RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text0308right
Barhah Fundamentalism: terroristic scourge, well-meant but too extreme ideology, or the one true path to BARHAH? Tonight's guest believes quite firmly in the latter.
The Militant Order of Barhah, The Fightin' MOB! Borne out of the great Gore Corps - Barhah Brigade drama of January 2007, the Militant Order of Barhah has been as successful eating brainz as any other horde around since its inception. Under their prophet, Jorm, the MOB takes the well-honed tactics of a strike team that never existed and applies them to a full horde. This has paid massive divdends as the MOB is every bit as effective as other, larger zombie hordes. We had a chance to sit down with the MOB's Father-Confessor Beauxdeigh, and here's what he had to say.
MH&S: The Militant Order of Barhah is known for its "Radical Barhah Fundamentalism." What is Radical Barhah Fundamentalism and how does one become a Radical Barhah Fundamentalist?
Beaux: Coming to a full understanding of True BARHAH and acting purely upon that knowledge has all too often caused those zomibes with lesser, weaker understandings to revile us and label us as extreme or radical. If only the breathing would treat their most skilled in the same fashion. If only they reviled the casual, destructive use of the needle as "Radical Survivalism." No. We are not delusional in our beliefs. We are not vile, hate-spewing monsters. We simply have fully accepted the undeniable truths that some of our zetheren refuse in ignorance:
In BARHAH, there is no Life. The ROT is purity in BARHAH.
You see, Murray, the message we bring is not one of hate, but of love. In BARHAH we come together to share the precious gift of death. So, once accepted, the warm embrace of death should be grasped jealously. You should never allow temptation to drive you apart from the clutches of BARHAH.
MH&S: Sorry, I just used the term "Radical Barhah Fundamentalist" because it was at one point self-applied. So is it safe to say that the MOB has moved from a radical past to a more conservative present?
Beaux: It is true that at first we, mistakenly, embraced the epithet that was being directed at us. Over time, however, it has become clear that the term 'Radical' has been used in an attempt to delegitimize our precepts. That can no longer stand. The Militant Order is the standard bearer for BARHAH. If someone finds us radical, it says more about them than it does about us.
So no, we haven't moved. BARHAH is not so pliable. The prophet, jorm, rattled it best, "BARHAH cares not for the ends, but for the means. One cannot be one with BARHAH if one strolls through barricades bearing weapons of steel and powder. True BARHAH is the joy of the ROT and of warm drippings of brains. BARHAH is not found in the barrel of a gun, nor the blade of an axe, but by tilling the earth of harmanity with your own claws and teeth, planting the seeds of their future BARHAH."
MH&S: "Radical Barhah Fundamentalist" is quite a long term. Do you mind if I just call you a "Fundy"?
Bodey: Since I reject the term "Radical" being applied to myself or those who follow the prophet, I reject any derivative. Truly, my sockets ooze sadly for those who have been lulled into the modern misinterpretation of zombie fellowship that your kind espouses, Murray.
MH&S: Okay, even without the radical part, "Barhah Fundamentalist" is a long term and is to this day self-applied. Come on... can't you guys put the fun in fundy?
Bodey: Creating and leading this horde is the most fun I have been a part of in this game, bar-none. Jorm, Sauth and the rest of us really did our best to carry over the strong sense of community and family, that the Barhah Brigade always had, into the MOB and I think that really shows among our long term members. Just the other day, one of our teams fed 18 kills to our youngest member. It was awe-inspiring and a riot. The MOB is fun. Those who we have worked with (and against) have been overwhelmingly pleased with the experience.
MH&S: I'll make sure to mention something about putting the "fun in fundy" somewhere. You're considered the Father Confessor of Barhah. Is it okay if I confess something to you?
Bo: Of course not.
MH&S: I see. What is the zombie equivalent of the Catholic Church that I may go to to confess my sins against Barhah? When I was a breather I was a Catholic and the guilt follows you even unto death. (Note: Murray Jay had recently received a rotter revive to speak at the Quartly Library.)
Bo: Confessor is title, much like Father was when I was with the RRF. I didn't tell anyone to ransack their rooms or finish their intestines then, I shouldn't be absolving guilt now. I suppose I could assign such tasks to our High Priestess, but then every horde member would be too busy fighting over their place in line to bring BARHAH to the poor lost breathers of Malton.
