RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text011506

Zombie Officials Create Mrh Cow Demilitarized Zone in Malton: "Dregs of Society" To Be Moved to Border Regions

"Mrh Cows are Zombies too!" Cry Enraged Activists

RIDLEYBANK - Following the recent liberation of Central Malton, Ridleybank Resistance Front Leaders announced on Tuesday the creation of the Mrh Cow Demilitarized Zone, located between zombie controlled Central Malton and the harmanz-occupied outer regions.

"For months, Malton has been subjected to a brutal occupation by the harman invaders," said RRF official Lena McGragh."Their crimes know no bounds: headshooting, tagging, and barricading our lovely city. However, the hordes and ferals have answered the call to arms. Central Malton is no longer a barricaded fortress. Mall Tour '06, The Pwotters, The Gray, The Minions, The Undying Scourge, The CoTR, the Drunken Dead, all these groups and more have ventured out into the barren wasteland and brought security back to feral zombies. Malton is slowly becoming free. And we must protect that freedom."

"To help secure the newly liberated territory, we announced today the creation of the Mrh Cow Demilitarized Zone, a massive outer defensive ring consisting of completely immobile, useless, and impenetrable Mrh Cows," continued McGragh. "No longer will these dregs of zombie society annoy us with their random shuffling and long cries of Mrh into the night. No longer will these outcasts block our streets, parks and places of worship. With this act, we hope to both create a barrier to future harman invasions as well as rid Malton of pitiful zombies who have no concept about the joys of BARHAH"

McGragh then went on to describe the formation of the MCDMZ, which features an ambitious plan calling for the complete removal of tens of thousands Mrh Cows to the border regions.

"Effective tomorrow, all recently devived zombies will be moved to designated processing centers for testing, and immediate deportation if its determined that they are not fit for zombie society," said McGragh. "All revive points and Necrotech facilities in Central Malton are to be shutdown immediately. Zombies designated as Mrh Cows will be transported to the border regions and dumped in those suburbs. Their pathetic, addicted cries for the drug Revive will only serve as a warning for harman raiders. Let see how fast these so-called invaders can free run now though thousands of tightly packed, non moving loafers, bleating like drunken sheep."

Already, zombie response to the RRF announcement has been overwhelming positive, with many ferals glad that the social pariahs will now be used as a passive defensive screen.

"HAHAHAHAHA. Zambas na humans. Na Mrh Na Mrh. Zambas argh bra!nz," said one local feral."Zambas grab an harm humans. BRA!NZ!!!!!!!!"

However, some local activist groups, particularly the Malton Society for Equal Zombie Rights, condemn the move, calling the forced transport and herding of zombies, abet even useless ones like Mrh Cows, to be barbaric and harman-like.

"We are talking about real zombies here, not immobile and non sentient objects," said MSEZR President Tony Farghz. "Yes, its true that Mrh cows have yet to show any significant contribution to society but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't give up on them."

"We are also deeply concerned about the test methods used to examine Mrh cow intelligence, including locking a zombie inside a room with a harman baby," said Farghz. "Sure, most zombies would lurch over their own mother for such a sweet, tasty snack. But, we have to remember that Mrh Cows are new to zombie life. We at the MSEZR feel they deserve the benefit of the doubt and we should give them more time to adjust to our superior way of life. Dumping them out in Rolt Heights is not the answer, no matter how formidable a protective barrier they may be."

Despite criticisms to the plan, the RRF announced that the initial creation of the Mrh Cow Demilitarized Zone would form a protective outer ring around the central Malton suburbs of Ketchelbank, Barrville, Galbraith Heights,Stanbury Village, Roftwood, Ridleybank, Roachtown, Shearbank, Randalbank, and Pimbank. As more zombies are liberated during horde offensives, RRF officials said the MCDMZ would slowly expand outward, eventually forcing the harmanz invaders out from Malton.

"The reality is that the MCDMZ will finally give peace and security to our region," said McGragh. "Mrh cow hugging pansies like Mr. Farghz would have you believe that with this act, we are discriminating against zombie kind. Let me tell you, Mrh cows are not zombies. They may look like zombies, but they have no concept about fundamental zombie skills such as purging harmanz safehouses in a frenzied bloodlust. Our society is frankly better off without them. Besides, I will finally be able to sleep now that I won't have to listen to that infernal bleating throughout the night."

War Continues Against Harmanz Occupation Forces

Group 1 Razes Lumber and Joachim Malls
Group 2 Shatters Havercroft, Continues March Toward Chudleyton
"Mrh,Mrh,Mrh,Mrh," Say Jubilant Survivors

PENNY HEIGHTS,HAVERCROFT,EASTONWOOD - In a packed press conference Wednesday, Ridleybank Resistance Officials announced that the Lumber and Joachim Fortresses had fallen to Group 1, and that harman invaders were being driven out of Havercroft and Eastonwood by Group 2.

