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= Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009 =
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= Malton Observer: October 30th, 2008 =
The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:
*'''eBay''' - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
*'''Brute''' - How else will you learn?
*'''MEMS''' - We need more people to give a FAK
 
{|border="1"
{|border="1"
|-
|-
|[[#News at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|[[#The Last Several Months at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|-
|-
|[[#Note from the Editor|Editor's Note]]
|[[#Letter from the Editor|Letter from the Editor]]
|-
|-
|[[#Farewell to Father Thompson|Beloved Gun-Toting Pastor Retires]]
|[[#Interview with Al Bundy|An Interview with Al Bundy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Attack of the Living (and) Dead|Zombies and murderers target survivors!]]
|[[#Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate|The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Sonny Speaks|Interview with Sonny (so stop asking)]]
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|-
|[[#Notes From Darby|Choppers is back!]]
|-
|[[#|Fun Corner]]
|}
|}


== News at a Glance ==
== The Last Several Months at a Glance ==
*'''Happy Halloween''' - The one day of the year when the monsters knocking on your safehouse door might not want your brains... though they probably do want your brains.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[AZS]]''' - DEM to send aid to allies.
*'''[[#Farewell to Father Thompson|Father Tom retires]]''' - Thousands cry out in anguish.
*'''DORIS Ends War on [[AZS]]''' - That kind of sucked.
*'''Crucifix suggestion is peer reviewed''' - Newspaper editor's neutrality questioned.
*'''[[PKA]] Disbands''' - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
*'''Malton Observer has new editor''' - Few notice.
*'''Labine50 Retires from DEM''' - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I ''know'' this is joke."
*'''New horde emerges''' - The [[Brainstalkers]] emerge and gain 37 members in less than a week.
*'''John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief''' - It was nice working with you.
*'''[[#Sonny Speaks|Sonny talks about himself]]''' - Gasp!
*'''McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief''' - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
*'''Kristi of the Dead anounces [http://z14.invisionfree.com/Brainstock/index.php?showtopic=10452 good news.]''' - Join the DEM to view that link.
*'''Urban Dead Dead?''' - Several plays unable to connect.
*'''Where'd everybody go?''' - Several reporters go on holiday just as news starts happening in Malton.
*'''Urban Dead Back Up''' - Take that, real life.
*'''Big Brother is watching you''' - [http://www.urbandead.com/signup.cgi?city=3 The plague spreads... again.]
*'''Fort Perryn To Be Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
 
*'''Fort Perryn Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
==Note from the Editor==
*'''Fort Perryn Falls''' - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
The Malton Observer would like to remind survivors that trick-or-treating is ill-advised in the streets of Malton.  
*'''Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return''' - Not this again...
 
*'''The Blackmore Building retaken!''' - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
--'''William Told'''
*'''The Blackmore Building falls!''' - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
 
*'''Tom Chardon Steps Down''' - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
 
*'''First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue''' - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
==Farewell to Father Thompson==
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[TZH]]''' - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
The Malton Observer is sad to report that the esteemed [[User:Father Thompson|Father Thompson]] of [[MCI]] is retiring. In his own words:
*'''DORIS Forgets About War on [[TZH]]''' - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
 
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Banned''' - ...wait, what?
"''Well, I'd posted an announcement to the council, and to MCI- but I've gotten some PMs from people noticing the new forum color with confusion, so I thought perhaps I should give a more general announcement.
*'''Sonny Banned''' - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
 
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned''' - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
''I've retired from active DEM service, and from administration of Brainstock. The decision came simply because I didn't have the time to give my group, the DEM, and the forum in general, the attention that they deserved, because of a busier personal life. I've had a blast, and will continue to have a blast more casually, with the DEM and with others, and my decision was in no way a consequence of any event in-game or on the forums- most of which have been quite fun for me (even the controversies, I rather enjoy those tbh).
*'''DEM to Discuss Reforms''' - Cool sigbars for all!
*'''McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief''' - Good luck out there!
*'''Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief''' - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
*'''Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections''' - Voter turnout expected to be low.
*'''The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue''' - No, seriously.
*'''Brainstock Moves''' - [http://s1.zetaboards.com/brainstock/index/ Update those URLs!]
*'''Sonny Not Banned''' - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.


''See you around, then!''"
== Letter from the Editor ==
...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!


