Quartly Lecture Group/KoB

Ketchelbank or bust said "And now... The moment everyone has been waiting for. An event so anticipated that it was postponed 6 times over just to create more anticipation. It was later forgotten, and then resurfaced with just as much anticipation as ever." (16 hours and 16 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "That highly anticipated event is now here. That event is.... (dots added for increased anticipation)... KoB's Lecture. I have several different lectures in mind, so I thought I'd let the audience choose. Options are as follows:" (16 hours and 14 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Exotic Animal Husbandry, Cooking Exotic Animal, or Applied Moral Hedonism ::Fumbles and drops notecards::" (16 hours and 13 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Shoot. Now they're all mixed up. Eh... I'll just combine the three." (16 hours and 13 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "So, without further ado, KoB's Lecture on Applied Moral Hedonsim in Regards to Exotic Animal Husbandry and Cooking." (16 hours and 11 minutes ago)
laxiola said "I'm glad I made it back in time for this!" (16 hours and 11 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "My arrival at the the zoo conincided with the arrival of a new brown bear exhibit. It was an exciting time for the zoo, and would likely bring in all manner of interested guests." (16 hours and 11 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "So, it's no wonder that it's mysterious disappearance brought up all manner of questions within the zookeepers. The zookeepers weren't the only ones with questions, though. I was doing a bit of soul searching at the time and asking myself some questions." (16 hours and 8 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Philosophical questions such as, 'Who am I?' 'What are we?' 'Why is everyone looking at me like that?' and 'And just what exactly is this mysterious brown fur I keep coughing up?' Belmond, the zoo's chairman, took me aside and made a deal with me." (16 hours and 7 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "That deal amounted to my introduction to the staff. I would help take care of the animals, but there would be certain ground rules that would have to be met. Belmond wanted some time to think over those ground rules, so I was told he'd get back to me." (16 hours and 5 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Belmond is a busy man, however, and I was extremely successful in avoiding him for this last year that I've been in his employ, so he never managed to get back to me. So, I set out to make my own ground rules based off of moral philosophy." (16 hours and 3 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "The philosophy of Hedonism is where I found my answers. That which gives pleasue is also, by it's nature, morally good. Hedonsim gets a lot of criticism for it's self serving nature, but that doesn't mean it's flawed. For many, charity gives pleasure." (16 hours and 1 minute ago)
A zombie said "Graagh." (exactly 16 hours ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "For me, something as simple as seeing the smiles of our guests and knowing that I was partially responsible for their enjoyment of seeing wild and exotic animals in a pseudo-natural state is pleasureable. You can't blame Hedonism for such good acts." (15 hours and 58 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "With my moral guidelines in place, I began to prepare my grill. I use charcoal, if anyones's wondering. Choosing the hippopotamus as my first victi-errr... assignment... I set out to take care of it. It's cage was filthy." (15 hours and 55 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "The ground was strewn about with severed limbs and the pool it swam in looked like it would make an absolutely terrible marinade." (15 hours and 54 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "As I was busily cleaning the cage one thursday morning and thinking of the many different ways to prepare hippopotamus, a thought occured to me. Why not combine animal husbandry with animal food preperation? It'd certainly be a big time saver." (15 hours and 52 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "So, here are some tips I've gathered from my own experience of combining these two pastimes." (15 hours and 51 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Remember, animal husbandry is a dangerous job. You're working with many animals that would sooner see YOU as the main course. Maintain your distance. While cleaning the animal, use something with a long handle such as a mop." (15 hours and 49 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "If you add a nice marinade to the cleaning solution, you can save yourself a lot of time later on. Choose your marinade carefully, though." (15 hours and 49 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "This is all about ethics. You don't want anyone accusing you of being morally unjust. Barbagah zaaz is delicious. That which is delicious is also pleasurable, so I usually choose a nice, morally good barbagah zaaz." (15 hours and 47 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "When cleaning cages, there's not much you can do to prepare the beast. Choosing an appropriate lining for the cage, though, can make a huge difference in flavor. Lining the cage with a nice dry rub, such as garlic salt and pepper can make for tender meat." (15 hours and 44 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Perhaps some asian spices or cajun seasoning; really, you can't go wrong with these four. Remember, zarh, babbar, azhan, ahn gahzhan!" (15 hours and 43 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Remember to clean cages often! Fecal matter does NOT make a good dry rub. There's nothing worse than having your future meal rolling around in it's own filth, destroying the dry rub you so carefully crafted." (15 hours and 42 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "When feeding the animal, choose it's feed according to it's tastes. A happy animal is a healthy animal, and a healthy animal is plump. After choosing a feed, add a hefty portion of roasted wood chips to give your animal a smokey, woody flavor." (15 hours and 40 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "So, your animal is clean, healthy and well seaasoned. How to go about cooking it? My favored method, of course, is the barbecue. For some of the larger animals, this is effectively your only option. For smaller animals, your options are greater." (15 hours and 38 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "For this example, though, we'll be using the barbecue. I can't stress this next tip enough. It's, in my opinion, the single most important thing about BBQing." (15 hours and 37 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Slow cook! A successful barbecue requires patience. This isn't the olympics. It's not a race to see who can cook their animal the fastest. Well... if it WAS an an olympic event, it would be judged on tenderness and deliciousness." (15 hours and 36 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Another common pitfall is leaving the barbecue unattended. You should be tending diligently to your animal. Cooking on an open flame is an improvisational art. Certain areas of the the grill may get hotter than others. Make sure it's cooked evenly." (15 hours and 33 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "That's not to say it has to be tedious. Have fun! Gather some friends around and drink a few beers. Make sure you've got plenty of appetizers to go around. You'll find that with the right kind of conversations, a barbecue can be a good time for all." (15 hours and 32 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "And finally... enjoy! Your animal is now prepared and ready for the first bite! Share with your friends. You remembered side dishes, right? Well... that's a topic for another lecture." (15 hours and 31 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "I've got a bit of AP to spare, so I'll now take a few questions. Anyone?" (15 hours and 30 minutes ago)
Gore Girl said "Does anyone have a stuffed monkey? That would make a nice addition to the collection." (15 hours and 27 minutes ago)
Trushalo said "What about garnish? And hiding from your boss?" (15 hours and 27 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Gore Girl, I usually don't do stuffing with red meat. I suppose it's worth a try, though. ::Looks ominously at the chimpanzee::" (15 hours and 21 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "Trushalo, I think garnish takes away from the aesthetics of the subject, namely, the meat. I've heard that romane lettuce makes a lovely contrast, though. As for hiding from your boss..." (15 hours and 19 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "I find it's not neccessary. Just make sure to invite him (or her depending on your zoo) to the barbecue! Just make sure you tell him it's beef!" (15 hours and 18 minutes ago)
Trushalo said "Gotcha, dishonest misdirection. Now where is my notepad?" (15 hours and 17 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "I have no clue where your notepad is. That was an easy question! Anyone have anything a little more demanding?" (15 hours and 10 minutes ago)
Skip Jones said "I hope I didn't miss the lecture. You know, somebody should really do something about those zombies! Present company excepted, of course." (15 hours and 2 minutes ago)
Ketchelbank or bust said "I'm sorry, Skip, but we're just onto the questions. I could delay no longer." (14 hours and 59 minutes ago)
Skip Jones said "Ah well... Oh! I have a question! What was the lecture about?" (14 hours and 52 minutes ago)