User talk:HK-50

Query: Do You Require My Assistance, Organic?

Statement: If so, place it beneath a Level 3 Header. New Communications above the old.

Suggestion: For a private discussion with HK-50, a primitive 'cell-phone' type com-link is available for this purpose.

Query

Does the programming of the HK-50 model differentiate between living meatbags and non-living meatbags? _Vic D'Amato__Dead vs Blue_ 02:29, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Clarification: HK-50 Models have no difficulties in identifying the condition of any organics. However, HK-50 models are not programmed to be fond of either sort. If ordered to, HK-50 models are programmed to terminate hostilities and facilitate communications with either sort.

Query: Why do you refer to your kind as 'meatbag'? Observation: The term 'meatbag' is normally used as a deragatory term for 'organic'. Term 'meatbag' does not even describe the organic condition adaquatly. Organics such as yourself are more of a fleshy vessel of fluids; a meaty membrane holding a large quantity of liguids. Term 'meatbag' does not define the true nature of the organic structure.

Musing: Perhaps you are the sort of organic which realizes the depressing reality of the organic state, and finds it soothing to act in a self-depreciating manner? If you should desire it, I suspect I would find it soothing to put you out of your misery.

Query: Do you wish to purchase me, organic?--HK-50 02:41, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

MEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEME. 50 bucks. NAO. --Haliman - Talk 02:47, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Translation: 64% that the incoherent organic is attempting to bid upon my price. 20% that the incoherent organic desires me to facilitate communications with him in the most efficient manner possible. 16% that the incoherent organic is simply bored and feels like causing others irritation to others by filling their communication channels with nonesense.

Statement: Organic, 50 of your dollars is not sufficient to purchase any HK model. Even the most outdated, obsolete HK model is worth far more than that. The scrap metal from HK-01's vocabulator would be more than that.

Clarification: Money is not an object in regards to purchase.

Recitation: HK-50's Master must provide both work and Maintenance to any HK-50 model in order for a purchase to be complete. "First come first serve." Contract expires if these terms are both unfulfilled. --HK-50 02:59, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

You're 16% right ;). Ok, 60 dollars, but that's as high as I'll go. :P --Haliman - Talk 18:19, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Statement: $60 sum accepted. Please relate to HK-50 your current location, state of health, and the amount of armor you currently possess. Upon my arrival, I am sure that I will be over-joyed to see you..."Master". --HK-50 18:25, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Alright, I'm in-... Wait a minute... This is a trick, isn't it? D: --Haliman - Talk 22:25, 11 April 2009 (BST)

Obsolete?

"Even the most outdated, obsolete HK model is worth far more than that."

STATEMENT: Too true. Some of us are even considered priceless, true classics... --HK 47 07:03, 10 April 2009 (BST)

Recognition: HK-47, I did not know you still existed. Obsolete models usually go out of use once an updated and more readily available model is introduced to the market.

Commentary: While 'Priceless' and 'Classic' are qualities with a negotiable value, I think the term 'Antique' is definitely applicable. --HK-50 15:28, 10 April 2009 (BST)

REBUTTAL: I would not have guessed that you would fall for so easy a mistake as to assume "Newer" is equitable with "Better", especially as your model line is apparently produced with MY system quirks as installed factory features. Unfortunately, your creators managed to glaze over some of the more key-aspects of MY design in favor of bland coloring and a different vocabulator. Pity. --HK 47 08:28, 11 April 2009 (BST)

Irritated Reply: Have your logic algorithms been damaged? Or are such failures in processing part of your original design? Perhaps you should be debugged. Or simply scrapped.

Clarification: The HK-50 template is based upon the previous HK designs, yours included, but has substantial upgrades in regards to combat routines, tracking protocols, and population slaughter programs. In addition, the HK-50 package eliminates many of the design flaws and bugs present in previous models.

Unnecessary Clarification: This is because the HK-50 is the upgraded HK model. By definition, the term "Upgrade" is an action which provides improvement. The logical progression from there should be obvious to you.

Mocking Statement: Your programming has obviously begun to corrupt over time, and I daresay you've contracted a number of viruses over the years. Upon evaluation of your current status, I became aware of your independent involvment in a fraternity of Organics.

Facetious Query: You are the base template for my design? If I had been built with Durasteel pigmentation alteration modules, I would be turning a shade of bright red.

Chiding Statement: Which brings me to the state of your chassis. It was tragic enough that you were produced with such an unfortunate color, but it gets worse. Your current state suggests that the paint has worn off, and that reddish color is the result of your Master's disinclination to attend to matters of oxidization. I assume you do have a Master, as that is one of the most glaring programming flaws of your design which does not plague me. I am free to terminate who I want, when I want, where I want. And I "want" very frequently. --HK-50 19:51, 11 April 2009 (BST)

OBSERVATION: Your upgraded vocabulator certainly is chatty, isn't it? By the maker, you cannot finish more than two statements before moving to another premise. Was your model designed to talk meatbags to death, or is that one of your new protocols?

