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= Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009 =
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= Malton Observer: December 23rd, 2008 =


The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
*'''Santa''' - ''Because we want on the Nice List.''
*'''eBay''' - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
*'''Brute''' - How else will you learn?
*'''MEMS''' - We need more people to give a FAK


{|border="1"
{|border="1"
|-
|-
|[[#News at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|[[#The Last Several Months at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|-
|-
|[[#Do we Know it's Christmas?|Christmas time is here?]]
|[[#Letter from the Editor|Letter from the Editor]]
|-
|-
|[[#Quis Custodiet: The Watchman's Journal|A bounty hunter shares his thoughts.]]
|[[#Interview with Al Bundy|An Interview with Al Bundy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Memories of an MCDU Veteran|Part 2 of a veteran's memoirs]]
|[[#Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate|The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Whatever That Means!|Whatever That Means!]]
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|-
|[[#Classified|Classified]]
|-
|[[#Happy Holidays|Happy Holidays]]
|}
|}


== News at a Glance ==
== The Last Several Months at a Glance ==
*'''Zombie Jesus to Celebrate Birthday''' - Party attendees will be serve a small piece of dried brain and a sip of blood.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[AZS]]''' - DEM to send aid to allies.
*'''MCM Hosts [[Malton College of Medicine/Winter Games|Winter Games]]''' - Dozens are injured; cookies are served.
*'''DORIS Ends War on [[AZS]]''' - That kind of sucked.
*'''MrGomez of [[The Burchell Arms Regulars|BAR]] Apologizes''' - Group hug!
*'''[[PKA]] Disbands''' - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
*'''Malton Turns Green''' - We are all gonna live!
*'''Labine50 Retires from DEM''' - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I ''know'' this is joke."
*'''Christmas is Coming''' - Malton's malls are safer than any mall in the US during month of December according to recent data.
*'''John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief''' - It was nice working with you.
*'''Two DEM Officers Announce Retirements''' - Best of luck to Smokey One and doberman guy!
*'''McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief''' - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
*'''Happy X-Mas''' - From the MO staff.
*'''Urban Dead Dead?''' - Several plays unable to connect.
*'''Urban Dead Back Up''' - Take that, real life.
*'''Fort Perryn To Be Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
*'''Fort Perryn Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
*'''Fort Perryn Falls''' - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
*'''Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return''' - Not this again...
*'''The Blackmore Building retaken!''' - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
*'''The Blackmore Building falls!''' - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
*'''Tom Chardon Steps Down''' - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
*'''First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue''' - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[TZH]]''' - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
*'''DORIS Forgets About War on [[TZH]]''' - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Banned''' - ...wait, what?
*'''Sonny Banned''' - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned''' - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
*'''DEM to Discuss Reforms''' - Cool sigbars for all!
*'''McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief''' - Good luck out there!
*'''Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief''' - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
*'''Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections''' - Voter turnout expected to be low.
*'''The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue''' - No, seriously.
*'''Brainstock Moves''' - [http://s1.zetaboards.com/brainstock/index/ Update those URLs!]
*'''Sonny Not Banned''' - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.
 
== Letter from the Editor ==
...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!
 
Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)
 
On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -'''Labine50'''
 
== Interview with Al Bundy ==
'''Malton Observer: What's your character name?'''


==Do we Know it's Christmas?==
''Al Bundy: Al Bundy.''
After settling down to a large bottle of whiskey found in the discount booze section of Tompson Mall, I got into a conversation with a few residents. We exchanged pleasantries and whatnot as we all settled in and got drunk. A few bottles of whiskey and more than a few shots of Tequila later, I - for some reason - brought up the fact that Christmas day is only two days away. In response, my drinking companions all stared at me and hiccuped in unison:


"Christmas?"
'''MO: Time in the UD?'''


I was speechless, and not just because of the shots. How can you not celebrate Christmas day, let alone not even know when it is? I got the usual "Well, we're in the middle of a fricking apocalypse here" argument, but how does that justify not spreading good will? Sure, dragging around pine trees uses up valuable time and energy, but what else would you be doing? Killing zombies? Healing fellow survivors? Please. We should all concentrate on the time of year and deck the halls with holly, even if it does attract a few... uninvited guests.
''AB: A few days''


So this year, boys and girls, make sure you string that tinsel up, break out the Scotch, and get trashed in the name of good ol' Saint Nick!
'''MO: Your history here; some information of your character.'''


