RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text0709left
Malton's oldest and most sporadically published newspaper gets back on track; "About bloody time, too", say locals
- by Tarman
Welcome! Welcome back to the MH&S, the first one in a long time. This is ostensibly the news wing of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, though usually the news is "We just eated everyone in the whole burb!" We've been offline for many a moon, but we're making a comeback for 2K9. Our intention is to resurrect the paper so as to once again provide you, the reader, with the finest fake and real news out of Malton, in an entertaining format. Our reporters scour the ruins for interesting stories as well as fresh, nammah branz... mmmm, branz... falling out onto the floor and... Uh, oh yeah, the news!
Our dedication to journalism is such that if we can't find a story, we'll make one up, just like the news outlets on the other side of the quarantine. Major events of the city, hard-hitting interviews, opinion pieces, insane ramblings, poetry and art; all these things can be found within our pages. So sit back, get a fresh glass of harman juice and a g!ngarharman, and read the latest from the MH&S.
Editor's Note:The RRF's current papa sat down for a chat with the RRF's previous papa in a shocking, in depth interview that covers over a year's worth of events in RRF history and gives a large look at the life of our former papa.
Lord Moloch: Murray Jay Suskind has had a long and extremely distinguished career in the Ridleybank Resistance Front. Joining during the legendary Battle of Blackmore, he quickly established himself as a skilled team player, an enthusiastic propagandist and a gifted motivator of his team-mates, rising swiftly to the War Council and then becoming the fourth Papa of the horde in the spring of 2007, toward the tail end of the similarly legendary Battle of Santlerville. He led the horde for six months, rebuilding it after a time of great trial and stepped aside in November of 2007. Murray, let's begin where it all started for you, at the Battle of Blackmore. This was a dark time for the horde and a difficult time for a new player to join up. What are your memories of that time and to what degree did this long battle shape you as a player and, eventually, as a leader?
Murray Jay Suskind: Well, I was just a shambling noobie feral at the time, so my first peek into truly organized gameplay made it seem not so tough for me. I was really impressed with how organized the RRF was, even though the organization of the time would today seem very rudimentary. Silent Sister was still organizing everything for AU10 via PM at that time and when we got our own forum I was introduced to a whole team of players that made it a much more social experience. Basically as far as actual gameplay went during that battle all I really did was bash, get fed (because I think I was a level 5-10 at the time) and work with Tals on the forum, creating propaganda for our new team. It was kind of an odd convergence: Sister was handling the logistics, but in Tals and I she had these uber-enthusiastic players who were making things fun for everyone. By the time that siege fatigue began to set in Shacknews showed up and it was pretty much over.
LM: Shacknews presented a pretty much unheard of level of force and coordination at that time. What impression did they leave on you?
MJS: I was stunned, pretty much like everyone else. At one point I thought it'd be awesome to grow our team to something the size of their main force. However, I quickly learned that doesn't really happen with people you encounter who are just playing the game; something like that pretty much needs to come from the outside, which was what happened with LUE later. The largest I've ever heard of an organic, in-game strike force growing was probably either Eastonwood Ferals, the old GMTBC or Team America nowadays. AU10 got pretty close around the time of both Special Olympics, but I think the most we've ever had striking regularly was 15-ish
For the rest of hte interview, please continue reading here.
An unliving legend departs the ranks of the Front
- by Tarman
She was known by many names across the ruins of Malton - Zoey, Jelly Otter, Cubone, to list only a few - but to all who knew her, she was simply the best, brightest spirit they had encountered in their travels through our fair city. All who served with, under or against her knew Zoey to be their favourite ally or enemy. Countless people both living and dead regard her as one of the city's finest citizens, and her mark is indelibly stamped on the RRF for all time.
Beginning her career in Malton and the Front's DoHS in the waning months of 2007, she quickly grew to prominence as one of the two upstart babahz who founded the now-unstoppable Team America, a behemoth of a strike unit. She was still young enough then to need feeding, provided by the few veterans who were included in the team's starting roster. The Siege of St. Ethelberts pitted her fledgling team against a group of harmanz known as the Upper Left Corner, who harboured her alter-ego, Jelly Otter; though the Otter was not present during the fighting for obvious reasons. Much fun was to be had on both sides regardless of the final outcome of the battle. This was to be one of Zoey's trademark qualities, the ability to add fun and levity well above normal levels, and regardless of which side of the battle one was on. As time went by, Ridleys came to appreciate seeing Zoey in her other guises as much as they loved her at their side. The spirit of fun was there no matter if she was the predator or the prey.
As a Ridley, Zoey became nearly indispensable, as she understood tactics, strategy and management in equal measure to her sense of playfulness. A deep discussion of barricade methodology could be suddenly turned into a festival of taders, her main obsession and rumoured to be the true source of her powers. Under her leadership, Team America grew from a small strike team to a deadly juggernaut capable of eating malls by itself. The veterans of TA who served under her take a piece of Zoey wherever they may go, and speak of her with great reverence and love. The Papa and the War Council relied on her irrepressible spirit to keep critical events and trying times from becoming a herd of llamas or a humourless war-slog. Her crayon-based art brought innumerable smiles to all who saw it; indeed, many Ridleys still sport their custom tags courtesy of Mz Zarg. In every corner and aspect of our operations, Zoey added her own special touch, brought her own ray of sunshine to illuminate us.
