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= Malton Observer: September 21st, 2008 =
= Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009 =
 
The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:
*'''eBay''' - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
*'''Brute''' - How else will you learn?
*'''MEMS''' - We need more people to give a FAK
 
{|border="1"
{|border="1"
|-
|-
|[[#News at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|[[#The Last Several Months at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|-
|-
|[[#Literary Review: The Manifesto|Literary Review: The Manifesto]]
|[[#Letter from the Editor|Letter from the Editor]]
|-
|-
|[[#The Malton Uprising: Timeline|The Malton Uprising: Timeline]]
|[[#Interview with Al Bundy|An Interview with Al Bundy]]
|-
|-
|[[#The Malton Uprising: A Semi-Objective Summary|The Malton Uprising: A Semi-Objective Summary]]
|[[#Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate|The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy]]
|-
|[[#Trenchipendence Day|Trenchipendence Day]]
|-
|[[#Whatever That Means!|Whatever That Means! (Q&A)]]
|-
|-
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|}
|}


== News at a Glance ==
== The Last Several Months at a Glance ==
*'''Malton Block Party begins''' - 90% of Malton Observer staff take vacation.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[AZS]]''' - DEM to send aid to allies.
*'''Ashate is always right''' - It shouldn't even be in question by now.
*'''DORIS Ends War on [[AZS]]''' - That kind of sucked.
*'''The Malton Uprising Update''' - Many suburbs liberated of all DEM members. (And all the other survivors, too.)
*'''[[PKA]] Disbands''' - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
*'''"Spore" released''' - Active UD accounts take another dive.
*'''Labine50 Retires from DEM''' - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I ''know'' this is joke."
*'''<title>''' - <humorous text>
*'''John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief''' - It was nice working with you.
*'''''Kali'' on Manifesto''' - "Not Rape" ''[[#Literary Review: The Manifesto|Read more]]''
*'''McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief''' - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
*'''Urban Dead Dead?''' - Several plays unable to connect.
*'''Urban Dead Back Up''' - Take that, real life.
*'''Fort Perryn To Be Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
*'''Fort Perryn Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
*'''Fort Perryn Falls''' - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
*'''Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return''' - Not this again...
*'''The Blackmore Building retaken!''' - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
*'''The Blackmore Building falls!''' - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
*'''Tom Chardon Steps Down''' - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
*'''First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue''' - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[TZH]]''' - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
*'''DORIS Forgets About War on [[TZH]]''' - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Banned''' - ...wait, what?
*'''Sonny Banned''' - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned''' - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
*'''DEM to Discuss Reforms''' - Cool sigbars for all!
*'''McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief''' - Good luck out there!
*'''Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief''' - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
*'''Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections''' - Voter turnout expected to be low.
*'''The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue''' - No, seriously.
*'''Brainstock Moves''' - [http://s1.zetaboards.com/brainstock/index/ Update those URLs!]
*'''Sonny Not Banned''' - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.


== Letter from the Editor ==
== Letter from the Editor ==
Welcome to a special edition of The Malton Observer! You'll likely notice that most of the writing staff didn't contribute. This is mostly my fault; RL has been hectic and only one person wrote anything without me reminding them of the next due-date.
...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!
 
Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)
 
On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -'''Labine50'''
 
== Interview with Al Bundy ==
'''Malton Observer: What's your character name?'''
 
''Al Bundy: Al Bundy.''
 
'''MO: Time in the UD?'''
 
''AB: A few days''


In any case, I hope they all enjoy the vacation, and I hope you enjoy reading content from two new contributors, Father R. Thompson and William Told!
'''MO: Your history here; some information of your character.'''


