Nickells Grove

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Nickells Grove

Miltown [99,99]

Dawson Way McCullack Bank Border
Perram Square Nickells Grove Border
Border Border Border

Basic Info:

  • A Street is a city block containing no buildings or monuments. There are a variety of other names besides Street including Alley, Avenue, Boulevard, Drive, Grove, Lane, Row, Square, Walk, Place, etc.
  • This is an empty block, and cannot be barricaded.



Here, at the whispery fringe of Malton, only the dead remain.


Nickells Grove is best known for the forgotten promises it represents. It is now rather unfortunately situated at the extreme south-eastern corner of what we refer to as the "quarantine zone", bordered by towering walls and menacing machine-gun turrets. However, before the military made the grim decision to lock down the city of Malton, Nickells Grove was quite a different place.

On July 2nd, 2005, Nickells Grove was officially opened by the city of Malton. There was a grand ribbon-cutting ceremony with celebrities and luminaries from around the world in attendance. A parade triumphantly marched down the Grove while children and the young-at-heart looked on with lolypops in their eyes. Of course, Nickells Grove, the ribbon ceremony, and the parade were all in celebration of the eagerly anticipated and globally heralded "Nickells Glorious Funland of Endless Amusement and Miraculous Mirth".

Nickells Glorious Funland

These children could have had the time of their lives

Nickells Glorious Funland of Endless Amusement and Miraculous Mirth (Nickells Funland, for short) was an inconceivably beautiful dream that had been 5 years in construction and a lifetime in the making. At the young age of 3, it is said, young Nathaniel Nickells fell from the edge of a table where he had been carelessly left unattended. In the brief moment of the fall, with the balance of his existence hanging precariously between life and death, he had an incredible vision. It was a vision so sweet and pure, so utterly merry and joyous, that it would come to singularly define every subsequent moment of Nathaniel Nickells' life. Nickells had a vision of a place, a perfect happy place, where all the children of the world, and all the happy people and gloomy people and fat people and the old and skinny people - all the people who had given their lives over to despair and depravity and addiction - where they could all join together in the sweet, overwhelming bliss of an amusement park so incredibly fun that they could forget all their worries and live as carefree babes again, if only for a day or two.

Looks delicious

Nathaniel insisted that his Funland should remain accessible to children from all social and economic backgrounds. There were outreach programs the world-over designed to air-lift poor children from the worst slums and ghettos and let them spend the day in the Funland. Nickells Funland would be both heavenly, and down to earth. It would feature nutritionally balanced yet delicious vegitarian feasts, organic fair-trade shade-grown bird-friendly coffee, and cotton candy cupcakes. Nickells Grove was designed as a humble, ordinary street with mock residential houses and parked-car props. The homes were examples of sustainable living practices and they would be used to house disadvantaged children when the Funland opened.

Malton, Capital of the World

We can only imagine the fun this guy would have had in the VR booths

After a lifetime of building the multi-billion dollar Nickells brand, and positioning himself as an entertainment mogul unrivaled among all but the deceased Walt Disney, Nathaniel Nickells was ready to build the Funland of his dreams. It was a sprawling, ambitious project, for Nickells Funland was conceived as a city unto itself. However, it was Nathaniel's dream that the Funland be accessible to everyone, so that it could touch the lives of all the citizens of earth. Therefore he insisted that Nickells be built on the outskirts of an existing town.

Having spent his summers in Malton with an aunt in his youth, Nathaniel chose our historied city as the site of Nickells Funland. Obviously, such a massive attraction would not only transform the undeveloped country-side upon which it was built, but would also have repercussions for the City of Malton itself. As part of the 5 year hype-machine leading up to the unveiling of Nickells Funland, the City launched a global-add campaign featuring all it had to offer, with prominent images of Nickells Funland and the slogan "Malton, Capital of the World".

It seemed Malton was on the precipice of something truly trancendent.

