Late Night TV Crue/November 7th: Dateline: The Hospital Of Loserdom

Dateline: The Hospital Of Loserdom

So, today rather than be my normal comedienne self, I’m going to act more as your faithful news correspondent. Or maybe more like your host in Malton’s funniest home videos. Yeah, more like that I think.

Anyway, we’re on location here at Soap Opera Hospital, and the banter is so incredibly sad the entire LNTVC thought we should share it with you, the wider UD community. I mean, really these guys are just rich, RICH I tell you. They continue with their attempts to make peace with zombies and – well, read on loyal viewers! Judge for yourselves!!

It starts out pretty normal, and even a little entertaining:

• Emmylou Harris said "Crap! I have a concert in 10 minutes and all those zeds are in my way! BTW... it is bad out there. No place for a singer like me!!! 13 zeds outside trying to get my autograph!"
• Major Dick said "Wow... I haven't been undead that long in a looooong time, though it is nice to be fighting zombies again." (14 hours and 49 minutes ago)
• Major Dick said "Cheeke needs help, three zeds inside."
• Izumi Orimoto said "I have gone on a heal-revive run...can someone please get rid of the message outside saying the Valkyries have moved? Thank you. -_-"
• Deteno 2 said "*sigh* they certainly wasted no time in being little pricks again... I used up my spray can fixing the obscene tags in the mall..." ‘’(could he possibly mean ‘’’US’’’ here?)’’
• Dragon Fang said "i could really piss them off by making fun of the fact that the writers for thoses shows went on strike lol"

(Oh yeah, that would really piss us off, ooooh!! That’d make me so maaaadd!!)

• John Ramirez said "Orimoto, how are you doing?"

Here’s where it starts to get good. The intrepid leader of the Valks SPEAKS:

• Izumi Orimoto said "Well, I feel that our mission was a failure...we didn't really manage to get any support from the zombies and spent half the time looking for revives..."
• Izumi Orimoto said "I was hoping that we'd at least get something from this horde, at least one new member or something... but I guess we just have to try harder next time. Right now we should just try to avoid the Crue, because I know Sarah's going to be making a call soon."

(yes, oh yes I am Zoomy… just you wait!!)

• Izumi Orimoto said "Why they're so stuck on us is beyond me, but they took me out a few times during the siege which really slowed me down."

YAY! We SLOWED HER DOWN!! Who says there’s no stopping a motivated zerger?!?! It can be done folks! Then this genius shows up and says:

• Reddy Redrooster said "Valks rock - can I get some healing pls? Infected!"

Finally, the villains in our story make their entrance:

• A zombie brought down the last of the barricades.
• You heard a loud groaning from very close by. ...and again. ...and again.
• A zombie dragged Kyler Thatch out into the street. (10 hours and 19 minutes ago)
• A zombie destroyed the generator. (10 hours and 19 minutes ago)
• A zombie killed Reddy Redrooster. (10 hours and 18 minutes ago)
• A zombie killed Izumi Orimoto.
• A zombie killed Izumi Orimoto. ‘’(another one of those dual kill thingies? COOL!)’’

These Zombies were FRISKY!

• A zombie said "Gah mah zambah brazzaahz!! Rnrarrh!! Grab mah banana harmanz!!!"
• A zombie said "grab mah banana"!!!!
• A zombie dragged Deteno 2 out into the street.
• ExperimentalCorpse began to rebuild the barricades, using some chairs.
• A zombie killed Zhilo000.

Really this part is the best – poor poor Southwesty – so nice but yet so misguided…

• Nurse Southwesty revivified a zombie.
• Nurse Southwesty said "Hello zombies! How are you all doing tonight? We're more than happy to have you all hang out here in the hospital with us you know. Just please stop eating us, okay? "
• Nurse Southwesty said "The Lockettside Valkyries are a human-zombie coalition, we promote peace and understanding in Malton, and want to prove that there is an alternative to what we're *supposed* to do. "
• Nurse Southwesty said "Okay, that hurts. My feelings as well as my body. "
• Nurse Southwesty said "Seriously zombies, you guys can stay here and hang out as long as you like. We even have lots of candy leftover from Halloween! You can eat as much as you want, we don't care!"

The zombies, of course, are having none of the Valkyrie pacifism.

• A zombie said "GAG AHN AHR ZHANGAH BANANAZ HARMAN BAGMANZ! HAH HAH HAH!"

Zoomy tries again:

• Izumi Orimoto said "Elwood, please don't attack us. We are a peace activist group. We have no wish for confrontation. You can join our forum if you wish. http://z6.invisionfree.com/Saint_Alexanders/index.php"
• A zombie brought down the last of the barricades.
• You heard a loud groaning from very close by.

Her reward:

• A zombie killed Izumi Orimoto.
• You heard a loud groaning from very close by.
• A zombie said "GRAB MAH BANANAH HARMANZ! RRAARRRRGH!!! GANGBANG MANBAGZ!!!! RAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!"
• MadCaptainJackie killed a zombie...and another.
• MadCaptainJackie said "lucky fucking zombie"
• A zombie said "GRAB MAH BANANAH MANBAGZ!!!!! GANGBANG HARMANZ!! RAARRRRGHHH!!!! RNrArrh rR rrh!!"
• Dragon Fang repaired the radio transmitter. (8 hours and 51 minutes ago)

(Let me pause a moment here - Dragon Fang - your pals are dying around you in droves, and the first thing you think to do is REPAIR THE RADIO?!?!?)

