User:Meanmrmustard

I do NOT have a gammy leg!!!

For unto the earth was given the Mustard, and it was good and tangy. Then the mustard went bad, bad in a way that can only be described as .......well, really really bad. And the other condiments did shudder and wail. And then Bungo the Iridescent Twirler of Day-old Flapjacks looked upon the madness and destruction wrought by the mean mustard’s passing and was quoted as saying…

“Damn, I really need to get my nose hairs trimmed.”

And from that day forth Mean Mr. Mustard wandered the wasteland of Malton in search of the Coveted Nose Hair Trimmer of “The One Who Shall Be Named Later When I Think Up a Name That Does Not Evoke The Visage Of Yul Brynner.”

….at least he searched until he got bored and went off looking for a drink.

It was then that he found the tranquil (well not really tranquil ….more along the lines of crawling with hungry undead, infested really) suburb of Scarletwood. Once it was clear that they couldn’t get rid of him the kind denizens and mostly upright members of the Garniss Border Patrol relented and let him join so they could at least get him to do stuff for them while he drank all of their Vodka.

So now he sits and waits, except when he’s standing or walking or in ambulatory in some other fashion, for the coming of The Great and Mighty Shatner and passes his time shooting zeds, overmedicating everyone in sight, and singing old ELO songs with absolutely no sense of tone or rhythm.

Cheers all!

Mustard Out

~tips hat and falls off bar stool~