Alright, fine. Just this once: Say ten BANANA GANGBANGZ, tear down three barricades, and be forgiven. Go and breathe no more.
MH&S: Thank you, father. Anyway, I just asked Moloch who he thought the Queen of Alternative Rock was: Kim Gordon or Kim Deal. Do you think he answered the question correctly?
Beauxdey: I would suspect so. Considering the love for breathing he has embraced, it would be no surprise if he were fully familiar with the tastes and practices of the living.
MH&S: Actually, he was wrong. He decided to enter his own wrong choice and said Melissa Auf Der Maur. So does the MOB listen to any music, or is there a puritan streak in you that says that singing and dancing is evil?
Beauxdey: The MOB has no quarrel with music, dancing or art of any kind. The horde often dances in elation when we successfully bring the gift of death to the masses of living flesh we find (often cowering behind barricades smelling faintly of urine and smoky barbeque sauce). I would add, however, that I find that these things become glorious in BARHAH. Kim Deal would truly be an Alternative Rock Queen if she were to perform entirely in Death Rattle and then leap, claws and teeth bared, into an audience full of harmanz to feed.
MH&S: I'll be sure to pass that along the next time I see her. Now, you've been around UrbanDead since way before pretty much anyone else (Jorm excepted). Any fond memories of events / battles / personalities long since past that you wish to share?
Bodeigh: To be serious for a moment, I miss Petrosjko. I miss his charisma and his vision, which are needed (and too often absent) qualities in zombie leadership. I enjoyed being the DoHS Father while he was Papa. Mostly, though, I just miss the early days when we could all sit around and talk shit to each other behind the scenes. Petro was funny as hell, and that humor gave us all a good attitude when we got to work tearing Malton apart. I miss the friend I made.
MH&S: Yeah, I've always felt it was a shame that I never got to know Petro. He disappeared right around the time I showed up. It was weird leading his horde, not really knowing him. It was like I was carrying on in his footsteps even though I had no clue what he'd do in a given situation. Anyway, there isn't a question in all of that, so I'll ask... Did Jorm have Petro removed in a spectacular power play?
Bodeigh: No. We thought that's what Moloch did to you.
MH&S: Only if he somehow made my real life go insane for several months. But I wouldn't put it past him. Any other fond memories?
Bodeigh: There was also this one strike with the Brigade where we single-handedly ransacked the southwest corner of Buckley Mall. The RNG showed us some serious love that night and it was a lot of fun. That was back before the Randoms had a presence down there or the ruin update, though.
MH&S: Okay, time for a more serious question... if the MOB was a beer, what kind of beer would it be?
Beauxdeigh: Y'know, even when I'm not being the second-in-command of a pseudo-religious, highly organized and efficient zombie horde, I really don't drink much. When I have, I've not been a big fan of beer or wine. Given that, I would think the MOB to be some kind strong, dark, thick lager.
MH&S: So since you're not big into beer, if the MOB came in liquid form would you not be a Barhah Fundamentalist?
Beauxdeigh: I am certain the MOB would be the sweet exception to my usual distaste. If BARHAH was a narcotic, I would be an addict.
MH&S: Well, for your sake we better keep Jorm away from any home brewing kits. Your name clearly marks you as a person of Cajun descent. Is it okay if I refer to you as the "Rajun Cajun" from now on?
Rajun Cajun: I would be proud to be mistakenly identified as a Cajun. My love of good Cajun food, when I can get it in Malton, is only surpassed by my love for BARHAH.
MH&S: Do you have any good blackened Cajun brain recipes?
Rajun Cajun: They don't let me near fire since that last incident. I am quite enamored with grogh's 'Small Intestine Étouffée' when he can scrape together the ingredients. Stay away from Lucita's 'Blackened Malton Trenchcoat Oysters' though. Her presentation is excellent, but they're too salty and not very filling.
MH&S: I'll keep that in mind. One of the reasons the zombie hordes formed and got so organized is because originally the game was balanced against the zombie side. Do you think with the series of changes that have occurred since the change to Headshot that the "zombies as underdogs" rationale still holds water?
