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= Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009 =
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= Malton Observer: February 3rd, 2009 =


The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:  
*'''Sloth''' - ''It's our favorite sin!''
*'''eBay''' - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
*'''Brute''' - How else will you learn?
*'''MEMS''' - We need more people to give a FAK


{|border="1"
{|border="1"
|-
|-
|[[#News at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|[[#The Last Several Months at a Glance|News at a Glance]]
|-
|-
|[[#Kristi of the Dead: A Tribute|Kristi retires!]]
|[[#Letter from the Editor|Letter from the Editor]]
|-
|-
|[[#Mall Tour '09|Tourism in Malton]]
|[[#Interview with Al Bundy|An Interview with Al Bundy]]
|-
|-
|[[#OMG Zmobie Spai!|An unprecedented look at scapegoats in Malton]]
|[[#Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate|The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy]]
|-
|[[#Fun Corner|Fun Corner]]
|}
|}


== News at a Glance ==
== The Last Several Months at a Glance ==
*'''MO Editor Disappears''' - I got better.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[AZS]]''' - DEM to send aid to allies.
*'''Chaos in Iceland''' - Has nothing to do with Malton.
*'''DORIS Ends War on [[AZS]]''' - That kind of sucked.
*'''Holy Crap!''' - Cineraryone ''did'' scare Kristi away!
*'''[[PKA]] Disbands''' - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
*'''Obama Ends Zombie Plague''' - Reportedly healed the afflicted by shooting rainbows from his hands.
*'''Labine50 Retires from DEM''' - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I ''know'' this is joke."
*'''Being a Zombie is Not a Crime''' - So quit bothering the RG mods!
*'''John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief''' - It was nice working with you.
*'''McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief''' - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
*'''Urban Dead Dead?''' - Several plays unable to connect.
*'''Urban Dead Back Up''' - Take that, real life.
*'''Fort Perryn To Be Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
*'''Fort Perryn Retaken''' - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
*'''Fort Perryn Falls''' - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
*'''Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return''' - Not this again...
*'''The Blackmore Building retaken!''' - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
*'''The Blackmore Building falls!''' - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
*'''Tom Chardon Steps Down''' - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
*'''First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue''' - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
*'''DORIS Declares War on [[TZH]]''' - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
*'''DORIS Forgets About War on [[TZH]]''' - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Banned''' - ...wait, what?
*'''Sonny Banned''' - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
*'''Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned''' - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
*'''DEM to Discuss Reforms''' - Cool sigbars for all!
*'''McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief''' - Good luck out there!
*'''Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief''' - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
*'''Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections''' - Voter turnout expected to be low.
*'''The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue''' - No, seriously.
*'''Brainstock Moves''' - [http://s1.zetaboards.com/brainstock/index/ Update those URLs!]
*'''Sonny Not Banned''' - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.
 
== Letter from the Editor ==
...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!
 
Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)
 
On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -'''Labine50'''
 
== Interview with Al Bundy ==
'''Malton Observer: What's your character name?'''
 
''Al Bundy: Al Bundy.''
 
'''MO: Time in the UD?'''
 
''AB: A few days''
 
'''MO: Your history here; some information of your character.'''
 
''AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman''
 
'''MO: What about "No Ma'am"?'''
 
''AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.''
 
'''MO: You are the leader of that group?'''
 
''AB: I am the leader.''
 
'''MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?'''
 
''AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see''
 
'''MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?'''


==Kristi of the Dead: A Tribute==
''AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful''
I don't claim to know Kristi of the Dead as well as some others might, or perhaps even as well as I should have. However, in the days following her official departure I felt I should make some tribute to her long UD career, and that's the main reason I'm writing this.


Kristi's achievements and qualities are too many to list, but the words "great leader" always come to mind. We didn't always see eye-to-eye in Council, but I knew she always had the DEM's best interests at heart. She was always ready, it seemed, to fiercely defend us from the "mongrel hordes" of General Chat.
'''MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?'''


More than that she brought numerous intiatives and ideas to Council, and has probably had more effect on the DEM as it is today than any other DEM Chairperson in a seemingly short 23 months in the position. She was even a great Fire Chief, to the point where the position seemed to be cursed after she left, the next three fire chiefs lasting only two months each.
''AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.''


There is much more I could and want to say, but I'm finding that I have to restrain myself from prattling on too much. To summarize, Kristi's departure is a great loss for not only the DEM and the Brainstalkers, (Presumably the latter anyway, I'm not actually a member.) but to the entire community. There were many outside of the groups she was in who knew her, and I'm sure they will, like me, remember her as more than just a name in some ancient wiki archive page.
'''MO: What can do the womens to stop that?'''


-'''Labine50'''
''AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.''


