User:Hashk/Jose Cojones

Actor Jorge Cervera, Jr. plays Sr. Cojones socializing at a very merry soirée in Tijuana, right before departing to his fateful vacation in Malton. Yes, he really carries that much ammunition with him. Airport security gave him hell on that occasion.

Hola vato. I'm José Cojones. I came here to see the architecture and the pretty señoritas.

Summary

Race:	Human
Class:	Civilian, Consumer
ID:	Urban Dead profile
Status:	Bien muerto.
Location:	North Blythville or thereabouts
Kills:	45 zombies
Revives:	10
Deaths:	7 by zombie, 1 by PKer, 3 by trenchie at an RP

January 2009

Wednesday, the 28th

Hahaha! Come on, let's celebrate! Sí, I know, this is not over, we have to fight the MOB again. But I'm sure we are being one enorme pain in the ass to them! Ha! Here's for frustrating those pendejos! ¡Salud!

Ahh yes. Chingón. See vato, last week, Friday before sunrise I think, I entered Marven Mall and almost cried right there. 20 zombies right in front of me, blood and guts of all these kids you see here today, smeared all over the walls. It was fucking espantoso, amigo, I almost puked. And I got angry. ¡Encabronadísimo! So I damned them all and started shooting, one after the other. Hijos de la chingada, they got some lead. I got bitten, didn't care. It was getting all blurry from blood loss, but I couldn't know, I thought it was the tears... yes cabrón, lagrimotas, fat like the raindrops in Guadalajara. I mean, when it rains.

I finally realized I was dying when I noticed this cabron healing me while I was shooting! He saved my life, gracias cabron, I remember you. Came back to my senses, didn't finish the third zombie and escaped. Por patas, ni pedo... but I really was fucked, fading fast. I reach the safehouse, drop my ass down in a corner and start thinking of getting some medicine... when this pendejo comes out of nowhere and shoots me! I couldn't understand until the third shot, he was going to kill me. Shot again, then stabbed me with a navaja.

I remember the shit-eating grin on his shit eating face while I was going down. It's good I remember it. I gives me something to look forward to... nah I won't tell you what I'm gonna do to this hijo de puta. It's gross, I don't want to hurt your sensibility hahaha!

Y vale madre, he's dead anyway, I saw him yesterday wandering around the revive point, con la cola entre las patas, trying to pass off as a decent zombie. Pinche jodido. I don't think he's gonna get revived soon... but I almost wish he was. Almost.

Hey, you wouldn't have a cigarrillo on you? Ah, gracias guey, you're la macana.

So I got revived by some other cabron I remember well, and escaped to rest and arm myself. Then I got back. Ha! Lemme tell you, yesterday I was hiding with some cabrones near the mall, one guey enters and says, there's zeds in Gotch PD! Or something. I went, la verga del gorila qué, and headed for the mall. It was empty! Save for three zombies and a couple survivors. Well I shot a zed, dumped his ass, then remembered priorities and checked the building. Look, I don't want to brag or anything, but, you know who finished repairing Marven Mall? This cabron you see here! Hahaha! Checa it out: 1, 2.

Nah, of course this is not my work. It's all these good cabrones and fine morritas you see here, they did it all. Well okay, we did it. Vale madre, I'm so fucking happy I'd be shooting the ceiling, if ammo were not so hard to find hahaha!

Ah haha... yeah. Hey, but I'm not so tapado to not know this is not over, of course. I hear Pippard's fallen, and the MCM hospital in Greentown. I worry about those cabrones. Maybe the zombies are getting smarter, coz you see, if there's no FAKs then there's no needles, and if there's no needles, none of us loudmouth shooters would be here. So I'm going to rest a bit, and if things keep calm here, I'll head a bit norte and see if I can shoot some zeds there. I don't think I'll get the chance, but that's my plan.

Get some rest cabron, we're going to need it.

Thursday, the 22th

No time to talk vato, I'll be quick. Muchos thank you to the cabron that revived me. I remember your jeta, will return the favor when I can.

I had to take a short vacation away from the chingadazos at Marven Mall. Just came back, rested and armed. So I enter the mall and there's 50 zombies cara de culo in the SW corner. ¡Cincuenta! Pheeew... ¡carajo! They're gathering there for some reason... and there's still people in the mall! Don't know how they stay alive. As soon as I go inside, two zombies start chewing on my arm. Don't want to waste ammo, so I got out rapidito.

I'm waiting with other vatos now, taking a breath, seeing what the zeds are up to. Will get me three before sleeping again. Or we'll all be dead by the morning. It's chido with me any way.

Update: José is dead again. He killed two zeds in Marven, wounded a third one, and yelled at a whole lot of them. Badly wounded himself, he managed to limp to the safehouse, only to be stabbed on arrival by a PKer de mierda.

Sunday, the 18th

José is dead. The pendejo walked over to the Pippard Building, shot one zed, and barely returned to the Preston Building, with 1 AP left, just in time for the MOB strike.

At least he did go down shooting.

Saturday, the 17th

Sit down, amigo, drink with me. No we're not friends I know, but who gives a fucking carajo? This whole town is a hell hole and I don't want to drink alone. Come on sit down, let's talk while we wait for more zombies.

Hahaha strong stuff eh? Good shit. Next chug goes down easier.

Let me tell you, I'm very cansado, amigo, mucho worn out. I been shooting zombies every day, not sleeping, just looting this mall for ammo and medicine. Oh sure I had my fun, plenty excitement. I remember the first time a zombie walked up to me... ¡ay hijo de la chingada! So ugly I nearly shit my pants! But next one, that one took a bullet... en la cabezota, amigo: ¡pum! Balazo in the head! Hahaha right here, you see? But it didn't die. No. Stood up. So it took another, and another. I emptied my guns on the fucker and he keeps biting, I had to run like a desgraciado.

But I'm rambling again. Pass me the bottle, amigo.

So look, I don't even remember how I ended up here, Blythville Sur. I think I died at some point, it was a nightmare... but who cares now. I couldn't have come here at a worst time! Hahaha see I don't have two days in the suburb, word on the street is MoB coming to trash the pueblo! Pinnnches zombies culeros. So I walk to these two güeyes who seem to know what they're doing, and said what now, do we hide here, do we run? One just got there from Bly Norte, says doesn't matter, the zeds will tear down everything. But the other, that one was tired of running. He said "I'm staying here." Then other said "me too, we can put up a good fight."

I went "¡a güevo!" It was music to my ears, estoy hasta la madre of running too. You are no kind of man if you let anyone chase you, amigo, you are the one who chase. ¡Hay que ser hombre, no payaso!

And so, here we are. Look at me, I don't have more guns and ammo on me because I can't carry more. And I know we can't win this fight... but I'm going down shooting, cabrón, not running. And look! We've been holding the MoB back! So far I kicked seven MOB asses here, and will get me more mañana. Hahaha!

Bueno amigo, gracias for the talk. Let's get some sleep while we can. Wake me up when they arrive.

Suerte, vato.

Wednesday, the 7th

First zed killed, after only injuring I don't know how many. Ha!

Miscellaneous Junk

	Mexican
	This user is Mexican.

	Consumer
	This user is a consumer and is probably off looting a mall.

	Trigger Happy
	This user has guns. Do not cross them.