Random Public Speeches

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Sometimes you stumble into an ongoing conversation or a one person comedy hour routine that will be lost forever after the next action.

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Contents

One Liners

Holy War

Uttered by a valiant zombie in Tikhon General Hospital.

  • A zombie said "AZZAAAAAAAAH AGBAAAAAAAAAR" (1 hour and 43 minutes ago)

Drinks Are On Him

Witnessed by Jetman123, 4 June 2010, inside Tarasius_General_Hospital_(Lerwill_Heights).

  • A zombie brought down the last of the barricades. (2 hours and 9 minutes ago)
  • Peter Glau began to rebuild the barricades, using a wheelchair. (2 hours and 8 minutes ago)
  • Peter Glau said "Kill the bastard please, I don´t have anymore APs left!" (2 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  • Los Baricados killed a zombie with a beer bottle. (1 hour and 57 minutes ago)
  • Los Baricados said "drinks were on him i guess." (1 hour and 57 minutes ago)

A Real Tragedy

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 17 July 2009, inside St. Alcuin's Hospital, Gibsonton.

Santlerville was being badly wrecked by the zombie horde. Survivor xWARCHILDx described the horrors he saw.

  • xWARCHILDx said "...Boneface hospital is about gone..so is the mall..the NT has dead people all the hell over it...and i lost meh zippo...-_- what a day..." (15 hours and 24 minutes ago)

Ugh! The Stink!

Witnessed by Sam 2334, 25 June 2009, inside the Button Building, Old Arkham.

  • Mikey Piper said "*comes out of Men's Room, spraying copious amounts of Orange Marmalade air freshener* Sorry, guys...." (1 hour and 59 minutes ago)

Cowardly Zombie

  1. A zombie brought down the last of the barricades (3 hours and 41 minutes ago)

CplHunter said "*leans out a window and yells "next time come in ya pussy!"*"

Zombie Cheerleader

  1. A zombie said "ZAM AH RAM AH ZAM AH RAM AH ZAM BAM BAH! ZAMBAH ZAMBAH RAH RAH RAH!" (5 hours and 33 minutes ago) Clinch Way Police Department, Crowbank

Spinal Tap?

You are inside Orders Crescent Police Dept.

...

There is a mob of eleven zombies here.

  1. Roderick Decker said, "Eleven zombies? THAT'S RIDICULOUS. THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!"

Chuck Norris?!?!

  1. Walker MaltonRanger said "when your in Malton look behind you, cuz thats where the rangers gonna be" (12 hours and 28 minutes ago) The Fram Building, Wray Heights

Search and ye shall find... nothing.

  1. wally wallbanger said "I could find a Nintendo Wii in Malton easier than I could find a syringe in here..." The Fram Building, Wray Heights

Zombie Scrooge

  1. A zombie said "BAH HAMBAG" (5 days ago)

Multi Liners

== Domestic Violence == - 9-29-2011

1. Dalton Riggs said "So. Now I've been given a suitable enough causus-belli. That man, he belonged to the group 'None'. Let's kill everyone who belongs to such a group." (4 hours and 47 minutes ago)

2. Sigune said "Domestic abuse!" (4 hours and 25 minutes ago)

3. Henry Thrapplewhack said "Bitch!" (4 hours and 24 minutes ago)

4. Sigune said "Knobhead!" (4 hours and 22 minutes ago)

5. Henry Thrapplewhack said "I'll fucking kill you!" (4 hours and 21 minutes ago)

6. Sigune said "Not if I kill you first!" (4 hours and 19 minutes ago)

7. Henry Thrapplewhack said "Burn bitch burn!" (4 hours and 19 minutes ago)

8. Sigune said "Let me FAK you, babez," (4 hours and 17 minutes ago)

9. Henry Thrapplewhack said "I don't want your pity FAK! go FAK yourself!" (4 hours and 16 minutes ago)

10. Sigune said "Okay, I will." (4 hours and 15 minutes ago)

11. Henry Thrapplewhack said "Good! I don't care, you're just lucky i didn't kill you! attack me with a hockey stick again and it's all over though" (4 hours and 12 minutes ago)

12. gary brown said "*checks to see if he is still, in fact, inside a library*" (3 hours and 43 minutes ago)

==Sunday Sermon(tm) 9-11-11

  1. the local vicar said "We all love alcohol. Gods knows this and gives us a plentyful supply. But what if there were no more alcohol?" (20 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  2. the local vicar said "Imagine a place were there is no alcohol, no pot, no drugs of any kind.... (This is making me too upset, I don't think I can carry on this Sermon....) ***has a brief mental breakdown***" (20 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  3. the local vicar said "We would no doubt call this place Hell. But listen, my friends: This Hell already exists on earth!! The dark one and his minions are establishing their earthly domain as we speak. The Anti-beer has risen and is coming and he is sober!" (20 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  4. the local vicar said "Repent your wicked ways and drink more alcohol. We must face this demon totally blotted and cast him down into his dungeon." (20 hours and 25 minutes ago)
  5. the local vicar said "I have seen the horror sobrity brings. I picked up a biker chick in a bar and brought her home. The after when I awoke I was stone cold sober. I had a look at what I had brought home and there was not enough alcohol in town to clear that image from my eye" (20 hours and 22 minutes ago)
  6. the local vicar said "Has anyone of you seen Amanda Shagwell up close? And sober? I have gone through a voluntary lobothomy to remove the horror from my brain, but they only cut away my logic centra and my sence of decency." (20 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  7. the local vicar said "Anyway - talking about Hell on earth. The Anti-beer has landed in Ireland. There is not a drop of alcohol on the entire island of Ireland. I have talked to an Irishman and as you know they never lie, at least he told me so." (20 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  8. the local vicar said "Let's stop this horror now. Let's drink some Guiness and reflect upon the poor beerless bastards in Ireland. Not a drop of Whisky, not a bag of dope (**begins to cry**). Amen (*sniffles*)" (20 hours and 12 minutes ago)
  9. the local vicar broadcast "The Anti-beer has risen. Repent." from here, on 26.67 MHz. (20 hours and 9 minutes ago)
  10. spencer12555 said "amen" (20 hours and 9 minutes ago) ...and again. (20 hours and 8 minutes ago) ...and again. (20 hours and 8 minutes ago)
  11. the local vicar said "How about a road trip to the Garniss Building? Sometime next week? They seem to have alcohol, but no pot. We must rectify this."

Another Sermon

  1. the local vicar said "Today's Sunday Sermon will be on the topic - How do I party with God?" (9 hours and 47 minutes ago)
  2. the local vicar said "When we die, if we have been faithful drunkards, we go to heaven. There we will meet God. #But many ask; How should I party with God? Should I bring some really nice wine? Will there be an open bar? Is alcohol allowed?" (9 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  3. the local vicar said "Of course alciholis allowed, it *is* heaven. And of course it's an open bar, all you can drink. As said, it *is*heaven. Don't bother bringing any wine, God has all the wine he needs." (9 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  4. the local vicar said "You might consider bringing some colombian blow, I happen to know God likes that. If you are offered more than one type of drink, choose the one with the larger alcohol content, it will show your devotion to the Spirit." (9 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  5. the local vicar said "Don't begin telling your drunk stories '-Wow, last night I was so drunk, bla bla bla...'. God has already seen all your debauchery - and he likes it! Otherwise you wouldn't be in heaven." (9 hours and 39 minutes ago)
  6. the local vicar said "Trying to lure the Archangels into drinking games is considered good etiquette, but don't paint their bottoms blue if they lose. That's how I got sent back to earth..." (9 hours and 37 minutes ago)
  7. the local vicar said "If you haven't been a good drunkard you will probably end up in hell. It's pretty much like heaven, except they only serve american beer." (9 hours and 35 minutes ago)
  8. the local vicar said "Let's pray you end up in heaven. Amen." (9 hours and 35 minutes ago)

Sermon

  1. the local vicar said "Here's today's Sunday Sermon(tm), the topic is: 'Who is Better; Jesus, Superman, Hulk or Spiderman'" (11 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  2. the local vicar said "Many have spent their lives researching whether Jesus could kick Supermans butt in a fistfight, or if the Hulk could throw Spiderman into orbit. But I have read the scripture and I have found the answer!!" (11 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  3. the local vicar said "Who would you rather bring to a party, a man with laserbeams for eyes or a guy that can TURN WATER INTO WINE? Yeah, I thought so. Also Jesus doesn't Bogart the roach, he passes it on the left hand side. Try to grab a rach from Superman and you are toast." (11 hours and 46 minutes ago)
  4. the local vicar said "Hulk and Spiderman are even worse. Spiderman, the goody-two-shoes, would call the narcs as sonn as the baggie hist the table, and you just know you don't want to invite Hulk to take a toke on your bong. Whoosh, all gone. Same with G!N I'm afraid." (11 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  5. the local vicar said "No, it's gonna be Jesus all the way. Party on! More wine." (11 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  6. the local vicar said "Amen" (11 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  7. the local vicar said "Oh, and it looks like I'm gonna die soon. 'Dirty combat rezzer' and all that you know. Sayonara." (11 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  8. RichTee said "hour9, rather be dead? as you wish..." (10 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  9. RichTee killed hour9 with a well-aimed punch. (10 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  10. RichTee said "*finishes dragging the undeadite out, goes and pulls some pints* nice searmon.....lovely.......cheers all *downs a pint* mmmm, good start to a sunday" (10 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  11. the local vicar said "Cheers. It's time for a beer. Preaching is thirsty work." (2 hours and 15 minutes ago)

Mime jokes

Witnessed by Oidar in Wiles Cinema, Brooke Hills.

  • Phoenix Rowan said "Dude! A mime! You guys are an endangered species. -settles in- Since you can't tell me to shut up, I'll just go ahead with these mime jokes I've been saving for that special someone." (3 hours and 11 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "If you're lucky, when I'm done with these, they'll wanna kill me more than you. If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would it make a sound?" (3 hours and 10 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "What's a mime's favorite weapons? -comedic pause- A land mime." (3 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "What do you say about someone that steps on mimes? Don't know? They can stop on a mime. -snickers, slaps her on the shoulder- I kill me. I really do. But how do you kill a mime?" (3 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Wait till it's in it's little glass box and shoot it." (3 hours and 3 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "I wish I could get a good 'A mime walks into a bar' one. Those are rarer than you. Oh! Knock, knock... -Slaps her back again- Messing with ya. Here, I'll help. Who's there? ..... Get it?! That's so bad it made my eyes water." (2 hours and 53 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "-squints in the darkness- Yours are watering too, I think. I thought you guys just pretended to cry?" (2 hours and 48 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Well, don't you worry, if you aren't now, you will be. What do you get by rolling a mime up really thin and long, then using him to tie things with?" (2 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Twime. -winces- Where d I get this crap? Uh..lessee... Favorite drink? That's a gimme. Mimeade." (2 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "What do you tell an impatient mime? All in good mime. Get comfortable, this next one's long. -blocks the exit-" (2 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "So a jobless mime walks into a zoo looking for a crowd to perform for." (2 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "As soon as he gets started, the zookeeper drags him into his office." (2 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "The zookeeper tells him that the zoo's mainn attraction - a gorilla...was is a gorilla? Yeah! A gorilla- has died. He's afraid the zoo will lose business due to this dead gorilla." (2 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "He asks the mime, obviously in the wrong profession anyways, if he'd be willing to wear a gorilla costume and stand in until they can get a new one." (2 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "The mime goes for it. It was that or food stamps." (2 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "The next day he puts on the costume and takes his place in the cage." (2 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "He soon finds the job works for him. He can sleep when he wants, make fun of people, and he makes a hell of a better gorilla than he ever did a mime. The audience love him. Huge crowds." (2 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Eventually, however, the fun wears off and the people move on. He's bored." (2 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "He notices that the lion one cage over is getting all of his attention and gets an idea to improve his act." (2 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "He scales the wall of his cage and free-runs his way over to the lion's cage, dangling from the top over the lion below." (2 hours and 19 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Once the lion is well and truly pissed, the audience loves it. Humans are sick, sick creatures." (2 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "That night he gets a raise for being such a good attraction. He decides to stick with what work and continues to taunt the lion every day. Until.." (2 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "One day he hits a ruin..I mean, he loses his grip while dangling over the lion and falls into it's cage." (2 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Terrified, the mime sees the irate lion getting ready to kick his ass and takes off in circles around the cage, the lion on his heels." (2 hours and 13 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Too scared to stay in character, he starts yelling and screaming to the crowd for help." (2 hours and 11 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Instantly the lion pounces, flattening the mime-turned-gorilla and pinning him to the ground." (2 hours and 9 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "He looks up at the angry lion, ready to die." (2 hours and 9 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "The lion growls, 'Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?!'" (2 hours and 8 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "-chuckles- That one gets me every time. If you ever need a job, the giraffe is on it's last legs." (2 hours and 5 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Oh! Oh! I've got another. What do you call two mimes standing next to each other?" (2 hours and 1 minute ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Mime and mime again." (exactly 2 hours ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "You know you laughed. It was that bad." (exactly 2 hours ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "Maybe I can make one up. Okay, a mime walks out of a bar... No, wait. That's only funny if it's an Irishman. Or a gay, black, Jewish German IN Ireland, but you had to be there.." (1 hour and 57 minutes ago)
  • Phoenix Rowan said "-has a look around- All that and neither of us is dead yet? I'm losing my touch. -yawns- I'll hit the library for more. Nighty night!" (1 hour and 41 minutes ago)


What's REALLY going on

Witnessed by Smyg, 11 March 2011, at an unknown location.

