Journal:Celebrity Hunter

This appears to be the journal of a man known as Celebrity Hunter. Flipping through the pages, you find a list of trophies, assorted hunt entries, as well as various notes. Trophies 2008 Maurice Gibb (2008-08-20) Bob Newhart (2008-07-25) Zombie Hasselhoff (2008-06-24) Sen Gary Condit (2008-05-30) Chef Ramsay (2008-05-19) Pete Frampton (2008-05-07) Meryl Streep (2008-02-03 & 2008-02-10) Dhavid Grohl [SIC] (2008-01-25) Juliette Lewis (2008-01-18) John Gibson (2008-01-12) 2007 Dr. James Dobson (2007-12-31) Sarah Silverman* (2007-11-29) Heather Mills (2007-11-13) President Obama (2007-11-6) Aishwarya Rai (2007-10-23) Rowan Atkinson (2007-10-15) Dave Chappelle (2007-10-10) Assorted Human Debris Hunted and killed to create a better Malton. Neither these individuals nor their organizations offer anything worthwhile to Malton. I encourage others to hunt them as I have. Lunatoon - Self-styled "Bounty Hunter". A pathetic and demented murderer, part of a group of unrepentant and strangely self-righteous murderers. I look forward to lecturing more of her group. Tetha x 5 - "Leader" of an impotent subsidiary to the RVHP. Maria Lombardi x 5 - "Leader" of the quite useless RHVP. Randomzero2 - Another RHVP "leader". Chainspawn - A typically loudmouthed youth in a typically juvenile Paramilitary. Dud - Chainspawn's squadmate. Squads? These NEDs wouldn't even last a training weekend with the Territorials. Ernesto Che Guevara. Some moron who fashioned himself after an earlier moron... a man who sent his bodyguards out to die for him, then surrendered and cried like a baby, begging to turn in his fellow revolutionaries in exchange for his life. The kind of person who worships Che offers nothing to Malton so I happily took him out. Victor Vandregas, a gauche recruiter for yet another absurd and juvenile militia. raesquirrel, a typically misguided apparatchik of the ludicrous militia, the DEM. Raesquirrel seemingly finds pleasure in calling for bounties on those of us who actually work for Malton's improvement and eventual recovery. My Kills:Bounties Collected on Me 35:0 I'm ahead of the game. Notes and Thoughts 2008-09-08, I've visited all corners of Malton over the past few months and am delighted to report a lack of celebrity scum. Slightly bored with the lack of quarry, I paid a visit to my dear old friends at the RHVP to remind them that decent Maltonians do not consent to their laughable claims of power. I took down their useless leader yet again. 2008-07-25, After days of deliberation, I took down Bob Newhart with a heavy heart. He's not the typical foulmouthed, ill-bred sort of celebrity that infests Malton, but as it is my mission to remove them all from our city, my duty was clear. And with the execution of Bob Newhart my message to the remaining Hollywood scum in our fair city is clearer still. In other news, on the way to give my regards to the RHVP, I stumbled across several of their members at a party. I executed the coarse and immodest RHVP zergers Maria and Tetha. I hope I didn't put a damper on the party by spoiling their latest attention seeking stage act. 2008-06-24, A bit of an embarrassment; I discovered a man who looked exactly like David Hasselhoff and in fact insisted that he was the Hollywood star / German musician. I kindly showed him the door, then went about my business searching for ammunition and food. I didn't notice the actor rise from the dead - he attacked, I fell, and now I'm at a friend's safe house some distance away, recovering from the revivification syringe's effects. Mr. Hasselhoff, we will meet again! 2008-06-18, I've had two rather absurd encounters with survivors during the past month. I believe they were either stringers for bounty hunters or bounty hunters themselves. As one would expect these individuals were quite childish, showing their hand before trying to take me. Luckily for those of us who actually work for the improvement of this city, we can generally count on these criminal types' ham-handed attempts at dramatic speech; too clever and too eager by far... I have a small network of friends and stringers that let me know of developments across the city. And the word is that Malton's celebrities are getting rarer by the day. I won't say that victory over the classless, spoiled Hollywood scum is at hand, but I do plan to spend much more of my time targeting those appalling militias. In this crisis, the most juvenile collections of vulgarians and NEDs imaginable have asserted control over certain portions of the city. Upstanding citizens of Malton do not consent to governance by these childish plebeians. We've endured their tyranny for too long. It's time to clean this city. 2008-04-11, By settling into my secured location, I have thus far managed to escape the massive zombie horde known as the Big Bash. From what I hear on the radio, the only pockets of life remain in the southwestern suburbs. Everywhere else is nearly depopulated. There is, therefor, a shortage of my primary quarry: celebrity scum! But plenty of zombies to keep my shooting skills sharp. And NEDs. As the great horde dissipates I will begin to venture out to revive points. I hope that other revivers do their part for Malton's future by leaving celebrity scum as shambling rotters. There's no need to revive celebrities and re-introduce their gauche lifestyles and trashy attitudes to our beloved Malton. As for known members of those ridiculous militias (e.g. the DEM, RHVP, TZH, and the like), let them rot. The terrible horde has swept Malton clean. This is our chance to revive and help repopulate Malton with only the best sorts of people! For Malton's future! 2008-01-25, Very pleased to take down the leader of another ridiculous local militia. A great kill; not only was he the leader of the juvenile and vulgar TZH, he was apparently a celebrity. Perfect target. Looking forward to Burns Nicht this evening with friends. I will drink deep with satisfaction! 2008-01-09, Enjoying a dram of Aberlour with a Hunt Club fellow, our talk flowed between topics: Malton's snowy Winter, past deer stalking trips, favourite fowling pieces, Scotch, and of course life in Malton. My friend leaned in and confided, "I have heard of your recent activities and wholeheartedly approve. Zeds be damned, this city is overrun with unsavoury characters. Gangs, delusional that their 5 square block fiefdoms mean anything. Drunk with their little bit of power, lead by the ignorant... Be careful out there! Many disapprove of your recent work. Some have sent out bounty hunters to find..." "Bounty hunters? No doubt 15 year olds barely off their mother's teat hopped up on Hollywood movies. If what you say is true, they haven't been very successful, now have they," I quipped. "It's a big city. And with NecroTech's miracle drug, does capital punishment really mean anything? I'll continue to discipline undesirables. For Malton." "For Malton," we toasted. Laughing and warmed by drink we finished off another dram, left our pub, and walked off into Malton's snowy streets.

* Shot before I was aware of 1) Her good work in Malton, and 2) The Honour Among Thieves policy.