User:Herb Dangerous
| Herb Dangerous | ||||||||||
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Covered in bloodstains and carrying more equipment than seems humanly possible, this character certainly appears to live up to his name.
Character Biography
Before the zombie apocalypse, Herb had enrolled in the police academy, mostly because he enjoyed being a wiseass and shooting things, and sought a legal, profitable way to pursue these interests. Much to his dismay, it was nothing like the movies. He was seriously considering quitting the academy when the zombie outbreak occurred. Due to the large numbers of seasoned officers and rookies meeting their untimely ends at the hands of the zombie hordes, Herb and his fellow cadets were given uniforms, badges, and pistols, and tasked with serving and protecting the surviving citizens of Malton. On his first mission, he witnessed the brutal slayings of many of his fellow cadets, most of whom were completely unprepared to fight the zombie hordes. Fearing death, or even worse, becoming one of those shambling monsters, Herb locked himself inside the department's evidence room. Desparate for something that might help him to calm down and forget the horrors he had witnessed, he began to help himself to the contraband that surrounded him. At first, it only his heightened his paranoia, causing him to move nearly every object that wasn't bolted down against the door, forming a nearly impenetrable barricade. Unfortunately, this also kicked up a large amount of dust, which, along with the thick smoke already present in the poorly ventilated room, made the air nearly unbreathable. Exhausted and in severe respiratory distress, Herb passed out. Hours later, he awoke to the sounds of gunfire and the muffled screams of his fellow officers, who were being overwhelmed by ransacking zombies. He began to demolish his barricade, starting by moving a heavy, seemingly ancient filing cabinet back to the far wall of the room, but as the sounds of screams and gunshots were replaced by low, nearly inaudible groans, Herb knew that there was nobody left to save. Forgotten by man and zombie alike, Herb fell into despair once more. As hours passed, despair gave way to boredom, so Herb opened the file cabinet and began to peruse its contents. One large folder contained several 19th and early 20th century manuscripts which had once been the property of an infamously eccentric local doctor. Among these were the writings of Aleister Crowley, and an obscure Irish physician named W. B. O'Shaughnessy. Herb spent the next couple of days in a sort of catatonic stupor, too weak to do much besides read and smoke. Thirst, hunger, grief, and cannabinoids clouded his thoughts, until he could barely remember who he was... police officer, doctor, dope fiend? The boundaries of his ego weakened and finally dissolved. Eventually, his mouth dry and stomach rumbling, biological imperatives forced him to put aside this identity crisis, if only temporarily. He stood atop the cabinet and held his lighter up to the nearest sprinkler head in a desparate bid for drinkable water. Soon his thirst was more than quenched, but now he faced a new problem... he was soaked to the bone, and the evidence room was quickly flooding. Luckily, somewhat sobered by the cold shower, Herb realized that the ventilation ducts overhead were just large enough to squeeze his slippery, emaciated body through, so long as he left his uniform behind. After crawling for several yards, the thin sheet metal the ducts were made of began to creak and groan under his weight, and finally gave way, dumping him in the armory across the hallway. Something soft broke his fall, and to his horror, Herb realized that something was the bloated, partially eaten corpse of a fallen comrade. He quickly fled the room, pausing only to pick up a loaded pistol, a radio, and a flak jacket. As he continued to run, he swore to avenge the deaths he had witnessed, using whatever means necessary.
Where's Herb?
Herb was recently in Ridleybank, participating in yet another siege of The Blackmore Building.
Herb frequently wanders northwards to Roachtown to visit The Alner Household and burn one with the infamous Roach Klips.
Occasionally, Herb heads south to Lockettside to make an appearance in The Danger Building.
It's usually not long before he finds his way back "home" to Stanbury Village to help defend Nichols Mall.
Sightings
Herb attended Stanstock.
- Herb Dangerous said "Zrmbrrh annrh arh hrh rnrrrh!" (12-20 12:22 GMT)
Notable Achievements
In terms of XP, Herb is in the top 1% of all characters in Malton. Now that the Malton XP Leaderboard is updated on a voluntary basis rather than by a script, he regularly appears in the top 10.
Herb once shot a lab monkey, just to watch him burn.
More flare gun hijinx...
Fan Club
In 2016, a griefer (or group of griefers) set up at least three fake zerg/alt accounts and pretended to coordinate with Herb in front of others. Herb's flattered.
[1] Erb Dangereux [2] a blend of herbs [3] an angry herbivore
Funny Encounters
You bite Plenty O'Toole for 4 damage. They drop to 56 HP. They become infected. You maul Plenty O'Toole for 3 damage, and grab hold of their torn and blood-soaked dark purple dress. They drop to 53 HP. Gripping Plenty O'Toole by the shoulders, you crush them for 3 damage. They drop to 50 HP. Gripping Plenty O'Toole by the shoulders, you crush them for 3 damage. They drop to 47 HP.
Aldous Kersley said "Ah! A new guest! How wonderful! Mister... Dangerous, is it? A pleasure to make your aquaintance! Welcome to my mansion! You are welcome here, as are all, but I do ask that you please observe the simple rules of the house: Please remain on your best behaviour; no smashing things, and no assaulting other guests. Thank you! I do apologize for stating such obvious rules, but it seems that some chappies nowadays rather enjoy the smashing and the assaulting, and so I make it a point to say them to all my guests. I do hope you enjoy your stay in my humble home! If there is anything I may be able to do to make your stay more enjoyable, please do not hesitate to let me know. Thank you!"