Father Thompson, known as FT to those who are too lazy to spell whole names, has been in the [[MCDU]] since "Some time in '06," and he has been one of the DEM's biggest assets ever since. A member of the DEM Council and a leader of the MCDU, he has been hailed by friend and foe alike as the calm voice of reason amidst the clamor of Urban Drama. This respected diplomat was clearly one of the greatest representatives the DEM has ever had. I also heard he can shoot lightning from his eyes and once killed a bear with his bare hands.  
Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)


He will not only be missed by the DEM, but by the entirety of Malton.
On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -'''Labine50'''


...but ''especially'' by the DEM.
== Interview with Al Bundy ==
'''Malton Observer: What's your character name?'''


--'''William Told'''
''Al Bundy: Al Bundy.''


==Attack of the Living (and) Dead==
'''MO: Time in the UD?'''
Survivors have had a tough time over the past week. The [[Militant Order of Barhah]] ravaged the South East as the [[Ridleybank Resistance Front]] marched throughout portions of central Malton, cutting a swath of extremely dangerous suburbs that went uninterrupted from the western border to the eastern. Survivors were left wondering what happened as organized strike teams methodically ruined entire suburbs and moved on. The MO pleads that mobile survivor groups provide aid to suburbs such as Pitneybank that are currently holding back the zed menace. We also advise that survivors in suburbs that have lost the TRP's necessary to survive this advance resort to [[River Tactics]] that they might help the ruined suburbs get back on their feet. This period of extreme zombie aggression follows a period of relative safety for survivors across Malton.


And the destruction was not limited to zombie incursions. [[PKA|A group of nefarious pagans]] attacked [[Blesley Mall]] in the suburb of [[Gulsonside]] of the 26<sup>th</sup> of October in celebration of the Celtic holiday of [[Samhain Slaughter 2|Samhain]], killing 114 survivors over the course of a few hours. Witnesses have claimed that a shady character was seen reading poetry over the radio shortly after the murders began, and what followed was a grisly sight as dozens of bodies and gallons of blood covered the floors of the mall. Revivers were unable to keep up with the queues in the cemeteries the next day as lines of 50 or more formed. Apparently, the guilty parties were sighted near the mall several days before the the night of Samhain, but the local survivor population was unable to anticipate or prevent the massacre.
''AB: A few days''


In light of certain publicly released footage of the Samhain Slaughter and its aftermath, the Malton Observer has advice for the survivors of Malton:
'''MO: Your history here; some information of your character.'''
* If you are being attacked by another survivor, '''leave the block you are in and heal yourself as necessary.'''
* Do not retaliate or engage the would-be murderer in realtime combat unless you know '''for certain''' that you will win.
* '''Do not attempt to reason with your attacker.''' Phrases such as, "do I look like a zombie," are unlikely to deter these murderers, especially if you do not use proper punctuation.


Thankfully, survivors of the massacre are already recovering and have maintained their control of the mall, displaying the indomitable spirit of the Malton survivor.
''AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman''


--'''William Told'''
'''MO: What about "No Ma'am"?'''


==Sonny Speaks==
''AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.''
What can one say about Sonny Corleone? He has been playing Urban Dead since 2005 and has developed quite the impressive resume, as he will readily tell you. He's led five survivor groups (4 historical) and two zombie groups (the [[RRF]] and one historical). He's been instrumental in the planning and execution of a dozen or more events, fighting for all sides. But most people these days know him for the only PKer group he has ever led, the infamous [[DORIS|Democracy Of Desensitized with Interesting Sigs]], which has formed a planet-worshiping coalition of the largest and best-known PKer groups in Malton. It has been said that if PKer groups are nations, DORIS is the Freemasons, spread throughout the PKer groups without regarding boundaries between them. Members of DORIS include members of [[Red Rum]], the [[Philosophe Knights]], the [[Spartans]], and many other PKer groups across Malton; and whenever a controversial celebrity dies these villainous Pluto-cultists come together to kill innocent survivors on Sonny's command.


So who is this man who's influenced the game so much? He's been called, "troll," "griefer," "homophobic," "an egocentric jerk," "soldierboy," "craven," "lulzy," "prophet of Almighty Pluto," "a black mark on [humanity's] reputation," "an uncle tom," and "Saromu." But who is he really? A soldier in the US Coast Guard ROTC? A forum troll and griefer? Kind of a dick, but still pretty funny? Magically delicious? Recently, the Malton Observer's former editor sat down with Sonny and discussed his achievements, his plans for the future, and his baby- DORIS.
'''MO: You are the leader of that group?'''


--'''William Told'''
''AB: I am the leader.''


'''MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?'''


''MO: What inspired you to start DORIS?''
''AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see''


'''Sonny: On the Rezzens forums a member named Smoked created a rather crappy sig mocking the [[DARIS]] sigs of olde. It was a green square with his name, title, and image. It then had me thinking of making better sigs. Soon everyone had my amazing sigs. That's when AnimeSucks said we should make it into a real group. So Smoked, AnimeSucks, and I are the leaders of DORIS.'''
'''MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?'''