Beauxdeigh: Rajun Cajun: I do think the "underdog" status has become less prominent, and we are closer today to being a class that's fun to play on it's own merits than we ever have been. However, the development and reliance on meta-game tactics by the hordes is still crucial for the game. There just aren't as many dedicated zombie characters as there are full time survivors. Even now, a significant percentage of the walking dead in Malton are loitering at abandoned revive points and repeating "Mrh?" to anyone who will listen. If only they would embrace BARHAH and feast on blood and brains, they would be so much more content.
MH&S:I think that's somewhat borne out on the stats page. There are as many large zombie groups around as there are large harman groups. However, as you scroll down there are a shit-ton more small to medium sized harman groups but only a dozen or so such zombie groups. It kind of demonstrates that zombie hordes are more likely to take off and get the kind of numbers and coordination to be truly effective (at least percentage-wise), whereas harmanz can more easily play as the lone wolf or one of a smaller group and still have as much fun. So I guess my follow-up would be, is the greater sense of community amongst zombie players a part of BARHAH as you define it, or is it a consequence of BARHAH?
Beauxdeigh: Rajun Cajun: I'd say the former. The need to organize and communicate outside the game brought each horde closer together. At times, different hordes would join up and get a chance to merge memberships for a while. When they would separate, each horde almost always had new recruits. A horde would interact with a particularly fun survivor group and, once those survivors saw the quality of community the zombies had, they'd send recruits over. Despite the overwhelming and obvious zombie weaknesses of the early days of Malton, those that really wanted to be a part of something joined the undead. All rhetoric aside, that is BARHAH.
MH&S: Final Question... Murray Jay Suskind: Great interviewer or greatest interviewer?
BRC: You're no Johnny Carson. Who's shambling around Malton looking for Ed and Doc, by the way. His monologues are still pretty crappy.
MH&S: Damnit! I thought I'd escape his shadow once I ate him....
The largest harman community in the game is also one of it's most disparate and diverse, the Department of Emergency Management. Stationed throughout the city, DEM makes up for its lack of concentration with its pervasiveness and its use of what some call dubious alt policies and a certain scouting program. Controversy aside, I recently had the chance to sit down with Malton Fire Department head and lovely Brainstock admin Kristi of the Dead for an interview, here's what she had to say?
MH&S: I have recently asked several people the next question in a series of increasingly meta questions about who the Queen of Alternative Rock is: Kim Gordon or Kim Deal. Why do you think that is?
KOTD: I think it's clearly because you're out to steal Donita Sparks' thunder, that's why.
MH&S: You're the only person who I brought this up to that didn't mention someone who plays bass. Do you think guys have something for girls who play bass? Also, where would you put the members of Sleater-Kinney in the pantheon?
KOTD: I do. There's no other explaination for white zombie. Sleater-Kinney is just below just below Heavens to Betsy but just above Dance hall Crashers.
MH&S: Your name is Kristi of the Dead, even though you're pretty clearly alive. I can see you sitting in front of me right now, breathing. Shouldn't you truly live up to your name, throw yourself out the nearest window and start shambling around Malton?
KOTD: Actually currently (when I'm not being interviewed) I am dead somewhere in Malton and I am cracking cades and squaredancing. But you just wait till I get combat revived cause then you'll be in for it. But as far as the name goes all I can say is Kristi of the Trenchcoat was taken already when I signed up.
MH&S: That's a shame. Was she a member of FedCom?
KOTD: Shhh! Don't mention FedCom. They're out to take over the world you know.
MH&S: Oh, don't worry. The RRF will make sure to eat them when that day comes. Anyway, Malton's become increasingly dangerous in the past few weeks as hordes like the Big Bash, RRF and MOB have been doing their thing with the recent game change and a certain nameless megahorde have been thrown in on top of that. What's humble firefighter to do in such situations?
KOTD: Bob and weave man, bob and weave. Actually what I've been doing is tightening up with local survivors and focusing on coordinating with every survivor I can find. It's my hope that the survivor population can come together a bit more reliably in the light of so much danger in the city these days.