"Today, we mark a turning point in the war against harmanity," said RRF Warmaster Gorbonzo. "Joachim and Lumber, two staging bases for invading harman forces, have finally been shattered by Group 1 of the RRF. No longer will these two fortresses serve to harbor forces bent on the destruction of our simple way of life. Today, our forces march into Havercroft and Eastonwood, breaking through the weak harman lines on the Western Front. Today, the remaining survivors of Penny Heights and Havercroft join us in welcoming a return to barricade free buildings, a return to a brain based economy, and finally, a return to joyous squaredancing on the bones of our enemies."

Lumber Mall, a noted torture and zombie experimentation camp, fell to Group 1 in less than day, its occupation force quickly put to the claw. Joachim Mall, a suspected feral zombie brainwashing center and deathstick supply depot, fell three days later to the RRF following a two day siege. While details from the front are still sketchy, scattered reports from Joachim Mall indicate that Group 1 zombies were last seen in Tina's Tast-E-Freeze, squaredancing on the tables and drinking brain slushies. With the fall of the two Malls, RRF officials expect organized resistance in Penny Heights to collapse quickly.

"The reality is that harmanz, for some unknown reason, are addicted to searching for items in Malls," said Group 1 leader Father Phungus, holding a useless FAK kit in Joachim Mall. "Bullets, guns, GPS units, FAKs...who the hell uses these things? I can't even turn on this so called cell phone. Now that survivors are entering what we call "Mall withdraw," we expect the remaining area to fold quickly. Its sad really. I entered a bank today and saw a group of huddled survivors, shivering in the corner and mumbling something about their "mall item fix."

The liberation of the two malls concludes a nearly two week offensive by Group 1 on the Eastern Front. Following the defense of the homeland, Group 1 quickly moved through the barricade-torn and harman-devastated suburbs of Edgecombe, Crowbank, and Osmondville, leaving behind only rumors and a string of smashed safehouses. After shattering the dreams of survivor groups in Osmondville, the squaredancing band quickly smashed through the Tomkins, Rothwell and Shelley School in Penny Heights before turning its attention to the humans Malpractice Centers of Josephine and Odo.

"War is brutal, and the use of medicine, surgery, and other barbaric medical tools to treat wounded harmanz instead of relying on the gentle and loving massage of sharpened claws is the most brutal crime of all," said Phungus. "Josephine and Odo Hospitals were the worst. Never before I have seen such gross misdiagnosis of infectious bite. Typically, we treat infectious bites by having the humans run on a treadmill until succumbing to the liberating spector of death. I have never before seen so many unnecessary surgeries until I came to Penny Heights"

Following the announcement of victory at the malls, Gorbonzo quickly calmed the BARHAHing crowd before updating the situation on the Western Front.

"Equally as encouraging, Ridleys, is the success of Group 2 on the Western Front in bringing peace and habitats to feral zombies in wartorn Havercroft and Eastonwood," said Gorbonzo."These two suburbs, once known as centers of zombie culture, have recently become devastated by invading humans following the setback at 'The Mall That Shall Not Be Named.' As of today, we are pleased to announce that Group 2 has swept through Ketchelbank, Richmond Hills, and Havercroft on their way to Chudleyton.

Group 2, led by Father Barbecue, quickly smashed through the suburbs of Richmond Hills and Havercroft. Following the shattering of Club Bestall, Carle Street PD, St Francis Hospital, and the Laimbeer Building, Group 2 turned their attention toward peacekeeping efforts with Operation "Habitats Against Harmanity," a humanitarian effort centered around the creation of zombie safe havens in Western Malton.

"This is why we are here Group 2," said Father Barbecue, holding a small, feral child who had not seen the inside of a building in months. "Too long, have zombies wandered the streets in the rain and the snow. Too long, have the survivors west of Ridleybank enjoyed their posh and decadent safehouse lifestyle. We fight to bring hope, food and homes to ferals all over Malton. With "Habitats Against Harmanity," every zombie in Western Malton will have a place to call home."

With the construction of a network of zombie safe havens in Havercroft and the conclusion of "Habitats Against Harmanity," RRF Officials announced that Group 2 would continue their offensive along the Western Front, codenamed "Operation Warpath, aka Mr Feral Goes to Chudleyton."

"Celebrate your hard earned victories, Ridleys in Groups 1 and 2," said Gorbonzo.

"Malton is now a safer place because of your efforts. Celebrate, but remain vigilant. Harman spies are always watching."