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 The Grand Church of Criminally Insane
God of Perpetual Confusion - Criminally Insane
a.k.a.
Creator of Ceaseless Bewilderment
Deity of Incessant Befuddling
Omnipotent Power of Eternal Disorientation
Prime Mover of Uninterrupted Mystification
| Church of Criminally Insane
Spracklingbank [86, 38]
Basic Info:
- Churches have no internal descriptions.
- Church doors do not close but can be barricaded shut.
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In the Beginning
In the beginning there was Criminally Insane! And there was great Confusion! And he spoke unto his followers:
$@)^)@$^)@$
and
@$~]^)Ye must all build a church in my Name #¤@~/ or lay claim to one... or whatever @$^)%
@£}/^)Ye shall also go forth and poke a badger with a spoon... God dammit!@$&/^)
and his followers sat dumbfounded from the wisdom in his words.
Hence they went out into the streets of Malton to bring Cake or Death onto the non-believers (mainly Death though since flour, eggs and whatnot essential for making cake was a bit scarse).
And Criminally Insane was pleased with what he saw
And he told his followers
@/)!^?I am pleased with what I see@^)/! @%!/~)Damn my eyes!@/^)
$/@!^God save the Spleen!@$\)!
Doctrine
I
Criminally Insane is God.
He’s all knowing, omnipotent
and rumour has it very well endowed
II
All members of Criminally Insaneology should adhere to a omnivorous diet. Although Criminally Insane is friend with many animals on the farm as well as in the woods they’re delicious so go right ahead and devour them.
III
Participants in the Grand Church of Criminally Insane
are allowed to eat any form of plant life they want.
Criminally Insane doesn’t mind us eating plants because he’s not friends with any plants.
So fuck the plants, eat them all!
IV
You can't pray to Criminally Insane!
He lives in a cardboard box and you live in (insert misc. location on earth or space). He can’t hear you!
And even if he could he doesn’t like selfish whiners, so there’s little chance he would grant your prayer…
V
There are rumours however that Criminally Insane can be bribed with items starting with the letter G and ends with the letter Y… So if you find such an item then go ahead and try praying to him.
VI
Criminally Insane isn’t watching what you do all the time with some magical power…
So there is no need to worry about him spying on you in the shower…
…But if he’s spying on you in the shower you are a very lucky person and should be eternally grateful Criminally Insane showed any interest in you…
VII
The only way to be at peace with the world and Criminally Insane is by listening to his fabulously deranged rantings…
VIII
Criminally Insane has certain Prophets with whom he communicates directly. These people should be looked up to and followed because of the good example they set.
Turn on, tune in & space out or Ways to be at peace with the world and Criminally Insane
VII
The only way to be at peace with the world and Criminally Insane is by listening to his fabulously deranged rantings…
One way of achieving this is to tune your radio (or radio transmitter) onto whichever local frequency Criminally Insane is broadcasting from at the moment.
Other ways include but are not limited to: Cornering the wild eyed Criminally Insane for an interview (though this might lead to you being fatally confused), speaking his name backwards in-game, killing your own group members, destroying gennies and radios (again this might have fateful repercussions in the case Criminally Insane is using said radio to spread his wisdom over the airways), etc.
Prophets of the Grand Church of Criminally Insane
Thomas Hayne Cutbush - Grand Prophet of Bemusement
Kalei - Prophet of Disconcertment
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The Grand Church of Criminally Insane
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The Grand Church of Criminally Insane 