==[[Mall Tour '09]]==
'''MO: You love "Married With Children," no?'''
Yes, the Mall Tour is back for 2009. As many veterans know, the Mall Tour started after the zombies went [[On Strike|on strike]] years ago. After the update that boosted the disenfranchised zombie population's strength, the protestors went on a [[Mall Tour '06|tour]] throughout Malton, emptying 18 malls of their occupants. The only mall they assaulted that didn't fall to them was Caiger, which remained undefeated for some time. This was the first time any group had ever toured throughout Malton. The Mall Tour was [[Mall Tour '07|revived]] in 2007, again sweeping through Malton's malls, emptying 19 of the 20 malls. Caiger was already in zombie hands when the tour started.


This year, however, is different in that it is the first Mall Tour to take place since zombies have taken to ruining buildings. While this means more work for cleanup crews, the mobility of the Mall Tour means that zombies quickly move on. Fortunately for survivors, no suburbs have been held by the zeds for more than a few days so far.
''AB: I love that show.''


The Mall Tour has, as of this issue, ruined Woodroffe Mall and will likely spread the destruction to other areas of Tollyton. From there, they will likely move on either to [[Nichols Mall]] in [[Stanbury Village]] or [[Blesley Mall]] in [[Gulsonside]]. The DEM encourages all survivors from the surrounding areas to aid in the defense of these malls and the recovery of the suburbs of [[Roftwood]] and [[Tollyton]]. If you wish to help fight the hordes, check their page to see [[Mall Tour '09 #Where is The Mall Tour 2009?|where they are]]. While most malls have fallen quickly, some might hold out against the horde with enough coordination and numbers.
--'''Lt. Mesa'''


--'''William Told'''
== Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate ==
Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.


==OMG Zmobie Spai!==
The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.
Throughout Malton, survivors hear tales of the infamous [[zombie spy]]. They are called many things: Zed Sympathizer, Spai, Krampus, Everyone in your Safehouse. The stories of their horrible deeds permeate Urban Dead legends: They murder helpless civilians, they destroy generators, they torture babies with red-hot pokers... but many newcomers might find themselves wondering, "What the hell is a zombie spy, really?" This reporter set out to answer this question, that we might better understand the zmobie spaiz and the idiots who kill them.


A zombie spy is loosely defined as any survivor who works to help zombies. "But Will, how do I know if they're on the zeds' side?" Short answer: You don't. The criteria for what it means to be a spai is different for every person. Some people consider someone to be a spai if they scout behind barricades to locate targets for zombies, but the crimes that have been associated with spaiz are various. The more conservative users of the term only use it to refer to survivors known for [[GKing]] and [[Death Cultist|death-culting]]. Others are less discerning in its application, punishing anyone having too many zombie skills or, as Raharu once aptly put it, "being, on occasion, a zombie." Accusations are also thrown for various other reasons, such as having the word "zombie" in your name or being the wrong place at the wrong time.
All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.


Now that you know what a spai is, it's time you knew the real threat behind these zed-sympathizers: Spai hunters. People who actively hunt down and kill people because they think these people are spaiz are idiots. Sure, it can be helpful to kill a GKer or a death cultist, but killing someone because they ''might'' be giving away survivor positions to zombies is incredibly stupid. Most of the time, it amounts to nothing more than a wasteful witch hunt that keeps survivors from doing anything useful. Don't give in to the fear-mongering idiocy.
--'''Labine50'''


--'''William Told'''
== Fun Corner ==
Zombie Pickup Lines:
*What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
*I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
*I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
*Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
*I love you for your brain.


--'''Tonyay163'''


[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
[[Category:The Malton Observer]]
</font>
<noinclude>[[Category:Inclusions]]</noinclude>

Latest revision as of 16:51, 1 February 2011

Malton Observer: August 23rd, 2009

The Malton Observer would like to thank its sponsors:

  • eBay - Who doesn't want a piece of you?
  • Brute - How else will you learn?
  • MEMS - We need more people to give a FAK
News at a Glance
Letter from the Editor
An Interview with Al Bundy
The Hardcore Rockabilly Controversy
Fun Corner

