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= Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009 =
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= Malton Observer: January 12th, 2009 =


The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
*'''Left 4 Dead''' - ''Just as frustrating as Urban Dead, but without all that stupid reading.''
*'''eBay''' - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
*'''Brute''' - How else will you learn?
*'''MEMS''' - We need more people to give a FAK


{|border="1"
{|border="1"
|-
|-
|[[#News at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|[[#The Last Several Months at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|-
|-
|[[#Of Malton and Music|Kids these days]]
|[[#Letter from the Editor|Letter from the Editor]]
|-
|-
|[[#Quis Custodiet: The Watchman's Journal|The riveting tales of a Malton Marshal]]
|[[#Interview with Al Bundy|An Interview with Al Bundy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Interview with Garviel Loken|Garviel grants an audience]]
|[[#Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate|The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy]]
|-
|-
|[[#Whatever That Means!|Whatever That Means!]]
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|}
|}


== News at a Glance ==
== The Last Several Months at a Glance ==
*'''Happy New Year!''' - I can haz a black president plz?
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[AZS]]''' - DEM to send aid to allies.
*'''Cineraryone Scares Kristi Away''' - According to secret sources.
*'''DORIS Ends War on [[AZS]]''' - That kind of sucked.
*'''[[Mall Tour '09]] Kicks Off''' - 2 down, 18 to go.
*'''[[PKA]] Disbands''' - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
*'''[[Northeastern Crusade]] Disbands''' - Declared a success by Loken 12 hours before Dulston is crushed by horde.
*'''Labine50 Retires from DEM''' - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I ''know'' this is joke."
*'''Study Shows Link Between Immorality and Poverty''' - Compares socioeconomic status with the number of presents received from Santa.
*'''John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief''' - It was nice working with you.
*'''Fanglord2 [http://z14.invisionfree.com/Brainstock/index.php?showtopic=8310&view=findpost&p=11887500 Speaks in Tongues]''' - Apparently, he was shooting for English.
*'''McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief''' - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
*'''Ferrum Leo Retires''' - Good luck, from all of us at the Observer!
*'''Urban Dead Dead?''' - Several plays unable to connect.
*'''Southrop Does Too!''' - Whoops.
*'''Urban Dead Back Up''' - Take that, real life.
*'''Fort Perryn To Be Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
*'''Fort Perryn Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
*'''Fort Perryn Falls''' - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
*'''Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return''' - Not this again...
*'''The Blackmore Building retaken!''' - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
*'''The Blackmore Building falls!''' - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
*'''Tom Chardon Steps Down''' - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
*'''First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue''' - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[TZH]]''' - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
*'''DORIS Forgets About War on [[TZH]]''' - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Banned''' - ...wait, what?
*'''Sonny Banned''' - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned''' - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
*'''DEM to Discuss Reforms''' - Cool sigbars for all!
*'''McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief''' - Good luck out there!
*'''Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief''' - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
*'''Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections''' - Voter turnout expected to be low.
*'''The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue''' - No, seriously.
*'''Brainstock Moves''' - [http://s1.zetaboards.com/brainstock/index/ Update those URLs!]
*'''Sonny Not Banned''' - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.


==Of Malton and Music==
== Letter from the Editor ==
So, some readers out there might remember my last submission from Christmas. On that subject, happy new year everyone! Hope it's been good so far. (Right, who am I kidding? I'm sure it's been miserable, and it's only going to get worse) Anyhow, since then I've been accepted back into the Malton Civil Defense Unit, so naturally I've been doing a lot of traveling over the past two weeks.
...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!


During my travels, I've been listening to my trusty MP3 player. Yeah, an MP3 player, my wage doesn't cover the price of an Ipod. Naturally, listening to music gives you a psychological boost, but it also gives you something to do during the many many hours of tedious barricading and bickering over who eats the last Rolo in a two block radius. So far I've got through two AC/DC albums and a few Hendrix tracks, something I told a survivor who was shacked up in a building the MCDU were protecting. Expecting a musical conversation to follow, I was a bit taken back when he asked:
Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)
"What's AC/DC?"


God damn it Malton! Just when I thought you couldn't get any worse, you throw musical heresy in my face. So this article is aimed at you, citizens of Malton, you citizens who listen to Ice Tea and 50 Pence and the like. Start listening to decent music, keep civilization alive! Seriously, this is more important than killing zombies, or hell, than celebrating Christmas! Just remember, you cant spell 'Crap' without 'Rap'.
On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -'''Labine50'''


--'''ridleysoul'''
== Interview with Al Bundy ==
'''Malton Observer: What's your character name?'''


==Quis Custodiet: The Watchman's Journal==
''Al Bundy: Al Bundy.''
It's been good helping out with restoration efforts and I was surprised to see how quickly life can return to a suburb when survivors work together to fix everything up. I was actually expecting it to take longer, but this came as a pleasant surprise for me to be able to return to bounty hunting so early. Since then, business has been slower than usual, though.


