Guides:Guide to Forming Standard Generic Paramilitary Pro-Survivor Trenchy Groups
(AKA How Not to Start a Group)
Okay. You want to kill tehm zombies BADLEEEEY!! Here's HOW TO!!!!!!
(If you intend to make a survivor group that actually does something useful, attracts intelligent members, or gets along with others, this probably isn't the thing for you. You might be looking for this instead.)
EVERY1 ELSE, LETZ GO KILL SUM ZOMBIS!
Say ur awsome!!!!1111
Make ur group liek the army!! Tell on ur wiki page u have big gunz and u kill shit all day and are all 1337 badassez! Say ur teh best and teh big bad zombie scum have to die and that is ur only purpize! And type in teh most AWSUM wa1 you can, with numberz insted of proper spellingz and "Z" instead of "S" and all! Becuz decent speling is 4 luzers!
Cretaivity? Pfft. You got a TRENCHCOT and A 1337 naem liek "BADASS ZOMBIE KILLERS" or "ELITE YAGOTON TASK FORCE" or "AWESOME ALL-ENCOMPASSING SURVIVOR ALLIANCE TO UTTERLY DOMINATE MALTON EVEN THOUGH WE'RE LIKE JUST FIVE GUYS", right? Taht's a gr34t naem that every1 will shaek in ph34r of! It's not complete bullsh1t at all!!!1111 Were all liek teh army even tough we have the organizashunal skills of grabastic amphibian sh1t!
O, and bitch all day about the zombis being imbal and all zergerz b/c you secr3tly desp1ze their ability to coordin4te and metagaem while u just can't get ur shit together are instead bizy bieng AWSUm. BECUZ BITCHING IS THE MARK OF A TRU BADASS AND U KNOW U ARE A BADASS RIGHT? So, enlessly bitch an whine liek a badass!
Teh memership
Nevar let in teh zombie spaiZ! Every1 who haz a zombie skill must die instead of bein let in!!!1 Only let in teh level fortee pepple, becuz tey are awsum! Who need n00bs? It's not liek tey can grow up to be powerful one day, rite? An tell every1 u only taek teh 1337est of teh 1337 and u don't accept stupidheads and zombi spaiz! Ten they'll all be all ur friens!!1111
Tem zombies, tey are ur target practis!
It's not liek they're actul players with real aspirationz, hopes, feelingz and shit! So, treat tehm like shit and call tem bad naems! AN KILL TEM ALL DAY even insted of helping teh survivors and bieng good for sumthing! Be a douchbag to every1 and brag all day abt that one tiem you managed to kill TOO zombies in one day, you magnifc3nt bast4rd! Tehy will recogniez ur tru badassness and praize you and it'll fill the tiny hole in ur heart that cries out 4 attenshun becuz you aren't receiving any gratification or respect in real life!
Mov1ng ON...
ALL TEH OTHER SUVIVORS R ZOMBI SPIEZ!
If tey have even one zombi skill, KILL THEM ALL! Tey are zombi spaiz and not just ordinary suvivors PIKIN ZOMBI SKILLS OUT OF CUORISITY or convinience or some other shit! Tey are all teh zombi spaiz! Teh suvivors who tell you to leave a suburb becuz MOB is comming? Tey are zombi spaiz two! KILL THEM ALL! Pluz, u can totally taek on teh MOB!!!
Plus, teh "tactics" other suvivors talk about? Taht's for PUSSIES! Real 1337 suviviors kick ASS without any intelligenz reportz besidez "I kill liek two zombis outside taht PD teh other day!111". REAL SUVIVORS fight liek chuck Norris an use 1337 teamwork liek sumtimes having different guyz killing the same zombie outdorz repetedly!
Kill counts ABSOLUTLY MATTER!
Survivors need revivez? FAKz? WHO CAERS LET THE OTHERS TAKE CARE OF IT. WE'RE HERE TO KILL SUM ZOMBEES! GET AS MANY ZOMBIE KILLS AS YOU CAN BECUASE IT SUMHAO MAEKS A DIFFENCE EVEN THOUGH THEYLL STAND UP AGAIN FOR A MINOR 6 AP AND KILL YOU BACK! KILL THEM ALL OUTSIDE BECUZ UR THE L33TEST AND THEM ZOMBIES MUST ABSOLUTELY DIE AT ALL COSTS!
