RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text121506right
Editor's Note: This was originally a Q&A session given by Goolina and Stray Zombie at the Quartly Library.
MoreThanDork: "Undead love? You've found undead love? As a zombie I found this near impossible as everyone time I feel for a fellow zombie, they turned out to be my own sex... And kissing with no lips is really awkward. How do you express your love for one another? And how did you meet? I frequent all the zombie hang outs but it's always crammed full of guys trying to get some quick satisfaction. No zombie I know has shown the patience for an extended relationship. My greatest love, Marte the Moocher, is always wandering off on me. It seems the groaner is always meatier on the other side of the street"
Goolina: "Well since we play as death cultists, we tend to stay fresher than the average zambah. Thus, we have full use of our lips and um other parts. Also, we were a genuine couple before he started playing, so you can say I lured him into the undead world and on to my strike team. There's something sexy about a woman who's not afraid to take command, if you get what I'm saying."
Sir Fred of Etruria: "But how do zombies couples look out for each other ? How do zombies pine for each other ? I wish I could recognize a zombie from more than a block away ! Through familiarity I should gain the ability to recognize the feeding groans of my beloved undead...but alas, cupid seldom visits Roftwood. And when he does his arrows yield not amorous intentions, but instead zombie incursions. The tangling grasp yields more tenderness than any zurvivors greetings, and an axe expresses more succinctly than any word whose true meaning is fleeting. For only through the cold machinations of a powered cell phone tower can I contact my distant librarians, whereas the zombies sense of smell will always reveal fellow companions"
Goolina: "StrayZombie and I watch each other's backs. Remember the thunderous cockslap he gave DHS? That's just one of the many examples of his manly protectiveness."
StrayZombie: "I wanted him to feel my Thunderous Cockslap, no one messes with my woman, whether undead or not."
Goolina: "Just like I feel his thunderous cockslap, though in a totally loving and consensual way of course. Yes, Virginia, there IS undead sex. And it doesn't consist of lying there with your eyes closed, waiting for it to be over."
StrayZombie: "But there is a lot of moaning and feeding groans, so it makes it really hot."
Goolina: "Though truth be told, StrayZombie, you're not one to share this hot dish with the rest of the horde. He doesn't mind the occasional zambah girl dropping by for a little menage, but other than that it's a totally monogamous undead relationship."
StrayZombie: "Yeah, I'm waiting for that little red headed undead girl you mentioned to wander back to Ridleybank."
Goolina: "Oh my *fans self briskly* it's getting a little hot in here, isn't it? Perhaps we should retire to a cool, dark spot to lie down a bit? What say you, StrayZombie?"
StrayZombie: "Any spot you choose is fine with me, barbah."
- by Bobs Aturd
Using some exhibits, you reinforce the prison of our minds.
There comes a time in every survivor's life when he must, despite the long history of bloodied corpses and ruined corners, take up weapons against the forces of Good and defend a mall. Its in that spirit of inevitable failure, the same zeitgeist that gave us Blackmores 2-13, that we once again find ourselves at arms with our breathing brothers at a time when we should be sharing hagz and kisses ( bites too, for the kinkier crowd). Why this upheaval of solidarity? Whats to blame for this sudden outbreak of segregation, as opposed to zombies. Well, the obvious answer is the barricade.
Barricades, by definition, are dividing. Existing for no purpose other then to destroy the modern Mixed-Mortality family, these monstrosities are slowly but surely ripping apart the values and morals of Malton. In the past, harmen and zambah came together in beautiful union. Whether it was Standstock or feeding drag, our two people have always managed to put aside the petty things such as eaten brains and headshots for the greater good. This has become much less common as of late. In fact, just this morning as this reporter soundly slumbered, a gang of thugs made him a victim. I'm not alone in this, as zombah on harmen and harmen on zombah violence is ever increasing. However, this is just yet another symptom of the true problem.
How can we steer ourselves off of this collision course to sectarian animosity? It's easier said than done, but this Optimist believes it to not only be a viable solution, but someday a reality. We must cast these barricades back into the rubble from which they were created.
Harmenz must leave their dank, stagnant, unhygienic houses and meet us Zombies in the open. Only then can we truly enjoy the perks of both undeath and hopeless apocalypse. We must set aside our differences of diet and state of decomposition in exchange for lovely evenings at the local park and street performances at the nearest monument. How long have we all yearned for "Bring a Brazzah" day at the cinemas, or "Z!zzahz free before 12" at a club near you.
It can be a reality. We can make it happen, we just need to join together across the city, hand-in-claw. Only then will we be able to free ourselves of the bondage placed on us by Barricades.
