skin of our teeth, in the beginning, with nothing but revives was absolutely wild. That in itself was far more interesting than any of the in game action I've seen, be it the First Siege of Caiger, the Big Bash, or the Battle of the Bear Pit.
|A famous image that has been recreated frequently outside of the Blackmore Building.
MH&S: Speaking of Blackmore, the survivors in Ridleybank have contented themselves with regularly holding only one building. Doesn't it get a bit crowded in there?
RB: Sure does, but there's so much scotch and mead and Class that we really don't mind! We'll be branching out to other buildings when things stabilize and as more people start showing up. We've hardly spread the word at all and we've already got over 200 people in there, with the recently ended Third Siege of Caiger going on in the background, drawing a lot of attention.
All in all, the Blackmore really is just one building, albeit the most important building in Ridleybank. It's got a name, though- people know what it is and that helps to bring them out here. It's a rallying point, like any mall.
MH&S: I see. Changing topics, is Jack Abramoff a part of the Channel 4 News Team?
RB: Not to my knowledge, but he did buy me a nice bottle of Scotch in exchange for saying something about a group of Indians... I'm not sure, I wasn't really listening and don't speak Spanish.
MH&S: Really? I have pictures.
RB: I'm afraid any pictures you have are pictures of me not speaking Spanish. That is, they're pictures of non-events (the event of my not speaking Spanish). That is, they don't exist. Unless you're Sartre, of course. I mean, "nothingness" as an objective experience? Now that's a topic for a leatherbound book.
MH&S: By your definition, then all pictures don't exist, because there's something not happening, a non-event, in all pictures. For instance, in my propaganda posters, the zombies typically are speaking Zombish or Zombese, but not Spanish. Since these are posters of Zombies not speaking Spanish, they are pictures of non-events. That is, they don't exist. So have I just been wasting lots of time green airbrushing old Chinese Cultural Revloution Propaganda Posters?
RB: Err, they exist physically, but they are pictures of "nothingness." If you are looking at a picture in hopes of hearing me speak Spanish, and if you can't get that through the medium (photographs don't speak), then what you're experiencing is nothingness both in the lack of sound and in the background of everything else in the image which pursues its own nihilization by making itself the ground on which the event of my not speaking Spanish will occur but does not.
Such confusing nonsense! Kant is rolling in his grave.
MH&S: Meh, it's all a bunch of harman gibberish to me anyway. Speaking of harman gibberish, you run a rival news organization to the Malton Herald & Sun. What is your critique of our fine newspaper?
RB: You guys really get the information out, actually. Granted, it's mostly based around RRF activity, but I didn't know we'd renamed "Blackmore" as "The Green Zone." It's hardly green at all. I actually can't see what color it is, though. Our generators are working so hard and the lights are so bright- it's blinding, really. Sometimes I have to step outside just to see how good I look.
I do like the pictures you guys use, though. All those green zombies are pretty characteristic of the Malton Herald & Sun. The rest are just sorta dead looking. Speaking of which, is that where "The Green Zone" comes from? No, no, that couldn't be it because then if you guys left, the zone would no longer be green. On the contrary, it would be safe! Paradoxes upon paradoxes upon puns and happenstance...
MH&S: Thank you for the compliments. To be honest, you guys aren't bad for a look after reading the Herald & Sun. Anyway, the Green Zone is a reference to the "safe" area of Baghdad that Americans never leave for fear of getting killed.
RB: Yeah, I know. I just couldn't fit that in with the complex pun I was going for.
MH&S: Multiple meanings. The Malton Herald & Sun. Depth in a newspaper. Anyway, final question... The RRF: Classier than the Channel 4 News Team or classiest group in all of Malton?
RB: Classy zombies? I don't know. It's a bit hard to fix your hair when you're undead, isn't it? I assume that getting zombified means you've had your brains eaten, so what do you guys do about that? Just comb it over, or something?
I suppose it's also difficult to be Classy when you go around eating people. What's more, anything with claws probably doesn't have much Class. It's difficult to hold a glass of scotch like that, you know? Vodka maybe, but that's for the peons.
Also, death rattle comes close, but Class requires some conversational skill- and how far can you throw a trident? Whatever the case, you've got Barhah, that's for sure!
MH&S: I'm sorry the only options I have are classier than the C4NT or classiest group in all of Malton.
RB: *No response*
MH&S: I guess I'll just mark you down as saying "Classiest." That's all I've got, thank you for your time.
RB: Don't worry about it! Thanks for taking the time to read all the nonsense I just wrote! You stay Classy!
