RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text0709right
Better Know a Zemi
- by DJ Deadbeat
ZEmil33, known as the Black Kitten of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, is a zombie of mystery and intrigue. Seldom outspoken, she has nevertheless remained a strong presence in the horde, particularly through her co-leadership of Auxunit 10.
Zemi began her UD experience in October of 2005, after seeing an ad for the game while playing Vampires! The Dark Alleyway. Out of curiosity, she signed up, but as for her first character, Zemi comments, “he's Harman, has never hurt anyone, has Combat Revived exactly once.” Soon however, the allure of barhah would grab her by the tail.
“I did wonder if it would be moar fun to play as ah zambah,” said Zemi. “so I started two characters at the same time, both of whom have been associated with the RRF.”
The first one is the zombie we’re most familiar with (ZEmil33), but the second, Zomby Woof, was the first to be part of the RRF. While early on ZW traveled malton as a dual-naturist, Zemi was thoroughly a zombie, and took up residence in Ridleybank, scrounging around for food. It was not long until graffiti for Mall Tour ’06 began to pop up.
“It happened that Zemi joined Mall Tour and left the Bank, but I lived there safe (if hungry) for about a month.”
Zemi, as ZW at the time, was first brought into the RRF in December of 2006 by the influence of such veterans as Beefsteak, Murray Jay Suskind, Mobbo and Braggledorth. She claims them as among the mentors who helped her adjust to life in the RRF.
“The folks I felt closest to in my first year were Talunex, Murray and Braggledorth. All of them were AU10 then, they were very good to me.”
Soon after she joined the RRF, she mentions that the Militant Order of Barhah was founded, and that contrary to popular belief, it did not end up splitting the horde. Instead, many chose to send alts to the newly founded MOB. According to her, things went quite smoothly throughout the year, with cooperation between AU10 and the Gore Corps at a high point.
But when it came to the transitions taking place during that stretch of time, Zemi admits she was a bit worried.
“In my first few months, Jorm formed the Mob, and I worried that it would split the RRF... I should not have worried, most folks just made another zambah for Mob and played both.”
Zemi claims that the reasoning behind the eventual switch of characters was based partly on ZW wanting to play the Harman side and broadcast pro-zombie propaganda. The characters were swapped out in December 2007, just as an upheaval in the horde began with the selection of Moloch as the new Papa, to the objection of many fundamentalists who believed it was much too awkward having a harman in command. The controversy surrounding the RRF Olympics at the time also added fuel to the fire and combined to result in several defections to the MOB.
By the time the dust had settled, AU10 was in need of recovery and was eventually righted under the leadership of Cthulhu in Lingerie (Nellie). ZEmil33 promised to help out with this task, but still feeling burnt out from the drama, declined any sort of leadership role. However,by the summer of 2008, real life had called Nellie to school, and leadership was passed onto Tarman, while ZEmil33 was talked into taking up a leadership role beside him.
“I had no intention of leading zambahz ever again, but when Nellie needed me, I stepped up,” said Zemi.
With the selection of Tarman as her 2nd at the time, Nellie had put together the basis for the current command model AU10 uses today, with just one piece left to be added.
“I like Tarman very much, we get along splendidly. We decided that since neither of us could be there every day, we would do the co-commanders thing. We picked Sponge for our second, and it's worked splendidly! Nellie has filled in now and again the few times that none of the three of us could make it.”
She admitted its an odd command structure, but that it’s worked just fine for the team. It could be described as “one to post, one to smile, and one to raar.” Zemi also stated that she is quite proud of being a Ridley, and in particular is proud of her team.
As for her take on the RRF as a whole, Zemi believes that the sense of community she gets from both her team and the rest of the horde, is what keeps her around.
According to her, “The RRF are really an AHHZAM zambahgang. I am proud to have become a Ridley.”
BANANA GANGBANG!
The Courtship of Nellie
- by Murray Jay Suskind
Editor's note: Due shipping complications this article may appear to be out of date.