The Last Several Months at a Glance

  • DORIS Declares War on AZS - DEM to send aid to allies.
  • DORIS Ends War on AZS - That kind of sucked.
  • PKA Disbands - Analysts blame Blanemcc.
  • Labine50 Retires from DEM - Doctor Tom quoted, "See, now I know this is joke."
  • John Cannonfodder steps down from Fire Chief - It was nice working with you.
  • McCrunchky to take over as Fire Chief - Congratulations, McCrunchky!
  • Urban Dead Dead? - Several plays unable to connect.
  • Urban Dead Back Up - Take that, real life.
  • Fort Perryn To Be Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Godspeed you poor fools."
  • Fort Perryn Retaken - Brainstock member quoted, "Survivors seriously took back Perryn? For more than a minute?"
  • Fort Perryn Falls - Brainstock member quoted, "I never thought YOU would die."
  • Team Zombie Hardcore Makes Triumphant Return - Not this again...
  • The Blackmore Building retaken! - Hard Knock Life and Axes High take back landmark.
  • The Blackmore Building falls! - Joint operation fails to keep building secured.
  • Tom Chardon Steps Down - GFJ to take over as Chief of Forensics.
  • First Annual Summer Solstice Fire Drill and Annual Barbecue - The first of what is expected to be an annual event a success.
  • DORIS Declares War on TZH - To avenge death of Michael Jackson.
  • DORIS Forgets About War on TZH - Or something. I'm not exactly sure.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Banned - ...wait, what?
  • Sonny Banned - Due to apparent involvement in spying.
  • Hardcore Rockabilly Un-Banned - Miscommunication blamed for incident.
  • DEM to Discuss Reforms - Cool sigbars for all!
  • McCrunchky steps down from Fire Chief - Good luck out there!
  • Choppers McGee to take over as Fire Chief - Make sure you save enough time to right articles!
  • Several DEM Groups to hold Fake Elections - Voter turnout expected to be low.
  • The Malton Observer Publishes New Issue - No, seriously.
  • Brainstock Moves - Update those URLs!
  • Sonny Not Banned - "Unban Sonny" protests expected to continue anyway.

Letter from the Editor

...aaaaaaand we're back! Not exactly back with a bang, I know. With retirements galore and all kinds of other stuff going on, we're a bit... *Ahem* Short-staffed. Still though, it will take more than some staffing problems to silence this paper!

Please welcome to the Malton Observer team our latest reporter, Lt. Mesa! He did an interview with Al Bundy, which you can obviously read below. (One of the articles that trickled in between last February and today.)

On the retirement side, we say goodbye to Watchman, Ridleysoul, the Chardons, Ferrum Leo, and William Told. We all wish them the best IRL or wherever they ended up. Glad to see you back, too, -Labine50

Interview with Al Bundy

Malton Observer: What's your character name?

Al Bundy: Al Bundy.

MO: Time in the UD?

AB: A few days

MO: Your history here; some information of your character.

AB: My name is Al Bundy, I'm a shoe salesman

MO: What about "No Ma'am"?

AB: No Ma'am is group to stop the advancemen of women.

MO: You are the leader of that group?

AB: I am the leader.

MO: Why you think woman situation in UD is bad for us [the men]?

AB: Women should not have a role in Malton, they will turn us into man-servants. Already you see men bowing down to them because they attempt to control everything they see

MO: What you think about men playing a woman role?

AB: Men should never pretend to be women, that is shameful

MO: Things you need to begin your "work"?

AB: I need more men and a list of females to begin my work.

MO: What can do the womens to stop that?

AB: Women could stop me by banning me from here, [Brainstock] which is cowardly.

MO: You love "Married With Children," no?

AB: I love that show.

--Lt. Mesa

Hardcore Rockabilly-Gate

Very few people are left on Brainstock don't know about Hardcore Rockabilly's ban in early July. I doubt any single event has caused quite such a political hail storm for the Brainstock Team. The entire reason behind the ban was the apparent breach of "Rule 10", the anti-spying rule. Allegedly, Hardcore was reading aloud a DEM Council discussion to several people in Skype; some of whom weren't in the DEM. As it was later revealed, there were in fact no members of the Skype conversation that were not in the DEM at the time. Many are inclined to point the blame for the incident at the person who reported the alleged spying, but I don't think he is to blame. As he has since said, it was a very spur of the moment decision.

The actual validity of the ban aside, it has raised questions of the reliability of the Brainstock Team. Hardcore remained banned as long as he did due to most of the admin staff being off on vacation during the summer. Personally, I can't blame them for taking advantage of the often too short season. Other issues such as the ban before it was adequately researched remain untouched on, (As is the case with the related banning of Sonny) however it can be argued that it doesn't really matter since everyone is starting off with clean slate on the new board.

All in all, this doesn't seem to be a case of neglect or rule breaking, but rather a simple mistake made from a lack of communication. Nobody is really at fault here, and if they were, it wouldn't matter with the new board and all previous bans repealed. Perhaps we should all just be a bit more careful in the future.

--Labine50

Fun Corner

Zombie Pickup Lines:

  • What's a decomposing, maggot infested girl like you doing in a mausoleum like this?
  • I'm a walking stiff! I don't need Viagra!
  • I would give my right arm for a night with you. Here, take it!
  • Is that a wooden stake, or are you just happy to see me?
  • I love you for your brain.

--Tonyay163

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