RRF/Malton Herald & Sun: Difference between revisions

From The Urban Dead Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
No edit summary
(Replacing page with '{{:{{MHSSighfer|Codein=33}}}}')
 
(22 intermediate revisions by 5 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{| style="width:801px; font-family: verdana; font-size:90%" align=center CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0
{{:{{MHSSighfer|Codein=33}}}}
| style="width:801px"; background-color:Black; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-bottom:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-left:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue;"|[[Image:MHS2008Newest.png|center]]
|-
|}
{| style="width:800px; font-family: verdana; background-color:honeydew; font-size:90%" align=center CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0
|style="width:13%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-left:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Ridleybank Resistance Front|RRF Front Page]]
|style="width:17%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Ridleybank Resistance Front#Current Activities|RRF Current Activities]]
|style="width:11%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Malton Herald & Sun#Top Stories|Top Stories]]
|style="width:12%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Malton Herald & Sun#News In Passing|News In Passing]]
|style="width:10%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Malton Herald & Sun#Unlifestyles|Unlifestyles]]
|style="width:10%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Malton Herald & Sun#Eye Candy|Eye Candy]]
|style="width:10%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/BackPage|Back Page]]
|}
{| style="width:800px; font-family: verdana; color:Black; font-size:90%" align=center CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0
|-
| style="width:140px; padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:honeydew; border-left:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-bottom:solid 2px CadetBlue; text-align:left"|
{| style="padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:honeydew; border:solid 2px CadetBlue"
|
 
{| style="width:140px; padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Papa'''</span><br/>
<small>'''''<span style="color: Black">Lord Moloch</span>'''''</small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
{| style="padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Senior Advising Editor'''</span><br/>
<small>'''''<span style="color: Black">Murray Jay Suskind</span>'''''</small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
{| style="width:140px; padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''    Editor    '''</span><br/>
<small>'''''<span style="color: Black">Tarman2007</span>'''''</small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
{| style="padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''The Kids in the Hall'''</span><br/>
<small><span style="color: Black">-''Johnny Bass''<br/>
-''DJ Deadbeat''<br/>
-''Ironic Sponge Tissue''<br/>
 
</span></small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
 
{| style="padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">
'''News Bytes'''
</span>
'''Zombies Starving'''<br>
Harman brains are constantly getting smaller due to lack of use. Zombies are now noisily feeding on corpses to compensate.<br><br>
'''Malls Toured'''<br>
Zombies toured the malls of Malton in search of bargains. Few working brains were found in most mall gift stores.
 
 
'''Classifieds'''<br>
----
<small><span style="color: Black">
'''Lost'''<br>
1 Banana, may respond to "Sergeant Hawk"<br>
Yellow, may or may not have peel and/or other clothing on.<br>
If found, contact Cialan or Team America.<br><br>
'''For Sale'''<br>
Vacuum cleaner, slightly used. WORKS LIKE NEW.<br>
See MH&S Staff for details<br><br>
 
'''WTB'''<br>
New Vacuum cleaner needed. Old one broke cleaning our offices. Replacement needed RIGHT AWAY.
See MH&S Staff for details.<br><br>
 
'''For Sale:'''<br>
1 Black Trenchcoat with the word "Fortress" on it<br>
Smells like cheese.<br>
Best offer takes it<br>
</span>'''''</small></center>
|}
 
 
 
{| style="padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Word of the Week'''</span><br/>
<small><span style="color: Black">
For all you beginning Rattlers out there, and those who wish to understand the 'hip lingo' of the cool zambahz, this section is for you. We present the Word of the Week, for your enlightenment purposes. Next time you need to be mouthy to some harman shooting at you, or you want to share a witty comment with your fellow zambahz, you'll have the vocabulary you need at your command.<br>
 
 
'''This Week's Word'''<br>
==ZABARMAN!==
 
Jumping after being CRed is every zombie's chance to be Zabarman for a moment. Sometimes other zambahz recognize this and cheer for the immortal hero.
</span></small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
|}
 
