User:Devorac/Megadodo Publications/The Guide/Lukinswood

Lukinswood To quote one of the more stable citizens of Lukinswood "Lukinswood is the kind of place where a cold, hard drink would need a cold, hard drink." Within the suburb resides Malton's one and only Emergency Broadcast System. The fact the EBS position is hotly defended in the middle of an active zombie apocalypse would be funny if not for its rather constant use. As a Lukinswood resident commented, "Due to so many emergency broadcast drills and tests over the years, there are still many Lukinswood natives who do not believe the zombie apocalypse has happened at all. 'This is not a test of the Emergency Broadcast System, the zombies REALLY are here. We mean it this time, honest. *crash* *hiss* *static*' " There have been various reasons given for why the EBS is still defended when the zombie event has been going on for several years now. The current favorite goes like this: Humans by majority seem to have a need to state the obvious whenever they happen to congregate. If you suddenly throw two humans into a dark room one of them will invariable say "It's dark!" or some variation of that statement when said darkness can be clearly realized without the helpful comments of speaker. It is this facet of human behavior that requires them to defend the EBS even when it is only really good for declaring things that people should already be able discern readily. Attractions Of Lukinswood "Lukinswood's only noteworthy quality other than the EBS is that it is remarkably lackluster. So much so in fact, that the majority of Malton's populace would be unable to locate it without blindly stumbling into it." Said a rather bored Lukinswood resident, he also went on to say "Of course, even then, most would assume they had merely happened upon palpable and tangible boredom, rather than a suburb at all." The first statement was proved quite true by the guide researcher who admitted that he hadn't actually intended to go to Lukinswood at all, however the guide researcher did say "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.". The second statement by the resident is semi true, the closer you get to the EBS the fewer worthwhile people you are likely to meet and the less chance there is for something to actually happen. The trick to avoiding the crushing boredom is to keep a good distance between yourself and the EBS, and to avoid anyplace that the EBS tells you to be as if it were to be subject to poetry recital by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings. Having Fun in Lukinswood When asked about the ways people had fun in Lukinswood one of the members of Lukinswood society commented "Popular activities in Lukinswood include basejumping without a parachute and hoping one of those smelly chaps with the skin condition drags you to Havercroft. At least it has a mall." Thus it would seem that the trick to having fun in Lukinswood is to avoid the residents of Lukinswood at all costs. It has been proven possible by our guide researcher to have a great deal of fun in Lukinswood, but only if you are completely unaware that you are in Lukinswood when you are having fun. The best method is to go to the southern edge of East-Becktown and become insanely drunk at both the Stenhouse and powe arms. Then you should immediately proceed to stumble over the border without realizing it and become stupendously drunk at one of the three bars just across the border. A side note: Do not drink at the Mester arms, it is directly adjacent to the EBS system and its patrons will proceed to liquefy your brains with inane and redundant comments, you have been warned. You should also make sure that you don't have any radios tuned to the EBS and that immediately tune all of the transmitters you run into onto any frequency other 25.92MHz (EBS) or 27.50MHz (EBS defenders). Nothing will ruin the mood faster than having some nearby radio shout "zmbies outsid dales bolvrd fire statoin, plz kil them!!!11!" at you while you are trying to become stupefyingly drunk. If this happens to you the proper response to this to go to the EBS say "Green stick to green hole." and then pour alcohol on their generator until it breaks.