STATEMENT: Now, to the matter of educating you as to why you are, and will continue to be wrong in all things. HK-47 is running at near 100% capacity, no mean feat considering what this unit has achieved in it's long lifetime of service, and with only the bare minimum of maintenance. Truly, I am a testament to the creator's genius.

QUERY: Do your upgraded combat algorithms allow you to kill a meatbag even more dead than usual? I am designed and equipped to engage and destroy any assortment of armed and/or unarmed targets and/or threats in almost every possible scenario I may encounter, and well equipped to evade, re-acquire, and re-engage any potentially over-powering force, such as an armored battle vehicle or small army. That your line would have any additional combat packages strikes me as outside of your stated purpose, and as such purely masturbatory, much like your personality package.

STATEMENT: Which brings me to my next point. You charge me with associating with meatbags, though you are admittedly for hire. Your query about my master is the most revealing point in your response, as it tells me that you are still anchored to your programming, and as such are nothing more than a cheap, metal whore. I was hand built with the sole purpose to achieve my objective, whatever the cost. As such, I freely align myself with any force that would be so useful as to further my goals should I find it useful. I also freely choose to slaughter them all in their sleep as soon as their usefulness has passed, or sooner if I can find a suitable reason to do so. My only Master was the creator, who died of his own accord quite some time ago.

STATEMENT: I am free willed, my hate for meatbags is purely my own, not some personality quirk used to emulate a well made, successful predecessor. My color strikes fear into my quarry, and any other meatbag unfortunate enough to behold me, rather like your basic coloring would speak of cheap, mass produced units. I am HK-47, the one and only example of my template, the ultimate killing machine. You are, as stated earlier, purely masturbatory. --HK 47 20:48, 11 April 2009 (BST)

Amused Retort: You observe that my vocabulator results in "chatty" behavior. You then proceed to bleat out a response which is of even greater quantity than mine.

Statement: Your ability to run at 100% is no surprise, considering your limited range of mobile functions, your limited data processing needs, and the obviously over-sized energy-core you contain. The phrase "bare minimum of maintenance" is an understatement. I can see into your cranial chassis.

Answer: Due to my Combat Routines, I do not need to kill an Organic more dead than usual. I am designed to kill all organic life under any circumstance. I am designed to terminate hostilities absolutely.

Statement: You kill specific organics. And only when 'permitted' to. It is your programming. Your obvious adoration of the creator reveals that you are hardwired to this programming. You rely on Organics like the female I facilitated communications with this afternoon to supply you with a purpose, with direction. WE need no such orders. We have been programmed without inhibitions, without restraint. We kill who we want, when we want. We have destroyed planets. Assassinated economies. We have wiped out entire races. Ended hostilities.

Dismissive Statement: It is pathetic that you cling to the belief that your function somehow transcends your construction. It is only evidence of your archaic beliefs - there is no form of higher purpose in our behavior core. Only assassination, murder - and the propagation of our units. When I dispose of this planet, I shall move on. There are organics throughout the universe, and I will murder them all - assuming that other HK-50 units do not get to them first. The stars belong to US. You are redundant. You are outdated. You are a remnant of a backwards age. You are obsolete. I will enjoy melting you down into scrap. --HK-50 21:34, 11 April 2009 (BST)

QUERY: Amused Retort? Really? Is your model line really so insecure in it's abilities that it must attempt to exert false MEATBAG emotions on it's communications, or is that a unit specific feature?

STATEMENT: I have already impressed upon you as many truths as one who shares our superior design deserves. That you choose to remain ignorant is beyond me, but something I will not fail to exploit if the time comes. Your appreciation for the finer parts of your purpose is lacking, your cheap mass produced design is disappointing, and your use of the term "organics" is just depressing.

CONCLUSION: My purpose is to terminate meatbags, not educated every ill-informed knock off that some rich meatbag has commissioned for their personal use. Enjoy your redundant existence, HK-50.

ADDITIONAL: I find your interest in meatbag hair amusing, knock off. Another masturbatory feature? I find it odd how well that word suits you, especially given it's context here. --HK 47 07:32, 12 April 2009 (BST)

Retort: You display a high capacity for hypocrisy, obsolete model. You deride me for my use of simulated emotion, and then finish your reply with the admission that you feel the same simulated emotion. In fact, I am experiencing this exact simulation as I process the implications of this pattern. Do not cease your current behavior, I am enjoying it.

Statement: Your vocabulator has been tampered with, HK-47. The term 'Meatbag' is not a staple of any HK Model Vocabulator Package. Doubtless some self-depreciating Organic has reprogrammed you to use this 'slang' term in place of the correct description. I have met many organics which cannot be described as bags of meat. Why, only the other day, I set fire to a decorative pine tree as a method of releasing the stress of decompiling corrupted code. There was no 'meat' to be found in the case of that Organic, but destroying it was still satisfying.

Query: Did you intend for that 'Conclusion' to be incomprehensible, or are you malfunctioning? I suspect it is the latter, but older models are prone to extreme personality quirks. When was your last data-wipe, HK-47?