[[image:Dohscluelessqp7.gif|170px]]
 
 
| style="width:950px; padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color: honeydew; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-bottom:solid 2px CadetBlue" |
 
{| style="padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:honeydew; color:Black; border:solid 2px CadetBlue"
|
 
| style="width:600px; padding:10px; background-color: White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue" |
{| style="padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:#Honeydew; border:solid 1px CadetBlue"
''The only pulse we keep is the news''<br>
<br>
 
 
__NOEDITSECTION__
=Top Stories=
 
 
==Zoey Zarg - Mama of the RRF==
''An unliving legend departs the ranks of the Front''
 
*by Tarman
 
She was known by many names across the ruins of Malton - Zoey, Jelly Otter, Cubone, to list only a few - but to all who knew her, she was simply the best, brightest spirit they had encountered in their travels through our fair city. All who served with, under or against her knew Zoey to be their favourite ally or enemy. Countless people both living and dead regard her as one of the city's finest citizens, and her mark is indelibly stamped on the RRF for all time.<br>
 
Beginning her career in Malton and the Front's DoHS in the waning months of 2007, she quickly grew to prominence as one of the two upstart babahz who founded the now-unstoppable Team America, a behemoth of a strike unit. She was still young enough then to need feeding, provided by the few veterans who were included in the team's starting roster. The Siege of St. Ethelberts pitted her fledgling team against a group of harmanz known as the Upper Left Corner, who harboured her alter-ego, Jelly Otter; though the Otter was not present during the fighting for obvious reasons. Much fun was to be had on both sides regardless of the final outcome of the battle. This was to be one of Zoey's trademark qualities, the ability to add fun and levity well above normal levels, and regardless of which side of the battle one was on. As time went by, Ridleys came to appreciate seeing Zoey in her other guises as much as they loved her at their side. The spirit of fun was there no matter if she was the predator or the prey.<br>
 
As a Ridley, Zoey became nearly indispensable, as she understood tactics, strategy and management in equal measure to her sense of playfulness. A deep discussion of barricade methodology could be suddenly turned into a festival of taders, her main obsession and rumoured to be the true source of her powers. Under her leadership, Team America grew from a small strike team to a deadly juggernaut capable of eating malls by itself. The veterans of TA who served under her take a piece of Zoey wherever they may go, and speak of her with great reverence and love. The Papa and the War Council relied on her irrepressible spirit to keep critical events and trying times from becoming a herd of llamas or a humourless war-slog. Her crayon-based art brought innumerable smiles to all who saw it; indeed, many Ridleys still sport their custom tags courtesy of Mz Zarg. In every corner and aspect of our operations, Zoey added her own special touch, brought her own ray of sunshine to illuminate us.<br>
 
We at the Front did not have a monopoly on our beloved Zoey. There were other hordes and even harmanz who also benefited from her presence, though she would appear to them in other forms. Rather than let jealousy cloud our vision of her, we rejoiced that she could spread her light to the furthest reaches of the city. It is an impossibility that those who encountered her could be worse off than before, and we would be doing her memory a disservice to claim her solely as ours. We can only be grateful that we were her special focus, that she expended most of her energy under our colours. She desired only that all who were inside Malton could have the best experience possible, and to a great extent she succeeded in her aims.<br>
 
Alas, but RL can lay claim to even the strongest of us. Our dear Zoey was no exception. The Beast called out from its lair beyond the confines of Malton, and like a brave warrior should, she went out from us to do battle. Her journey is a long one, and she may not return to us even when she slays the Beast. She leaves behind a saddened city, mourning the loss of its favourite sister. We should temper our sadness with love, however; she left us not in abandonment, but to serve a higher purpose than the ones she served so well in our city. We salute her even as we shed our tears; we support her endeavors with our own spirits and goodwill as she did for us; we hope for her safe and successful travels even as they take her far from our sight. She takes with her our love and gratitude, and leaves us her own. Her memory shall live on in us. Taderhah, Zoey!<br>
 
==Moloch/Suskind: The Interview==
The RRF's current papa sat down for a chat with the RRF's previous papa in a shocking, in depth interview that covers over a year's worth of events in RRF history and gives a large look at the life of our former papa. The interview is too large to be confined to the space of the MH&S, so you have to read the full transcript for the interview [[Malton_Herald_%26_Sun/MolSuskIntSP|here]].
 
