Quartly Study Group/Wolfgang Puck's Address to the Quartly Library

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Quartly Library Lecture Transcript

(Speech By Wolfgang Puck, Translation Frank Biddles)

  • "Grrrrhhhh.... Manah zgaarah harmanz harh. Bagh Rrrgang mahrh zgaarah zambah, az arragh."
  • Frank Biddles said "Mah Zambah Brazzah! Glad you made it!"
  • "Rrrgang z rabrarah m!g! Bagh, an z NAH BRANG BARG Z!NG ANZAGH RABRARAH. Az nah barah naz."
  • "Bagh harmanz arh harh, anzagh rabrarah. Harmanz arh barg z!ngz. Az naz, bagh Rrrgang bananabranz."
  • "Nabarmang. Rrrgang maz gabbah-gabbah."
  • "H! Hrangh! Naz grh z harm--- rrh, harman?"
  • Frank Biddles said "A mixed bag, eh? Don't worry about the refreshments, Wolfie; I'll make sure you're hooked up after the lecture."
  • "Az magrabhan ahn?"
  • "Graaghan, graaghan, ana, zma, zhraa..."
  • "Aham...."
  • "Harrah grazz. Am Rrrgang. Mah zambah gannah graagh ragargan branz."
  • "Manah harmanz z zambahz, gah ZAMBAHZ!!! RANZ!!! An ranz."
  • "Az naz, bgaz rannan harmanz branz arh mahrh naz zan harmanbargarh branz."
  • "Bagh hangrah zambahz gannah barg harmanz, rannan arh nah rannan."
  • "Bananabranz harmanz z zambahz grab branz, an gah ZAMBAHZ ANRAH BARG BRANZ. Az nah ragh."
  • "Branz arh mahrh naz, bagh zambahz arzah barg armz, manbagz an bra-bagz."
  • "RGang zambah mahb gannah grab baarbaz an habbabaghamaz agh Margan Zaah!"
  • "Az nah grabban harmanz! Az grabban anamahz! Aragh, zah baarbaz nah anzagh an habbabaghamaz grab Rrrgang..."
  • "Arh harmanz habbah zambahz gannah barg anamahz? Nah."
  • "Harmanz gah ZANGZ, RGANG ZAMBAHZ! Nah."
  • "Harmanz brang bang-bang. Agan. Azzgrabarz. An harmanz agzg MRH ZAMBAHZ GRAB AZZ!?!?"
  • "Grh zambahz hab barbaga zaarz, zambahz barg manah z!ngz. Barbaga zaarz az naz."
  • "Rrrgang habbah hra hab harman zh!zh-gabab. Zh!zh-gabab az barah naz. Grh barbaga zaarz? Az mahrh naz."
  • "Zam harmanz z Amarah Ragazzah az an Margan. Am nah habbah Rrrgang, Rrrgang nah gah BAM! BAM! BAM!"
  • "Rrrgang barg Amarah Ragazzah grh barbaga zaarz. MAZ hab barbaga zaarz hra barg Amarah Ragazzah."
  • "Rrrgang hag harmanz, nah harm. Grh nah harmanz? Zambahz nah barg manah branz."
  • "Harmanz hab mrh-manz, an zambahz barg agan! Mabah az ah razagrang bragram! Az naz! Baragh zmargh!"
  • "Zah, ramambarh - Mrh! Hag! Barg! An mabah zamgamz habbah hangrah!"
  • "Az mah gabbah-gabbah. Grazz hab mrh?"
  • "..."
  • "..."
  • "Am zambah, nah harman. Rrrgang gabbah-gabbah g!zambah. Am zmargh zambah."
  • "Agharh mrh?"
  • "Man, am hangrah... Zah hangrah... Gabbah-gabbah magh Rrrgang hangrah zambah."
  • "Rrrgang maz zzzz... Mabah habbah hangrah Hranghz branz gamarrah."
  • "I'll be translating for our guest. Is the mic on? Testing, Testing, 1,2,3"
  • "I'm Wolfgang Puck. I'm going to spill my rotten brains (?) Many humans see zeds and scream ZOMBIES! RUN! and Run"
  • "It's nice because running human brains are more nice than human-burger-brains. But hungry zombies are going to eat humans, running or not running. Crazy humans see zombies grab brains, and say Zombies Only Eat Brainz! It's not true."
  • "Brains are nicer, but zombies also eat arms, testicles and breasts. The RGang group was going to grab porpoise and hippopotamus in the Malton Zoo."
  • "It's not grabbing humans! It's grabbing animals! Alright, the porpoise wasn't there and the hippo grabbed me. Are humans happy zombies plan to eat animals? No."
  • "Do Humans say Thanks, RGang Zeds!? No. Humans brought guns. Again. Wankers. And humans wonder why Zombies attack them!"
  • "Why zeds have BBQ sauce? Zeds eat many things. BBQ sauce is nice. I've had a human sish-kebab. Sish-kebabs are nice. Why BBQ Sauce? It's nicer!"
  • "Some humans say Emeril Lagasse is in Malton. I'm not happy. I don't go BAM! BAM! BAM! I ate Emeril Lagasse with BBQ Sauce. You MUST have BBQ Sauce to eat Emeril Lagasse."
  • "I hug humans, not harm them. Why don't humans do the same? Zombies don't eat many brains. Humanz have Necro-Techs (Revive Men) and zombies eat again! Maybe it's a recycling program! It's nice! Very smart!"
  • "So, remember - Live! Hug! Eat! And maybe someone's eating!"
  • "That's my speech. Any questions?"
  • "..."
  • "Wolfgang, I have a question. Why did you choose to remain a zombie, rather than be revivified in a NT Building?"
  • I'm a zombie, not a human. I speak kiZombie. I'm a smart zombie.
  • "*Ahem* Well, wolfie doesn't seem to want to answer that one, so, Other questions?"
  • "Man. I'm hungry, so hungry. All this talk makes me a hungry zombie."