  • richerd cranium said "What is REALLY going on around here?" (12 hours and 39 minutes ago)
  • p4r4n01d andr01d said "We are fabricated avatars in a fractally recursive set of nested holographic constructs of morphic fields misrepresented as a single linear-flowing dimension consisting of the logical fallacies Space, Time, etc., i.e., the same old shit. *boop*" (12 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  • p4r4n01d andr01d said "Either that, or we are imaginary characters in a 2D simulation of the struggle between Good & Evil, within an actual 3D reality rooted in a struggle between Good & Evil. *boop*" (12 hours and 10 minutes ago)
  • p4r4n01d andr01d said "Or it's all bollocks and general asshatery and ass-grabbing, a meaningless and futile scam. *boop*" (12 hours and 10 minutes ago)
  • p4r4n01d andr01d said "...or it's Hell. *boop*" (12 hours and 10 minutes ago)

Hot Girl-on-Girl Action!

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 31 December 2009, inside St. Simon's Hospital, Eastonwood.

Those two girls, one of which is the Dean of MCM herself, were "playing doctor" under the cover of darkness inside the MCM campus. No wonder why it's so crowed, despite the threat of more than twenty zombies next door.

  • A zombie brought down the last of the barricades. (16 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia began to rebuild the barricades, using a desk. (16 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  • A zombie destroyed the generator. (16 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "Sorry dude. No kill today. Have a cookie instead." (16 hours and 5 minutes ago)
  • Redd Flames revivified a zombie. (16 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "Oh, let's decorate the tree some more in the dark! Here, I'll hang some tinsel... why is this branch kinda squishy?" (16 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "*clears throat* Um...Violet. Those aren't branches. Those would be my, em...my *garbled whisper* And they are not shaped like branches. They're just perky! These new miracle bras do wonders for the girls!" (15 hours and 54 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "Ah, uh, sorry there, Pibbit. Your ah, very nice non-branches are now perkily tinseled, though!" (15 hours and 46 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "I'd say! Did you have to tuck it into my shirt too? All that tinsel you've....decorated me with is rather pokey and itchy! Oh dear..." (15 hours and 35 minutes ago) ...and again.
  • Violet Begonia said "Well, I was going to just tie it in a bow, but that didn't work at all. As for the itchy, maybe you need to just stroke it the other way so it'll lie flat. Um, I mean the tinsel... ah, you could kind of.... oooooh, I think I need to be quiet now..." (15 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Tie it in a bow indeed! I'm inclined to think you've never tied a bow in your life with all the fumbling and groping you did! Honestly it's not that hard! here let me show you" (15 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "Fumbling! I was NOT fumbling! And... well, okaaaaaaaay, maybe that'd work better... Yeah, that is nicer.... I was working backwards, you know, and in the dark." (15 hours and 13 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "AHA! But you don't deny the groping! *sniff* Not that I blame you." (15 hours and 9 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "Hey, it really is dark! I notice you took your sweet time objecting while I was still figuring out what was what!" (15 hours and 6 minutes ago)
  • charlie chapman said "Hello there! I've got quite the infection here, if anyone can help a dusty old rotter out. I've also got fuel if someone has a genny!" (15 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "New students, charlie chapman is disinfected, but at 36 HP needs some more bandaids! Also needing heals are Shirley Q Liquor (57 HP), Sankhe (59HP), babaal (47HP), and RedKami (59HP)." (exactly 15 hours ago)
  • Pibbit said "*laughs* oh come on now Violet! I figured you could give me a full report on whether I have any unwanted lumps or not after that exam!Tying a bow...likely story *snorts*" (14 hours and 57 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "Hey, the health of our guests is my responsibility. And no, you don't. You're quite healthy." (14 hours and 55 minutes ago)
  • charlie chapman said "Well, thank you, ma'am." (14 hours and 54 minutes ago)
  • Sankhe said ".sesuruaseht sa sgniht elbarolped hcus gnisu lla ta toN .nuf naelc ,tneconni gnivah ,ereht revo tibbiP dna teloiV ekil lrig elttil doog a eb dluohs uoY ?suruasehT eht gnisu tuoba yas I did tahW .imaKdeR won ,woN" (14 hours and 54 minutes ago)
Translation: "Now, now RedKami. What did I say about using the Thesaurus? You should be a good little girl like Violet and Pibbit over there, having innocent, clean fun. Not at all using such deplorable things as thesauruses."
  • Pibbit installed a generator in the building. (14 hours and 53 minutes ago)
  • charlie chapman refuelled the generator. (14 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  • charlie chapman said "Beautiful!!! Much more festive now, I daresay!!" (14 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Well thank you Violet! Good to know. it's important to stay uh...abreast...of our health. *tucks and adjusts her top when the lights come back on*" (14 hours and 47 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "*narrows her eyes at Sankhe* enough with the stabbing! I am not a pincushion. If you're trying to see if they pop, its not going to happen!" (14 hours and 46 minutes ago)
  • Bartemius said "*looks back and forth at Violet and Pibbit for several seconds as the lights come back on, eventually just clears his throat and helps himself to some strong tea*" (14 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • Violet Begonia said "*looks entirely innocent*" (13 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  • charlie chapman said "Perhaps I shall call out a fair warning before fueling any more generators...? I don't want to catch anyone's convertible with its top down, if you know what I mean." (12 hours and 24 minutes ago)

A New Year's Poem

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 31 December 2009, inside St. Simon's Hospital, Eastonwood.

  • Pibbit said "*lines up plates and plates of mouth watering hors d'oeuvres and pulls out an ice filled tub full of homebrewed moonshine*" (17 hours and 46 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "The holidays are here again," (17 hours and 46 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "So I´m inviting all my friends." (17 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "The people who are close to me" (17 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "They’re my extended family." (17 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "You´ve got my mom, my sis, my brother," (17 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "My surprisingly cool stepmother." (17 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "And the two kids that she had" (17 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Before she ever met my dad." (17 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Next you got my aunts and cousins," (17 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "They showed up with several dozen" (17 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Friends of theirs, it´s fine with me" (17 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "I´ve got enough for all." (17 hours and 44 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Here in the hall you´ve got my office mates," (17 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "My best friend and her online date" (17 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "They’ve all come here to celebrate." (17 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "This is my family." (17 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "My judo coach, my allergist" (17 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "My facebook friends and twitter list." (17 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "The first girl that I ever kissed" (17 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "you´re beautiful, I love you." (17 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Cause there´s one truth I have found" (17 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "And it´s never let me down" (17 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "When you stock up on joy, there´s enough to go ‘round." (17 hours and 41 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Singin joy! Enough to go ‘round!" (17 hours and 41 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "Enough to go round and around and around and around" (17 hours and 41 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo_HMtqriPg" (17 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  • Pibbit said "*puts a party hat on her head and sticks a party horn sideways in her mouth*" (17 hours and 37 minutes ago)

Charlie the pet zombie.

Seen in St. Alexander's Hospital by Thompson Mall. As heard by IAreLegend. Dec.11,09

  • A zombie brought down the last of the barricades. (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Brarn?" (2 days ago)
  • AP2 began to rebuild the barricades, using a chair. (2 days ago)
  • Cipherace said "hey zombie,whats 2+2?" (2 days ago)
  • Cipherace said "*pets the zombie*i say we keep him and name him charlie!" (2 days ago)
  • Mythologico said "(*licks the side of the zombie's head..*) Tastes..... like treacle pudding..." (2 days ago)
  • Mythologico said "(*runs down into the secret Myth lair, and returns with a peculiar looking jumble of copper-piping, clockwork gears, and a crank. He latches it onto the zed and begins to turn the crank*)" (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Brarn?" (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Grmmrh brarn." (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "BRArN!!!" (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Rm hrngrh." (2 days ago)
  • jjmg24bad said "im hungry you said? me too" (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Rm hrngrh." (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Brarn?" (2 days ago) ...and again.
  • A zombie gestured at Jonas Ellery. (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Grrh brarn." (2 days ago)
  • Samuel798 said "somebody shut that zombie up!" (2 days ago)
  • Samuel798 said "Zombie, go down in reuddlebank to the planes building, there a brain rot revive clinic, they leave the doors open all the time, thats where I go." (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Rrh brarn." (2 days ago)
  • A zombie gestured at Samuel798. (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Brarn? Brarn? Brarn? Brarn?" (2 days ago)
  • Julian Linair said "I think he wants to eat you Samuel." (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Hrngrh." (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Hrngrh!" (2 days ago)
  • Julian Linair said "Zombie, listen to me! Do you want to eat the bounty hunter? if yes, say 'GRAAAAG!'" (2 days ago)
  • A zombie said "Brh." (2 days ago)
  • WhimOrClutters said "It's good to see a nicely behaved zombie, even if I can't understand him. It's sad to see the place over caded." (2 days ago)
  • waynehom said "Ummmm... is this zombie supposed to be in here? I don't think 1 lone zed would survive in a room of 73 survivors..." (2 days ago)
  • Cipherace broadcast "WE HAVE A PET ZOMBEH! HIS NAME IS CHARLIE!!!" from here, on 27.20 MHz. (2 days ago)
  • Nurse Lunea Haraku said "-pets the zombie and puts a collar on him/her-" (2 days ago)
  • Cipherace said "hey zombie,are you hungry?if you are say barn and ill get you some fresh meat" (2 days ago)
  • Mythologico said "You know Cipherace.... I'm the pet zombie..." (2 days ago)
  • 27.20 MHz: "Forget the pet zobie you idiots! RUN!!!" (yesterday)
  • Allyina said "Zed up" (yesterday)
  • Dragon Fang said "hey gimps. been sometime since i saw ya shamble around here. glad ya being friendly. not many zeds are like that" (yesterday)
  • Rakisa said "(i wonder why that rotter is... not eating us... Hmmm weird... most rotters would jump at opportunity to chomp on us all)" (yesterday)
  • Dragon Fang said "(i've seen gimp around rak, and he spends more time talking. granted i wouldn't say hes safe but i'm not hurting him right now)" (yesterday)
  • loki420 killed a zombie with a pistol. (yesterday)
  • Cipherace said "nooooooooooooooo you bastard!!you killed him,your really killed him!!" (yesterday)
  • Cipherace said "R.I.P Charlie='(" (yesterday)
  • cmistom said "He was a pker. And he killed my friend." (yesterday)
  • Cipherace broadcast "KILL THE FUCKING PK'ERS THEY ARE SCUM AND DESERVE NOTHING" from here, on 27.20 MHz. (yesterday)
  • cmistom said "?" (yesterday)
  • Cipherace said "no,not the guy.im talking about our pet zombie that somone killed a little while ago" (yesterday)
  • cmistom said "Oh... ." (yesterday)
  • Cipherace said "poor charlie...i miss him already....when do we get a new pet zombie?" (yesterday)
  • Cipherace broadcast "R.I.P charlie,st.alexanders pet zombie was ruthlessly" from here, on 27.20 MHz. (yesterday)
  • Cipherace broadcast "murdered only minutes ago." from here, on 27.20 MHz. (yesterday)
  • Insidiak said "Poor stench" (yesterday)
  • waynehom said "Darn, I wanted to teach the zombie some tricks. I go to sleep and come back to find someone shot him. Oh well. Someone go off to the pet store for a replacement before Cipherace." (yesterday)
  • Cipherace said "i loved that zombie but now hes gone=(" (yesterday)

Playing with Daddy's Firearms

  1. Jack Jenkem the Tech said "Hey guys, look! I found my dad's gun!" (23 hours and 33 minutes ago)
  2. Jack Jenkem the Tech said "Pretty cool, huh? Check it out - I'm Tony Montana! YOU WANNA PLAY ROUGH, HUH?! Ha ha! Don't worry it's not loaded, there's no way it could..." (23 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  3. Jack Jenkem the Tech killed Echo1 with a pistol. (23 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  4. Jack Jenkem the Tech said "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh no! Oh no, no! Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" (23 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  5. Jack Jenkem the Tech said "Jesus, I didn't mean it! I didn't know it was loaded! Oh my God!" (23 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  6. Jack Jenkem the Tech said "I gotta get out of here! Quick, throw the body outside!" (23 hours and 31 minutes ago)

Love in the Time of Zombie Apocalypse

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 22 September 2009, inside Orders Crescent Police Department, Raines Hills

The PD was under zombies attack, the barricades were torn down, and a few managed to get in. Their very presence cannot stop human passion, jealousy, and drama, however.

  • Prof Q A Wagstaff said "Don't worry Dr. Bryant! I will save you!" (16 hours and 19 minutes ago)
  • Prof Q A Wagstaff said "Err, Don't worry Fiona! I will save you" (16 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • Prof Q A Wagstaff killed a zombie. (16 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • Prof Q A Wagstaff began to rebuild the barricades, using a desk. (16 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • Prof Q A Wagstaff said "whew. the things i do for a little female attention. and thats just what I get. very little female attention." (16 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  • Dr Goodchild said "You should try look injured and vulnerable, Prof, it certainly works for me" (15 hours and 5 minutes ago)
  • Fiona BlackFire said "Just dont have anough ap at the moment. Tried taking one down. And professor Q, you're just silly. lol" (6 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  • Prof Q A Wagstaff said "Goodchild I've helped more people by accident than you have on purpose. Of course, that's still not saying much. I should have let that zombie bite you then killed it. But its be kind to zombies week." (3 hours and 48 minutes ago)

Zune Charger

  1. Raziel Sarafin said "In the name of the Emperor, I greet you! Raziel Sarafin of the Imperial Guard, Mechanicus division, reporting for duty! How can I help?" (1 hour and 41 minutes ago)
  2. Yet another Steve said "Uhh, Raziel, got a charger for a Zune 120 gig?" (1 hour and 29 minutes ago)

A Re-education On Being Human (And the Usefulness of Jelly Donuts)

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 20 June 2009, inside Cotterrell Crescent Police Department, Santlerville.

