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The Radical Whig
"Liberating your HPs and banging your mum. Or teenage daughter. I'm not picky."
Status
Defending Malton's liberty from the mindless, shambling masses, as well as from the zombies
History
February 17, 2012 - Radical's fiftieth Jacksonian hits the dirt and stays there. You're welcome, Royal Crown.
January 18, 2012 - Radical enters the Burchell Arms, Andrew Jackson's old haunts. Unsurprisingly, trenchie bodies littered the floor afterwards.
January 4, 2012 - Radical liberates his twenty fifth Andrew Jackson supporter from its dreary existence.
December 15, 2011 - Radical Whig joins the best group ever- the Flowers of Decay.
Why I killed you-You see, in late 2009, I spent the night in a library, after a hard days work rescuing survivors and fighting zombies. Yes, people actually did that back then. Anyways, some idiots then decide to go and overbarricade the place, completely trashing any exit routes.
So, I'm locked in the library's history section for quite a while, left to ponder my fate alone.
I go and pore over the same hundred books thousands of times. I developed a keen understanding of historical trends, the thoughts, the lives of people then, and compared them to the lives of people now. The battles, the agreements, the policies, the thoughts, the love, the hate, all of it.
And you know what I then realized? The people of Malton are WEAK. People were stronger in centuries past. Men and women fought, suffered and died for what they believed in. They shed blood for causes they knew may have been hopeless, they persisted in the face of certain annihilation, for their families, for ideals, for God, for country, for science, for whatever they believed in.
And in Malton? Pfft. All of you with your disgusting pub chatter and dicking around in Malls would abandon soulmates to painful death if it got in the way of your leisure. Mindlessly gathering ammo, overbarricading everything, wasting your time talking instead of actually fighting zombies. Pretending nothing is wrong overall. Then when the zombies pose a threat and must be driven off, you do what is in your nature and you run. Leaving the brave to their fates when you could have saved lives. You revel in your uselessness and celebrate your softness of intellect and skill.
So, when I finally broke free of my constraints two years later, I saw nothing but weakness in the world outside. Malton's decadence was obvious to me now. I did the logical thing and joined the Flowers of Decay. Hung up my toolbox and brought out the moon clips.
That's why we call you flotsam and kill you in your sleep. History tells us that only the strong will remain. And should you leave the zombie threat to grow while you party all night, they will be the strong. That's what the Flowers of Decay fix. We keep you sharp, and make your pitiful ass strong again, even against your will, so that future zombie uprisings will be met with strength, as it should be. Malton will be saved, even if it is radicals and murderers who must do the job.
Oh, and when you wake up and finally grow a spinal cord and gray matter, consider joining the Flowers of Decay in defending Malton, the only way it can be defended.
Why I chose the name Radical Whig.- There was one other very important thing I deduced while I was locked in the damned library.
Trenchcoaters. You know them as weakest and most actively counterproductive of flotsam and general scumbags. They did not arise out of nothing. They are popularly believed to be wannabe shits inspired mostly by the "The Matrix" film series. But there is a deeper, more historical cause to this plague.
Andrew fucking Jackson, former president of the United States of America from 1829 to 1837. Most of you know and admire him for fighting the British threat, preventing the American South's attempts at secession in 1833, and being a very accomplished duelist.
Of course, again, as mentioned before, the strong get their way in history. _Winners_ write history. Andrew Jackson was indeed a winner. Which is why you may know less of his many great sins. He committed genocide with the Indian Removal acts, caused the terrible Panic of 1837 with his boneheaded economic decrees, and unconstitutionally expanded the executive branch, setting an unfortunate precedent for abuse of power in future presidencies.
So, how the fuck does this relate to Malton? Well, it is Jackson's greatest sins that affects us today- this man was the first trenchcoater.
For how else would the trenchcoat been popular, were it not for Old Hickory killing the duelist Charles Dickinson through the use of a trenchcoat? The man who won the Battle for New Orleans through hiding and cowardly shooting from cover? The slaughter of Native Americans at designated revive points? Every single trenchcoater from Dakerswood to Whittenside prays to Jackson nightly for a Gatling gun, and all who rejoice in mindless flotsammery praise his name without cease! There can be no doubt that his disgusting legacy has greatly weakened the state of Malton. I can practically taste his fucking stench polluting Malton's hearts and intellects.
There can only be one solution.
Andrew Jackson must burn. BURN. HIS HEAD WILL BE MINE! DAMN YOU JAAAAAAACKSOOOOOOON!
...ahem. Sorry. But yeah, he's actually a very bad man. And that's why I'll put down Jacksonian trenchie scum in their tracks. This includes you, if you are one such reading this.
Bang.
Battle Honours
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IT'S A GOOD START
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| Kill 20 survivors.
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MULTI-KILL
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| Killed 3 survivors in a row.
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BEST SERVED COLD
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| Avenge another FOD member's death.
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DASTARDLY ROGUE
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| Achieved KOS status on the RG.
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GOLDEN GLOVE
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| Killed a Survivor with their Bare Hands.
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MEAN DRUNK
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| Killed a Survivor with a beer or wine bottle.
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A Rose By Any Other Name
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| Kill a survivor with a flower in their name or description.
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Déjà vu
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| Kill the same survivor twice within 24 hours.
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ZODIAC KILLER
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| Kill targets with creation dates of every zodiac sign.
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FOLLOW THE LEADER
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| Successfully lead a Strike.
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ZIDANE
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| Killed a Survivor with a Headbutt.
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AMMO DUMP
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| Used 48 straight AP firing pistols or shotguns.
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I'M JUST WARMING UP
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| Kill 50 survivors.
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FLORAL SACRIFICE
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| Went negative reviving another FOD.
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THE DOCTOR IS IN
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| Revived 10 FOD.
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HEAVY LIFTER
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| Dropped a target to 1HP and gave the kill to another FOD.
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GETTING HANDSY
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| Killed a Survivor with Maul attack.
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DOPPLEGANGER
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| Killed a survivor with a very similar name.
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Jacksonians liberated: 55
Righteous Comrades Revived: 12
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