Remedial Zombese With Wolfgang Puck

(Translations by SweetIrony)

Wolfgang enters the library:

A zombie said "GRRAAAAH! Am zgaarah zambah!" (5 seconds ago)

"GRRAAAAH! I'm a scary zombie!"

A zombie said "Bagh... Rrrgangz bananaz m!zz!ng. Zah Rrrgang nah grab harmanz." (1 minute ago)

"But... Wolfgang's banana's missing. So Wolfgang won't grab humans."

A zombie said "Rrrgang nah gannah b ramman harman azz, grh Rrrgang nah hab banana!" (1 minute ago)

"Wolfgang isn't gonna be ramming human ass, if Wolfgang doesn't have a banana!"

A zombie said "Az nah harh-harh. Zambahz maz hab bananaz!" (1 minute ago)

"It's not funny. Zombies must have bananas!"

A zombie gestured at SweetIrony. (37 seconds ago)

A zombie said "Az mah hranz." (29 seconds ago)

"It's my friend."

A zombie said "Zah. Rrrgang harh, Zambahz gah rrrhh-rnnrrhh--grrrhh.... Nah graagh raagh." (56 seconds ago)

"So. Wolfgang heard, Zombies go rrrhh-rnnrrhh—grrhh.... Not speak right."

A zombie said "Man, az bananabranz. Nah abaan zambahz gan anarzgan, rrrrhh-rnnrhhh-grrrgh. MAZ GRAAGH RAAGH!" (11 seconds ago)

"Man, it's stupid/crazy. Not even zombies can understand, rrrrhh-rnnrhhh-grrrgh. MUST SPEAK RIGHT!"

SweetIrony said "Hah Rrrgang, rargam an zah r!brarah! Nah barg zah baagz, arragh? Harh harh..."

"Hi Wolfgang, welcome to the library! Don't eat the books, alright? Haha..."

A zombie said "Zah, Rrrgang b rannan zambah, ran hram Graagh Haaghz aaaaaaaahhhh zah rah, gam z z!z zabarb." (2 minutes ago)

"So, Wolfgang is a running zombie, ran from Grigg Heights aaaaaaaaall the way, to come see this suburb."

A zombie said "H! Babah! Az naz rabrarah!" (1 minute ago)

"Hi baby! It's a nice library!"

A zombie said "Nabagah bang-bang mah zambah, zah mabah Rrrgang hang harh." (1 minute ago)

"Nobody's shot at me, so maybe Wolfgang will hang here."

A zombie said "Az manah zambahz azzagh. Arh grabban harmanz?" (40 seconds ago)

"There are many zombies outside. Are they grabbing humans?"

A zombie said "Rrrgang maz zzzz. Nah bang bang zzzz zambahz!" (16 seconds ago)

"Wolfgang must sleep. Don't shoot sleeping zombies!"

A zombie said "Grh harmanz bang bang mah zambah, Rrrgang nah gannah b habbah." (1 minute ago)

"If humans shoot me, Wolfgang's not going to be happy."

A zombie said "Zah nah bang-bang Rrrgang, arragh?" (1 minute ago)

"So don't shoot Wolfgang, alright?"

A zombie said "Grh harmanz MAZ bang-bang mah zambah, brang azbrh!n arzah." (37 seconds ago)

"If humans MUST shoot me, bring asprin also."

Later:

Charles Darwin said "Some of these zambahs are a little bitey. Mr. Shinito, if you can't listen politely, then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." (2 hours and 49 minutes ago)

Charles Darwin killed a zombie with a pumpkin. (2 hours and 48 minutes ago)


A zombie said "Ammmmm.... Harman zmagh zambah grh ah bambg!n?" (2 hours and 31 minutes ago)

"Ummmmm.... Human smacked zombie with a pumpkin?"