An Impressive Boner slapped you with a newspaper. An Impressive Boner said "My Boner was inside."
27.55 MHz: "So the hobbit says to the dwarfs, he says," 27.55 MHz: "This is Tolkienism!"
27.55 MHz: "UD is primarily a game about coping with boredom and" 27.55 MHz: "inflicting boredom on others. You defeat PKers by igoring" 27.55 MHz: "them, while pretending to drink beer and party in your empty" 27.55 MHz: "safehouses. The greatest UD players are those most capable" 27.55 MHz: "of withstanding the utter tedium. That is why so many are" 27.55 MHz: "frankly insane. This is a large part of what makes it a top" 27.55 MHz: "nitch zombie apocalypse simulator."
27.55 MHz: "THERE'S THE OLD BASTARD TRUCKER AND HIS OLD DEAD FARTING ASS" 27.55 MHz: "HAD TO REPLACE THE TRUCK SEAT POETY-NAHN TAHMS" 27.55 MHz: "SLAB BELLY STUMP LEGS TRUCK DRIVER AND THE FARTING BOWEL" 27.55 MHz: "DIARRHEA REMEDY = SAUSAGE BISCUIT" 27.55 MHz: "CONSTIPATION REMEDY = ROLLER HOTDOG" 27.55 MHz: "DROP TROU AND $H1T IN FRONT OF THE COFFEE MACHINE AT THE TA" 27.55 MHz: "BECAUSE IT'S TOO COLD TO $H1T IN THE PARKING LOT" 27.55 MHz: "FREEZE THEM DINGLEBERRIES TO THE GROUND" 27.55 MHz: "DON'T NEED NO SHOWER, THAT ASSCRACK SMELL HITS A PLATEAU"
CariusHikara said "Are you the guy making that disgusting trucker talk on the radio?" (12 hours and 46 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "SHUT THE FCK UPPPPPPPPPPPPP" (10 hours and 37 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "GIVE US THIS DAY A MASSIVE LOAD OF REEKING ASSCRAP" (9 hours and 15 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "TRUCK DRIVER ASSHOLE DISMANTLED BY THE ROLLER HOTDOG" (9 hours and 15 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "ASS EXPLOSION ALL OVER THE TRUCKSTOP TOILET" (9 hours and 15 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "FUNKY TRUCKER GASPING AND GRUNTING IN THE TOILET STALL" (9 hours and 14 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "WHEEZING AND GROANING AMID THE SMELL OF ASSREEK AND OLD P1SS" (9 hours and 14 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "REEKING ASS IS SHARP, SOUR, AND REEKING" (9 hours and 13 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "TRUCKER'S STUMP LEGS AND FARTING BUFFALO ASS" (9 hours and 13 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "SACKBELLY TRUCKER'S SAGGING SACKBELLY AND FLAPPING FUPA" (9 hours and 12 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "CHEESEBLAST VINEGAREEK UNLOADING SOUR STINKING MUSHTURD" (9 hours and 12 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "TRUCKER ASSHOLE COVERED WITH DINGLEBERRIES AND MUSHTURD" (9 hours and 11 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "$H1T BOOK WITH PICTURES OF OLD DEAD CONTORTURD" (9 hours and 10 minutes ago) 28.01 MHz: "M-O-O-N, THAT SPELLS CONTORTURD" (9 hours and 10 minutes ago)
Miss Elainious said "Thanks Herb! I guess we're a couple of chronic players! ;-)"
26.03 MHz: "█▒█▒███▒███▒███▒█▒█" 26.03 MHz: "█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒█" 26.03 MHz: "███▒███▒███▒███▒███" 26.03 MHz: "█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒▒▒█▒▒▒▒▒█" 26.03 MHz: "█▒█▒█▒█▒█▒▒▒█▒▒▒███" 26.03 MHz: "▒██▒▒█▒█████▒█▒█▒█▒" 26.03 MHz: "▒██▒▒█▒█▒▒▒▒▒█▒█▒█▒" 26.03 MHz: "▒█▒█▒█▒█████▒█▒█▒█▒" 26.03 MHz: "▒█▒▒██▒█▒▒▒▒▒█▒█▒█▒" 26.03 MHz: "▒█▒▒██▒█████▒█████▒" 26.03 MHz: "█▒▒█▒████▒████▒████" 26.03 MHz: "█▒▒█▒█▒▒▒▒█▒▒█▒█▒▒█" 26.03 MHz: "████▒████▒████▒████" 26.03 MHz: "▒▒▒█▒█▒▒▒▒█▒▒█▒█▒█▒" 26.03 MHz: "████▒████▒█▒▒█▒█▒▒█"
Templates
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Member of The Kilt Store |
| Herb Dangerous has found true freedom at The Kilt Store, in Nichols Mall, and vows to keep the store open so we can provide the finest in customer service. |
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Zone Defenders |
| Herb Dangerous is a Zone Defender and is sworn to protect the SSZ. |
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Roftwood Coordination Center |
| This user supports and participates in the Roftwood Coordination Center |