--'''ridleysoul'''
''AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman''


==Quis Custodiet: The Watchman's Journal==
'''MO: What about "No Ma'am"?'''
Business has been surprisingly good despite the current state of Malton. My regular tactics are working fine and I'm killing PKers at a fairly regular basis. They're plentiful where I am and they behave as they always do. While I find they are nomadic for the most part, they don't seem to be moving around much now.


Naturally, they're gathering in safe suburbs, where some have made themselves so comfortable that they don't even bother changing safe houses. In fact, I found two PKers I'd killed before on two different occasions in the very same places I'd killed them in. I ended up claiming additional bounties on both because the opportunity was just too good to pass.
''AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.''


I'm very pleased with how things have been going so far, but even though I'm first and foremost a bounty hunter, I'm still a protector of law-abiding citizens of Malton. It wasn't easy for me to leave such fertile hunting grounds for a suburb in need, though. It isn't that I don't want to help people in need, but let's face it, such good bounty hunting opportunities are few and far between.
'''MO: You are the leader of that group?'''


So far, it's been a nice change of pace for me. I've been keeping in touch with a local group and helping them with restoration efforts as a gesture of goodwill. I've been repairing buildings and building barricades at a fairly consistent pace. The best part yet is, I haven't been killed by PKers for a while now, so I can feel at ease for a little while.
''AB: I am the leader.''


The suburb is looking good. Life is gradually returning and the zombies haven't been causing as much trouble as I was expecting. Hopefully, the danger level of the suburb will go down soon, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop then. I'm going to keep on working here till the region becomes more stable. It wouldn't be right to leave when the work's only half-finished, after all.
'''MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?'''


It may take some time, but this is a gesture of goodwill, so I'm seeing it through to the end. Afterwards, I might even go to other parts of Malton to help with restoration efforts, but who knows what the future holds. The PKers may be getting a break for now, but trust me: when Malton's overall condition is better, I'll be gunning for them again.
''AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see''


--'''Watchman'''
'''MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?'''


==Memories of an MCDU Veteran==
''AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful''
It wasn't long before the horde turned it's eyes elsewhere. No one had ever breached Caiger, so if the horde was breaching the surrounding buildings it mattered little to me and little to many others, I'm sure. We didn't think beyond 3 feet in front our faces. The first time I saw the revive queues was when it began to hit me. There were easily over 200 waiting. The Necrotech building made Caiger look safe by comparison, if there was one place where the zombies made it clear that they would do more than jump off a building if revived- it was in the Nt.


As the siege wound on, one had to travel to Yagoton to get a revive after traveling through the desolate landscape of Eastonwood.
'''MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?'''


Towards the end, it became a fruitless battle to reclaim the Latrobe building, day after day, clip after clip, and shell after shell. It seemed to go on and on as the survivor numbers seemed to slowly dwindle every day.
''AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.''


We were hopeless... broken... and inside I knew that a hundred little stabs at a focused, hardened, and relentless horde was meaningless.
'''MO: What can do the womens to stop that?'''


When Caiger fell, I resolved to join the largest group I could: Size meant power, and without power we could never have anything like what Caiger was ever again...
''AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.''


--to be continued
'''MO: You love "Married With Children," no?'''


--'''Ferrum Leo'''
''AB: I love that show.''


== Whatever That Means! ==
--'''Lt. Mesa'''
''A Q&A column with the Chardon siblings. Got a question? [mailto:askachardon@gmail.com askachardon@gmail.com Drop us a line!]''


== Classified ==
== Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate ==
'''The DEM needs ''You''!'''
Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.


The DEM is looking for individuals with a strong sense of pride to volunteer for the opportunity to serve Malton as a member of the Interim Assault Team being formed now.
The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.


An evaluation test will be administered to all potential recruits. Upon successful completion, recruits will receive training and access to DEM resources, including advanced metagaming tools and combat manuals covering topics such as: Infiltration & Insertion; Raiding & Ground Control; Psyops, Reconnaissance; Resupply & Recovery.  
All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.


Contact Ferrum Leo on [http://z14.invisionfree.com/Brainstock/index.php?act=idx Brainstock] to apply! All survivors may apply!
--'''Labine50'''


==Happy Holidays==
== Fun Corner ==
[[Image:MO Christmas copy.jpg]]
Zombie Pickup Lines:
*What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
*I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
*I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
*Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
*I love you for your brain.


<nowiki>*</nowiki><sub>Main image borrowed from [http://www.thelastchristmas.com/ The Last Christmas], copyright 2006 Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn. Buy it today!</sub>
--'''Tonyay163'''


[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
</font>
<noinclude>[[Category:Inclusions]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 16:51, 1 February 2011

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.

--Labine50

Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.

--Tonyay163

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