Stand Up Comics Guild

The Stand Up Comics Guild was created as a means of crediting, protecting, and furthering the ideas of the wide variety of stand up comics in Malton. While currently little more than a loose confederation of brave souls willing to risk life and limb in the name of the joke, we have great plans of organization and serious recognition. Further more, with the number of great planners currently involved the Guild, it is inevitable that those plans be furthered and nurtured into even greater plans.

A Brief Overview Of Our Mission

It seems that becoming undead and resurrected numerous times has had a detrimental effect on the human body, causing many to loose their sense of humors. As the public can often be hostile towards the stand up comic under normal circumstances, a zombie uprising just makes things worse. It has become very apparent to us that freelance comics need protection, and that protection in many cases will have to come from within. The Stand Up Comics Guild is here for that purpose. However, the Guild will not become involved in group feuds. We wish to remain neutral towards everyone. As comics are often troubled with mental problems, it is to be expected for some of them to act in a strange manner, often talking to inanimate objects, juggling paint cans in front of hoards of zombies, and urinating on walls. Please, we apologize in advance. While the guild recognizes that there are reasons for killing survivors, it is our policy to only attack another survivor when attacked first. Known PKers will not be tolerated in the Guild. They will be tied up and made to listen to recordings of their own comic routines until they go completely mad.

Base Of Operations

Due to the naturally mobile nature of most stand up comics and performing artists, a permanent base of operations has been hard to come by, so naturally, we haven't come by any that will let us stay for any extended period of time. We are however working to compile a database of preferred stomping grounds and "turf" for each of our members. This has naturally proven difficult, as many of our members drink quite heavily and don't always know where they are stumbling.

Plans For Future Growth

Plans are underway to further organize, and comics can look forward to a membership drive in the near future, as well as organized comic rallies and gatherings. Non-Comics, you have been warned.

Affiliations

As of March 16, 2007, The Stand Up Comics Guild now supports the Zone Defenders http://wiki.urbandead.com/index.php/Zone_Defenders

