The Malton Observer/092108
Malton Observer: September 21st, 2008
The Malton Observer would like to thank it's sponsors:
- The Malton Block Party - What more could you want?
| News at a Glance |
| Literary Review: The Manifesto |
| The Malton Uprising: Timeline |
| The Malton Uprising: A Semi-Objective Summary |
| Trenchipendence Day |
| Whatever That Means! (Q&A) |
| Fun Corner |
News at a Glance
- Malton Block Party begins - 90% of Malton Observer staff take vacation.
- Ashate is always right - It shouldn't even be in question by now.
- The Malton Uprising Update - Many suburbs liberated of all DEM members. (And all the other survivors, too.)
- "Spore" released - Active UD accounts take another dive.
- <title> - <humorous text>
- Kali on Manifesto - "Not Rape" Read more
Letter from the Editor
Welcome to a special edition of The Malton Observer! You'll likely notice that most of the writing staff didn't contribute. This is mostly my fault; RL has been hectic and only one person wrote anything without me reminding them of the next due-date.
In any case, I hope they all enjoy the vacation, and I hope you enjoy reading content from two new contributors, Father R. Thompson and William Told!
Be sure to check out the Malton Block Party, -Labine50
Literary Review: The Manifesto
Since its liberation on August 31, 2008 at 6:00 pm, the Manifesto of the Malton Uprising has drawn harsh criticism from many in Malton. One incredibly handsome and charming critic went so far as to publicly say, "[The Manifesto] raped the English language, even without the [horrendous] typos." Several Maltonians, including notable murderers, complained that the document was rife with typos, misused words repeatedly, and had far too many metaphors. Oxymoronic lines such as, "We are the silent majority. We are those which have no superiority in numbers, no reinforcements, no armies at our backs," left this critic wondering whether or not the writer of the Manifesto, the enigmatic Mr. Strange, had any idea what some of the trite phrases that plagued the document actually meant.
The title under which the document was initially posted, "Liberación de Manifesto," drew fire from speakers of multiple languages. Some of the multilingual concerns were addressed later via Philosophe Knight Doctor Tom's revisions (which included many spelling and grammar corrections) and Father Thompson’s revising the title to read, "Manifesto de Liberación," at the request of Mr. Strange. The Spanish translation of the title, "Manifiesto de Liberación," was either not included in the revisions or misspelled once again.
In response to some of these critiques, Kali –aka Christie O'Malley of the Creedy Guerilla Raiders– said this: "Histrionic it may be, but I've read plenty of rapes of the English language, and that certainly wasn't one of them." Kali backed up her stalwart defense of the literary value of the Manifesto by using the word "histrionic" correctly in a sentence, forcing many Brainstock members from both sides of the debate to use a dictionary in what is universally praised as one of the greatest achievements of the Malton Uprising. Well played, Kali.
In the interest of fairness, I should point out that the Manifesto has gone through several sweeping revisions on its wiki page. However, most writers revise their work before releasing it. This is not a read for the educated Maltonian.
-William Told (English major)
The Malton Uprising: Timeline
The Malton Uprising so far (And events leading up to it)-
- I recruit a bunch of people to kill Alpharius. This fails when Alphy mysteriously disbands a few hours before the attacks were set to begin. Three ex-GN members killed anyway.
- Alpharius, with a butthurt level of >9000, decides not to quit UD forever like he had planned, rather deciding to make me pay for killing three people.
- Alpharius waits a few months until early August to warn me of the imminent downfall of the DEM, or something like that.
- Secruss starts the Malton Uprising.
- Perverted chess-game of forum/wiki drama ensues.
- Secruss starts reforms the Uprising with a Manifesto.
- Perverted chess-game of forum/wiki drama continues.
- DEM members cower in fear as the glorious Imperium of Man band together with The Malton Uprising.
- Northeastern political situation finally blows up after a few months of tension and the DEM is asked by the Dulston Alliance to leave an area I had, 2 or so months ago, suggested the NE crews avoid.
- Glorious victory claimed when several suburbs are rid of DEM members. (And all other survivors.)
- You read this timeline.
-Labine50
Disclaimer: My views of that do not necessarily reflect that of the DEM. More often than not they don't, actually. In other words, Labine != DEM.
