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= Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009 =
<font face="time">
= Malton Observer: December 7th, 2008 =


The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
*'''The Umbrella Biohazard Containment Service''' - ''Totally not derivative and unoriginal!''
*'''eBay''' - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
*'''Brute''' - How else will you learn?
*'''MEMS''' - We need more people to give a FAK


{|border="1"
{|border="1"
|-
|-
|[[#News at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|[[#The Last Several Months at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|-
|-
|[[#RG Cuts Ties to DEMON|The end to all DEMON complaints forever!]]
|[[#Letter from the Editor|Letter from the Editor]]
|-
|-
|[[#Malton: Not Safe|We are all gonna die!]]
|[[#Interview with Al Bundy|An Interview with Al Bundy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Quis Custodiet: The Watchman's Journal|A bounty hunter shares his thoughts.]]
|[[#Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate|The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy]]
|-
|[[#Memories of an MCDU Veteran|The first installment of a new MO series!]]
|-
|[[#Whatever That Means!|Whatever That Means!]]
|-
|-
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|}
|}


== News at a Glance ==
== The Last Several Months at a Glance ==
*'''The Malton Observer's editor reappears!''' - Few notice.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[AZS]]''' - DEM to send aid to allies.
*'''Malton Uprising Dissolves''' - The MU dissolves exactly one month after people stop caring.
*'''DORIS Ends War on [[AZS]]''' - That kind of sucked.
*'''Blanemcc Declares War on War''' - Thousands of survivors' heads explode.
*'''[[PKA]] Disbands''' - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
*'''Malton Turns Red''' - We are all gonna die!
*'''Labine50 Retires from DEM''' - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I ''know'' this is joke."
*'''No One Remembered the Fifth of November''' - Attempt to reclaim the Blackmore Building an abysmal failure.
*'''John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief''' - It was nice working with you.
*'''My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard''' - And they're like, it's better than yours.
*'''McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief''' - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
*'''DEM and Bounty Hunters on [http://z14.invisionfree.com/Brainstock/index.php?showtopic=10854 Notice]''' - The CGR doesn't like us!
*'''Urban Dead Dead?''' - Several plays unable to connect.
*'''The Imperium Embarks on a Crusade''' - <s>Muslims</s> Zombies, beware!
*'''Urban Dead Back Up''' - Take that, real life.
*'''Fort Perryn To Be Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
*'''Fort Perryn Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
*'''Fort Perryn Falls''' - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
*'''Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return''' - Not this again...
*'''The Blackmore Building retaken!''' - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
*'''The Blackmore Building falls!''' - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
*'''Tom Chardon Steps Down''' - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
*'''First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue''' - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[TZH]]''' - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
*'''DORIS Forgets About War on [[TZH]]''' - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Banned''' - ...wait, what?
*'''Sonny Banned''' - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned''' - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
*'''DEM to Discuss Reforms''' - Cool sigbars for all!
*'''McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief''' - Good luck out there!
*'''Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief''' - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
*'''Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections''' - Voter turnout expected to be low.
*'''The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue''' - No, seriously.
*'''Brainstock Moves''' - [http://s1.zetaboards.com/brainstock/index/ Update those URLs!]
*'''Sonny Not Banned''' - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.
 
== Letter from the Editor ==
...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!


==RG Cuts Ties to DEMON==
Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)
In a stirring press release on the 18<sup>th</sup> of November, non-DEM admin Ashate stated, "And with the triumphant return of my fine motor skills, the RG-DEMON link has been cut per previous discussion," formally cutting all ties between the DEM and [[Rouges Gallery]], ending all criticisms of DEMON forever. Ashate's announcement was met with jubilant celebration in the streets of Malton as a portion of the survivors who had complained about the IMP satellite network's recording the name and location of known murderers in the RG database, as well as on the DEMON database. As many readers may already know, DEMON is a useful tool available to DEM member groups and partners that allows for the storage of scouting information in a single visual database, a task made easier by the IMP tool. Before this stirring development, Members of DEM groups using IMP would be reporting the locations of known killers to the Rouges Gallery (in addition to important barricade information and zombie numbers) as they went about their daily routines. After distancing themselves from the DEM for some time, the RG mods finally severed this link to make it clear that the Rouges Gallery is completely separate from the DEM, a fact that has caused much confusion amongst survivors in the past.


