User:Vinko pribojevic

Vinko Pribojevic

Probably not the most powerful man in Malton, Vinko Pribojevic gained notoriety in the sixteenth century when he founded the Pan-Slavic movement, which, Mr. Pribojevic often reminds us, "Started world War One."

Early Life

Little is known of young Vinko's childhood except that he was born on the island of Hvar to a Virgin Mother, who was also infertile and, according to several close friends, "kind of a prude." His Mother passed away when Vinko was but seven years old, leaving him to wander for several years across the soon-to-be-Yugoslav-Republics, finding only occasional shelter in the huts of oystermen and hillgnomes alike. He then vanished for several years only to turn up in 1448 in Barcelona with nothing but a shillelagh (rumored to be the lost shillelagh of Vercingetorix himself) and three gold deblunes.

The Dark Years: 1449-1491

After that enigmatic era, Mr. Pribojevic, eyes twinkling, made a large fortune as a conquistador in the early 1500's, butchering thousands of native men, women, and "especially children" in the Americas "from the glades of Seskatchewan" to "the glens of Tierra Del Fuego," eventually procurring enough money to become a partner in Eggo Waffles Llc.

While his early attitude toward the project was skeptical, if not outright doubtful, Eggo Waffles soon became a dominant force in the industry, acquiring Uncle James' Waffle Emporium in 1487, Cousin Turkmenbashi's Waffle Palace of Pleasure in 1489, and the Kingdom of Wales in 1491. With the acquisition of Wales came a new set of enemies so mighty that the Powers of Old World fell back to see how things played out "before acting too rashly."

Eggo Waffles and the Struggle with Aunt Jemima: 1491-1508

By 1488, self-described "waffle magnate" Aunt Jemima had just purchased the Vermont Syrup Corporation, much to the pleasure of her support base among American Colonists who now sought sweet, sweet maple syrup to go with Aunt Jemima's soft, succulent Waffles. Before that year, the British East Canada Syrup Company (BECSC) had provided quality Syrup to Americans at Low, Low Rates, but Aunt Jemima's competetive prices and appeal as a grandmotherly figure, along with High Tarrifs and American fears of outsourcing, won over most american consumers. Jemima Incorporated could now sell both the waffles and Syrup directly to the consumer, bypassing the middle man and robbing the industry of jobs. Shortly afterward, BECSC declared bankrupcy and Aunt Jemima became a majority shareholder and lifetime chairman of the Board.

Eggo Waffles, once the primary Waffle Producer in the Americas and the World At Large, now found itself in the shadow of the heavy, iron-soled boot of the grandmotherly Aunt Jemima's mighty corporation. Facing the lowest quarterly earnings since the Depression and a series of scandals, Pribojevic quickly enacted several reforms, including a sleek, round-model waffle to contrast the more conservative square endorsed by Aunt Jemima. Salvation came in the form of a youtube-esque video in which young teens, ostensibly youth acting on their own (though some conspiracy theorists have suggested they were secretly on the payroll of Eggo Waffles Llc.,) complained and ranted about Aunt Jemima's square shaped waffles being difficult to eat and "made of crap mixed with babies and arsenic." Eggo, through its willingness to try new ideas in the name of progress, managed to become the primary producer of quality waffles in the American Continents. Things were going well for Vinko from a capitalist perspective, now in his prime and already the largest landholder in the world, but in 1508 he suffered an apparent emotional breakdown and left his waffle empire "to the strongest," a phrase that would later be used by Alexander the Great after he traveled to the past with machine guns to conquer persia for Barhah.

Salvation: 1508-1521

For the second time, Pribojevic vanished into obscurity, this time for 13 years often referred to as his "Salvation," for this is the period in which he conversed several times with the god Bacchus. Of his musings and travels with the all knowing deities of old, he has said very little, and less has he said straightforward. One can imagine mindblowing adventures and knowlege of things beyond mankind's wildest imaginations, but only three things are known for sure. 1. That Vinko Pribojevic is the Son of God. 2. That the Slavs are the mightiest of all the branches of the Indo-european ethnic peoples and God's chosen people, the heirs of the Illyrian Empire and of the entire earth. 3. That only a Unified Slavic Empire can defeat the hordes of the undead that shall oneday rise from the chosen city. (once believed to be Skopje, but now revealed to be Malton.)

The rise of Pan-Slavism: 1521-1815

When Vinko Pribojevic first arrived in Dubrovnik in 1521, he took with him seven disciples, Juraj Krizanik, Friederich Nietzche, Mavro Orbini, Nikolai Ivanovich Bobrikov, Socrates, and Steve Jobs. The 8 traveled throughout the Balkans, preaching the ideology of a unified Slavic Empire.

more to come soon...

	Feral Undead
	This user or group agrees with Feral Undead. Vultures are fucking cool.

	Tusken Raider
	WOOT SNORT ALLAH ACKBAR!!

	ZERGRUSHKEKEKEKE!!!!
	This user hates Zergers but hates paranoid chickenshits more.

	Just Nuke the Place!
	This user thinks the military should drop the bomb on Malton so that the zombies can mutate into something more powerful and finally pose a real threat to survivors. That is, if any of the survivors make it...

	Calculus
	This user really hates calculus.