Be sure to check out the Malton Block Party,
''AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman''
-'''Labine50'''


== Literary Review: The Manifesto ==
'''MO: What about "No Ma'am"?'''
Since its liberation on August 31, 2008 at 6:00 pm, the Manifesto of the Malton Uprising has drawn harsh criticism from many in Malton. One incredibly handsome and charming critic went so far as to publicly say, "[The Manifesto] raped the English language, even without the [horrendous] typos." Several Maltonians, including notable murderers, complained that the document was rife with typos, misused words repeatedly, and had far too many metaphors. Oxymoronic lines such as, "We are the silent majority. We are those which have no superiority in numbers, no reinforcements, no armies at our backs," left this critic wondering whether or not the writer of the Manifesto, the enigmatic Mr. Strange, had any idea what some of the trite phrases that plagued the document actually meant.


The title under which the document was initially posted, "Liberación de Manifesto," drew fire from speakers of multiple languages. Some of the multilingual concerns were addressed later via Philosophe Knight Doctor Tom's revisions (which included many spelling and grammar corrections) and Father Thompson’s revising the title to read, "Manifesto de Liberación," at the request of Mr. Strange. The Spanish translation of the title, "Manifiesto de Liberación," was either not included in the revisions or misspelled once again.
''AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.''


In response to some of these critiques, Kali –aka Christie O'Malley of the Creedy Guerilla Raiders– said this: "Histrionic it may be, but I've read plenty of rapes of the English language, and that certainly wasn't one of them." Kali backed up her stalwart defense of the literary value of the Manifesto by using the word "histrionic" correctly in a sentence, forcing many Brainstock members from both sides of the debate to use a dictionary in what is universally praised as one of the greatest achievements of the Malton Uprising. Well played, Kali.
'''MO: You are the leader of that group?'''


In the interest of fairness, I should point out that the Manifesto has gone through several sweeping revisions on its wiki page. However, most writers revise their work '''before''' releasing it. This is not a read for the educated Maltonian.
''AB: I am the leader.''


-'''William Told''' (English major)
'''MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?'''


== The Malton Uprising: Timeline ==
''AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see''
The Malton Uprising so far (And events leading up to it)-
*I recruit [[Gibsonton Independence Board|a bunch of people]] to kill Alpharius. This fails when Alphy mysteriously disbands a few hours before the attacks were set to begin. Three ex-GN members killed anyway.
*Alpharius, with a butthurt level of >9000, decides not to quit UD forever like he had planned, rather deciding to make me pay for killing three people.
*Alpharius waits a few months until early August to warn me of the imminent downfall of the DEM, or something like that.
*Secruss starts the Malton Uprising.
*Perverted chess-game of forum/wiki drama ensues.
*Secruss starts reforms the Uprising with a Manifesto.
*Perverted chess-game of forum/wiki drama continues.
*DEM members cower in fear as the glorious Imperium of Man band together with The Malton Uprising.
*Northeastern political situation finally blows up after a few months of tension and the DEM is asked by the Dulston Alliance to leave an area I had, 2 or so months ago, suggested the NE crews avoid.
*Glorious victory claimed when several suburbs are rid of DEM members. (And all other survivors.)
*You read this timeline.


-'''Labine50'''
'''MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?'''


<small>Disclaimer: My views of that do not necessarily reflect that of the DEM. More often than not they don't, actually. In other words, Labine != DEM.</small>
''AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful''


== The Malton Uprising: A Semi-Objective Summary ==
'''MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?'''
On September 1, 2008, eight days before the set date, the Malton Uprising rose up. A coalition largely consisting of PKer groups, though some survivor groups also participated, the Uprising was created with the stated goal of making the DEM change several of its policies by killing members of DEM groups and attempting to forcibly remove them from 19 suburbs, though their Manifesto was later revised to use less forceful language. The Uprisers flocked to Brainstock's General Chat forums to put forth their views on various DEM policies and activities. As is usually the case, ignorance plagued both side of the debate: Many members of DEM groups were confused about the demands put forth on the Manifesto and felt affronted as other groups were trying to dictate their groups' internal policies. Many Uprisers were misinformed about the internal organization of the DEM, the relationship between the DEM and the Rouges Gallery, and the details of DEMON and IMP. Naturally, flames consumed General Chat.