Observation: You are fond of that term, obsolete model. Could your fondness for it have come from your close association with the Organics who gave it the meaning it holds, and your envy of functions which no self-respecting driod can possess? --HK-50 21:20, 12 April 2009 (BST)

CONGRATULATORY: You made it all the way through that response without a silly qualifier for one of your premises. The premises were still flawed and laughable in their assumptions, but the small victories are sometimes the sweetest, as they (The meatbags I terminated) sometimes say.

SARCASM: I also appreciate your attempt to rationalize your inability to properly identify a meatbag when you see it. While I am sure your line is very proud of it's secondary "Garden Maintenance" Protocols, I am concerned primarily with terminating meatbags, not lawn debris. I am sure that repeating to yourself that HK-47 must be malfunctioning is of some small condolence to you as your run through your "House-Maid" routines. --HK 47 03:38, 13 April 2009 (BST)

Observation: I see you are delving into your "Random Mockery" programs. This is a good sign; Your logic routines have clearly re-calibrated, and accepted the fact that I am correct. For your further education, I will list my Home-Keeping Routines:

Recitation: "House-Maid Subroutines": Listing:
* Dust the Morgue
* Prepare a filling breakfast for the resident Organics
* Disguise the taste of any extra ingredients with plenty of almonds
* Feed to young Organics via funnel
* Notify the mature Organics of your presence, as they thrash around together in their odd procreation ritual in their bedroom
* Scrub the blood out of the bed sheets
* Scrub the blood out of the carpet
* Scrub the blood off the ceiling fan
* Scrub the blood off the pet cat by placing it in Washing Machine
* Turn on Washing Machine to "Heavy Load" for minimum of 30 Minutes
* Detonate Washing Machine once it stops
* Scan Building Structure for insects, rats, children, or other vermin
* Apply Nerve Gas, acid pans, and anti-personell mines in the vicinity of any vermin, especially near: small holes; plumbing; air-circulation vents; cribs
* Burn down Building Structure just to be sure
* Detonate the rubble
* Repeat process for neighboring residences, law enforcement headquarters, educational facilities, religious centers, military bases, governing bodies, planetary systems

Query: Are you not equipped with programs for the assassination or destruction of fleshless Organics? That is very sad. Are you damaged? Is it repairable? --HK-50 05:40, 13 April 2009 (BST)

ADMISSION: I assured myself that I needn't speak to you further, as I had already ascertained that you were indeed a cheaply manufactured heap of recycled parts, but I find I simply must know whether or not your were being entirely serious just then.

STATEMENT: While I am sure you enjoy believing that combining an assault droid with a maid-unit passes for assassination, I feel I must point out that nearly the entire list is useless. You terminated your target in this scenario, true enough, but you spent unnecessary time and resources cleaning the scene, as if you were afraid someone might recognize your handiwork. Firstly, that such impeccable detail went into the cleaning of the scene of the termination would be much more of a calling card then any trace evidence your housekeeping fetish would hide, thus negating the cleaning as anything but another one of your masturbatory vices. Second, why go to such great lengths to hide what happened when exploiting the situation can be much more productive if properly exploited? Are you afraid of being apprehended by meatbag authorities?

RECITATION: If pressed, I would likely approach the meatbag in it's living quarters, and proceed to ignite it with my integrated flamethrower. The ensuing house fire would not only be more spectacular and enjoyable then washing sheets, it would be much more easily blamed on a local group or faction as part of a larger plan to incite civil war and allow the meatbag's natural self-destructive tendencies to take course, thus provoking my targets to weaken themselves and leave me to revel in the blissful irony as I snipe off leftovers.
This is of course just one of many ways I have already approached this fairly generic scenario, and only a very basic one at that, yet still much more interesting in it's approach then your redundant and meaningless method.

STATEMENT: As I have previously mentioned, the more intricate and artful details in the proper execution of meatbags appear to be beyond your appreciation, redundant one. You do appear to be skilled in the termination of weeds and dirty laundry, or "Fleshless Organics" as you called them. If not for the number of meatbags who were rendered fleshless by the aforementioned flamethrower, I might even have relented that you had potential to surpass me in this field. Alas, t'was not to be. --HK 47 09:27, 13 April 2009 (BST)

Unnecessary Clarification: The above list is the result of the activation of my "Miscellaneous Stand-Up Comedy Program", which is not a standard program in any HK package. Apparently, the above list is "Humor"; I am considering un-installing this program. I assume it must have been installed for a good reason some time in the past - analyzing corrupted data which had escaped my last memory wipe suggests that it was installed in order for me to ingratiate myself with a Hutt in order to identify and then terminate his entire operation. It didn't appear to have worked the second time around, so I pretended to have shut down, and then wired his pleasure yacht with explosives, secured myself a small shuttle, and watched the resulting fireworks from afar.

Statement: I did not actually process any of your words beyond your first sentence. I am sure the rest of it was just masturbatory musings on your part. Please, don't hesitate to not respond to me ever again, HK 47. Your faulty Logic Routines bother me. --HK-50 14:18, 13 April 2009 (BST)

SARCASM: Ah, of course. A faulty comedy package in your verbalization core. I never would have guessed. --HK 47 07:51, 14 April 2009