MH&S:I also think that'd be a good thing. From the zombie perspective, there's always been the small handful of truly coordinated survivor groups that either put up a serious stand (ala the Dribbling Beavers) or manage to regroup and rebuild everything the second you leave (ala The Randoms). However, they seem to be few and far between. Mostly it's hopeless groups that sit there and get run over and then take weeks to rebuild.
KOTD: I know what you mean. For a long time now I've been speaking about river tactics about how perhaps it isn't just "running away" but nobody ever really wanted to listen to me. Save a few special groups. In any event that's really one of the things that makes me happy about this new zombie turn of events. Survivors are now, as if by magic, much more willing to look at tactics and cooperation in a new light these days. That's awesome!
MH&S: The reason that many old-school zombie players started playing that side is that during the days of the old headshot, the game was clearly balanced against zombies and these players wanted to play the underdog. With all of the recent changes (except the Fort buff) either benefitting the zombies or being neutral on gameplay, do you think that the game is now balanced against survivors? Are survivors the true underdogs now?
KOTD: While I tend to think Survivors will be the next ones to get a buff from Kevan, I don't really think survivors are the underdogs over all. I think the stats regarding the living and the dead at the moment are a bit misleading. Lots of folks are waiting to get revived standing around as zombies and not really breaking down doors like a zombie of your stature would. Zombies still need more varied ways to gain experience in this city for them to truly attract large amounts of new players. Or perhaps to convince pro survivor players to play as a zombie for a bit once they're killed. I will say it's exciting and it reminds me of some of the first big zombie movements in the early days of the Mall tour and bash and all that. It's fun to have a challenge and the zombie hordes these days are certainly that. Though to be honest I don't believe much has changed in actuality in this city. Hordes of zombies have always been tough...it's just that there seems to be more of them these days.
MH&S: So it's the typical ebb and flow. You believe that as zombie players (particularly the ones in a certain megahorde) get bored and leave or overextend themselves, the survivors will swing the balance back into their favor?
KOTD: I think it will happen without fail. It will happen quicker once the big namless horde moves on. But to be honest I think it will happen no matter what. There's just not enough zombies to blanket the whole city like you would a suburb or two with a normal sized horde. So there's always gonna be someplace to regroup. though I have been wrong in the past so eh *shrug*.
MH&S: If I may get serious for a second... is it true that your middle name is Hussein?
KOTD: Well, that is a common misconception. My middle name is actually Saromu.
MH&S: My God...
KOTD: Shouldn't that be Pluto?
MH&S: My mistake, I'm pondering if I should end this interview, because I've already interviewed Sonny. But I'll press on anyway. There are rumors circulating that DEM is possessed by a Demon. Should I call a Catholic priest for you guys?
KOTD: Demons, imps, Labines and a whole lot of paper work and special titles for everyone. It's crazy here man crazy!
MH&S: I've heard of this Labine program that automatically responds to every post made on Brainstock, but what about the IMP tool / program?
KOTD: Well IMP is the actual Add on for Firefox that does the infamous scouting and what not for DEM member groups and their partner groups.
MH&S: Huh, I always thought that was DEMON. Does the Malton Fire Department have a theme song? If so, what is it?
KOTD: Yes we do. It used to be YMCA by the village people until we realized the only DEM member group not represented in the village people were the firemen. So we changed it to THIS.
MH&S: Did you just try to rickroll me?
KOTD: That would have been sweet. Man I need to hang out with you more often so I can get more devious. It was just a talking heads video...I swear!
MH&S: I'll have to get some kind of outside verification of that first. Anyway, final question... The RRF: Great group or greatest group?
KOTD: Petro + zombie elephants + cool open forums in the early days = greatest group.
MH&S: I'll just mark you down as saying... wait a second... you actually said greatest!
KOTD: Yep. I like the RRF alot. They helped shape alot of what I consider to be fair play in the UD game. When Petro was active he came to brainstock and hung out with us in a friendly way. He helped me understand that we're all just players playing a zombie game and trying to have fun. And that it was ok to like to person who plays your enemy in game. I liked that about him. I remember reading your old forums over on desense and thinking what a cool group you guys were and how it would be cool to lead a group that did battle with you.
MH&S: Well, thanks for the praise and thank you for your time.
KOTD: No problem... any idea were a gal can get a combat revive?