The groups that eventually formed the Uprising had joined for a variety of reasons. Some, such as the Burchell Arms Regulars, had been allies of the DEM before joining the coalition. BAR alleged that, members of the Malton Marshals had been collecting bounties on their members, while members of DEM groups had been telling their members what barricade levels in their turf should be and had been spraying over their tags with recruitment slogans, all running counter to DEM policy. The Imperium of Man felt betrayed by the DEM during the Invasion of Gibsonton by the Imperium Must Die coalition. Common complaints revolved around the DEM's perceived reliance on the Rogues Gallery, the use of the DEMON and IMP tools, and the DEM’s alt policy, which many believed to condone alt-abuse.
''AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.''


The DEM's initial response consisted of a smug smile and a roll of the eyes. After the membership of the Uprising was revealed, however, some began to take notice. Several members of DEM groups joined the fray: Some attempted to address concerns intelligently, while others trolled mercilessly, and still others did both. Several DEM leaders expressed their disappointment that some allied groups had joined the uprising instead of speaking to DEM representatives about these issues. As the flames rose higher and the same points were brought up again and again, much to the frustration of those defending the DEM, Kristi of the Dead formally asked that no member of a DEM group post replies in any Uprising topics in General Chat, and the discussion was moved to different forums. Meanwhile, the DEM Council, made up of the upper echelons of the DEM member-groups and Academy, postponed putting into effect the revised alt policy, which had been in development for several months.
'''MO: What can do the womens to stop that?'''


The effectiveness of the killings is also debatable. While Spartan Roy Banes was credited with an amazing three kills on the first day, incredibly handsome MFD firefighter William Told was seen mocking the Uprising groups Flowers of Disease and Mostly Harmless for failing to kill him after both groups made attempts on his life while in "contested" Vinetown. Many members of DEM groups complained of being killed several times a week, but many also claimed to have noticed little to no rise in deaths while in the "contested" territories. Most members of DEM groups have completely refused to retaliate or alter their daily operations in any way, aside from being slightly more selective when choosing safehouses.
''AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.''


The true impact of the Malton Uprising will not be determined by the body count, but rather by whether or not the leaders of both the DEM and Malton Uprising can sit down and discuss the issues raised by this coalition. The DEM and RG have both already opened discussions with the members of the Uprising –and anyone else interested– in private forums, and some of the DEM allies that joined the Uprising have set aside their shotguns and opened talks. Several DEM leaders have maintained that they will not be bullied into changing their policies, so the Uprising's results may counteract its intent. Despite the chance that its goals won’t be reached, some notable members of the Uprising have stated that as long as the issues are being raised and discussed reasonably, it is a success.
'''MO: You love "Married With Children," no?'''


-'''William Told'''
''AB: I love that show.''


== Trenchipendence Day ==
--'''Lt. Mesa'''
9/9/08 was given significance, despite the Uprising’s moving their event ahead a few days: This year September ninth was declared Trenchipendence Day. Tens of survivors flocked to Fort Creedy to spam the radio, mock and/or kill trenchcoaters, out zombie spais, and cade every building in sight to EHB. Some survivors took the opportunity to encourage the trenchy masses collected at the fort to go out and see the rest of Malton, while others tried to educate the Creedites on trenchy tactics to avoid via negative examples. All participants gained many lulz from the event.


-'''William Told'''
== Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate ==
Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.


== Whatever That Means! ==
The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.
Whatever That Means! is in need of more questions from the public! Please, don't make the Chardons scrape the bottom of the barrel.


You wouldn't like the bottom of the barrel.
All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.


[mailto:askachardon@gmail.com askachardon@gmail.com]
--'''Labine50'''


== Fun Corner ==
== Fun Corner ==
[[Image:MO_Comic_3-a.jpg|600px]]
Zombie Pickup Lines:
----
*What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
[[Image:MO_Comic_3-b.jpg|600px]]
*I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
----
*I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
[[Image:MO_Comic_3-c.jpg|600px]]
*Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
*I love you for your brain.


-'''Father Thompson'''
--'''Tonyay163'''


</font face>
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
</font>
<noinclude>[[Category:Inclusions]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 16:51, 1 February 2011

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.

--Labine50

Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.

--Tonyay163

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