User:Draven Grey

This Is What The Hitchhiker's Guide To Malton Has To Say About Draven Grey:

Draven Grey is a peculiar fellow. Despite his somewhat human-like appearance -standing 6'1", with a slim build, quaint black beard, slightly disheveled short black hair, and somewhat regular looking clothing- his black leather bracers, multiple silver rings, and four white tassels hanging from under his over-shirt clearly give him away as being from the planet Tikamaroo in the Ashlanigog system. Granted, previous visitors to Earth from the planet Tikamaroo left their mark in sometimes millenia old fashion statements (i.e. The Tzit Tzit tassels of the Jews, which Moses thought would make a great addition to his wardrobe at the time; And also the jewelry of "metalheads" and bikers, which actually originated with the Intergalactic Biker Gang, "Birdseed," a strange acronym for the Burning Red Death Skulls of Eternal Evil Darkness, which began a small chapter on Earth some years ago as the Hell's Angels, and is written more extensively about in the rather enjoyable RPG, Wayfarer Infinity, by Rune's Law Inc.).

Draven came to Earth to explore its many wondrous styles of music, and ended up coaching many bands to fame during his short stay before getting caught in a quarantine in the city of Malton. According to Draven's theory, the "Zombie" outburst is actually a precursor to the destruction of Earth. He believes that these "zombies" are nothing more than a subspecies or relative to the Vogon race, sent to map out the destruction of Earth to make way for an intergalactic highway. These Vogon relatives, in a very poor attempt to explain their poetry to humans by attempting to speak English, become so enraged that they proceed to act in complete lunacy and go on a rampage, trying to begin the destruction of Earth with their own bare hands, which is, of course, a feeble attempt at best. An example of their poetry here would be fruitless, however, it can be recognized in their native language(known by Earthlings as Zombish, Zombese or Zomban) by sounds such as "Mrhh," or other guttural sounds, that many have mistaken as a primitive form of English and attempted to translate with "Zombie speech translators". This effort has proved useful, as it would seem that a primitive common language is developing known as "zamgrh" or "kiZombie." Draven further believes that NecroTech was started by a race of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings that Earthlings call mice. The mice then proceeded to recruit humans in order to covertly fight against the destruction of their precious computer called Earth. However, their method of trying to change the Vogon relatives into humans backfired, and the virus mutated so that some humans became like the Vogon relatives and now it is unknown to many whether one was originally human or Vogon, or something altogether different. This, of course, is only a theory; and an exhausting one at that.

Draven is now stuck on Earth amidst this supposed fight. After exhausting all possible ways on "how to leave the planet," as written by a famous hitchhiker and published by his favorite author, Neil Gaiman, as found at http://home.nvg.org/~helge/div/howto/, Draven decided to steal the identity of a fallen Earth soldier who had taught him how to shoot a gun before deciding that he was better off as a zombie, the sad effect of hearing Draven's rather time-consuming theory and thinking the whole world had gone mad.

Draven has been classified as "strange, yet curious," and warrants further research.

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