A day in the Sun

On July 2nd, 2005 immediately after the parade and ribbon-cutting ceremony, 195 lucky children were allowed into the park for a sneak preview, with each child representing a different country from planet earth (including the Vatican City, Kosovo, and Taiwan). The Funland was fully staffed in all it's glittering glory, and for a day, the children were allowed to roam free and enjoy the many wonders that Nickells Funland had to offer.

Maltonians could have enjoyed communing with Earth's 2nd most intelligent species

We can only guess at the inspiring sights and endless amusement they experienced, for no press or cameras were allowed into the Funland. Truly, the pre-opening was intended to be a day set aside for the lovely children of planet earth. It was an opportunity for the future of humanity to come together and play in the kool-aid fountains, run wild through the VR booths unlimited by imagination, or strap themselves into the TORMENTOR!© and experience a death-defying, vertigo-enducing thrill-a-minute 20-mile long roller-coaster with turns that exert over 15 times the force of gravity on your neck and spine. Of course, there were press-packets released prior to the opening of the park. And from those glossy pamphlets we can surmise the joy and wonder those 195 children must have felt. They may have chosen to scuba-dive with friendly dolphins before being flushed out of the tank into a waterslide. They might have taken the "free jump", an amazing multi-sensory entertainment experience inside a rising platform that ends in a 5 minute free-fall. We'll never know. When the children emerged from the Funland they were smiling and speechless, apparently too happy to begin to put their experience into words. If the children have spoken about their time since since July 2nd, we aren't aware of their praise.

Aliksru (middle) is still smilling after his visit to Nickells

However, the photograph on the left was recently recovered in a military supply crate in Shackleville. The child in the middle has been identified as Aliksru, from the Federated States of Micronesia, one of the 195 children who was let into the Funland. In the picture, he appears to be at home with his family, still happy. Whether the picture arrived by accident or was intended as a message is unknown.

Worst Day Ever!

The Grand Opening didn't go so well

The Grand Opening of Nickells Glorious Funland of Endless Amusement and Miraculous Mirth, July 3rd, 2005, will undoubtedly go down in history as the most ill-timed grand opening in all of human history. That date, of course, marks the beginning of the Malton quarantine. The city was ablaze with excitement. The world watched with anticipatory delight, and then abject horror, as the military initiated a Draconian lock-down of the city.

When the border walls went up, seemingly overnight, what was once a gateway to Endless Amusement and Miraculous Mirth suddenly became the southwestern-most corner of the quarantine zone. Armed troops first erected barbed-wire fences, followed immediately by impregnable walls directly on the edge of Nickells Grove, separating Maltonians from their Glorious Funland.

As families raced to get their loved ones across the rapidly expanding wall, as stone-faced mercenary troops fired into crowds of panicked civilians, it became clear that Nickells' dream of a sweeter future was having its head cracked open and its brainz devoured by the dark zombie of despair. It may just be a rumor, but some survivors from the border recall seeing Nathaniel Nickells himself, adorned in full clown-gear, bellowing an ancient cry of despair into the streets, his candy nose-paint and licorice hair-dye streaming down his face, clutching a dozen shinny balloons.

Life Beyond the Walls?

Information from the border zone is generally unreliable as Miltown is heavily infested with undead hordes at this time. However, some brave or generally stupid survivors have reported hearing the laughter of children and the screams and cheers of exhilarated thrill-seekers echoing from above the mountainous heights of the border walls. Of course, it's possible those very same screams are the screams of stragglers having their intestines violently removed, and the creepy possibilities of laughing zombie children are too terrible to imagine.

Still, it has raised the haunting question, "Has life beyond the walls gone on without us?" Surely it would be impossible for an amusement park to draw tourists to its gates, with the knowledge that on the other side of the wall other humans were trapped in a hellish cycle of death and vengeance. Or at least, it doesn't seem likely...

Citizens can still simulate some of the wonder of Nickells Funland with a day-trip to Blight Park

Rather than dwell on the subject. Maltonians who wish to recapture some of the innocence of their youth may still find some shred of sollace at Blight Park (itself an amusement park with an ill-timed opening), located in Crowbank. While the rides there tend to be a little "worn", they are at least on this side of the quarantine wall.