BBC/RRGun

Ratta-tat-tat, watch the bodies hit the mat

Urban Dead uproar as new weapon is unleashed on Malton... Or is it?

Written by the Reporter

A terrifying new weapon has, apparently, been released on the Zombie ridden city. With 75 Damage per shot, 50 rounds in the clip, and 50% accuracy, the new Tommy Gun is exactly the sort of weapon that gives survivors wet dreams. (See it in action at http://img113.imageshack.us/my.php?image=eugeniedefranvalwg7.png)

Released as a seasonal weapon and only locatable in the armouries of Malton on November the 1st, the Tommy Gun has been greeted with mixed reactions. Survivor groups (especially those of the PKer predilection) are hailing the new weapon with reiterations of the phrase "It's about bloody time". Other groups, however, can't help but wonder how they can defend themselves if a lone PKer with a Tommy Gun comes a knocking in the middle of the night. Groups that concern themselves with just heals and barricading are at particular risk from attack.

Least pleased of all, however, are the numerous Zombie players around Malton, who claim it to be Kevan's latest snub against a character class they already consider severely handicapped. Zombie hordes could be wiped out in a single sitting, they have complained. Most pro-tommy gunners are quick to point out that there is only a limited supply of Tommy Guns and ammo, and that if one does mow down 25 Zombies in one go, it doesn't matter as they are, to all intents and purposes, immortal. Still, this has failed to appease the undead, who feel very hard done by.

But the BBC can reveal exclusive knowledge on the Tommy Gun. The residents of Malton can once again rest uneasily, as it would appear that the Tommy Gun was a farce designed and perpetuated by none other than the PKer group Red Rum. On the night of 1st of November, 26 Rummers with 4HP descended on Pole Mall, and one more, by the name of eugenie de franval, came with a lot of ammo and finished them all off, giving the illusion of a multi kill of epic proportions.

The screenshot was then circulated by Red Rum, and propaganda supporting the existence of the Tommy Gun was handed around by the Rummers. So, sadly, if you want to kill 25 people in one go, you will have to talk to Red Rum about it, who will probably just kill you for your efforts.

Red Rum have posted the actual event, Dia de los Muertos, on their website, where they claim that the point of it all was to "honor the dead by making more dead people".