The Malton Uprising: A Semi-Objective Summary
On September 1, 2008, eight days before the set date, the Malton Uprising rose up. A coalition largely consisting of PKer groups, though some survivor groups also participated, the Uprising was created with the stated goal of making the DEM change several of its policies by killing members of DEM groups and attempting to forcibly remove them from 19 suburbs, though their Manifesto was later revised to use less forceful language. The Uprisers flocked to Brainstock's General Chat forums to put forth their views on various DEM policies and activities. As is usually the case, ignorance plagued both side of the debate: Many members of DEM groups were confused about the demands put forth on the Manifesto and felt affronted as other groups were trying to dictate their groups' internal policies. Many Uprisers were misinformed about the internal organization of the DEM, the relationship between the DEM and the Rouges Gallery, and the details of DEMON and IMP. Naturally, flames consumed General Chat.
The groups that eventually formed the Uprising had joined for a variety of reasons. Some, such as the Burchell Arms Regulars, had been allies of the DEM before joining the coalition. BAR alleged that, members of the Malton Marshals had been collecting bounties on their members, while members of DEM groups had been telling their members what barricade levels in their turf should be and had been spraying over their tags with recruitment slogans, all running counter to DEM policy. The Imperium of Man felt betrayed by the DEM during the Invasion of Gibsonton by the Imperium Must Die coalition. Common complaints revolved around the DEM's perceived reliance on the Rogues Gallery, the use of the DEMON and IMP tools, and the DEM’s alt policy, which many believed to condone alt-abuse.
The DEM's initial response consisted of a smug smile and a roll of the eyes. After the membership of the Uprising was revealed, however, some began to take notice. Several members of DEM groups joined the fray: Some attempted to address concerns intelligently, while others trolled mercilessly, and still others did both. Several DEM leaders expressed their disappointment that some allied groups had joined the uprising instead of speaking to DEM representatives about these issues. As the flames rose higher and the same points were brought up again and again, much to the frustration of those defending the DEM, Kristi of the Dead formally asked that no member of a DEM group post replies in any Uprising topics in General Chat, and the discussion was moved to different forums. Meanwhile, the DEM Council, made up of the upper echelons of the DEM member-groups and Academy, postponed putting into effect the revised alt policy, which had been in development for several months.
The effectiveness of the killings is also debatable. While Spartan Roy Banes was credited with an amazing three kills on the first day, incredibly handsome MFD firefighter William Told was seen mocking the Uprising groups Flowers of Disease and Mostly Harmless for failing to kill him after both groups made attempts on his life while in "contested" Vinetown. Many members of DEM groups complained of being killed several times a week, but many also claimed to have noticed little to no rise in deaths while in the "contested" territories. Most members of DEM groups have completely refused to retaliate or alter their daily operations in any way, aside from being slightly more selective when choosing safehouses.
The true impact of the Malton Uprising will not be determined by the body count, but rather by whether or not the leaders of both the DEM and Malton Uprising can sit down and discuss the issues raised by this coalition. The DEM and RG have both already opened discussions with the members of the Uprising –and anyone else interested– in private forums, and some of the DEM allies that joined the Uprising have set aside their shotguns and opened talks. Several DEM leaders have maintained that they will not be bullied into changing their policies, so the Uprising's results may counteract its intent. Despite the chance that its goals won’t be reached, some notable members of the Uprising have stated that as long as the issues are being raised and discussed reasonably, it is a success.
-William Told
Trenchipendence Day
9/9/08 was given significance, despite the Uprising’s moving their event ahead a few days: This year September ninth was declared Trenchipendence Day. Tens of survivors flocked to Fort Creedy to spam the radio, mock and/or kill trenchcoaters, out zombie spais, and cade every building in sight to EHB. Some survivors took the opportunity to encourage the trenchy masses collected at the fort to go out and see the rest of Malton, while others tried to educate the Creedites on trenchy tactics to avoid via negative examples. All participants gained many lulz from the event.
-William Told
Whatever That Means!
Whatever That Means! is in need of more questions from the public! Please, don't make the Chardons scrape the bottom of the barrel.
You wouldn't like the bottom of the barrel.
Fun Corner
-Father Thompson