==Reboot - Hey, It Works For the Movies==
''Malton's oldest and most sporadically published newspaper gets back on track; "About bloody time, too", say locals''
 
*by Tarman
 
Welcome! Welcome back to the MH&S, the first one in a long time. This is ostensibly the news wing of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, though usually the news is "We just eated everyone in the whole burb!" We've been offline for many a moon, but we're making a comeback for 2K9. Our intention is to resurrect the paper so as to once again provide you, the reader, with the finest fake and real news out of Malton, in an entertaining format. Our reporters scour the ruins for interesting stories as well as fresh, nammah branz... mmmm, branz... falling out onto the floor and... Uh, oh yeah, the news! Our dedication to journalism is such that if we can't find a story, we'll make one up, just like the news outlets on the other side of the quarantine. Major events of the city, hard-hitting interviews, opinion pieces, insane ramblings, poetry and art; all these things can be found within our pages. So sit back, get a fresh glass of harman juice and a g!ngarharman, and read the latest from the MH&S.
 
==RRF Scientists Seek to Cure the Disease Known as RL==
''Exploring the dangers of a disease''
 
*by Johnny Bass
 
RL is a treacherous disease- it can strike at any time without warning. In most cases, it causes short disappearances and idleness, but, in more tragic cases, it can even result in death. This horrible, crippling disease was previously thought to afflict zombies only, but a studies show that it can even affect the harmanz. The RRF Research Team was commissioned by Papa Moloch to better understand this dreaded disease that nearly claimed this glorious paper. Top scientists from every team of the horde (except GMT-BC, who never noticed the research discussion) gathered to try and tackle this horrible disease on barhah.com.
 
The researchers reviewed all previous recorded cases in every level of extremity (ranging from 1 day disappearance to full on death) in an effort to better understand the terrible disease of RL. Their findings only made the disease even more mysterious. The disease is not transmitted via bodily fluids and is not airborne. Upon viewing tissue samples from the afflicted, researchers were not able to find any virus (aside from the very common solanum virus) nor were they able to see any evidence of bacteriological infection. The intrepid researchers suspected that harmanz may be afflicted by the same disease and captured some potential carriers for further study. The specimens were found to be afflicted by this life threatening disease, showing all of the symptoms of the afflicted zambahz, but also showed no evidence of viral or bacteriological infection. Upon completion of the study, the harman specimens were promptly eaten to ease the cruelty of breathing.
 
The researchers next task was to try and find a cure or preferably a vaccine for the virus. Unfortunately, a vaccine was unable to be found due to the lack of any evidence of infecting agents. The cure proved to be very elusive as well. The researchers are having varying levels of success curing mild cases of RL, but the more extreme cases prove to be impossible.
 
The RRF Research Team (with the support of the War Council) promises to do everything in its power to combat this disease that afflicts all of Malton. To prevent the spread of the disease, Madagascar has closed its ports and Canada has sealed its borders. The staff of the Malton Herald & Sun, recently recovering with its own bout with the disease, remains vigilant in reporting the findings of the RRF Research Team and will provide ongoing coverage of its studies.<br>
 
 
=News In Passing=
'''Cry "HARMAN!!!" and let slip the dogs of Graaargh!'''
 