Less than two weeks after Ashate issued this statement, Headless Gunner of the [[Creedy Guerrilla Raiders]], a group that periodically changes the oppressors against whom they rebel, publicly declared that the CGR has developed "several innovative technological programs" that "have been implemented" to help their efforts to kill Bounty Hunters and members of DEM groups. Karloth Vois, the leader and frequent target of the quirky group of killers known as [[Red Rum]], raised a concerning question: "Would this "Technological innovation" be... a scouter, perchaps?" Evidently, the CGR has developed a scouting tool to help them more easily kill DEM cadets just as DEMON's ties to the RG are cut, and murderers suck at keeping secrets. Does the DEM have anything to worry about? Probably not.
On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -'''Labine50'''


--'''William Told'''
== Interview with Al Bundy ==
'''Malton Observer: What's your character name?'''


==Malton: Not Safe==
''Al Bundy: Al Bundy.''
To survivors, Malton is like a beautiful woman: Sometimes a red visitor comes to town, and she turns into a crazy bitch. Naturally, I'm referring to Malton's [[suburb|danger map]], not menstrual blood. Suburbs all over Malton have fallen into ruin, and zombie hordes have celebrated this living buffet with gusto. With more than half of Malton listed as either very dangerous or deserted, many denizens of Malton have organized to help fight back against the hordes:


[[Imperium|The Imperium of Man]], led by Garviel Loken, is organizing the [[Northeastern Crusade]]. Hoping to help repair the infrastructure of the Northeast and write over-lengthy explanations of their purpose, the Northeastern Crusade launched their campaign this past November. They immediately set to work altering posters in Photoshop to support their cause and "liberating" Shearbank. The Crusade also consists of [[FOXHOUND]], the [[Umbrella Biohazard Containment Service|U.B.C.S.]], [[Death's Minions]], and the [[Umbrella Corporation]]. Trenchcoats will be supplied upon entrance into this coalition.
'''MO: Time in the UD?'''


Blanemcc of the murderous group known as the [[Browncoats]] has called for a ceasefire between PKers and bounty hunters, declaring that the [[Northern Regiment]] is being revived and the Browncoats will be aiding survivors. While bounty hunters said, "Sure," most PKers laughed in his face. Blanemcc is now definitely not a PKer. Why not join the Northeastern Crusade? Blanemcc said, "Garviel Loken has already asked that we band together, but quite frankly, he has no idea how to lead a mobile task force of various groups, and I'm pretty sure he doesn;t know anything about the guerilla warfare that survivors will have to employ while retaking the city," demonstrating that he does not know how to spell the word "guerrilla" to this reporter's great amusement.
''AB: A few days''


Headless Gunner of the [[Creedy Guerrilla Raiders]], who do not actually raid [[Fort Creedy]], has announced that the CGR is actively working with local survivors to secure the suburb of [[Pitneybank]]. Furthermore, he declared that they will murder any bounty hunter or member of a DEM group who steps foot in the aforementioned suburb, in addition to any PKers who kill people they don't want them to kill. Headless also stated that they will continue to move outside the suburb and kill anyone they want. I repeat: '''Headless Gunner is a loony douchebag'''. The CGR has not commented on the fact that the [[Creedy Defense Force]], the CGR's principle ally in Pitneybank, is a friend and ally of the DEM. Presumably, this fact has not been considered.
'''MO: Your history here; some information of your character.'''


Malton's been acting a little kooky over the past couple days. You're afraid for your life and keep finding red stains everywhere. Don't worry: You can weather this storm with a little perseverance and a lot of chocolate. Women love chocolate.
''AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman''


--'''William Told'''
'''MO: What about "No Ma'am"?'''