Transcripts

• A stand up comic said "Oh wow, this is a great crown, a really great crowd. Much livelier than my last show." (3 hours and 48 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "I really must say though, as cold as they were, and they acted like they had just crawled out of the ground, I really knocked em dead!" (3 hours and 47 minutes ago)
• Mr Cizzo said "crown or crowd?" (3 hours and 46 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "ok, so normaly I don't go in for this kind of humor, but this one just kills me:" (3 hours and 44 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "What's blue, covered with frost, and sits next to a turkey?" (3 hours and 43 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Zombie baby in the freezer." (3 hours and 43 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "yeah, yeah, I know, your six year old could tell a better joke than that" (3 hours and 42 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "too bad his punch lines are always the same:" (3 hours and 42 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "GRAHHH! MUR?" (3 hours and 42 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "But really, no offence intended. He's probably got a bigger vocabulary than my wife." (3 hours and 41 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "GRAHH! THESE ARE NOT MY PANTIES!" (3 hours and 40 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Naturaly when the zombies came pounding at my door, I let them in and told them where she was" (3 hours and 39 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Hell, if I could have gotten one to get me a beer out of the fridge, it would already be doing better then she ver did." (3 hours and 38 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Really, looking back, I'm not totaly certain she wasn't a zombie when I married her" (3 hours and 38 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Though I think a zombie might have moved a little more in bed." (3 hours and 37 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ok, but seriously, enough about my wife. You can hever her." (3 hours and 36 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "How many of yall are from out of town?" (3 hours and 36 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Personaly, I only came to Malton for the sun, but when I got off the plane I got the distinct impression that some of you folks have had way too much of it" (3 hours and 35 minutes ago)
• Lurius said "Anyone need healing?" (3 hours and 33 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ok, but seriously, give me something to work with here. Any of yall married?" (3 hours and 33 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Not yet Lurius, but If this ends like my last show I could sure use a shot of whiskey" (3 hours and 32 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Actualy, while we're on the subject of drinking" (3 hours and 31 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "I went in this little hole in the wall the other day and asked the bar tender to make me a zombie." (3 hours and 31 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Honestly, all I wanted was a vodka drink!" (3 hours and 30 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Of course you know a lot of folks are freaked out by all of this when they look out a window" (3 hours and 30 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "A bunch of freaks staggering around in the street, grunting and groaning incomprehenibly, drooling, looking for food, biting people...." (3 hours and 29 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "But really, if you add a few loose joints and a keg, it's not all that different from college." (3 hours and 28 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Too tell you the truth, I think the odds of getting laid are probably better here than they were in college" (3 hours and 27 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "I mean some of those chicks out there look like their ready to take you to bed permanantly" (3 hours and 27 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "There's actualy some many places I can go with that kind of lead in, but I'm trying to keep this at the most an R rated show...So use your imagination about eating out....." (3 hours and 25 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ok, ok, let's get away from that subject for a while..." (3 hours and 24 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ok, ok, let's get away from that subject for a while..eating out, I've been trying to find some kind of fine dining establishment here in town so I can take out my girlfriend." (3 hours and 23 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Usualy when I do a show I just check with the crowd and they show me to the best eaterys" (3 hours and 22 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Last time though it didn't work, they were just chowin down right there in the streets" (3 hours and 22 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "It looked like a Dark shadows pig pickin'." (3 hours and 21 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Yeah, that's the last time I ever play Pennslvaniya Blv." (3 hours and 21 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "And speaking of Washington DC, what in the world are our congressmen doing wondering around the streets of malta? Aren't they supposed to be in session?" (3 hours and 19 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Yeah, I knew that'd get a grin out of somebody here...." (3 hours and 18 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "You're a liberttarian aren't you?" (3 hours and 18 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Admit it, you are. And slip me a joint will you?" (3 hours and 17 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Yeah, you know you're having a good time whenever someone walks in to bar, points at you and says I'll have what he's having." (3 hours and 16 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Actualy I was in this joint earlier tonight and it was 'I'll have WHO he's having'!" (3 hours and 15 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "If it had been a strip joint I probably would have stayed, but as it was, I made a quick exit" (3 hours and 15 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ok, so I'm really tempted to talk about the music in strip clubs, but as it is, let's just talk about music in general." (3 hours and 13 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Any Rob Zombie fans here? *ducks*" (3 hours and 13 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Yeah, I'm sorry, I really couldn't resist it." (3 hours and 12 minutes ago)
• Mr Cizzo said "I wish someone would discourage you from going on" (3 hours and 12 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "But you know, really, to the casual observer, flying over in a helicopter you'd think Ozzy was playing here today" (3 hours and 11 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ah, a heckler. It never fails. Let me guess, not a big fan of death metal?" (3 hours and 10 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "Ok, Ok, you're in luck. I'm about to drop dead from exaustion (but please, don't get any ideas" (3 hours and 9 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "But first, let me leave you with one more?" (3 hours and 8 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "What did the Zombie Mommy say to the Zombie Baby?" (3 hours and 8 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "You have your father;s eyes. Give them back!" (3 hours and 8 minutes ago)
• Mr Cizzo said "How you even had all those action points is crazy." (2 hours and 56 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "well, it wasn't easy. I don't suppose anyone has a trascript of the whole routen, do they? cause I'd kind of like one. if you do, email it to deadcomicwalking@yahoo.com." (2 hours and 41 minutes ago)
• A flare was fired 1 block to the west and 12 blocks to the south. (2 hours and 31 minutes ago)
• the ugly one said "Now I know why PKers exist" (2 hours and 15 minutes ago)
• A stand up comic said "everybody's a critic." (2 hours and 7 minutes ago)

If you have a transcript of a show, please, email it to deadcomicwalking@yahoo.com