Columbine Kids

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Columbine Kids (CK)
Recently been PK'd? Then leave us a complaint here!
Group Numbers Every heavily-armed emo kid who hates Mommy and Daddy is with us. Oh, and so's Marilyn Manson.
Goals To get back at Mommy and Daddy. And all the mean kids.
Recruitment Policy Forum coming soon
Want to contact us? Message our Talk Page


Wanna know a bit about Columbine Kids?

Well, we're pissed off.
We're pissed off with Mom and with Dad.
We're pissed off with jocks and their whore girlfriends.
We're pissed off with nerds, with our teachers, with the pigs.
We're pissed off with everyone and everything, including you.
And we've decided to do something about it.

Something with guns and, like, blood and stuff.

How it all started

Me and my bud Eric were, like, chilling in my room listening to tunes. Just that day he'd been punched in the face by Brad Worthington, who is like just the biggest jock asshole ever, so we were really pissed off in just, like, a major way. We were playing Doom and listening to Marilyn Manson and Eric is totally raging about Brad and his girlfriend Kristi, who is just the biggest slut in the school by the way and only interested in him because he's the captain of the football team. LAME! Well, I'm listening to him rant and shooting up some demon-scum with my 1337 shotgun skillz when I hear Manson's voice, like, merging in with the rants and the sound of my gun firing and I shouted "DUDE! We should like totally shoot that fucker right in the face". And he was like "No way!" and I'm like "WAY!" so he's like "Way?" and I'm like "So way". So anyway, we grabbed our dads' guns and the next day we took them to school and like PWNED loads of n00bs and jocks and, well, anyone we saw really. Then the police showed up, which was really bogus and they were trying to ruin our good time, so we were like "Nah! This is so uncool!" But that was OK, because I had a, like total masterplan!


Before the police arrived we swapped clothes with a couple of the n00bs that we wasted and then shot off their faces and made loads of scratch-marks on their arms so that they looked like us (yeah, we self-harm, because that's like totally bad-ass). Then we ducked out the back and ran into the woods.

The dicks bought it, so Eric was like "Way!" and I was like "Mega-Way!" and he was like "You always have to go one better" and I was like "OWNED!"

We escaped into the woods and hitched a ride out of there (nothing gay happened. Really), but the pigs figured out what we'd done and they were on our tails (not in a gay way. Really) and they almost had us cornered, but we climbed over this totally massive wall and shouted "Yeah bitches" over it. They just laughed at us and we were like "Faggots", but they kept laughing. It was only when we heard the groans and saw our first zombie that we realised that this was just a totally bogus situation.

We ducked inside a building and we were ready to just ride it all out (not in a gay way), but then we we saw a map of this new town we were in and we saw that the place is just totally full of schools. Schools mean jocks. Lots of jocks. That's bad. We knew what we had to do. We went to the mall, got some guns and some CD players, loaded up on ammo and Manson and Linkin Park CDs and then 'went to school', as in we emptied one. Damned jocks never saw it coming. We just OWN!

So now we are on tour and taking out all the jocks, nerds, emos and authoritarian assholes in Malton. And that's a lot of dudes. Are you one of them?

What we're doing right now!

31/08/15: Making a good first impression for our return tour!

Madwench: Harris Pillton

CyanEyed: Slade Steele / UnhappyDisgustingWow: Philo Sandeen

CyanEyed: Laurenna Kennet

Madwench: j4022

UnhappyDisgustingWow: Diego FC 1369

Our, like, total inspiration

I wanna thank you mom
I wanna thank you dad
For bringing this fucking world
To a bitter end
I never really hated a one true god
But the God of the people I hated

You said you wanted evolution
The ape was a great big hit
You say you want a revolution, man
And I say that you're full of shit

We're disposable teens.

Marilyn Manson


See? He's like such a genius and is totally endorsing what we do. Manson RULES!