With most of Malton doing well, it seems the PKers are spreading out again, and I've been moving around from suburb to suburb relying on a Rogues Gallery that's no longer as reliable. I'm learning to rely more on my bounty hunter instincts more than the Rogues Gallery, though. It's more of a challenge to hunt this way, but then again, I haven't had a good challenge in a while.
'''MO: Time in the UD?'''


I've found a few notorious PKers, but mostly, I've only encountered minor offenders. They're not much of a threat to me, so I usually leave them alone. I can actually recall a few times when I've slept in the same safe house with them and woke up to find myself unharmed. In fact, one such case did happen recently, and it has to be one of the most curious I've had yet.
''AB: A few days''


Can you believe a marshal and a Red Rum member can sleep in the same safe house and not be at each other's throats? Well, it sure did happen, much to my surprise. You see, after wandering around for a while and finding no PKers, I decided to sleep in a dark building which was empty at the time. When I logged in the next day, I saw I had a new roommate.
'''MO: Your history here; some information of your character.'''


I also saw that a passing survivor said, "Sleep tight!" before leaving, and I reckoned they knew the survivor sleeping with me. I decided to check their profile. It turned out they were a member of Red Rum with a bounty on their head. So then I decided to check on my roommate's profile, and I found this survivor was a member of Red Rum, too, although they didn't have a bounty.
''AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman''


As you'd expect, I didn't stick around to ask any questions and left. I haven't seen either person since, but if I ever do, I'm sure the next time, they're probably going to notice my group tags. Since that incident, I haven't found any hunting grounds I can settle down in for a while. The nomadic lifestyle has its perks, though, and for now, I'm just going to enjoy them.
'''MO: What about "No Ma'am"?'''


--'''Watchman'''
''AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.''


==Interview with Garviel Loken==
'''MO: You are the leader of that group?'''
Always the subject of controversy, [[User:Garviel Loken|Garviel Loken]] heads the [[Imperium|Imperium of Man]], a survivor group grounded in the suburb of Gibsonton based on the Warhammer 40,000 universe. Garviel and the Imperium were propelled into the Malton limelight after being targeted by the Imperium Must Die coalition, the largest coalition of PKers and PKer groups to ever come together in Urban Dead. After suffering defeat at the hands of the IMD coalition, the original Imperium disbanded and Garviel left Malton for unrelated reasons. After returning to UD, Garviel has resurrected the Imperium to stand as a symbol of... something. Since the resurrection of the Imperium, both it and Garviel have become well-known for being targeted by griefers and trolls throughout Malton and its meta-verse. Why? Let's find out.


--'''William Told'''
''AB: I am the leader.''


'''Malton Observer: Can you tell us how you came to exist in Malton?'''
'''MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?'''


''Garviel Loken: The first Imperial forces in Malton were a group, now defunct, known as the Redemptionists. These were a devout group of followers of the Imperial Creed who were active just prior to the arrival of the Many for a short period until they were contacted by other Imperial forces and the Imperium was established as a formal presence due to the increasing mutant threat.''
''AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see''


'''MO: How does the definition of "Imperial Freedom" apply to Malton?'''
'''MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?'''


''GL: The Imperium considers the entire city to be a war zone so long as the mutant infestation remains.  As far as we're concerned, so long as other citizens in this city [do not] worship the Ruinous Powers, work against the Imperium directly, or [work] for any of the mutant hordes, what other citizens do is not our concern and we will provide medical assistance to any in need who are not enemies of the Imperium or Humanity in Malton.''
''AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful''


'''MO: As the new year begins, where do you see the Imperium of Man going as a group?'''
'''MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?'''


''GL: Perfecting our new organizational approach of having full-time Space Marine and Sisters of Battle strike teams and encouraging regular activity among our more casual personnel in the Imperial Guard and the Adeptus Mechanicus along with improving the Commissariat's efficiency and reputation.  As we grow we will be much more likely to send our Space Marines and Sisters of Battle to theaters of conflict further afield than just the extreme northeast as well as expanding the areas where we hold a more permanent presence as we pick up more people.''
''AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.''


'''MO: Does the Imperium of Man exist in other "realms"?<sup>*</sup>'''
'''MO: What can do the womens to stop that?'''


''GL: If Imperial forces are deployed in said sectors I have neither been informed of such deployments nor inquired to the status of said sectors mostly due to the demands of the situation in Malton.''
''AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.''


'''MO: If you had one message to tell our readers, what would that be?'''
'''MO: You love "Married With Children," no?'''


''GL: The Imperium stands on the side of Humanity without compromise. We do not wish to lord over anyone or cause unneeded drama.  We are here to fight the real enemy - the hordes that prowl this city - not other citizens.  We will only fight other humans if they attack us first.''
''AB: I love that show.''


'''MO: There have been allegations that the real Garviel Loken was deposed in a bloodless coup by members of the inquisition and his 2nd in command. How Do you respond?'''
--'''Lt. Mesa'''


''GL: There was a coup attempt that failed miserably resulting in the Lady Inquisitor, the head of the Inquisition at the time, being arrested [and] stripped of Command status [before] pleading guilty to the charges presented against her. Shortly after the Inquisitorial Mission was withdrawn from Hive Malton and the Commissariat was empowered to handle its duties in enforcing Imperial Law.''
== Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate ==
Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.