Z0mbrian, a freshly revivified zombie with no human skills, was wondering how to spend his life as a human again. It's up to veterans survivors to convince him not to eat other human, at least while he's one.

The building has been decorated with a cubist sculpture, a conceptual painting, a headless statue and a torn painting.

  • Lemonx said "(Admires torn painting) Hmmm... so you suppose that odd splatter is Zed Head, Jelly doughnut, or part of the painting?" (13 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • Z0mbrian said "will anyone let me kill them?" (12 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  • Z0mbrian said "i need xp. i'll probably fall asleep before i kill you all the way though." (12 hours and 6 minutes ago)
  • Edward Grengle said "Um, wut? Really, how do we keep letting people like this guy in here? Mind explaining your lack of survivor skills, Zombrian?" (11 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  • Dorothy Zbornak said "*takes Z0mbrian by the arm and leads him toward the break room* Look, I understand that you're newly living and so you've still got killing on the brain, but there's a lot more productive and helpful ways to learn new skills without killing anyone." (11 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  • Dorothy Zbornak said "*Hands him a jelly donut* Here, eat this and start to embrace your humanity again. People need healing all the time, so you could be useful doing that. Or if you really do want to kill things, there are plenty of zombies that break into buildings that" (11 hours and 1 minute ago)
  • Dorothy Zbornak said "need to be killed. Why not improve your skills in that way? Plus, and I think I'm accurate when saying this, but you don't actually gain experience as a human by wounding or killing another human. Right everyone?" (exactly 11 hours ago)
  • Sister Bertrille said "Um, you get half experience, rounding down. A punch gives no XP. And at a no-skills rate of hitting, plus searching for ammo and guns, it'll take him forever to get even one level. FAKs are best for leveling, hands down, then killing zombies is second." (10 hours and 57 minutes ago)
  • cmsb said "God, all these zombies, man... I can't take it anymore!" (8 hours and 49 minutes ago)
  • Lemonx said "You CAN take it! Here... *Rummages in the back* Ah, here it is! A fresh and clea- *blows off some lint* Clean JELLY DOUGHNUT!" (8 hours and 42 minutes ago)
  • Z0mbrian said "ahh true true who needs a good FAKing?" (46 minutes ago)

The next day, Dorothy Zbornak showed her wit with words once again inside St. Boniface's Hospital, Santlerville.

  • Dr alwayzlate said "hello" (19 hours and 13 minutes ago)
  • Dorothy Zbornak said "Hello dr alwayslate. *looks at her watch* Hmmm, just arriving in Malton to help out then? Could have used your help for a while now. If only you'd been on time." (1 hour and 9 minutes ago)

Autobots, roll out!

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 3 June 2009, the Woolven Building, Pashenton, not long before the release of Transformers 2.

  • Optimus Primus said "Basically, the Autobots are a force for good here in Malton, We fight the zeds and try to keep the areas we reside in at the time zed free. We protect fellow Autobots and if the situation becomes unteneble we'll move to safer grounds" (7 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  • Optimus Primus said "We are allied with FOXHOUND to the north and we try and protect those needing help and shelter." (7 hours and 51 minutes ago)

Dead Men Talking

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 2 May 2009, the Usher Building, Heytown. This conversation consists of both speeches and broadcasts, but I think it fits here better.

A horde of thirty zombies was besieging Cornelius General Hospital, just two blocks to the East. The situation was, of course, grim.

  • metalchest broadcast "NT says there's 27 outside Corny, keep caded!" from here, on 26.07 MHz. (8 hours and 3 minutes ago)
  • BERKMAN FRICK said "I helped put the cades at EHB, but it will not last. You know they will be here next, right. Christ...does anyone have a joint they would like to share?" (7 hours and 58 minutes ago)
  • He12 broadcast "*hands Berkman a Joint* have fun its my last one...." from here, on 26.07 MHz. (7 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  • BERKMAN FRICK said "*takes it *Pffffft! *large cloud of sweet smoke* I like that it was broadcasted. It makes it more trippy. Thank you He12. As member of MDK, we thank you.*passes the last bit to He12* Here, finish it off. I can sleep now. Look me up in Vinetown sometime." (7 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  • BERKMAN FRICK broadcast "BERKMAN FRICK flowing in the airwaves with you. R U feeling!" from here, on 26.07 MHz. (7 hours and 15 minutes ago)

From Saturday Morning Cartoon To Philosophical Talk

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 15 April 2009, the Halay Building, Raines Hills.

  • bigdave4 said "captain planet, hes the hero, gunna take pollution back to zero!" (16 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  • Will Dred said "And then the ozone layer opened up from natural causes and everyone died." (11 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  • Will Dred said "...I miss my cell phone..." (11 hours and 37 minutes ago)
  • Volker Krast said "*laughs and gets back to work* heh, like Ozone will be what kills us. Bio-warfare... Kinda like this eh? That's what my bet is on." (9 hours and 22 minutes ago)
  • Will Dred said "Every time technology leaps, we have a new opportunity to kill everyone on the planet, more easily than before." (8 hours and 56 minutes ago)
  • Will Dred said "Our ability to handle these new technologies will determine whether or not we become the next universal consciensness." (8 hours and 55 minutes ago)

Forgotten Memoirs of Not Really a British Gentlemen

As told by bigdave4, witnessed by Kittithaj, 14 April 2009, the Halay Building, Raines Hills.

  • bigdave4 said "hear hear! i remember the good old days...wait a minute i dont my memory is failing... i remember zig and zag!!! they were good fellows. they died in the great towny skater war of '99 damn shame" (14 hours and 33 minutes ago)
  • bigdave4 said "to zig, zag and the big breakfast!" (14 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  • Jazon Ronald said "Hear hear!! To zig zag!!!" (6 hours and 17 minutes ago)

Memoirs of a British Gentleman

As told by Jazon Ronald, witnessed by Kittithaj, 13 April 2009, the Halay Building, Raines Hills. Check his profile for extra British goodness.

  • Jazon Ronald said "Ahh! Life as a Halay resident! Its a good life chaps, far better thaqn the life I had in the jolly old wars. I tell you now! You youngins have got it easy! Zombies! Why, we were fighting far worse on our weekends!" (11 hours and 56 minutes ago)
  • Jazon Ronald said "I remember one day, it was a sunday. I remember because some blighter had pinched me scone.. the cheek of it... Anyway! There we were! Sitting in the trenches, having a good stiff drink when we hear the most awful noise you ever did hear!" (11 hours and 54 minutes ago)
  • Jazon Ronald said "So we looked over the jolly old trench wall and what do we see? A horde of orange robed cultists!! So obviously w eopened fire! I bagged at least 5 myself... of course, it wasnt until after we discovered that they were simply door to door Harry christnas!" (11 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  • Jazon Ronald said "but those were dark days lads! Dark days indeed! I tell you, id much rather tangle with a zombie than a Harry christna any day." (11 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  • Jazon Ronald said "Here! A round of drinks on me lads! May the Halay building always stand! And may she stand tall against the ever growing inbred zombie like chaps of malton! Rule Britannia!" (11 hours and 49 minutes ago)

The Zombie Meat Diet

As heard by Private Mark inside Catherine's General Hospital, Yagoton. --21:15, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

  1. Bengan Jonsson said "uhh, feeling a bit dizzy over here" (27 minutes ago)
  2. Bengan Jonsson said "you got any band aids?" (26 minutes ago)
  3. Bengan Jonsson said "or some chocolate" (26 minutes ago)
  4. Bengan Jonsson said "chocolate would be good..." (26 minutes ago)
  5. Bengan Jonsson said "I haven't had chocolate in so long" (26 minutes ago)
  6. Bengan Jonsson said "you know what else I miss? Meatballs" (25 minutes ago)
  7. Bengan Jonsson said "I tried frying some zombie meat last week..." (25 minutes ago)
  8. Bengan Jonsson said "made a grill out of an old shopping cart" (25 minutes ago)
  9. Bengan Jonsson said "then carved a goood sized chunk of meat from one of the fresher bodies that lay around" (24 minutes ago)
  10. Bengan Jonsson said "I rubbed it with some salt and oil and let it fry for about 45 minutes" (23 minutes ago)
  11. Bengan Jonsson said "and it tasted absolutely horrible!" (23 minutes ago)
  12. Bengan Jonsson said "since then I haven't been feeling too well" (23 minutes ago)
  13. Bengan Jonsson said "feeling like I would faint, not being able to keep anything down" (22 minutes ago)
  14. Bengan Jonsson said "and the runs! God damn, I've looted the pants stoore in the mall every day!" (22 minutes ago)
  15. Bengan Jonsson said "so, the zombie meat diet diet: Not recommended" (21 minutes ago)
  16. Bengan Jonsson said "so I'm going vegan instead" (21 minutes ago)
  17. Bengan Jonsson said "fuck you Atkins" (21 minutes ago)
  18. Bengan Jonsson said "but as I was saying, I've been feeling a bit down and out" (21 minutes ago)
  19. Bengan Jonsson said "if any of you good folks happen to have some medicine I'd like to trade for some" (20 minutes ago)
  20. Bengan Jonsson said "I got some, uhh" (20 minutes ago)
  21. Bengan Jonsson said "zombie bacon anyone?" (20 minutes ago)
  22. Bengan Jonsson said "uhm, I also got rack of zombie" (19 minutes ago)
  23. Bengan Jonsson said "zombie rump steak" (19 minutes ago)
  24. Bengan Jonsson said "and strawberry pie" (19 minutes ago)
  25. Bengan Jonsson said "only a little zombie in that..." (18 minutes ago)
  26. Bengan Jonsson said "So, if anyone's interested I'll be over here in the corner, under the cardboard boxes" (17 minutes ago)
  27. Bengan Jonsson said "puking a little" (17 minutes ago)
  28. Bengan Jonsson said "so, yeah..." (17 minutes ago)
  29. GunCB said "There you're healed now S T F U!" (12 minutes ago)

Famous last words?

  1. Migdal said "well. holy shit." (5 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  2. Migdal said "no lights, low acuracy, 61 FREAKING zeds. wish i had a jenny" (5 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  3. Migdal revivified a zombie. (5 hours and 17 minutes ago)
  4. Migdal said "gentlemen, *sigh* its been an honor." (5 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  5. Migdal said "should have stocked up on more ammo... when i die tell 'em i said somthing witty!" (5 hours and 13 minutes ago)

Thriller fright

  1. Shaun Cheah said "Darkness Falls Across The Land" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  2. Shaun Cheah said "The Midnite Hour Is Close At Hand" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  3. Shaun Cheah said "Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  4. Shaun Cheah said "To Terrorize Y'awl's Neighbourhood" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  5. Shaun Cheah said "And Whosoever Shall Be Found" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  6. Shaun Cheah said "Without The Soul For Getting Down" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  7. Shaun Cheah said "Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell" (16 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  8. Shaun Cheah said "And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  9. Shaun Cheah said "The Foulest Stench Is In The Air" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  10. Shaun Cheah said "The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  11. Shaun Cheah said "And Grizzy Ghouls From Every Tomb" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  12. Shaun Cheah said "Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  13. Shaun Cheah said "And Though You Fight To Stay Alive" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  14. Shaun Cheah said "Your Body Starts To Shiver" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  15. Life4money said "We all going to die!" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  16. Shaun Cheah said "For No Mere Mortal Can Resist" (16 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  17. Shaun Cheah said "The Evil Of The Thriller" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  18. Shaun Cheah said "That This Is Thriller, Thriller Night" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  19. Shaun Cheah said "'Cause I Can Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  20. Shaun Cheah said "Girl, This Is Thriller, Thriller Night" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  21. Shaun Cheah said "So Let Me Hold You Tight And Share A Killer, Diller, Chiller" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  22. Shaun Cheah said "Thriller Here Tonight" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  23. Shaun Cheah said "Thank you you've been a great audience" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  24. Shaun Cheah said "I'll be in the Leach Motel" (16 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  25. Shaun Cheah said "Go Whittenside!"

Girls and Pk'ers and Facebook- Oh my!