REVIVE POINTS? LOL WUT ARE TOSE? SURVIVORS DON'T BECUM ZOMBIS WATTING FOR REVIVZ WHEN THEY DIE! ALL ZOMBIES ARE TEH EVILZ!!!1111
SO, UR ANTi-ZOMBI E-P33N WILL MAGICALLY ENHANCE ALONG WITH UR KATANAS AS U GET MOAR AND MOAR ZOMBI KILLZ! TEH WORLD NEEDS TO SEE UR OBNOXIOUS SUPPER-L336 KILL-COUNTZ!!!!! IT REPRESENTS TEH APS U COULD BE ACTUALLY HELPING OTHERS WITH. BUT U WHERE TO BIZY selfishly filling your ego BEING AWSUM!!!!!1111
THIS IZ NOT A GAEM!!!
Urban DED IS SERIOS BIZNESS! IF U DON'T WIN, PEPPLE DIE!!!!oneoneone THIS IS NOT A GAEM WERE PEPPLE RELAKS AND HAVE FUN AND TEH CONSEKENSES ARE ALL IMAGINARY! U MUST WIN!!!11111
SO IF TEH ZOMBIES START OWNING U (impossibul!) GET MEAN AN ANGRY BECUZ THIS IS SRS BIZNESS!
U win a fight? U AR AUTMATICALY KING OF TEH UNIVERZE!
UR 1337 GRUP of LIEK 5 GUYS KEEPS LIEK 10 ZOMBIS OUT OF TEH MALL 4 A WEEK WHILE THOSE EIHGTY OTHER SURVIVORS DO NOTHING? U WIN! U R 1 STEP CLOSER TO TOTALLY WINNING MALTON! BECUZ THIS IS SRUS BIZNESS AND TEH ZOMBIES CAN EVEN
U lose a fight? Tehy were zerging scumbag f**s!
ITS NOT LIEK U KAN MAEK A MISTAEK RIGT???? U R INVINCIBLE N U NO IT!
Teh PKrs and zombis where totaly ZERGING. U no it 2 B tru becuz tey TOTALLY KILLED YOU EVEN TOUGH YOU WHERE IN TEH SUPER SECRET zombie tourist attraction FORT WHERE NO ZOMBI CAN GET INTO AND FIND U IN!
IGNOAR TEH OTHERS WHEN TEY SAY ITZ TIME TO GET OUT OF THE FORT!!! U ARE TOTALLY INVINCIBUL AND TEH FORT IS TOTALLY INVINCIBUL. Ev3n though teh forts are ruined most of the time, NEVAR HESISTATE TO GET INTO TEH FORTS WHERE YOU WILL BE INVINCIBLE AND IT WILL BE UNRUINABLLE!
WHEN TEY BEAT U, CALL TEM ZERGS AND BADMOUTH TEM!!!11 BECUZ U ARE TOTALY ALWAYZ RIGHT AND R ENTITLED TO FUCKIN EVERYTING IN TEH WORLD, rite?
How 2 taek on teh MOB and Other Big Zombi HORDS
Run to teh a safe suburb with a mall like the prissy little bastards you are becuz u r 1337 and totaly can't waste ur tiem on a few silly zombis. Becuz u are 1337 enough to kill TWO zombis in a day when u have a ton of ammo and killing so many zombis liek in teh MOB is boring, right?
Use teh wiki!111
Don't read teh sh1t on "tactics", "suburb status" and "playing intelligently"! Rememer wut I said? Taht stuf'fs for PUSSIES! Educating urself and getting stronger thru knoledge is not wut badases do! Tey kill shit and brag all day then run liek hell when teh going getz tough, like u do! Becuz ur A BADASS.
INSTED, TEH WIKI IS 4 sujesting sh1t like "I wanna chaingun in teh gaem". "Balance"? Pfft! The ZOMBIS ARE ALWAYS IMBAL EVEN THOUGH SUVIVORS OUTNUMER THEM. Sujest shit like "I want rifles" and whatever else sujestions that you are told that will nevar B akcepted. Becuz eventually kevan will want teh rifles! AN HE WILL ALWAYS LISTEN TO U! YAH THAT'S RIHGT! Kevan sekretly wants teh rifles and super anti-zombi nueks and other shit and he will give it to u, balanze be dammed! An sujjest it over and over becuz you are full of it and can't get enough of your own voice the ideaz are taht awsum!!1111oneoneone
