RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text011506right
Editor's Note: See Pwotters, an historic zombie group that terrorized Stanbury Village during much of 2005-2006, for more detail.
STANBURY VILLAGE - At a press conference on Thursday, Pwotter officials announced that the long awaited Nichols Harmanz Exhibit and Petting Zoo was finally open.
"Today is a great day Stanbury Villagers," said one Pwotter official. "Today we are proud to open the Nichols Harmanz Exhibit and Petting Zoo, the first of its kind. Now zombies of all ages will finally be to see and experience what life as a cowering, shivering survivor actually is like. Now zombies will finally be able to experience the thrill of the hunt in a controlled environment and get a close glimpse of an actual harman."
The idea for the exhibit began earlier this month once zombie officials realized that wild harmanz were nearly extinct in Stanbury Village, Ridleybank, Ketchelbank, Pimbank, and surrounding suburbs. Concerned about overhunting and encouraged by Harmanz Preservation groups, Pwotter officials turned the eyes toward formerly devastated Nichols Mall, and saw a facility that could educate as well as entertain.
Insignia of the Pwotters, liberators of Stanbury Village, and defenders of truth, justice, and the belief that Stanbury Village survivors better get used to their new role in Malton: digesting slowly in a zombie's stomach.
"We see the new Nichols Exhibit primarily as an educational experience for zombies. Inside the Exhibit, feral zombies will be able to learn about the backword and uncivilized harman culture," said one leading Pwotter official.
"We think feral zombies will get a real kick at the period exhibits which allow our younglings to glimpse the once diverse harmanz species."
Pwotter officials then went on to describe the new facility, featuring dedicated display areas containing captured harmanz such as Harmanz Hillbilly Hills, Retro 80s Mall Rats, Heavily Barricaded and Scared-Shitless Survivors, Harmanz Office Lackeys, and the eagerly awaited Mensa Club Exhibit. Besides the display areas, the new facility also contains a Harmanz Petting Zoo for zombie youngsters and a Mall Massacre Simulator for those zombies nostalgic about hunting down and killing poor, defenseless harmanz.
"The Massacre Simulator is perhaps what we are most excited about," said one exhibit planner."With the simulator, groups of zombies can experience a siege firsthand, including tearing down the barricades, getting shot by strung out survivors, and anklegrabbing towards sweet,sweet victory. Our barricade bots make it challenging but the prize inside, over two hundred scared actual survivors, is sure to be a big hit with feral zombies. We have secured a special long term deal with a breeding center outside Malton to ensure that the Simulator is always well packed with pathetic but oh-so-tasty survivors."
The Malton H&S reports that large crowds of ferals and Pwotters have started forming outside the Nichols facility, anxious for a chance to glimpse, pet, and eat an actual harman.
"We think its important to educate zombies in Malton about their past. The new Nichols exhibit allows zombies to learn about past battles against harmanz, as well as to understand what it is like to be a strung out survivor on revive," said one exhibit official. "But it also entertains We think the new Mall Massacre Experience and petting zoos give ferals zombies the experience of a lifetime: a chance to hunt down and eat another poor, pathetic survivor."
The Nichols Exhibit will be open twenty fours a day, seven days a week. Reservations for tours are encouraged but not required.