'''MO: How has the Imperium changed from where it was a year ago, in terms of group dynamics?'''
The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.


''GL: A year ago the Imperium was run as a somewhat decentralized confederation that barely registered on the stats page.  It was reformed towards the end of February of 2008 to serve as a more streamlined, highly centralized organization while still preserving the traditional internal autonomy of the various agencies that make up the Imperium.  Participation has always fluctuated, but we have a solid core that has always remained even during the interregnum when the Imperium dissolved at the end of May until August many of the original members came back to the fold when we reformed and have formed the foundation of our organization here, some of whom have been around for quite some time in Urban Dead.  Our common experiences of [[Big Bash 2]], the [[March of the Dead]], [[User:Saromu|Sonny]], the [[Malton Uprising|Uprising]], and now the [[Northeastern Crusade|Crusade]] have created strong bonds among active members through shared experience.''
All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.


'''MO: The Imperium Of Man has faced repeated adversity at the hands of Sonny, care to comment on your relationship?'''
--'''Labine50'''


''GL: Virtually every member of the Imperium despises Sonny for what he did last May as well as for his repeated, failed attempts to bring us down since then, and new members are quickly brought up to speed on [[Invasion of Gibsonton|what happened]] and [[Imperium Must Die|why]].  As far as we - as a group and as individuals - are concerned, if he disappeared tomorrow none would shed a tear. It is a celebrated occurrence when a member finds and executes one of his alts when they wander into our territory or operation zones.''
== Fun Corner ==
 
Zombie Pickup Lines:
'''MO: Do you foresee specific future conflicts ahead for the Imperium?'''
*What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
 
*I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
''GL: Once we finish operations in the Northeastern Crusade the Space Marines and Sisters of Battle will likely be on extended deployment in the ghost towns of the NW region of the city, beyond that I cannot say as that depends on what happens in the city relating to the hordes and their movements.  I can say we will not attempt something so foolhardy as to charge into Ridleybank guns blazing. When we go to war outside our territory we aim to fight wars we can win, not create new martyrs.''
*I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
 
*Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
'''MO: The Imperium currently claims [[Gibsonton]]. If the Imperium were to gain  additional forces to occupy and annex neighboring suburbs, which would be first on the Imperial agenda?'''
*I love you for your brain.
 
''GL: [[Santlerville]] then possibly [[Dunningwood]] since both are bordering Gibsonton and will make supply, movement, and coordination easier to facilitate.  Santlerville first owing to the [[Dowdney Mall|mall]] there making it both a good supply depot and that malls tend to be targeted by mutants and PKers ensuring we would have no shortage of work there.  From there likely any suburbs in the vicinity of Gibsonton for the same reason.''
 
'''MO: On the subject of Annexing territory, what would you expect form existing organizations? Would they be required to acknowledge the emperor as supreme? Do you foresee a difficult fight in the event that imperial forces are required to subdue the suburb by force?'''
 
''GL: We would neither ask nor impose anything on any groups in any areas we annex. When we do so we would be moving in to help those in the area, not to require or expect anything of them.  If any choose to join our forces they are very welcome, if groups wish to ally with us that is encouraged and we seek allies in our territories and neighboring regions, but we do not force people in line with what we do.''
 
'''MO: You mentioned that where imperial forces are present is not readily available to members of your command. Do you foresee expansion to other sectors in order to augment your supply chains?'''
 
''GL: If we have sufficient means to do so it may be possible.''
 
'''MO: The Imperium is rumored to have connections with the Guild of Mercenaries? We've recently become aware of a new mercenary group calling itself the [[Blue Aegis Group]]; what can you tell us about them?'''
 
''GL: Actually I know nothing of the Blue Aegis Group and none of their members have made contact with us to my knowledge.  We have contract mercenary services from the ZAF in the past through the Guild but that is the furthest extent of our involvement with the Guild.''
 
'''MO: What kind of capabilities do you foresee Strike Groups possessing?'''
 
''GL: Uniform implementation of X:00 tactics along with the means and training to operate in hostile territory far from secure lines of supply for extended periods of time.  Said Strike Groups are expected to be able to both work on their own and with the rest of the Imperium as the situation requires but with a high degree of coordination and efficiency.''
 
'''MO: Imperial Territory is currently limited to Gibsontown, and only Gibsontown. Is that correct or does the Imperium have minor enclaves outside Gibsontown?'''
 
''GL: In the past we had small enclaves outside of Gibsonton but at this time our only major territorial commitment is in Gibsonton, we may have deployments outside of Gibsonton but no territorial commitments of any size beyond that at this present time.''
 
'''MO: Thanks a lot for your time, Garviel'''
 
'''*<sub>[[Monroeville]] and [[Borehamwood]]</sub>
 
--'''Ferrum Leo'''
 
== Whatever That Means! ==
''A Q&A column with the Chardon siblings. Got a question? [mailto:askachardon@gmail.com askachardon@gmail.com Drop us a line!]''


--'''Tonyay163'''


[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
</font>
<noinclude>[[Category:Inclusions]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 16:51, 1 February 2011

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.

--Labine50

Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.

--Tonyay163

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