User:Bfgsteve

I don't know why I bother sometimes. Nobody else can think of a reason, either.

Posting my Elvis suggestion here in case the current trend of "cleaning up" the Humorous Suggestions page by people without a sense of humour continues:

Elvis Impersonator

A new Civilian class so obviously missing from a game about heroes, resurrections, madness and sheer bloody entertainment. The "Elvis" (plural Elvii) is a new breed of hero emerging onto the streets of Malton, inspired by their love of The King to fight evil and spread the gospel of Rock 'n' Roll. Elvii initially lack combat ability but have an inherent agility that increases their survivability in the face of zombie hordes.--Bfgsteve 22:55, 9 Dec 2005 (GMT)

Skills

• Elvis The Pelvis - The default starting skill of the Elvis is the ability to maniacally shake their hips, a skill which has proved useful in Malton for evading attacks. All Elvii reduce incoming attacks' chance to hit by 10%

• Vegas Elvis - Due to excessive Burger consumption, the Elvis is now a bloated, waddling version of The King. Increases maximum HP by 10 (cannot be combined with Bodybuilding), but reduces speed of the Elvis to that of a zombie (2AP per move). Burgers now heal 2HP each.

• Vegas Showmanship - The Elvis is now a master of the Microphone, gaining an additional 20% to hit with that weapon.

• A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action Please - The Elvis loses the ability to speak except for the standard phrases "Uh-huh-HUH!" and "Thanyoovrymush!", but increases their maximum AP to 51.
• Karate - Mainly for show, Elvis' version of Karate increases the punch chance to hit by 5% (useful if the Elvis loses his Microphone).
• Sing - Elvii don't start with this skill but can purchase it to open up a list of song sub-skills. The Sing skill has no effect until at least one of these songs is learned, at which point a "Sing" button becomes available under "Possible Actions" and the Elvis can perform one of the following from a drop-down list at a cost of 5AP; singing any song in a Pub earns the Elvis 1XP, singing in a Club earns 2XP, singing in a Stadium earns 4 XP:

• Amazing Grace - If sung in a Church, this song fills all humans present with a religious fervour, healing 1HP in each of them.
• Are You Lonesome Tonight - If sung in an open-air location, this song automatically moves all humans in adjacent locations to the same location as the Elvis. Less scrupulous Elvii use this song to provide themselves with human shields in a crisis.
• Heartbreak Hotel - If sung in a Hotel when no other Human is present, this song causes the Elvis to die instantly.
• Hound Dog - This song disables the Scent Fear skill tree in all zombies within a one-block radius for their next 50AP.
• It's Now Or Never - Inspires all humans in the same building to make an extra effort, endowing all of them with +1AP. Best used for mass escapes from safehouses when zombies break in.
• Jailhouse Rock - If sung in a Police Department, spurs all human occupants to reinforce the building, automatically adding +1 level to the barricades for every human in the building.
• Love Me Tender - If sung in a Hospital, instantly seduces all Doctors to lavish the Elvis with Tender Loving Care. The Elvis regains 1HP for every Doctor present in the building.
• Return To Sender - If sung inside a building, this song immediately forces all zombies present to move outside to a random adjacent block.
• Suspicious Minds - This song inspires guilt in PKers, and provides the Elvis with a result showing how many humans have been killed by each character in the same location as the Elvis.

Zombie Skills Zombie Elvii can purchase the following skills:

• Undying Quiff - The Zombie Elvis' hair has become hardened by repeated applications of Brylcreem, hairspray and dried blood. The Elvis is now immune to Headshot.
• 68 Comeback Special - When standing up, there is a 68% chance that the Elvis will stand up as a fully-healed human, not a zombie.

• Return Of The King - Increases chance of resurrection when standing up to 99%

Items

• Microphone - The Elvis' starting item is the Microphone which is spun bolas-like by it's cord before being whipped out to inflict 2HP damage at a basic 10% to hit. Microphones can be found in Mall Tech Stores, Stadiums and Clubs. Hand to Hand Combat skill increases to hit chance to 25%
• Burger - A special healing item usable only by or on an Elvis, the Burger can be found in Pubs, Clubs, Hotels and Parks (from abandoned burger stands). Using a burger restores 1 hit point.
• Blue Suede Shoes - Can be found in Museums. Subtracts another 10% from incoming melee attacks only ("Don't you step on my Blue Suede Shoes!"), only usable by Elvii.
• Rhinestone Suit - Can be found in Museums. Acts as a Flak Jacket usable only by Elvii.