==Quis Custodiet: The Watchman's Journal==
''AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.''
As a bounty hunter, I've had some pretty interesting experiences on duty. I had been killed by zombies on one recent occasion, so I went to the nearest revive point. I wasn't surprised to see some PKers there (you see, I add PKers to my contacts list to make it easier to hunt them down), including one I'd claimed two bounties on.


I've waited at revive points alongside PKers I've killed before, and most of them pay no attention to me; but this PKer, who I won't name in this article as a courtesy, wasn't one of them. He told me to leave the suburb and then he shot me. It wasn't the first time I was killed at a revive point, so I shrugged it off and stayed there... so he killed me 2 more times.
'''MO: You are the leader of that group?'''


I had waited there for days, and I wanted to start hunting down PKers again, so then I decided I was just going to move to another revive point close by. I didn't see the PKer again, but that didnt' mean he (or one of his friends) didn't come. In fact, after I waited for a day without being revived, I found a message at the revive point. It said:
''AB: I am the leader.''


"DO NOT REVIVE ****** (id=*******) HE SMELLS"
'''MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?'''


I had no idea who sprayed the message, but it was most likely someone I killed before. Believe it or not, I was amused by it and had a good laugh. It wasn't going to help me get a fast revive, so I decided to move to a place where people didn't care about the way I smelled. Once again, I was awaiting revivification alongside PKers, including some more I'd killed before.
''AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see''


One PKer I once killed was revived first, and I was expecting him to shoot me. It would have been no surprise if he did, seeing as how the other PKer killed me multiple times at a revive point. Before that, I've had one come up to me at a revive point just to insult me, so what were the odds something like that would happen again? Now, this is where another first occurs.
'''MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?'''


He said, "To make up for some of the headshots," then he revived me. I wasn't expecting that at all. I was happy to get a revive so quickly, but I never thought a career PKer I claimed a bounty on would give it to me. Well, like they say, there's a first for everything, and here are 2 experiences I've had for the first time in my bounty hunting career that are interesting to say the least.
''AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful''


--'''Watchman'''
'''MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?'''


==Memories of an MCDU Veteran==
''AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.''
See, when I joined the MCDU; it was in the aftermath of Caiger III. We'd lost Caiger, shacknews was marching triumphantly forward, and I was distraught. I'd heard about Caiger: how it was a great moment in our history. I suppose I wanted to be part of that legacy- Like the young men who go off to war because their fathers did I suppose in a sort of way.


Caiger was chaos during the third siege, survivors killed each other in droves, it seemed like at least 10 to 20 a day died from each other, while the zombies pounding down the cades regularly killed at least 20 or so per day.
'''MO: What can do the womens to stop that?'''


It was chaos, the generators were destroyed with alarming frequency- it wasn't uncommon for a genny to last 2 hours on average per day before it was destroyed and subsequently replaced.
''AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.''


The Death Cult Action was what made it so hard, the zombies weren't just outside hammering away at the cades and making vulgar remarks. They were in your safehouse breaking the generators, killing the people who revived them, and broadcasting demoralizing messages constantly; they were overbarrciading buildings; they were tagging messages of despair on buildings... but there was hope...
'''MO: You love "Married With Children," no?'''


--to be continued
''AB: I love that show.''


--'''Ferrum Leo'''
--'''Lt. Mesa'''


== Whatever That Means! ==
== Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate ==
''A Q&A column with the Chardon siblings. Got a question? [mailto:askachardon@gmail.com askachardon@gmail.com Drop us a line!]''
Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.
 
The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.
 
All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.
 
--'''Labine50'''


== Fun Corner ==
== Fun Corner ==
It is the sad duty of the editor of the Malton Observer to inform the public that the two staff members in charge of the Fun Corner were eaten by bears and could not submit anything by the deadline.  
Zombie Pickup Lines:
*What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
*I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
*I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
*Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
*I love you for your brain.
 
--'''Tonyay163'''


[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
</font>
<noinclude>[[Category:Inclusions]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 16:51, 1 February 2011

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.

--Labine50

Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.

--Tonyay163

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