• A zombie dragged Amaris143 out into the street. (8 hours and 40 minutes ago)
• A zombie dragged ChupaCalvin out into the street. (8 hours and 40 minutes ago)
• J3D began to rebuild the barricades, using a wheelchair. (8 hours and 34 minutes ago)

And here – one of my favorite guys there shows his tireless courage and bravery:

• John Ramirez said "Well...fuck this." (8 hours and 15 minutes ago)

Bye bye JR!! Your heroism sets an example for us all!

• A zombie brought down the last of the barricades.
• You heard a loud groaning from very close by.
• Falco94 began to rebuild the barricades, using a vending machine.

Yet another Einstein attempts to reason with the zeds (his text has been heavily edited for spelling)…

• Fire ACE said "now now *begins healing humans* zeds i would kill you but the Valks have a strict no killing policy besides you don’t wanna eat them there for the most part hippies and eating hippies can have some bad side effects. i would just kill you but if i can"
• Fire ACE said "follow there rules I’m sure the undeadites can *offers a untrusting hand shake to a zed*
• Fire ACE revivified a zombie.
• Fire ACE said "alright zeds im gona go take a nap im trusting you *backs away slowly* remember no biting and no shooting ad the beers are in the frige oh and theres still a few stiffs in the morgue if you are REALY hungry *throws a bag off m/m's to a zed

Again, the zombies are not moved at all…

• A zombie said "MMZ AGA!N? GAAH...HARMAN, Z!Z ZAMBAH.!Z GANNAH GRAB BRA!NZ.....RNRARRRH!" (6 hours and 49 minutes ago)
• A zombie gestured at Fire ACE. (6 hours and 46 minutes ago)
• A zombie gestured at itself. (6 hours and 46 minutes ago)
• A zombie said "GANNAH GAG AHN MAH BANANA NAH ZAM MAHR!" (6 hours and 45 minutes ago)

Finally some survivors wise up.. don’t think these folks are Valkyries, I recognize some from some REAL groups that get things done...

• redfirefly killed a zombie. (6 hours and 45 minutes ago)
• A zombie said "BANGBANG MAN NAH?.....HAH HAH HAH!"
• karl kolchak said "ganga bam zamma pamaa to you too, dumbshit..."
• calista griffin killed a zombie. ...and another.
• The Bohemian killed a zombie. (4 hours and 49 minutes ago) ...and another.
• Aradax said "bloody RNG"
• Null Requiem killed a zombie.
• renoldo killed a zombie. ...and another.

Not sure what this is… WTF?

• Liriel Baenre said "*Looks out the window* NO!!!!! Sister!!"
• Liriel Baenre said "*Sobs rocking back and forth glaring out the door.*"

So finally, Stephen and I decide to show up. I know I had some other plan, but that didn’t really work out, and Stephen wanted to do another tandem attack, and I’m a softie for that sort of invitation, so off we went.

We picked our target list and agreed to tandem shoot. While I got two of these kills, I couldn’t have done them without Stephen. We started with Isumi - who is either a zerging alt of the Zoomy – though it claims not to be – or just picked the dumbest fanboy name in all of history. Bam! Bam! Bam! And…

You fire at Isumi for 5 damage. Their flak jacket absorbs 1 point of that damage. They die

Next we targeted the fool Fire Ace – the guy who just barely avoided getting munched on by the pack of zeds he tried to reason with - only to wake up a victim of the LNTVC - dude, you gotta pick your alliances a little better.

Stephen Colbert DFA killed Fire Ace

Lastly, we went after Moses911, well, because… why not. Die Moses die! And sure enough:

You fire at moses911 for 5 damage. Their flak jacket absorbs 1 point of that damage. They die

Stephen had this to say to end his morning:

Stephen Colbert DFA broadcast "The only good Valkyrie, is a DEAD Valkyrie!" from here, on 26.11 MHz. (46 seconds ago)

And I closed with:

Sarah Silverman says "Man! The mall's safe, the cattle have reassembled in st. Alex's - it's so nice to have things back to normal!! If only more of our favorites were here! "

Last I checked, I’m still alive in there. If you hate me, head to St. Alex’s right now in Lockettside and kill me if you want. Another hour or so and I’ll walk out if I’m still alive.

Yay! More fun days!! See you all soon! Kiss kiss!--Sarah Silverman 18:06, 7 November 2007 (UTC)



LATE EDITION EXTRA!!!
My boyfriend Jimmy came by later and revived me after that nasty Citizen 91 fellow killed me, and then he and I went in for a little more killing. He did most of the work, as I was pretty tired, but he killed our radio repairman first:

Jimmy Kimmel killed Dragon Fang

Maybe wish you'd repaired your shotguns first now Fangster?

Then after Jimmy did most of the work:

You fire at Major Dick for 5 damage. Their flak jacket absorbs 1 point of that damage. They die

So woo hoo! A few more dead Valkyries!!! We're at it AGAIN!!

Kiss kiss!!--Sarah Silverman 01:18, 8 November 2007 (UTC)