''MO: So what would you say is DORIS' greatest achievement?''
''AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful''


'''Sonny: Wiping out several suburbs. Grigg Heights, Yagoton, Dulston, Lockettside, South Blythville, etc. Gibsonton sort of counts but that wasn't official DORIS. Santlerville too I guess. But I think being a viral group that has spread to almost every PKer group is an accomplishment. Also, getting plenty of survivors to create pker alts just to join us. I've lead the largest survivor organization, the largest zombie organization, and I feel DORIS is the biggest pker organization. I have no hate for the PKer Alliance or the Pker Hub, they are successful in their own way. But when you look at who is organizing the most PKer groups together and who is creating the most alliances? It's DORIS. Oh, and the Uprising doesn't count because they have survivor groups and fail.'''
'''MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?'''


''MO: What sort of future plans (if any) do you have for DORIS? Would you only be able to tell me if you knew the next date a notable person would die?''
''AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.''


'''Sonny: DORIS will continue to kill at random in unorganized attacks. Right now we're in Creedy because Pluto has returned and ordered us to. Also I'm starting to really work on the Pluto Press. We feel that the truth or at least something resembling it must be spread to the masses. When someone dies next that we deem important we're going to name them a Saint and kill in their honor. I don't know who though. We reviewed Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, and Paul Newman but felt they didn't live up to Pluto enough to deem them worthy of Sainthood. So we'll have to wait and see.'''
'''MO: What can do the womens to stop that?'''


''MO: So what would you say if I told you president Bush was going to die on October 15th?'' <sup>''editor's note: He didn't''</sup>
''AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.''


'''Sonny: Sorry, can I answer that question later? I'm on the phone with the Secret Service.'''
'''MO: You love "Married With Children," no?'''


''MO: Sure. Moving on to you as a player, what would you say is the best moment of your career?''
''AB: I love that show.''


'''Sonny: That's tough. You can't compare survivors, pkers, and zombies. It's like apples, oranges, and rotted bananas.
--'''Lt. Mesa'''


'''As a survivor... probably Mall Tour 2006. I lead PARA, the Stanbury Renegades, and the Council of Leaders forces there while Cowboy Up led the CDF and Swiper led the ACC. We lost but we won a award for surviving the longest that wasn't Caiger.
== Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate ==
Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.


'''As a PKer...just DORIS in general. That and all the stuff we did. Invasion of Gibsonton was a favorite but not my best. It was definitely a high point for me.
The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.


'''As a zombie...The Big Bash. When Graull asked me to get the RRF to help I joined right in and the Bash's numbers doubled. We had almost 80% red suburbs, no Ridleybank incursions, and not a single Green suburb. We had survivors left and right asking us for amnesty and there was a point where we were going to set up Survivor Bantustans for them to live in while we controlled Malton. It was probably my happiest time in the game.'''
All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.


--'''Labine50'''
--'''Labine50'''
==Notes From Darby==
Welcome to the latest edition of Notes From Darby. It's been a while since there's been an update, but no worries. I'm still very much alive....or am I a zed again.....???
Not much going on at Darby lately. Our numbers are still down, but at least holding steady. Our campus has been pretty quiet, but we are now moving to a slightly different area that hopefully will have more for us to accomplish. Lately it's been feast or famine. We've either been overrun with zeds or barely have had any to speak of. Such is life in Malton, I guess.
It's Halloween time in Malton again. Are we going to have more zeds around knocking on our safehouse doors trick or treating? Will we get costumes to wear to show off to our fellow survivors? Will we get candy
old, stale candy to either risk eating ourselves or throw at the zeds from our safehouse windows? Ah, the kinds of things we must do to keep our interest up in Malton.
Have a spooky Halloween.
Until next time,
--'''Choppers McGee'''
== Whatever That Means! ==
''A Q&A column with the Chardon siblings. Got a question? Drop us a line! [mailto:askachardon@gmail.com askachardon@gmail.com]''


== Fun Corner ==
== Fun Corner ==
[[Image:MO strip.png]]
Zombie Pickup Lines:
*What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
*I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
*I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
*Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
*I love you for your brain.


-'''Tonyay163'''
--'''Tonyay163'''


''Note from editor: Jayefex, creator of the Fun Corner's crossword, has been kidnapped by ninjapiratezombiemonkeyrobots and has been unable to prepare a crossword.''
</font face>
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
</font>
<noinclude>[[Category:Inclusions]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 16:51, 1 February 2011

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.

--Labine50

Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.

--Tonyay163

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