  1. sunny94lol2 said "il go get lights" (2 days ago)
  2. sunny94lol2 destroyed the tree. (2 days ago)
  3. sunny94lol2 said "there a real tree u get them from park" (2 days ago)
  4. sunny94lol said "nice tree" (2 days ago)
  5. Richard G Hamstring said "awwz. im getting lights bye!" (2 days ago)
  6. Richard G Hamstring said "OMGZWTF!!! (sorrry 4 the launguage but...) IJUSTgot fucked up!!! treeweak mall is closed I was bitten by a zombie in seconds and fell of somany abandond buildings. I dont wana be a zombie now! I have BRAIN ROT!" (2 days ago)
  7. teh joker said "I filed a new zombie whose pre death was military we need to save him cause he has a gun" (2 days ago)
  8. Richard G Hamstring said "thank you so much guys!" (yesterday)
  9. Marian Hart said "*smiles* here are your cuffs Ilean, I kinda borrowed them." (yesterday)
  10. Ilean said "*smiles and takes them back* ah I see. enjoy them did you?" (yesterday)
  11. Marian Hart said "Very much. thanks for the loan. We need to hang out again darling." (yesterday)
  12. Ilean said "Define hang out *spins her cuffs on her finger." (yesterday)
  13. Marian Hart said "Well, I dunno, I'm not normally the one making decisions..." (yesterday)
  14. Ilean said "*brushes her red hair behind her ear with a free hand* well as long as zombies don't crash the party." (yesterday)
  15. Marian Hart said "Yeah, that would totally suck, and i dunno about you but necrophellia isnt exactly a turn on" (yesterday)
  16. Ilean said "I say we have a party of some kind. it's the holidays, we need to liven up." (yesterday)
  17. Marian Hart said "Totally, who wants popcorn?" (yesterday)
  18. NecroTechPerson said "I've cut down a whole lot of trees lately..." (yesterday)
  19. Mikhos said "Holy fuck. You'd think this was facebook. And it isn't.... I think." (19 hours and 37 minutes ago)
  20. Ilean said "what?" (19 hours and 37 minutes ago)
  21. Mikhos said "Nope. Still looks like http://urbandead.com/map.cgi" (19 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  22. Mikhos said "The amount of chatter going on?" (19 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  23. Mikhos said "Though I can't say IC chatter is bad, but seriously. AP is better spent on killing than hitting on each other. Now excuse me. These needles won't push themselves." (19 hours and 35 minutes ago)
  24. Marian Hart said "Yeah but you need to relax at some point, besides i spend way more time on facebook than here..." (19 hours and 33 minutes ago)
  25. Ilean said "Funny... I was under the impression that this wass a MMORPG, you know... role playing. besides AP is better used doing things then standing still doing nothing at all. such as *makes out with Marian*" (19 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  26. Ilean said "See? simply by Talking and doing that I've likely just made at least 5 people in here laugh at that or at least smile" (19 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  27. Ilean said "*looks over at Marian* is she ever going to have a surprise when she logs back on" (19 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  28. Marian Hart said "(last ap for a bit) *stunned slightly but not displeased* So you stopped why? *gives Ilean a curious look*" (19 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  29. kayttie said "ok there a bran fried one out there it needs killing" (18 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  30. Richard G Hamstring said "OMG I though Marian was a girl!" (18 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  31. Ilean said "*smiles at Marion then looks around* so I experiment. makes me no worse then the people who created these zombies... No offence NTP." (18 hours and 35 minutes ago)
  32. Richard G Hamstring said "wait. . . SHE IS!!!! OMGWTFBBQ!? lez? is that why i was shot down? OMG! so . . . sorry (I didnt knowz. . .)" (18 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  33. Ilean said "*laughs at richard* Marion is a Girl" (18 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  34. Ilean said "you just made my day Richard" (18 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  35. Richard G Hamstring said "Just a big shock to me but i think i'm over it." (18 hours and 33 minutes ago)
  36. Ilean said "well this has sufficiently become an awkward off conversation" (18 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  37. Richard G Hamstring said "I'm not a perv but. . . r u just lez or both? (you don't have 2 answer) and if both, do I stand a chance?" (18 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  38. Ilean said "I have to Admit though Richard, I loved that reaction" (18 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  39. Richard G Hamstring said "wow your right im out of here c u" (18 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  40. Richard G Hamstring said "and, your-welcome. (omgz...)" (18 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  41. Ilean said "I actualy am a Guy in Real Life. Just really enjoy the RP aspect of this game as you can no see why. Ilean is one of my signature characters you can find most my characters here: http://xiujade.deviantart.com/art/Ilean-Nailo-Powell-Sheet-107018390" (18 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  42. Ilean said "Marion on the other hand is a girl through and through." (18 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  43. Richard G Hamstring said "OMGZ WTFZ ROFLZ? was i hitting on a guy. . . i dont know. I think what happens in urban dead stays in urban dead and im going to pretend my role playing character didnt hear that! (character says: OMG LEZBOZ ARE HOT!)" (18 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  44. Richard G Hamstring said "well before I go I must say this. Through playing urban dead I feel ive made friends that realy know be for who I am and what I want to be and Im glad I have friends like you guys. Ill never leave. I miss dudly snivel. .. does marian know about him?" (18 hours and 25 minutes ago)
  45. Ilean said "Belive me Richard I've seen a lot worse in this game and I mean a lot worse. if you were ever visiting Old Arkham about a year or two ago you'll know exactly what I'm talking about *if you don't know I'm not going to say*" (18 hours and 25 minutes ago)
  46. Ilean said "why are you leaving?" (18 hours and 24 minutes ago)
  47. Ilean said "and I'm pretty sure I told her about Dudly... pretty sure." (18 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  48. Richard G Hamstring said "Who WANTS GUM? I found a pack there are 5 pices left! ( I ate one)" (18 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  49. Ilean said "O,o ok now you've just got me confused." (18 hours and 22 minutes ago)
  50. Richard G Hamstring said "(changing the subject oh yeah)" (18 hours and 22 minutes ago)
  51. Richard G Hamstring said "maybe I should be a tribute to dudly. I have all the skillz maybe I should be a pker!" (18 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  52. Ilean said "yeah but I thought you said you were leaving?" (18 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  53. ichard G Hamstring said "well now i am. on a journy to become the next dudly. ill be back in a month and plz revive me. Bye everyone ill destroy your building last!" (18 hours and 17 minutes ago)
  54. Marian Hart said "http://www.urbandead.com/profile.cgi?id=1410717" (18 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  55. Richard G Hamstring said "Ive been everythin but a pker and this game is getting old that is my reason. before I go Ive got 2 get new clothes and change my profile!" (18 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  56. Richard G Hamstring said "OMG LOL" (18 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  57. Ilean said "a quick warning Richard. try to avoid Wyke Hills" (18 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  58. Marian Hart said "http://www.urbandead.com/profile.cgi?id=1410717" (18 hours and 11 minutes ago)
  59. Ilean said "Actually I should get my girlfriend to play this game. mind you I've been trying for weeks to achive that" (18 hours and 11 minutes ago)
  60. Richard G Hamstring said "lol ok bye and I will avoied that. ill start in the top left corner in malton and Ill come back for revives thankyou! *hugs everyone*" (18 hours and 9 minutes ago)
  61. Ilean said "Richard, if you do at some point find yourself in Wyke Hills. Club Golding is the pk'er hideout there, the only pk'ers that are killed in there *as far as I've seen* are these two" (18 hours and 8 minutes ago)
  62. Richard G Hamstring said "anything before I leave? Im leaving tomarrow (if I remember). say anything you need to say before I go" (18 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  63. Ilean said "have fun being a pk'er, I have two alts that do it and it's proven to be fun. hope to see you back here (dead or alive) I'm sure most of us *looks around* hopefully will still be around" (18 hours and 5 minutes ago)
  64. Richard G Hamstring said "ok wyke hills it is! Club Golding visite me somtime and i will come back for revives (Man that girl knows her pkers) ill leave tomarrlw then it's all setteled!" (18 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  65. Richard G Hamstring said "now for some rest and relaxation befoer I go!" (18 hours and 3 minutes ago)
  66. Richard G Hamstring said "( Cant spell 4 mylife!) Oh and I have a girlfriend too! She likes me more than I like her. sad:(" (18 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  67. Richard G Hamstring said "OH TELL MARIAN TO GET A CELL PHONE I WANA CALL ALL MY FRIENDS WHILE IM AWAY! also make sure that the radio tower is still up!" (18 hours and 1 minute ago)
  68. Richard G Hamstring said "Oh and everyone dont worry I wont pk this building. . . first! lol level 43!" (exactly 18 hours ago)
  69. Richard G Hamstring said "BYE NECROTECH PERSON ILL MISS YOU TOO!" (exactly 18 hours ago)
  70. Richard G Hamstring said "now to get some ap!" (17 hours and 59 minutes ago)
  71. Richard G Hamstring said "greenhx will keep an eye on things while im gone *wink*" (17 hours and 59 minutes ago)
  72. Ilean said "when you're a pk'er Hiding becomes second nature next to killing, you tend to learn where the little nooks are, and of course where on can get a revive. also: Marvin Mall, Thompson mall and Joachim mall all pk'er hotspots." (17 hours and 58 minutes ago)
  73. Ilean said "tell you what Richard. everytime you kill in a suburb, text me the location of the pk's and I'll mark them on my Malton Map so we all here can track you" (17 hours and 56 minutes ago)
  74. Ilean said "and if you want I volunteer to be your first pk, report it and everything." (17 hours and 54 minutes ago)
  75. Richard G Hamstring said "ok thank you! (this seems exiting!)" (17 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  76. Richard G Hamstring said "naw I cant kill my first crush in this game. even if *cough* nevermind" (17 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  77. Richard G Hamstring said "Crap ! I need ammo:( ill get some tomarrow but ill start killing grennhx!" (17 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  78. Ilean said "pk'ing is a whole diffrent aspect to the game. it's more dangerous then being a regular pro survivoor or pro zed because now you'll have to be very careful about where you stay and what you do. because you'll now have some people *assuming you get" (17 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  79. Richard G Hamstring said "ok ill figure it out! (so cool!)" (17 hours and 49 minutes ago)
  80. Ilean said "Noticed that is* and Finally I have a request." (17 hours and 49 minutes ago)
  81. Richard G Hamstring said "yes?" (17 hours and 49 minutes ago)
  82. Ilean said "http://www.urbandead.com/profile.cgi?id=569202 if you should ever come across him... blow his brains out." (17 hours and 48 minutes ago)
  83. Richard G Hamstring said "Will do! he is in my contacts!" (17 hours and 46 minutes ago)
  84. Richard G Hamstring said "We should have a facebook page for the devonshire building!" (17 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  85. Richard G Hamstring said "and I wont see you guys for such a long time. I'm so sad. hey Ilean how about a kiss goodbye? (ok now im just pushing it)" (17 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  86. greenhx said "WOW WHAT THE HECK DID I MISS!!!!!!!! yeah um. . .im going back to sleep. RICHARD DONT GOOOOOOOOO! cauze . . .ilz mizzz youz::[[" (17 hours and 38 minutes ago)
  87. Ilean said "yeah.. you missed a shit load Greenhx. mainly the discovery that I'm actualy a guy. though I do have to admit I'm very surprised some didn't know, I've said it dozens of times before" (17 hours and 35 minutes ago)
  88. greenhx said "Richard? . . .what about our pact!!?" (17 hours and 35 minutes ago)
  89. greenhx said "OMG shrow up in my mouth nazty!" (17 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  90. greenhx said "i meanz throw upz !!!! WTFIZZLE" (17 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  91. greenhx said "ok so what about the pact! we were going to make our own clan! just like in stick arena!!" (17 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  92. Richard G Hamstring said "its cool im comming back just email me dude and I now say that you are the air to my throne so you are now the master of the devonshire building!" (17 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  93. greenhx said "WAHH" (17 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  94. greenhx said "i'm the king? YAY ill keep the throne nice and warm 4 u when you come back! CU!!!!" (17 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  95. greenhx said "I got the greatest IDEA EVER!!!" (17 hours and 25 minutes ago)
  96. greenhx said "(*RUNS TO THe roof and waits*)" (17 hours and 25 minutes ago)
  97. greenhx said "(*then takes aim and drops a snowball on a zombie!*)lol there are three outside and a human with 2 hp left" (17 hours and 23 minutes ago)

(...)

  1. NecroTechPerson said "I'm going to help one of those zombies relaxe." (1 hour and 48 minutes ago)
  2. NecroTechPerson said "I failed. On a second note, fir trees are weapons. Wow. I smacked the zombie with it." (1 hour and 44 minutes ago)

Barack Obama (explicit content)

Month after Barack Obama has been elected US president...

  • A zombie said "Rab mah banana.!m harna.! Haz argazm. Ram banana !n azz" (11 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Barha Abama" (11 hours and 50 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Barha Abama n!gga b!g banana" (11 hours and 49 minutes ago)
  • A zombie gestured down at the ground. (11 hours and 48 minutes ago)

Bad!

  • Tenshi no Shi slapped you with a newspaper. (18 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  • Tenshi no Shi said "Bad zombie, go away!" (18 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  • Tenshi no Shi stabbed you with a knife for 2 damage. (17 hours and 15 minutes ago) ...and again. ...and again.

Act frightening!