A zombie said "Az nah barah naz... Bagh marh naz zan zmagh Rrrgang grh ah bambg!n." (2 hours and 30 minutes ago)

"It's not very nice... But more nice than smacking Wolfgang with a pumpkin."

A zombie said "Harmanz agzg Rrrgang barah naz... Rrrgang, gam an graagh ag zah rabrarah. An Rrrgang ran harh. Rrrgang nah gannah gah zzzz azzagh. Az brrrrh azzagh. Mabah zzzz azzagh z!z zammarh." (2 hours and 28 minutes ago)

"Humans ask Wolfgang very nice... Wolfgang, come and speak at the library. And Wolfgang ran here. Wolfgang's not gonna go sleep outside. It's cold outside. Maybe sleep outside this summer."

A zombie said "Bagh mabah zzzz brrrrh azzagh, razzarh zan hab azzgrabarh harman zmagh Rrrgang grh ah bambg!n." (2 hours and 27 minutes ago)

"But maybe sleep cold outside, rather than have an assgrabber human smack Wolfgang with a pumpkin."

A zombie said "Barraghagz arh nah naz anahah." (2 hours and 27 minutes ago)

"Barricades are not nice anyhow."

A zombie said "B-zagz, harmanz maz hab hagz!" (2 hours and 25 minutes ago)

"Besides, humans must have hugs!"

A zombie said "Harmanz nah hab hagz, harmanz nah b habbah! Hagz arh naz!" (2 hours and 25 minutes ago)

"If humans don't have hugs, humans won't be happy. Hugs are nice!"

A zombie said "Agah. Nabagah graagh harman anamarh. Anrah graagh zambah." (2 hours and 24 minutes ago)

"Okay. Nobody speak human anymore. Only speak zombie."

A zombie said "Harmanz maz z zah zambahz. Harmanz maz B ZAH ZAMBAHZ." (2 hours and 24 minutes ago)

"Humans must see the zombies. Humans must BE THE ZOMBIES."

A zombie said "Zamarrah, ahh harmanz maz hab bananaz. An graagh anrah zambah. Mabah zan, zambahz azzagh nah harm harmanz!" (2 hours and 23 minutes ago)

"Tomorrow, all humans must have bananas. And speak only zombie. Maybe then, zombies outside won't harm humans!"

A zombie said "GAH! Rrrgang maz zzzz agan!" (2 hours and 22 minutes ago)

"GAH! Wolfgang must sleep again."

Later:

A zombie gestured at MAJOR TOM B. (1 hour and 25 minutes ago)

A zombie said "Hah! Nah bang bang mah zambah!" (1 hour and 25 minutes ago)

"Hey! Don't shoot me!"

A zombie said "An annazzarh harman zmagh Rrrgang grh an agz. Bagh zah harman nah harh namarh." (1 hour and 24 minutes ago)

"And another human smacked Wolfgang with an axe. But the human isn't here anymore."

A zombie said "Rrrgang hag harmanz. Nah harm, anrah hagz. Bagh harmanz arraz brang ganz an bang bang mah zambah, magh Rrrgang nah habbah. An barah hangrah." (1 hour and 23 minutes ago)

"Wolfgang hugs humans. Not harm, only hugs. But humans always bring guns and shoot me, make Wolfgang not happy. And very hungry."

A zombie said "Zammarah, Am gannah zang. Mabah Baham!an Rabzabah, grh harmanz naz." (1 hour and 22 minutes ago)

"Tomorrow, I'm gonna sing. Maybe Bohemian Raphsody, if humans are nice."

A zombie said "Arh mabah, zaz mabah... Zah Azgarh Maharh zang." (1 hour and 21 minutes ago)

"Or maybe, just maybe... The Oscar Meyer song."


After some violence from some unruly zombies:

A zombie said "Hrrrm. Zambahz. Z harmanz? Raarn grh graagh zambah, an gabbah-gabbah az harman arh zambah!" (24 minutes ago)

"Hrrrm. Zombies. See humans? Learn to speak zombie, and speak as human or zombie!"

A zombie said "Ammm... Brazzahz? Mah zambah graaghan grh zah harmanz. Grab ah azzbag, an Rrrgang gannah hab zambahz graagh raagh. Nah gah, Mama... Arh rrrrh-grrrn- AZ NAH ZAMBAH! Az bananabranz! B zmargh zambahz, grab ah azzbag an graagh ragh!" (22 minutes ago)

"Ummm... Brothers? I'm speaking with the humans. Grab a seat, and Wolfgang's gonna have zombies speaking right. Not going, Mama... Or rrrrh-grrrn- IT'S NOT ZOMBIE! It's stupid/crazy! Be smart zombies, grab a seat and speak right!"
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