Great Profiles

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This page is made for people to add memorable profiles seen in game, preserving it for all eternity (or wikiness) to enjoy. You should evaluate the humoristic or artistic quality of the text on your own, and please don't add your own character's profile. Insults and incomprehensible in-jokes are better left elsewhere, too. For the rest, as long as you saw it in the game, anything goes!

If this amuses you, you might also like:

• Great Graffiti
• Random Public Speeches
• STREETS IS WATCHIN'
• Great Radio Messages
• The Amusing Locations in Malton list
• Real Men of Genius radio commercial series
• And if you're desperate for more funny profiles you can try Unfunny Profile Hell

a Christmas Tree

Decorated with red, green and white lights and several red, gold, silver and green bobbles hang off of the many branches. A bright gold star sits atop the tree.

Andy Warhol

This zombie shambles around in a black turtleneck. For some reason you really want to punch him.

Aperaham Lincoln

Looks like the 16th U.S. President--but he has 48 chromosomes!

Arachnis

If an infinite amount of Trenchcoaters fired an infinite amount of shotguns at an infinite amount of Zombies, they'd eventually write the greatest literary work ever made in misspellings of "STREETS IS WATCHIN"

Avenrir

I'm a little zombie
Short and stout
Watch me try to gouge
your eyes right out

Here come zombie hunters
Head Shots and all
Drat, I'm dead again.
Down I fall. 8D

Best Zombie Ever

This zombie is seven feet tall and black, so you know he's hung like a warhorse. His eyes shoot lasers straight up all X-Men, and he has a tattoo of your mom on his arm. His blood is raw burning crude oil, and his teeth are made out of guns. Fuck you.

Brian Pratt

I go to the bathroom for one minute and all this happens.

Cardboard Cutout

A mildly-descript survivor. Quite thin, a bit glossy.

Criminal Monster

This survivor is a Republican. When killed, he becomes a soulless, blood-sucking criminal fascist monster. In other words, nothing changes.

Doktor Schabbs

year of birth: 1894
profession: scientist
Year of death: 1944
reactivated as a zombie in 2009
creator: unknown
instructions: unknown

Frosty the Snowman

Human: He used to be a jolly, happy soul. Now there is a stark, empty blackness to his coal eyes. All of his little freinds have been taken away, and he's looking for some payback.

Zombie: A top hat rests askew on his weary head. His button nose twitches at the scent of human flesh, a corn-cob pipe dangling carelessly from his mouth...

Giles Sednik

He has a cop-style mustache and a hairy chest. Unfortunately you don't notice either, since you find it impossible to take your eyes off his package.

Harman Spy

Do not mind me, little harmanz! I am one of you! Just like you! See? I am not a spy!

I AM THE BATMAN

As you look into the darkness a figure begins to appear, you feel your body freeze as out of the shadows steps a frightening costumed figure.
While you shake, he screams I AM THE BATMAN then runs the fuck off.

I LoveToPoop

Wearing: A pair of brown trousers

Jacob Bloodspatter

Having been given an incredibly butch name by his katana-toting, treanch coat-sporting, former special forces father, Jake rebelled and became the most foppishly gay swish ever to walk the planet.

Johnny Cabbages

A grim, trenchcoated survivor with plenty of trenchcoats in his trenchcoat. He has a scar across his trenchcoat in the shape of his own ice-cold eyes. In his hands he carries seventy-eight shotguns and nine swords, all wrapped in protective trenchcoats.

Lucky Liveforever

You look at him, and you just somehow don't think he's going to make it.

White House

Vague, confused, stumbling around without a clue. The zombie apocalypse hasn't really changed much.