  1. A zombie said "Mrh?" (1 hour and 52 minutes ago)
  2. A zombie said "Nah, nah, nah.... Zambahz nah gah mhrh... Zambahz gah GRRAAAAGGHHH!!" (1 hour and 51 minutes ago)

Zombie Love

St. Eusebius's Hospital in Ketchelbank, during massive zombie attack, 28th October 2008

  • Vala Maldoran said "Oi, where'd the zeds come from?!?" (3 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  • Skip O'Fooer said "Well, when a mommy zed and a daddy zed love each other very much..." (3 hours and 34 minutes ago)

Baked Potatoes and Battery Opperated Devices

Witnessed by Private Bron at Stickling Mall

girltrauma said "I think there are at least 5 taters hidden in the envoy's posterior. And at least a couple stuffed down his drawers so that it looks like he has something hangin out there. The only question is deep fry them in place, bake them in place, or extract them?" (15 hours and 41 minutes ago)

girltrauma said "I have a flamethrower ready to go, hoping BAKE is the voted upon option..." (15 hours and 40 minutes ago)

girltrauma said "StayPuff, you might want to stand clear for a moment. Unless you have chocolate and graham crackers handy..." (15 hours and 39 minutes ago)

girltrauma said "Or AA batteries.. we ladies have been a bit lonely for a while... Pickins are a bit slim. well. entirely slim. like farm aid slim." (15 hours and 34 minutes ago)

25.96 MHz: "... crossing East Grayside now, can see maybe a dozen down there ... all stragglers, no groups ... a lot of buildings with lights on ... infrastructure looks intact ... power's on at the Angerstein Building ..." (14 hours and 49 minutes ago)

newton pippin said "Double A batteries? Knowing you girls i would of thought those items would need car batteries" (12 hours and 50 minutes ago)

The Envoy said "Look, about those taters. Come on, I just got revived. As if no one in this mall never shat themselves as a result of post-rev bowel evacuation. I'll clean 'em out myself, you really ought be treating post rigor mortis fecal matter foodstuffs..." (7 hours and 15 minutes ago)

The Envoy said "I mean things aren't that bad in Malton foodwise." (7 hours and 14 minutes ago)

The Envoy said "My anal serpent onslaught is like a hydra...for each you try to light up 8 more will sprout from it's origin..." (7 hours and 10 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "Hey, this guy's funny. Why don't the ULC like you Envoy?" (7 hours and 6 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "heh, hydra-like arse eels." (7 hours and 6 minutes ago)

anonymousJohn said "Anybody hear about that kid who got decapitated at six flags over georgia? I don't have a joke for it but I was there." (exactly 7 hours ago)

a lab monkey said "how 'there ' were you? on the ride? sitting next to him? did his head land in your lap?" (6 hours and 59 minutes ago)

The Envoy broadcast "Wait Envoy giving a shout out to Ranahan from Stickling," from here, on 26.80 MHz. (5 hours and 48 minutes ago)

The Envoy broadcast "He's been kidnapped by the ULC and they're making him eat" from here, on 26.80 MHz. (5 hours and 47 minutes ago)

The Envoy broadcast "eels and pickles. Send grape soda stat." from here, on 26.80 MHz. (5 hours and 47 minutes ago)

The Envoy broadcast "And by 'grape soda' he means a roid raging gorilla" from here, on 26.80 MHz. (5 hours and 46 minutes ago)

John Lokisson said "Now monkey, you as well as anyone should know that open mockery and humiliation is no way to measure if we actually like someone or not." (5 hours and 31 minutes ago)

John Lokisson said "I just had to go off on him a bit 'cause he interrupted a rant of mine. And he made fun of my bored outta my skull actions... :(" (5 hours and 30 minutes ago)

Tad Allagash said "He came across as if he thought he was superior and made many assumptions about the kind of people we in the ULC are. Still, he grows on you. Like athlete's foot." (5 hours and 18 minutes ago)

karl kolchak said "thx for the first aid, Tad :)" (4 hours and 9 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "Very true Loki, I couldn't tell if it was hostile mockery and humiliation or just plain ULC mockery and humiliation." (3 hours and 57 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "and you're right Tad, he does have somewhat of a 'wackier-than-thou' attitude." (3 hours and 56 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "He reminds me of Leaper, but slightly funnier. I notice that Leaper is no longer active... just saying." (3 hours and 55 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "And someone asked me about the Malton Horse Porn Emporium... that is just me. I travel Malton, peddling the finest horsey jazz mags known to man. We also carry Deluxe Inflatable Ponies. They're the ones with the real hair." (3 hours and 49 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "ah Pippin, I see you're awake... amuse me." (3 hours and 49 minutes ago)

newton pippin said "Im liking you The Envoy at the moment. Have some booze from the whisky fountain. Monkey! How does one join your new group?" (3 hours and 46 minutes ago)

newton pippin said "I shall amuse you by telling you the storyu of a man with a wang so large he had to fold it in half just to get through french windows" (3 hours and 45 minutes ago)

newton pippin said "There was a man whose wang was so big he had to fold it in half just to get it through french windows" (3 hours and 42 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "ah, very good Mr. Pippin. I see you have not lost your scintillating wit in my absence." (3 hours and 33 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "To join my group, all you need do is put the Malton Horse Porn Emporium in your profile." (3 hours and 32 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "and, be prepared to flog all manner of dodgy titillation." (3 hours and 31 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "and be prepared to run like hell once they find out that all the horsey sex-toys I sell are made out of papier-mache na collapses as soon as it gets moist." (3 hours and 29 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "I keep a crack squadron of crazed clown midgets who make it for me." (3 hours and 27 minutes ago)

a lab monkey said "heh, i said crack squadron." (3 hours and 27 minutes ago)

newton pippin said "midgets and crack. mmmmmmmm" (3 hours and 2 minutes ago)

girltrauma said "I really don't need to be thinking about a midget's crack." (2 hours and 33 minutes ago)

girltrauma said "*pours an absinthe and bourbon coctail. drinks it. pours another*" (2 hours and 33 minutes ago)

girltrauma said "Hey, it's happy hour in france..." (2 hours and 32 minutes ago)

Tad Allagash said "It's always happy hour in my undercrackers. Pretty girls get in for FREE!" (27 minutes ago)

Tad Allagash said "Form an orderly queue." (26 minutes ago)

End of Speech Here

Rash Boast

Witnessed by --Saterek Dubes 04:10, 22 May 2008 (BST)

  1. Azouos Mada said "Alright You Frakkers, BRING IT !!!" (9 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  2. A zombie killed Azouos Mada. (8 hours and 44 minutes ago)

Help Yourself First

Witnessed by Kittithaj, 11 May 2008, Anne General Hospital, Dulston.

Because healing yourself doesn't give XP...

  • Tansiv said "Anybody need some first aid?" (2 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  • MauroAltieri said "Yeah, you." (2 hours and 23 minutes ago)

Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

Since your last turn:

Elessar Narmolanya healed you for 5 HP. (2 hours and 39 minutes ago)

Coamenel said "It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, a Sperm Whale had been called into existence, several miles above the surface of an alien planet and since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this innocent creature" (2 hours and 26 minutes ago)

Coamenel said "had very little time to come to terms with its identity. This is what it thought, as it fell:" (2 hours and 26 minutes ago)

Elessar Narmolanya said "Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my..." (2 hours and 22 minutes ago)

Elessar Narmolanya said "well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting." (2 hours and 21 minutes ago)

Elessar Narmolanya said "I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it!" (2 hours and 20 minutes ago)

Elessar Narmolanya said "Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground! *THUMP*" (2 hours and 19 minutes ago)

Coamenel said "Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that" (2 hours and 18 minutes ago)

Coamenel said "we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now." (2 hours and 18 minutes ago

Sing Along With Lennon

  1. John Lennon Live said "Well well, a small audience! Welcome to Club Dell, my friends! Sit back, relax, and sing along with this short medley of hits..." (15 minutes ago)
  2. John Lennon Live said "Zombie Karma's gonna get you! It's bite you in the face! Better get yourself together, rotter - join the human race!" (14 minutes ago)
  3. John Lennon Live said "Imagine there’s no zombies. It isn’t hard to do. No infection spreading, and no brain rot too. Imagine all dead guys laying on the ground. U may say I’m a Lab Tech, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll revive me, & the world will" (14 minutes ago)
  4. John Lennon Live said "I didn’t mean to DNA scan you. I’m sorry that I made you cry. I didn’t mean to revivify you. I’m just a Necrotech guy!" (14 minutes ago)
  5. John Lennon Live said "FAKs will get you through the night! ‘salright, ‘salright It’s your HP or your life! ‘salright, ‘salright" (14 minutes ago)
  6. John Lennon Live said "Power to the hambags! Power to the hambags! Power to the hambags! Power to the hambags, right on!" (14 minutes ago)
  7. John Lennon Live said "Kevan, you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be. The way things are going, they’re going to headshot me!" (13 minutes ago)
  8. John Lennon Live said "As soon as you’re spawned, on your bones will they gnaw. By giving you no time to head for the mall. ‘Til your brains do they eat, and your body will fall. A working-class zombie is something to be. A working-class zombie is something to be." (13 minutes ago)
  9. John Lennon Live said "Day after day, alone in the hall, an angry zombie is standing there ashen and tall. But nobody listens to him, or the groans he appears to make..." (13 minutes ago)
  10. John Lennon Live said "And he never speaks real clearly, but the zed with the ‘tude sees the guns coming down, and the eyes in his head stare at the backside of the ground!" (13 minutes ago)
  11. John Lennon Live said "He’s a real undead man, sitting in this quarantined land, making all his dinner plans for harmanz. Don’t have a heartbeat too, eating brains is what he’ll do, isn’t he a bit like you and me (eventually)." (13 minutes ago)
  12. John Lennon Live said "Two of us eating fingers, nibbling entrails ve-ry slow. You and me chasing harmanz, facing shotguns, on our way home. We’re on our way home! We’re going home!" (13 minutes ago)
  13. John Lennon Live said "That’s all the AP I have for today, folks. If you’re a fan, please spread the word to all your survivor friends about the show. And remember..." (12 minutes ago)
  14. John Lennon Live said "Two, one, two, three, four! Ev’rybody’s talking about Infectionism, Deadism, Bananaism, Survivorism, Pistolism, Necroism, This-ism, That-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m! All we are saying is give Zeds a chance!" (12 minutes ago)

Oh really?

  1. Asshulk said "http://www.urbandead.com/profile.cgi?id=709394 This is Asshulk" (15 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  2. Asshulk said "Rumours of my demise have been GREATLY exaggerated. I cannot die" (15 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  3. Moose Knuckle killed Asshulk. (15 hours and 20 minutes ago)

Amish Attack

Witnessed in Bale Mall (SW Corner) on 2/22/08.

  • 15242 killed Legs McGulliver. (4 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  • 15242 killed Starmoon. (4 hours and 24 minutes ago)
  • 15242 destroyed the generator. (4 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  • 15242 destroyed the radio transmitter. (4 hours and 22 minutes ago)
  • 15242 destroyed the tree. (4 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  • 15242 said "I feel like I've accomlished a lot here tonight. Support your local amish and good day." (4 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  • TomD said "aw man not the tree what a dick" (1 hour and 32 minutes ago)

Cryosleep of the dead

  1. A zombie killed anusay. (5 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  2. You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (5 hours and 26 minutes ago) ...and again. (5 hours and 24 minutes ago)
  3. A zombie killed Doctor Pdeq. (5 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  4. A zombie dragged Tiberius Gracchus out into the street. (5 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  5. A zombie killed VivianneV. (5 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  6. A zombie said "Grab arm, harm man!" (5 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  7. You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (5 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  8. A zombie killed DiegoDiego. (5 hours and 19 minutes ago)
  9. You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (5 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  10. A zombie killed Piercy. (5 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  11. You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (5 hours and 17 minutes ago)
  12. A zombie dragged Trey Gerret out into the street. (5 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  13. A zombie dragged DrunkenLink out into the street. (5 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  14. You heard a low groaning from very close by. (5 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  15. You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (5 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  16. A zombie killed Crosshead. (5 hours and 12 minutes ago)
  17. A zombie dragged aide out into the street. (5 hours and 11 minutes ago)
  18. A zombie killed DoboJabobo. (5 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  19. A zombie dragged TimG84 out into the street. (5 hours and 6 minutes ago)
  20. A zombie killed klotejef. (5 hours and 5 minutes ago)
  21. A zombie said "Harrah harmanz. B!g bazh ahz raz!n Marzan! Harh harh! Harmanz maz b. Gammag bam-mahbam, rahz, an ra!z Marzan" (5 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  22. A zombie dragged aegis de fadeopia out into the street. (5 hours and 4 minutes ago)
  23. A zombie killed XZero09. (5 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  24. A zombie said "Harmanz, mah zambah az gannah barg manbagz, an harmanz b habbah an b zambahz. BARHAH!" (5 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  25. A zombie killed Girders. (5 hours and 1 minute ago)
  26. A zombie killed Terral66. (4 hours and 58 minutes ago)
  27. A zombie said "Graagh." (4 hours and 56 minutes ago)
  28. A zombie killed Johannes de Sloper. (4 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  29. A zombie ransacked the building. (4 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  30. A zombie ruined the building. (4 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  31. A zombie said "GRAAAAAAAGH! BARHAH!" (4 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  32. A zombie said "Ang. Nah mah harmanz aga!n!" (4 hours and 17 minutes ago)
  33. Wiknetti said "wh-... WHAT THE HELL!? I WAKE UP FROM CRYO AND THERE'S F'ING ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE!?" (3 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  34. A zombie said "GRAAAGH!!!!!" (1 hour and 55 minutes ago)

Your Honor, I rest my case

  1. Rico Montoya broadcast "Cades in NE Giddings are getting hammered" from here, on 26.70 MHz. (1 hour and 44 minutes ago)
  2. Ladiesman217 broadcast "Prove it!" from here, on 26.70 MHz. (1 hour and 43 minutes ago)
  3. A zombie brought down the last of the barricades. (1 hour and 40 minutes ago)
  4. A zombie brought down the last of the barricades. (1 hour and 40 minutes ago)

Don't fix it if it ain't broke

  1. CorpseDozer destroyed the generator. (7 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  2. CorpseDozer said "I broke the generator." (7 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  3. Victor Vengeance killed CorpseDozer. (6 hours and 47 minutes ago)
  4. Victor Vengeance said "I broke CorpsDozer :)" (6 hours and 47 minutes ago)

Irony.