We at the Front did not have a monopoly on our beloved Zoey. There were other hordes and even harmanz who also benefited from her presence, though she would appear to them in other forms. Rather than let jealousy cloud our vision of her, we rejoiced that she could spread her light to the furthest reaches of the city. It is an impossibility that those who encountered her could be worse off than before, and we would be doing her memory a disservice to claim her solely as ours. We can only be grateful that we were her special focus, that she expended most of her energy under our colours. She desired only that all who were inside Malton could have the best experience possible, and to a great extent she succeeded in her aims.
Alas, but RL can lay claim to even the strongest of us. Our dear Zoey was no exception. The Beast called out from its lair beyond the confines of Malton, and like a brave warrior should, she went out from us to do battle. Her journey is a long one, and she may not return to us even when she slays the Beast. She leaves behind a saddened city, mourning the loss of its favourite sister. We should temper our sadness with love, however; she left us not in abandonment, but to serve a higher purpose than the ones she served so well in our city. We salute her even as we shed our tears; we support her endeavors with our own spirits and goodwill as she did for us; we hope for her safe and successful travels even as they take her far from our sight. She takes with her our love and gratitude, and leaves us her own. Her memory shall live on in us. Taderhah, Zoey!
Exploring the dangers of a disease
- by Johnny Bass
RL is a treacherous disease- it can strike at any time without warning. In most cases, it causes short disappearances and idleness, but, in more tragic cases, it can even result in death. This horrible, crippling disease was previously thought to afflict zombies only, but a studies show that it can even affect the harmanz. The RRF Research Team was commissioned by Papa Moloch to better understand this dreaded disease that nearly claimed this glorious paper. Top scientists from every team of the horde (except GMT-BC, who never noticed the research discussion) gathered to try and tackle this horrible disease on barhah.com.
The researchers reviewed all previous recorded cases in every level of extremity (ranging from 1 day disappearance to full on death) in an effort to better understand the terrible disease of RL. Their findings only made the disease even more mysterious. The disease is not transmitted via bodily fluids and is not airborne. Upon viewing tissue samples from the afflicted, researchers were not able to find any virus (aside from the very common solanum virus) nor were they able to see any evidence of bacteriological infection. The intrepid researchers suspected that harmanz may be afflicted by the same disease and captured some potential carriers for further study. The specimens were found to be afflicted by this life threatening disease, showing all of the symptoms of the afflicted zambahz, but also showed no evidence of viral or bacteriological infection. Upon completion of the study, the harman specimens were promptly eaten to ease the cruelty of breathing.
The researchers next task was to try and find a cure or preferably a vaccine for the virus. Unfortunately, a vaccine was unable to be found due to the lack of any evidence of infecting agents. The cure proved to be very elusive as well. The researchers are having varying levels of success curing mild cases of RL, but the more extreme cases prove to be impossible.
The RRF Research Team (with the support of the War Council) promises to do everything in its power to combat this disease that afflicts all of Malton. To prevent the spread of the disease, Madagascar has closed its ports and Canada has sealed its borders. The staff of the Malton Herald & Sun, recently recovering with its own bout with the disease, remains vigilant in reporting the findings of the RRF Research Team and will provide ongoing coverage of its studies.
Cry "HARMAN!!!" and let slip the dogs of Graaargh!
- by Mortificant
In November of 2008 the Good Morning Tasty Breakfast Club was getting ready for a party, three years had past since the club had got together for breakfast and in that time almost 5000 brains had been dined upon! A call was put out to the elders who had barely raised their heads in months, claws were sharpened and jaws fished out of the back of closets as the old and the young alike set their eyes on South Blythville with the return of such figures as Bundolo, HairyJim, Lottuk, and Mardigan. The action opened immediately with the 5000th kill being taken with characteristic speed in Preston NT with the slaughtering of Kosmoisdead, and then the party moved next door to Club Doran where they tore through the open buffet with the gusto of those eating a free lunch!
Team America Seizes Malton Rail Assets
- by DJ Deadbeat
Thanks to their absurdly high PULCHRITUDE score, the RRF's very own Team America recently completed a very bloody takeover of every single railway station in Malton, erstwhile demolishing several police stations and hospitals in order to convert them into even more railway stations. Sources within the team cite the reasoning for this seizure as completely logical. "Well think about it, trains are never on time, and neither are we. Plus we've always wanted to have LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF TRAINS! It makes perfect sense." One TA member was spotted adjusting his monocle and twizzling a fake mustache, in a robber baron-ish manner.
Scientists Barricade Ridleybank In the Past
- by Johnny Bass
Local Malton scientists frustrated with being eaten on a constant basis successfully sent a member back in time before the zombie outbreak in an attempt to barricade our beloved suburb prior to the arrival of the RRF. The traveler reportedly barricaded the entire suburb in anticipation of the impending zombie outbreak to try and stop the soon to be rampaging hordes. The survivor attempted to assassinate soon to be RRF leaders who were still disorganized. The targets, instead of dying, just ?rose to the occasion. Upon the inevitable arrival of the hordes, the barricades were quickly demolished and the traveler eaten by newly minted hungry zombies. Zombie Sarah Conner still unavailable for comment, whereabouts unknown.
