The band styx

The headlines read THESE ARE THE WORST OF TIMES; you do believe it's true. People lock their doors, they hide inside, and rumor has it that the classic line-up of Styx, passing through Malton while touring ...

... was surprised by the outbreak during the bridge from "Blue Collar Man," mistaking a group of stage-rushing zombies for rabid fans and groupies:

Barely escaping with their lives, the five-piece arena rock band from Chicago now wanders the streets of Malton, acting as one and busking for meals. Twin axe attack -- the best of times!

Pieces of Eight, or Pieces of Eaten?

Which version of Styx you meet can mean the difference between a light show or a heavy meal. Approach the stage with caution. If you see this,

enjoy the concert. Make a request. Ask for an autograph! However, if you see this ...

... run like hell. In this state, their brains and flesh are as soft and putrid as the #1 ballad "Babe."

Never more to go astray, this'll be the end today.

While the power of their uptempo rock is enough to win most battles, the men of Styx do have a few tricks up their silken white sleeves. James "JY" Young is a master of his axe ...

... while Tommy Shaw can literally shred with his guitar:

Get past these, and Dennis DeYoung will Moog you into submission. That, or he'll play "Don't Let It End." Twice, if he has to.

Will Styx rock my suburb soon?

Don't be fooled by the radio, the TV or the magazines. Styx has plans to tour every last neighborhood in Malton. After all, they've got nothing to do, and all day to do it. If you're lucky enough to see them, ask for an autographed pick,

a backstage pass,

or best yet, a MALTON TOUR t-shirt!

MALTON TOUR SPONSORED BY PABST BLUE RIBBON.

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