  1. AK Weidenfeld said "Barricades were down to loose, but I rebuilt them. Also beware of PKers flocking to tollyton. Please don't revive them." (36 minutes ago)
  2. Steve the Embittered said "Finally, someone keeping Tollyton safe from PKers. Good job, AK. We need more people like you out there." (33 minutes ago)
  3. Steve the Embittered killed AK Weidenfeld. (33 minutes ago)
  4. Steve the Embittered said "The operative words being, of course, 'out there.' " (32 minutes ago)
  5. Steve the Embittered dumped a body out of the building. (32 minutes ago)

Hopeless

  • Marionette Owl said "Indeed it has Brother Cohen. It is by God's great will that we should meet once more. Your presence is a beacon of hope for all who are virtuous." (11 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  • CorporealFluid killed Lt Bill Cohen. (2 hours and 43 minutes ago)
  • CorporealFluid said "No Hope!" (2 hours and 43 minutes ago)

Someone's bitter...

Btz said "I almost got enough XP for a skill. I almost killed the guy. But no! You just HAD to revive me! You fucking harman!" (3 hours and 36 minutes ago)

Leader of the 'Sards

Witnessed by Doc Ryleigh at Thompson Mall.

  • The 'Sard Leader said "Hi all! I'm the Leader of the 'Sards, a racist cult operating out of Frossard PD a few blocks south of here. We're taking over this mall, you all need to clear out. Now, please!" (51 minutes ago)
  • Blue Moon killed The 'Sard Leader. (33 minutes ago)

Possible Side-Effects May Include...

Witnessed by Huey P Long in Pooll Crescent Police Department, Eastonwood

  1. Dark Nurse said "Hello Mr. Long, As medical advisor for the !zanbah council it is my duty to inform you that you are opperating on a special medical license since MKII has been outlawed in the republic due to it's many inconvenient Sideeffects." (3 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  2. Dark Nurse said "These commonly include sharp pains, fatigue, nausea and breathing." (3 hours and 17 minutes ago)
  3. Dark Nurse said "If used on a regular basis it may cause loss of creativity and cognitive abilities, loss of proper self awareness and it impedes your ability to judge yourself and your situation correctly." (3 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  4. Dark Nurse said "While under it's effect you should abstain from manipulating large machinery, or hard work. Also for users with plenty of zombantigenes it is not unheard of producing hallucinations and missconceptions such as the strong belief that you are able to fly." (3 hours and 12 minutes ago)
  5. Dark Nurse said "please consult a doctor or medical personal should at any time during your speech you feel the urge to either leave the house via the roof instead of the door or to jump from a high building." (3 hours and 10 minutes ago)
  6. Dark Nurse said "the use of MKII on anyone but the license holder, in this case you, is of course strictly prohibited. Thank you for your time and patience. I will stay here to ensure medical safety." (3 hours and 8 minutes ago)

Meaning of Christmas

Witnessed by Max Simpson in Roftwood

  • A zombie tore a set of Christmas lights down. (2 days ago) ...and again.
  • A zombie destroyed the tree. (2 days ago)
  • A zombie destroyed the generator. (2 days ago)
  • A zombie tore a set of Christmas lights down. (2 days ago)
  • ikit klaw said "you bastard i'll teach you the meaning of christmas!" (2 days ago)
  • ikit klaw killed a zombie. (2 days ago)

In your face:

Witnessed by Angel Nathan Wild

  • cool nYou said: "Aaah, it's so good to be alive once again! In your face, zombies!" (9 hours and 1 minute ago)
  • cool nYou said: "Hey, WTF happened to my actionpoints? I knew I had 12 before I stood up!!!" (9 hours and 1 minute ago)
  • A zombie said: "Mrh?" (exactly 9 hours ago)
  • A zombie killed cool nYou. (8 hours and 32 minutes ago

An Exceedingly Brief Discussion on the Fine Points of Millitary Superiority

Witnessed by: Amazing Hector at St Spyridon's Hospital, August 2006

  • chaplainkroshnir said "Do not fear those stupid zombies! Zombies flee before you will die! (saving my army aps :P ) 9 soldiers are coming to kill you and secure this hospital again!" (2 hours and 1 minute ago)
  • chaplainkroshnir said "Arise, Arise firm survivers, the time to strike has come! One by one the zombies will fall! Now move out and take their pos! HOOAH!" (1 hour and 57 minutes ago)
  • A zombie killed chaplainkroshnir. (1 hour and 55 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "MHrHAHHAH" (1 hour and 54 minutes ago)

Zombies on Strike

Witnessed by Papa Schultz, a long tile ago, outside the Morrish NT Building, Pitneybank, at a crowd of 90 zombies

  1. UrgentSnail said "*walks back with body armor on* There, try to get to me now you damn mugger"
  2. UrgentSnail said "Now anyway, how are you good folks doing tonight?"
  3. UrgentSnail said "Why are you all groaning? Are you upset about something?"
  4. UrgentSnail said "Oh, I get it, you're all necrotech employees on strike! That;'s why there's a large crowd of you out here and I can't get in"
  5. UrgentSnail said "That's it, fight the power my friends. Don't let big corporations get you down! Power to the people!"
  6. UrgentSnail said "Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Necrotech has got to go"
  7. UrgentSnail said "Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Necrotech has got to go!"
  8. UrgentSnail said "*Makes anti-necrotech signs and pamphlets and gives it to the crowd* There you go, now your strike can be complete!"
  9. UrgentSnail said "Hold those signs up proudly (Hey! Stop gnawing on them) and you let the world know how you feel! Medical benefits to all! No harsh labor conditions!"
  10. UrgentSnail said "See that? Your numbers just keep on increasing! That's the spirit. Given enough time, they'll be forced to give in to your demands. All for one, and one for all!"

Church of the Resurrection Youth Group

Witnessed by Aussie Clagger May 27 2006, in the a factory in Huntley Heights (north of Parry Drive Fire Station).

Since your last turn:

  1. qy said "Hey guys ... I'm glad you could come to the Church of the Resurrection Youth Group tonight" (05-27 06:48 BST)
  2. qy said "It takes a special young person to be here ... you guys face a lot of peer pressure out there ... and just showing up here shows a great deal of character" (05-27 06:48 BST)
  3. qy said "you might hear your friends saying Sweet Zombie Jesus is stupid or Just give the MFin' zeds a headshot" (05-27 06:48 BST)
  4. qy said "but you guys know what is really cool and are down with the one true master-pimp ... the S-to-the-Z-to-the-J-zizzle" (05-27 06:49 BST)
  5. qy said "I have so much respect for you young people who are strivin' to live the unlife ... with the media just feeding you images of syringes and guns" (05-27 06:49 BST)
  6. qy said "In fact, just yesterday I met a young man who said his friend offered him a shotgun" (05-27 06:50 BST)
  7. qy said "but the young man showed his faith to his friend by saying Nah and ripping his liver out and eating it in front of him" (05-27 06:50 BST)
  8. qy said ".. that is why I like working with the young people ... your faith is so pure and innocent" (05-27 06:50 BST)
  9. qy said "here is a little rap song for you guys who know that SZJ is keepin' it real ..." (05-27 06:50 BST)
  10. qy said "Hey DJ spin that shit ..." (05-27 06:51 BST)
  11. qy said "... CotR ... world famous ... representin' in Malton ..." (05-27 06:51 BST)
  12. qy said "sinnerz be fearin' the Right" (05-27 06:52 BST)
  13. qy said "holed up tight" (05-27 06:52 BST)
  14. qy said "sweat drip drip in the night" (05-27 06:52 BST)
  15. qy said "CotR be poking on through" (05-27 06:52 BST)
  16. qy said "infecting on you" (05-27 06:52 BST)
  17. qy said "life bran' new, when ya get to ya feets" (05-27 06:53 BST)
  18. qy said "no ventricular beats" (05-27 06:53 BST)
  19. qy said "CotR be ownin' da streets" (05-27 06:53 BST)
  20. qy said "chompin' our teeths" (05-27 06:53 BST)
  21. qy said "gnawlin' ya meats" (05-27 06:53 BST)
  22. qy said "seekin' ya heats" (05-27 06:54 BST)
  23. SudsMcDuff said "Thanks, for the rap, qy. Here's mine: Shut the f*** up." (05-27 07:14 BST)
  24. SudsMcDuff killed qy. (05-27 07:15 BST)
  25. Aiden Hodder said "hahahaha, that shut him up." (05-27 07:37 BST)

Mall Policy

Witnessed by Artaxerxes Friday May 26, 2006, in Dowdney Mall.

  1. Ricky Barnes said "anybody wanna heal my ass?" (05-26 15:22 BST)
  2. Joe Shopper said "Hi Ricky. I'm sorry but the Mall's policy strictly forbids beasts of burden from being brought into the store. You'll have to take your ass outside." (05-26 16:47 BST)

Be careful what you wish for

Witnessed by various members of the DOA on May 24, 2006, in Ackland Mall.

  1. Harvey Carlson said "3 zombies??? that's all you've got! I dare you to kill me!" (05-24 18:29 BST)
  2. A zombie killed Harvey Carlson. (05-24 18:30 BST)

Spontaneous Poetry Serenade in the Aquarium

Witnessed by Zombie Prairie Dog May 22, 2006, at the Malton Zoo.

  1. Zero Whipple said "Hello, fellows! I'm back again. How about a poetry reading?" (05-22 16:06 BST)
  2. Zero Whipple said "Is it like this // In death's other kingdom // Waking alone // At the hour when we are // Trembling with tenderness // Lips that would kiss // Form prayers to broken stone." (05-22 16:06 BST)
  3. Zero Whipple said "They told me Heraclitus, they told me you were dead." (05-22 16:07 BST)
  4. Zero Whipple said "The brisk fond lackey to fetch and carry, // The true, sick-hearted slave, // Expect him not in the just city // And free land of the grave." (05-22 16:08 BST)
  5. Zero Whipple said "If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, // Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, // Or being hated, don't give way to hating, // And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:" (05-22 16:08 BST)
  6. Zero Whipple said "The body of my brother's son // Stood by me, knee to knee: // The body and I pulled at one rope, // But he said nought to me." (05-22 16:09 BST)
  7. Zero Whipple said "Do not stand at my grave and forever weep. // I am not there; I do not sleep." (05-22 16:09 BST)
  8. Zero Whipple said "**bows** I leave you to your day." (05-22 16:10 BST)

Ode to a Good Cup of Coffee

  1. Astram Loccasin said "Y'know, it's on days like these I wish I could live forever. Rain is falling, making everything seem fresh and new. No decomposing corpses in the gutters and the fog makes all things have a magical quality to them..." (05-20 06:20 BST)
  2. Astram Loccasin said "And the silence. Nothing but the calming sound of falling rain, dripping from your nose and down on the barricades. Every breath you take feels like amillion bucks. I say God damn, it's good to be alive!" (05-20 06:22 BST)
  3. Astram Loccasin said "All I need to make this day perfect is a cup of good ole java. Coffee's getting hard to come by these days. I wish they would drop some more of them supply crates with nothing but coffee in 'em. That, and some marshmallows to keep the munchies at bay..." (05-20 06:24 BST)

Freudian Slip

Witnessed by SweetIrony Saturday May 13, 2006, in Grigg Heights.

  1. DeadCattle said "bzerker the brainrotter is at Riddles Place if any of y'all want to blow him." (05-13 04:02 BST)
  2. DeadCattle said "Away. Blow him away." (05-13 04:03 BST)

Padre Romero's Sermon

Witnessed by Artaxerxes Sunday May 7, 2006, in Dowdney Mall.

  1. Padre Romero said "They came to hear him, and to be healed of their diseases; and even those who were tormented by unclean spirits were cured. Everyone in the crowd sought to touch him because power came forth from him and healed them all" (05-07 01:55 BST)
  2. Padre Romero said "And raising his eyes toward his disciples, he said:" (05-07 01:56 BST)
  3. Padre Romero said "Blessed are you who are low on ammo, for the kingdom of god is yours...blessed are you who are now infected, for you will be healed...blessed are you who are now weeping, for you will laugh..." (05-07 01:57 BST)
  4. Padre Romero said "blessed are you who have been PKed, and those excluded and barricaded out, and those denounced as noobs, Rejoice and leap for joy on that day!" (05-07 01:58 BST)
  5. Padre Romero said "Behold! your reward will be great, for the more experienced players were once treated the same way...but woe to you who are griefers" (05-07 01:59 BST)
  6. Padre Romero said "for you have recieved your consolation, but woe to you who PK now, for you will be Pked" (05-07 02:00 BST)
  7. Padre Romero said "Woe to you who destroy generators now, for you will walk forever in darkness" (05-07 02:00 BST)
  8. Padre Romero said "But to you who hear, I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you...it really pisses them off." (05-07 02:01 BST)
  9. Padre Romero said "To the PKer who shoots you in the back, offer your front as well...to the person who steals you kill, do not withhold even another..." (05-07 02:02 BST)
  10. Padre Romero said "Supply Ammo to everyone who asks, and from the one who takes fuel cans from you, do not demand it back" (05-07 02:04 BST)
  11. Padre Romero said "Do unto others as you would have them do to you" (05-07 02:05 BST)
  12. Padre Romero said "but most importantly...maintian the barricades and kick serious ass!!!" (05-07 02:06 BST)
  13. Padre Romero said "that is all" (05-07 02:06 BST)

The Kennedy's death mystery solved

Witnessed by Katie Stapleton on Apr 25, 2006 in Marcus General Hospital, Tollyton

  1. wakdjunkaga said "yeah, I did it!" (04-25 16:51 BST)
  2. wakdjunkaga killed President Kennedy. (04-25 16:51 BST)

Bedtime Story

Told to NinjaZero in Osmondville in the Pimm building by Linea Aspera on April 19th

