RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text0406
Editor's Note: Refer to The Ridleybank Revivification Front for more detail.
"LONG LIVE HUMANITY. REVIVE IS TOO KIND FOR THE ZOMBIE SCUM" Says General Petroskjo
EAST GRAYSIDE - In a packed press conference, Petroskjo, former leader of the now defunk Ridleybank Resistance Front, announced that a massive revive effort was underway in Grayside to help combat the recent rise in Malton zombie activity.
"Survivors in Ridleybank. We come now at your darkest hour. You have languished under the heel of the zombie menace for too long," said Petroskjo, doing a totally sweet spin and duck maneuver before placing a first-aid kit on a wounded survivor. "No more will the Ridleybank Resistance Front slaughter your families and haunt your dreams. We have begun a massive revivification effort in Grayside to return these long, lost sheep back to the fold of humanity. We come with food. We come with Revive. We come with hope."
The newly formed Ridleybank Revivifivation Front, a group dedicated to providing food, medical care, and massive amounts of drugs and alcohol to disillusioned survivors, issued a directive that all former RRF zombies were to report to mobile Revive centers now operating in Grayside.
"For months, the RRF has stormed throughout Malton, bringing love, happiness, and comfort to survivors in the form of brutal maulings," said Petrosjko, ducking to avoid a feral zombie's swipe, before totally jamming the zombie with five revive syringes. "Now we bring love, happiness and comfort in the form of MREs, first aid, revive, and kegs."
"We are exchanging our banners of love, party and war for banners of love, party and Revive," continued Petrosjko."No more will you sit behnd your barricades, cold , shivering and dreading the the unrelentless pounding of zombies outside. Now you will sit behind strong barricades, eating the best food, chatting with the hottest survivors, and drinking the best alcoholic spirits in Malton."
The RRF released a uniform barricading plan for Ridleybank to ensure that survivors in the long embattled suburb are protected from the zombie menace. The group plans to make use of the suburb's extensive hospital network to ensure that medical care is always available to Malton survivors and that the party never stops.
"It is essential that no survivors be left behind," said Petrosjko, jamming eight shotguns and two howitzers in his pocket. "We hope to establish a network of medical and supplies facilities throughout the city such that all survivors, no matter age, race, or ability to jump thirty feet from rooftop to rooftop, can be helped.
"This is major change and one that we anticipate will take time to enact," said Petrosjko. "Its not a trivial matter to revive a multi-hundred zombie horde. Please be patient within in the coming days. Help and supplies will be with you shortly. The cries and screams will soon be drowned out by the cheers and drunken debauchery of your neighbors Humanity will thrive once again in this great city."