For a long time I was the zombie who shambled alone in Malton. Goolina had her Sir Fred. Naners had his Cialan. DJ had his Fiffy. Even the notoriously unsentimental Jorm had his significant other shambling around Malton. However, I was like the old captain of a boat: one treated their ship as their mistress, I treated the horde as mine (sorry about those crusty stains). However, for a long time I had my eye on a fetching young lass. Sure she was a mythical sea God, sure she was into some truly disturbing physical practices and sure she was a lesbian. But I decided that I wanted to be with Cthulhu In Lingerie (some of you whippersnappers may know her as Nellie) and got to courting her.
I always had a thing for Nellie. She was demented like me, she was a lot of fun to hang around with, her tentacles were the longest, most shapely and alluring I had ever seen, and she seemed impossible to creep out (always an important thing in an online gaming relationship). However, it was one day when I overheard her playing with the legendary Thor that I became truly infatuated. The grace and sensuality she possessed was overwhelming. Later she rescued my beloved schmeckel from the Randoms after ravaging it in the most intense way I have ever seen. I began to feel a certain rapport with her. She was clearly the ultimate prize for any suitor in the game.
Now, it took me a while to work up the courage to ask her out. Those who have seen Thor know that he's very intimidating and leaves a void too large for any man to fill by himself. However, I had something on my side... the fact that I'm creepy, dirty old man willing to degrade himself in any way for a fine tentacle monster.
A couple of months ago I finally decided to make my move. I knew from talking with her that she thought boys were smelly and hairy, so I gave myself third degree burns in order to remove excess body hair and covered myself in the finest and most pungent of body sprays to make myself more physically alluring. I also gave her a fine selection of gifts which are not appropriate to publish in such a family publication. I flutter arose in my bosom when she accepted a date.
From there I continued to shower her with gifts, feed her dinner nightly, exchanging various amusing and disturbing videos, dancing with her, and the end of the evenings hugging her for three damage and kissing her for four. Eventually we consummated our relationship (well, at least with both me and my schmeckel around at the same time) in a very violent, painful, loving and caring way.
Eventually, I realized that our relationship was too big, too loving, too adventurous and too kinky to keep to ourselves. We decided to make the ultimate commitment that two people who refuse to take part in any action that has a legal sanction could... we volunteered to be BANANA GANGBANGed! Our closest friends gathered in Nellie's favorite spot in Malton (the Horsey Museum) and ravaged Nellie and I before we took turns with each other. It was one of the most touching, violent and perverted displays we had ever been a part of. We had achieved the ultimate.
Now with Valentine's Day approaching Nellie and I appear to be an older couple sometimes. We enjoy more quiet nights in watching videos. We spend more time feeding the children than feeding and/or ravaging each other. But rest assured, we still feel those same twisted, disgusting feelings we've felt for each other for so long. I BANG you, my lovely. And rest assured that on Valentine's Day...
I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU
The Greatest Menace
- by Murray Jay Suskind
The Ridleybank Resistance Front has always been the face of liberation in Malton. We embrace our liberation from mortality. We liberate countless harmanz on a daily basis. We liberate those who are trapped behind totalitarian barricades, showing them the world outside their walls. We free brains from skulls. We enlighten those who view non-harmanz as the only legitimate source of food. BARHAH! is the greatest expression of this freedom. Working together of our own volition with our brazzahs ahn z!zzaz to free trapped harmanz can only be described as joyous. However, there are many out there -- including zombies -- who cling to the last vestige of oppressive life. I, of course, speak of pants.
Long ago Papa Petro showed all of us that letting one's lower body be exposed to the outside world is the ultimate form of liberation. Not only a rejection of harman life, but also the ultimate representation of its arbitrary trappings and repression. The value that mortals place upon ill-founded and frankly hypocritical modesty is the very opposite of freedom. Is it modest to run around in camouflage pretending to be a soldier? I think it's a cry for liberation. Is it modest to dress up as a scientist and then peddle drugs and addiction upon the population of Malton? I think drug addiction is a form of personal slavery. Is it modest to put on the vestments of holy men and attempt to exorcise a hungry zombie who just wants a meal? I call that blasphemy. Is it modest to wear a tartan kilt and claim that you have both the "advantages" of covering one's self (which we know do not exist) and the "liberation" of being pantsless? That is outright apostasy.
Pants are to zombies what shackles are to the prisoner. They are a symbol of our imprisonment. Liberate yourself! Show all that you are serious about liberation! Take off your pants!
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