  1. Linea Aspera said "*gives NinjaZero an affectionate pat* Sorry, kid. No needles on me. And I'll just assume that, uh, you accidentally hit me. But only because I like you." (04-19 04:04 BST)
  2. Linea Aspera said "And because that mean man, Magnus Akureyri, killed you. *sad smile*" (04-19 04:04 BST)
  3. Linea Aspera said "I'm going to, um, go to sleep over... here... *edges away toward the nearest wall and lays down a counter* Hopefully you won't get any over-zombish ideas in the meantime." (04-19 04:05 BST)
  4. Linea Aspera said "But, I'll read you a bedtime story, if you like..." (04-19 04:08 BST)
  5. Linea Aspera said "A great king of a land far away in Lamport Hills had a daughter who was very beautiful, but so proud, haughty and conceited, that none of the princes who came to ask for her hand in marriage was good enough for her. All she ever did was make fun of them." (04-19 04:11 BST)
  6. Linea Aspera said "Once upon a time the king held a great feast and invited all her suitors. They all sat in a row, ranged according to their rank -- NTs and trenchcoaters and doctors and firemen and scouts." (04-19 04:12 BST)
  7. Linea Aspera said "When the princess came in, as she passed by them, she had something spiteful to say to each one." (04-19 04:13 BST)
  8. Linea Aspera said "But the old king was very angry when he saw how his daughter behaved and how badly she treated all his guests. He vowed that, willing or unwilling, she would marry the first man that came to the door." (04-19 04:13 BST)
  9. Linea Aspera said "Two days later a travelling zombie shambled by the mansion. He began to groan under the window and begged for brains and when the king heard him, he said, 'Let him come in.'" (04-19 04:13 BST)
  10. Linea Aspera said "So, they brought the dirty-looking fellow in and, when he had square danced before the king and the princess, he begged for a meal. The king said, 'You have danced so well that I will give you my daughter to take as your wife.'" (04-19 04:13 BST)
  11. Linea Aspera said "The princess begged and prayed; but the king said, 'I have sworn to give you to the first man who came to the door, and I will keep my word.' Words and tears were to no avail; the parson was sent for, and she was married to the zombie." (04-19 04:14 BST)
  12. Linea Aspera said "And on their wedding night, he devoured her, brains and all." (04-19 04:14 BST)
  13. Linea Aspera said "And they lived undead happily ever after." (04-19 04:14 BST)
  14. Linea Aspera said "The end. *yawns, stretches, rolls over, and goes to sleep*" (04-19 04:14 BST)

Traci Whipple's Poetry

Witnessed by Katie Stapleton Apr 4 2006, in the Wadham Library in Roftwood.

  1. Scathein said "very nice poetry, Mr. Whipple" (04-03 20:03 BST)
  2. A flare was fired 5 blocks to the west and 1 block to the south. (04-03 21:10 BST)
  3. Zero Whipple said "Ahem! *Ms.* Whipple. But it's not really easy to tell, eh, me being so skinny and in this baggy sweatshirt! Heh heh..." (04-03 22:39 BST)
  4. A flare was fired 13 blocks to the east and 11 blocks to the south. (04-03 22:40 BST)
  5. A flare was fired 1 block to the west and 8 blocks to the south. (04-03 23:01 BST)
  6. Zero Whipple said "But you know, I've never been that adverse to wearing men's clothing." (04-03 23:04 BST)
  7. Zero Whipple said "I've done it before. I remember, before the outbreak, I'd sometimes put on some of my older brother's shirts and trousers from when he was smaller and wander about." (04-03 23:18 BST)
  8. Zero Whipple said "I've got the underweight build to pull that off, you see. Just look like a very skinny boy with pink hair. I even got a phone number from another girl once!" (04-03 23:28 BST)
  9. Zero Whipple said "Of course, I had to tell her I was female. I wouldn't have minded that she was a she, you see, but I couldn't mislead someone like that. But then she told me that she wouldn't mind either, and so we got back to her flat, and..." (04-03 23:57 BST)
  10. Zero Whipple said "**checks** Oh! Looks like it's time for more poetry!" (04-03 23:58 BST)
  11. Zero Whipple said "If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew // To serve your turn long after they are gone, // And so hold on when there is nothing in you // Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'" (04-03 23:59 BST)
  12. Zero Whipple said "If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, // Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, // Or being hated, don't give way to hating, // Aand yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise." (04-03 23:59 BST)
  13. Zero Whipple said "Shape without form, shade without colour, // Paralysed force, gesture without motion;" (04-04 00:00 BST)
  14. Zero Whipple said "Long since had the dead become untroubled in the light soil." (04-04 00:00 BST)
  15. EmanuelLoco said "Thank you for healing me" (04-04 01:36 BST)
  16. MindSnap said "I might stay here just for the poetry..." (04-04 03:06 BST)
  17. Zero Whipple said "Please do! I always like those with appreciation for art." (04-04 03:45 BST)
  18. Zero Whipple said "But you know, poetry doesn't have to be read aloud. If you have somewhere to be, you can take a poetry book out of this library and read some yourself!" (04-04 03:46 BST)
  19. Zero Whipple said "In this last of meeting places // We grope together // And avoid speech." (04-04 03:46 BST)
  20. Zero Whipple said "A crowd flowed over London Bridge, so many, // I had not thought death had undone so many." (04-04 03:47 BST)
  21. Zero Whipple said "Do not stand at my grave and forever weep. // I am not there; I do not sleep." (04-04 03:47 BST)
  22. Zero Whipple said "Is it like this // In death's other kingdom // Waking alone // At the hour when we are // Trembling with tenderness // Lips that would kiss // Form prayers to broken stone." (04-04 03:48 BST)
  23. A flare was fired 11 blocks to the west. (04-04 10:19 BST)
  24. A flare was fired 9 blocks to the east and 9 blocks to the south. (04-04 12:25 BST)
  25. Zero Whipple said "My, it's getting somewhat difficult to see - those barricades are built up so high, the sunlight isn't getting in. A little difficult to read the pages..." (04-04 19:19 BST)
  26. Zero Whipple said "My ears mist // And my ears desist, // And my nose colds // And my tongue folds, // And my cheecks crack // And my lips black // And my mouth grins // And my spit runs." (04-04 19:24 BST)

A Bum Show/Monty Python's Holy Grail

Witnessed by Julie Newman 1 Apr 2006, outside the Nichols Mall in Stanbury Village.

  1. Star Chelsea said "*Star Chelsea drops pants to ankles and shows his ass* -Bite my trimmed, toned, tattooed ass you brainrotters!! What a sorry lot of zombies this is!!" (04-01 18:16 BST)
  2. pinky perkins said "Hey you zombies!! Check out my big fat ass!!! ** drops pants to reveal ceremonial mooning party shorts and waves large behind at the assembled horde **" (04-01 18:16 BST)
  3. Star Chelsea said "Didn’t you hear what I said? Bite my smooth, shaved, shiny ass you pathetic loosers!!" (04-01 18:17 BST)
  4. Star Chelsea said "You don't frighten us, Zombie pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called killer-zombie, you and all your silly Zombie kaniggets. Thppppt!" (04-01 18:17 BST)
  5. Star Chelsea said "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of eldeberries." (04-01 18:17 BST)
  6. Star Chelsea said "No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!" (04-01 18:18 BST)
  7. Star Chelsea said "Bravely bold Sir Chelsea, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, o Chelsea Sir Chelsea. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Chelsea!" (04-01 18:18 BST)
  8. Star Chelsea said "He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Chelsea!" (04-01 18:18 BST)
  9. Star Chelsea said "His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged, And his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off, And his penis--" (04-01 18:18 BST)
  10. Star Chelsea said "That's -- that's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads." (04-01 18:18 BST)
  11. P Nissy said "Attention zombies, I hereby declare this Flash Bumming Day ** pulls down trousers and allyou can see is a big spotty bum **" (04-01 18:19 BST)
  12. Lanista said "*Lanista drops pants to ankles, grabs ass-cheeks and wiggles them toward the Zombie horde* Kiss my ass, suckers!" (04-01 18:20 BST)
  13. Dr Nick Riviera said "Dr Nick whips off his trousers in one quick move to reveal piss off zombies crudely written on his arse in magic marker" (04-01 18:20 BST)
  14. Lanista said "Every single zombie in this Crowd was born on [58,26] !!" (04-01 18:21 BST)
  15. Dr Nick Riviera said "be careful fellas...I've seen these zombies looking at each others arses when they're not eating brains...I think we've found a gaggle of gay zombies" (04-01 18:22 BST)
  16. Lanista said "They must be gay for sure, look at the stupid one in the back" (04-01 18:23 BST)
  17. Lanista said "*Lanista drops pants and shows arse* Kiss this" (04-01 18:29 BST)
  18. dethtech extracted a DNA sample from you. (04-01 18:29 BST)
  19. Lanista said "Has anyone seen my pants?" (04-01 18:33 BST)
  20. WS Darley said "Take this, Zombie scum! *Drops pants, flashes bum.*" (04-01 18:35 BST)
  21. Brain Fodder said "Hey stinkers get a load of this! *pulls down finest silk boxers hand woven by chinese virgins to reveal arse caked in brown matted crusty hairs* Take a bite!" (04-01 18:38 BST)
  22. Master Biter said "*Yanks down filthy brown, yellow and cream stained white chinos. Bares ass to horde and lets rip with a mighty thunderclap of gas* April fool suckas!" (04-01 18:40 BST)
  23. Eugene Skinner said "Welcome to the latest weapon against zombie hordes. *Flashes a surprisingly hairy ass at you.*" (04-01 18:42 BST)
  24. You heard a loud and distant groaning 5 blocks to the west and 6 blocks to the south. (04-01 18:42 BST)
  25. Star Chelsea said "*Star drops pants again, showing his private parts, some parts are smeared with mustard* -Anyone hungry?" (04-01 18:47 BST)
  26. Star Chelsea said "Zombies are so cute and cuddly, I could play with them all day long!!" (04-01 18:48 BST)
  27. Star Chelsea said "Happy April Fools Day and Flash Bumming Day!!" (04-01 18:49 BST)
  28. Star Chelsea said "Joekamo, it was really unpolite to bite me. Afterall I never bit you. By the way, you should really see a dentist about your dental problems." (04-01 18:51 BST)
  29. A zombie said "Hrh rrh m hra!" (04-01 19:02 BST)
  30. A zombie said "Rmbarh" (04-01 19:11 BST)

The Death of Milla Jovovich

As observed by :Nigel ZedSlayer 9 Mar 2006

  1. Widespread Panic said "Milla Jovovich, I sentence you to Death for not being naked like in all of your movies." (03-09 04:00 GMT)
  2. Widespread Panic killed Milla Jovovich. (03-09 04:01 GMT)


Zombie Jesus Returns!

As heard by :Astram Loccasin 04:43, 27 Jan 2006 (GMT)

  1. ZombieBabyJesus said "Ladies and gentlemen back to preach by popular demand, its zombie baby jesus" (01-27 03:11 GMT)
  2. ZombieBabyJesus said "No ZOMG ITS A ZOMBIE SPY. I, the messiah, have returned because apparently you all love to here it, cuase you keep bringing me back" (01-27 03:11 GMT)
  3. ZombieBabyJesus said "You see my friends, even now my brethren who have embraced my fathers next planned step for your kind, and in a way our kind, are trying to enter here to spread the good word with me" (01-27 03:12 GMT)
  4. ZombieBabyJesus said "Now I know its difficult for you to understand, for your human minds have not moved up to the level of the zombie mind. But Zombiedom is the true course of the future, and is infact my fathers plan for all of us. You, me, the large crowd gathered outside." (01-27 03:12 GMT)
  5. ZombieBabyJesus said "Your all probably thinking right now. What makes zombies better then humans?" (01-27 03:13 GMT)
  6. ZombieBabyJesus said "Ill tell you my children. Zombies act without the sins that haunt mankind." (01-27 03:13 GMT)
  7. ZombieBabyJesus said "Look at your commandments, humans kill each other, humans lie cheat and steal, for what is your searching but glorified looting? Im sure somewhere even know you are using the lords name in vein" (01-27 03:14 GMT)
  8. ZombieBabyJesus said "Now you may say, But Jesus, Zombies kill to. Zombies do not kill each other though child. Just as you would kill the deer or the cow to eat and survive so the zombies must kill the humans. This is not against gods will or his comandments." (01-27 03:14 GMT)
  9. ZombieBabyJesus said "Surely children you all wish to pass on to heaven with me,
  10. ZombieBabyJesus. But if you deny the true path of zombiedom then you condem yourself to an eternity with the ZombieDevil." (01-27 03:15 GMT)
  11. ZombieBabyJesus said "And so follow me into the light, all that dare. You need but step outside, find my followers and say I ACCEPT ZOMBIEBABYJESUS AND ALL HIS LOVE AND GLORY. They will then baptis you in the usual. The pain is the inpurity leaving your souls." (01-27 03:15 GMT)
  12. ZombieBabyJesus said "Now i will violate my normal procedure of leaving to continue to spread the gospel to instead remain and take questions. Go ahead ask away, which of you wish to become my disciples" (01-27 03:16 GMT)
  13. Hexedian said "Put a cork on it, lunatic, no one is willing to die for your dellusions." (01-27 03:40 GMT)
  14. ZombieBabyJesus said "Excuse me sir. You will not talk to the messiah that way. If you do not accept my fathers path for this world so be it, your time will come, but we will at least be civil about it" (01-27 03:43 GMT)
  15. ZombieBabyJesus said "You see children, Zombies would never speak to each other like this, this a concept unique to humans." (01-27 03:44 GMT)
  16. ZombieBabyJesus said "I see you have no wish to debate this issue with me my child. These people deserve to hear your arguements and make thier own decisions about which is the true path as decided by my all knowing father" (01-27 03:48 GMT)
  17. Hexedian said "Ho, I would love to have a good-faithed argument with an intelligent person, but I don't believe you are either of those. Were this better times, you would get the psychological treatment you deserve." (01-27 03:52 GMT)
  18. Hexedian said "Unfortunately, the zombie invasion has stripped us of the power to cure you. See what your so-called brethen have done to you?" (01-27 03:52 GMT)
  19. ZombieBabyJesus said "I have shour people wn my breathren the light, the true path, they have done nothing to me. It was your people that returned me to this state. And am i crazy for knowing the truth, i have seen the light while you wander in the shadows." (01-27 03:57 GMT)
  20. ZombieBabyJesus said "One needs but look to the Allagory of the Cave to see the plan for this very moment. To sum it up 3 men are confined in a cave seeing only shadows believing them to be all that exists, 1 escapes and sees the world in all its true glory, when he returns" (01-27 03:59 GMT)
  21. ZombieBabyJesus said "when he reutrns he is killed by the other 2, for they were not ready to accept what he had seen. You see they had lived in the shadows so long as to accept them as the only thing in existance, and to hear of others was incomprehensible to them" (01-27 04:01 GMT)
  22. Hexedian said "Any reasonable person would agree that we are in an impasse, for neither of us can provide a proof of our opinions. However, the democratic majority will probably agree with me : Shut up and leave, we don't like you." (01-27 04:07 GMT)
  23. ZombieBabyJesus said "Ah my poor misguided child, i do not spy, for that is a form of human imperfection, and this is my first visit to Darvall Heights, with the exception of one other trip in my true form to visit an old friend." (01-27 04:07 GMT)
  24. ZombieBabyJesus said "Ah but moments ago I was no match for you superior intelligence. Now you have accomplished nothing with that hubris but to make a fool of yourself. Perhaps you have done me some good there, for who like working with a fool eh? They cause only trouble" (01-27 04:10 GMT)
  25. Hexedian said "Heh, I guess we're on different opinions here; I think I can argue with you just fine, but I'd rather just ask you to leave, because I know your kind does not listen to reason. I simply do not want to waste any more time on you." (01-27 04:14 GMT)
  26. ZombieBabyJesus said "I see so, knowing that you are defeated you offer me a draw when i could surly go for a victory. Fortunatly I am the forgiving type and i will let this arguement die down. For tis late and I grow hungry and weary, but I shall not leave now pass the EZ-mac" (01-27 04:20 GMT)

