User:Verveonica Maudlin

There I was, simply sipping on a cuppa with me Mum in the lounge, when we both heard a crash coming from the front door. Mum dropped her tea on Mr. Whiskers, one of nine moggies which just so happened to be napping. Mr. Whiskers, now covered in tea, lept forward and ran down the haul. We could here him hitting the wall and then roaring in so much as a broken down tabby can roar. Mum got up, and I followed chasing the soggy pussy down the hall. There we saw Dad looking like he had been run over by a large lorry. In fact, when you come to think of it, he might actually have been. There looked to be a tyre track down the front of his shirt. His face was all green and his head lobbed about on his neck. He made his way towards Mum and I moaning like he'd just gotten a quick wax job from someone special down at the massage parlour. "Brainnnnnss" or something he rumbled. Knowing that this tread upon man was merely the shell of me Dad, I turned tail and ran into the mudroom grab the broom to beat the old rodder off. Instead, I saw the fireaxe that had been left behind by one of Mum's daytime gentleman callers, Captain Toddy of the local fire brigade. It'd work much better than an old broom I thought.

When I ran down the hall I saw Dad trying to clumber over the curio cabinet Mum had knocked down to slow him. I lept like a rapier fighter in pirate movies and with one quick strike embarked on my new career in the growing field of zombie slaying. It was not long before I got a chance to further hone my skills with the old fire axe for soon Mrs. Teester from down the lane was making her shambling way into the hall trying to get at Mum. I polished her off with a couple quick licks and told Mum I think now would be a good time to make that trip to Majorca we had talked about for years.