The Ghost of Richard Pryor?

As heard by :Astram Loccasin 12:33, 22 Jan 2006 (GMT)

  1. Richard Pryor said "Good evening everyone and welcome to Julie General. I ain't really dead. Honest. I know y'all read the headlines COMEDY GENIUS RICHARD PRYOR DIES. It did say GENIUS, right?" (01-08 03:45 GMT)
  2. Richard Pryor said "But now, ain't that the same paper said WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION FOUND IN IRAQ? Yeah that's what I thought." (01-08 03:45 GMT)
  3. Richard Pryor said "But it ain't they fault. Ain't the newspaper fault this time. My agent, Sid, when Sid told me about the Malton tour, I said 'DAMN! I MUST be dead!'" (01-08 03:46 GMT)
  4. Richard Pryor said "Seriously, I wasn't dead BEFORE I got to Malton. Now I have been dead once since I been here. I tell you what, gettin eat up by zombies is about the closest thing I've had to sex since I got here!" (01-08 03:47 GMT)
  5. Richard Pryor said "An I don't know what the HELL kind of acid they got in those revive syringes, but I have NOT had a trip like that since about 1965. Y'all know what I mean." (01-08 03:48 GMT)
  6. Richard Pryor said "How many zombies we got in the crowd tonight, gimme a show of hands ....... hold on! that don't mean throw your hands up here at me!" (01-08 03:49 GMT)
  7. Richard Pryor said "Hey jugjug, cut that shit out! man that hurts!" (01-08 03:50 GMT)
  8. Richard Pryor said "Okay that's somethin you zombies can answer for me ......... why you got to take everthing so damn literal?" (01-08 03:51 GMT)
  9. Rottem Banana said "GBHRnHG aHGHGaZZBG rARZZharGB BZrRAHRrh, HGhHArHARZ hra gMNARHGZZh HGhaHG aMNMNHRZMRZ hARm HGHR abRZHRrb GBamagHA RZARnZZHA hHARZ HRnMNARnHA" (01-08 03:51 GMT)
  10. Richard Pryor said "One thing you NEVER want to say to a zombie...'Hey man, where can a brutha get a piece of ass.' No shit, man, Mofo tried to give me a piece of my OWN ass!" (01-08 03:51 GMT)
  11. Richard Pryor said "Light rum, triple sec, creme de almond, 151 rum, orange juice...how many y'all know what that is? That's right, it's what you get when you walk into any bar in L.A. and say 'make me a zombie.'" (01-08 03:52 GMT)
  12. Richard Pryor said "Try that in Malton....................... ............................. ..............get a damn double barrel shotgun up in your face!" (01-08 03:52 GMT)
  13. Richard Pryor said "Zombie walks into a BARHAH..." (01-08 03:53 GMT)
  14. Richard Pryor said "No, seriously, I'm sittin there havin a...a ZOMBIE...no shit, and in walks a zombie, an actual zombie. Bartender says 'hey we got a drink named after you, this guy's havin one right now.'" (01-08 03:53 GMT)
  15. Richard Pryor said "Zombie raises his eyebrow...no, really, he had it in his left hand...he raised it up like this. Looks at me kinda sideways, you know, like this. .................. Says 'you are drinking a Rottem Banana?'" (01-08 03:54 GMT)
  16. Richard Pryor said "They got movies here in Malton, I seen the movie theaters. I asked Sid, Sid my agent you know, I asked him if zombies go to the movies. 'Sure,' he say. 'Zombies love movies, they love the popcorn, the whole movie experience.'" (01-08 03:54 GMT)
  17. Rottem Banana said "Ana ham" (01-08 03:55 GMT)
  18. Richard Pryor said "That's how Sid talk, he talk like a white man you know. I ask him, 'do they eat popcorn with they fingers?' Sid thought a minute .................. 'no,' he said, 'they almost always eat their fingers separately.'" (01-08 03:55 GMT)
  19. Richard Pryor said "Sid. He a funny little man. Well not so much funny as stupid. Zombies, they leave Sid alone. Sid so stupid the damn zombies turn up they nose at his brain." (01-08 03:56 GMT)
  20. You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (01-08 03:56 GMT)
  21. Richard Pryor said "Yeah, he so stupid, he the first man alive to get Brain Rot." (01-08 03:57 GMT)
  22. Richard Pryor said "Today he told me, 'Richard,' I don't let him call me Dick. 'Richard,' he say, 'couldn't you try to tell jokes that don't remind these people that they are in the middle of a massive zombie invasion?' See there, like I told you, Sid one stupid mofo." (01-08 03:57 GMT)
  23. juju bees said "Z!HH, HAR HAR HAR.... R!zarh Brahrh harh harh harman." (01-08 03:57 GMT)
  24. Richard Pryor said "I say, 'you think maybe they FORGOT?'" (01-08 03:58 GMT)
  25. Richard Pryor said "Yeah, Mr. Banana here just invited me out for a bite." (01-08 03:59 GMT)
  26. Richard Pryor said "Who thinks I ought to go? Come on, let's see those hands ....." (01-08 03:59 GMT)
  27. Richard Pryor said "This afternoon I saw a little zombie girl standin on the corner with her zombie mom. I said 'ain't she a cutie.' Zombie mom says, 'Yes she is. She has her father's eyes.'" (01-08 04:00 GMT)
  28. Richard Pryor said "'An I'm gone whup her upside the head in about two seconds if she don't give 'em back!'" (01-08 04:00 GMT)
  29. Richard Pryor said "Seriously though, Zombie children...how you zombies deal with 'em? First place, how you gonna put a damn zombie baby to sleep? I asked zombie mom about that........." (01-08 04:02 GMT)
  30. Richard Pryor said "...she say, 'well first, you gonna need to get you a goddamned flamethrower...'" (01-08 04:02 GMT)
  31. spooflarn said "That's it Richard, I'm treporting you to the ACT! *Nobody*, alive *or* dead, should have to take this stand-up lying down!" (01-08 04:04 GMT)
  32. Richard Pryor said "Thank you all very much, y'all been about the best audience I had since I got to this town, that ain't no shit." (01-08 04:04 GMT)
  33. Richard Pryor said "I know some a y'all on the all-brain diet already, I got just one thing to say to y'all ...." (01-08 04:05 GMT)
  34. Richard Pryor said "PEACE AND HARMONY not PIECE OF HARMANZ! ..... Good night everbody!" (01-08 04:06 GMT)

The First Zombie Orchestra

As performed in the Whippey Building [53, 22]. The audience consisted of approximately 200 humans. Performance recorded by Mark D. Stroyer.

  • A zombie said "Ahn Nah hra gargh abbah Bra!nz" (46 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Zarang man braanz arrh naaz!" (46 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Bra!nz arh babbah babbah mmmm..." (45 minutes ago)
  • Tugbottom killed a zombie. (45 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Bra!nz marhg zambahz gah mmmm...." (45 minutes ago)
  • You heard a loud groaning from very close by. (45 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Harman bra!nz marhg zahbahz gah mmmm... Mmmm.." (45 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Gabahmahn." (44 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Braz brammag, ahn ah zazza graz gah garrah ahn gabbah ahn ah grab" (44 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Zambah zambah ARG ARG ARG!" (44 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Ahm mammza ahn ah barragagaz, ahn ah mamz rahz ahbgrab." (44 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Baraha ah Gabahmahn, mah zahmbah! Ah gaba ah brag, ah grabba ah grab!" (43 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Baraha hra gahgahbargam, ahn rahn ah haramanaz bamaznahg!" (43 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Zahmbah Z!ng!ng" (43 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Hara Grh!zna, Hara Grh!zna, Hara Hara Grh!zna!" (42 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "Dont talk with your mouth full!" (42 minutes ago)
  • DocHolydai said "Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna" (42 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Ah Zahmbah, Z!ng!ng, Garg, Ghambrahahm, ---, Ah Zahmbah, Z!ng!ng, Garg, Ghambrahahm" (41 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Hara Rama, Hara Rama, Rama Rama, Hara Hara. Hara Grh!zna, Hara Grh!zna, Grh!zna Grh!zna, Hara Hara." (41 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "rama lama ding dong" (41 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Harmanz, Z!ng ah Zahmbahz!" (41 minutes ago)
  • DocHolydai said "Maltons First Zombie Orchestra at Whippey, tickets please" (41 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "lol a zombie hari krishna, classic" (40 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Ah Zahmbah, Z!ng!ng, Garg, Ghambrahahm, ---, Mah Garg, Ghambrahahm" (40 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "/me claps, /me reaches for shotty" (40 minutes ago)
  • HereticSoul said "Take down Mall Tour '07, blah blah... join the Malton Riot Squad" (39 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz killed a zombie. (39 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Ah Zahmbah harharh, Garg, Ghambrahahm, ---, Ah Zahmbah harharh, Garg, Ghambrahahm" (39 minutes ago)
  • al ducky killed a zombie. (39 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Ah Zahmbah harharh, Garg, Ghambrahahm, ---, Mah Garg, Ghambrahahm" (39 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "hes not singing anymore! hes not singing anymore!" (39 minutes ago)
  • al ducky killed a zombie. (38 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Nah Harm Z!ng!ng Zahmbah!" (38 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Bah bah bah, bah bah baram" (38 minutes ago)
  • DocHolydai said "toreador do you want a human voice? you could improve your tremolo..." (38 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "seems to shame to kill toreador, hes given me first belly laff playin this game" (37 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Zahmbahz bahbah annah" (37 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "The word toreador is used in English to designate the main performer of ... It has been said that the hispanesque word toreador was created by the French ..." (36 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Bra!z Zambah G-Zaz, Zambah G-ZAZ," (36 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "bad baaad copy and paste" (35 minutes ago)
  • Zombie slay3r killed a zombie. (35 minutes ago)
  • DocHolydai said "Ah, Bravo! Toro! Toreador!" (35 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Baarh ahn brahnz, Zarbrahahz, Zhamaamba, Hara Rama," (35 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "The word toreador is used in English to designate the main performer of Spanish-style bullfighting, who taunts and kills the bull. This word, which roughly translates as bull handler, is not used in Spain or Latin America, where that role is called" (35 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "matador (killer) or torero." (35 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Hara Grh!zna, Hara Grh!zna, Hara Hara Grh!zna!" (35 minutes ago)
  • A zombie said "Ahh Zambahz habbah, Ahz nah bam Harmanz" (34 minutes ago)
  • Gritz McBlitz said "can u sing an MC hammer song next?" (34 minutes ago)
  • Zombie slay3r said "Do you want to be revived zombie?" (33 minutes ago)
  • Zombie slay3r revivified a zombie. (33 minutes ago)
  • DocHolydai said "i wish i could stay for the performance but i have an appointment at the library, can someone please write a review of these events and post them on the wiki?" (32 minutes ago)


Add New Speeches Here

Please place your new funny speeches below this header and they will be voted on once we get a few candidates, this is to avoid cluttering up the page like it was before clean-up. If you do not put it under this header it will be unceremoniously deleted off the page.

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