*by Mortificant
 
In November of 2008 the Good Morning Tasty Breakfast Club was getting ready for a party, three years had past since the club had got together for breakfast and in that time almost 5000 brains had been dined upon! A call was put out to the elders who had barely raised their heads in months, claws were sharpened and jaws fished out of the back of closets as the old and the young alike set their eyes on South Blythville with the return of such figures as Bundolo, HairyJim, Lottuk, and Mardigan. The action opened immediately with the 5000th kill being taken with characteristic speed in Preston NT with the slaughtering of Kosmoisdead, and then the party moved next door to Club Doran where they tore through the open buffet with the gusto of those eating a free lunch!<br><br>
 
'''Team America Seizes Malton Rail Assets'''
 
*by DJ Deadbeat
 
Thanks to their absurdly high PULCHRITUDE score, the RRF's very own Team America recently completed a very bloody takeover of every single railway station in Malton, erstwhile demolishing several police stations and hospitals in order to convert them into even more railway stations. Sources within the team cite the reasoning for this seizure as completely logical. "Well think about it, trains are never on time, and neither are we. Plus we've always wanted to have LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF TRAINS! It makes perfect sense." One TA member was spotted adjusting his monocle and twizzling a fake mustache, in a robber baron-ish manner.<br><br>
 
'''Scientists Barricade Ridleybank In the Past'''
 
*by Johnny Bass
 
Local Malton scientists frustrated with being eaten on a constant basis successfully sent a member back in time before the zombie outbreak in an attempt to barricade our beloved suburb prior to the arrival of the RRF. The traveler reportedly barricaded the entire suburb in anticipation of the impending zombie outbreak to try and stop the soon to be rampaging hordes. The survivor attempted to assassinate soon to be RRF leaders who were still disorganized. The targets, instead of dying, just ?rose to the occasion. Upon the inevitable arrival of the hordes, the barricades were quickly demolished and the traveler eaten by newly minted hungry zombies. Zombie Sarah Conner still unavailable for comment, whereabouts unknown.<br>
 
=Better Know... =
'''Better Know a Zemi'''<br>
 
*by DJ Deadbeat<br>
 
ZEmil33, known as the Black Kitten of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, is a zombie of mystery and intrigue. Seldom outspoken, she has nevertheless remained a strong presence in the horde, particularly through her co-leadership of Auxunit 10.<br>
 
Zemi began her UD experience in October of 2005, after seeing an ad for the game while playing Vampires! The Dark Alleyway. Out of curiosity, she signed up, but as for her first character, Zemi comments, “he's Harman, has never hurt anyone, has Combat Revived exactly once.” Soon however, the allure of barhah would grab her by the tail.<br>
 
“I did wonder if it would be moar fun to play as ah zambah,” said Zemi. “so I started two characters at the same time, both of whom have been associated with the RRF.”<br>
 
The first one is the zombie we’re most familiar with (ZEmil33), but the second, Zomby Woof, was the first to be part of the RRF. While early on ZW traveled malton as a dual-naturist, Zemi was thoroughly a zombie, and took up residence in Ridleybank, scrounging around for food. It was not long until graffiti for Mall Tour ’06 began to pop up.<br>
 
“It happened that Zemi joined Mall Tour and left the Bank, but I lived there safe (if hungry) for about a month.”<br>
 
Zemi, as ZW at the time, was first brought into the RRF in December of 2006 by the influence of such veterans as Beefsteak, Murray Jay Suskind, Mobbo and Braggledorth. She claims them as among the mentors who helped her adjust to life in the RRF.<br>
 
“The folks I felt closest to in my first year were Talunex, Murray and Braggledorth. All of them were AU10 then, they were very good to me.”<br>
 
Soon after she joined the RRF, she mentions that the Militant Order of Barhah was founded, and that contrary to popular belief, it did not end up splitting the horde. Instead, many chose to send alts to the newly founded MOB. According to her, things went quite smoothly throughout the year, with cooperation between AU10 and the Gore Corps at a high point.<br>
 
But when it came to the transitions taking place during that stretch of time, Zemi admits she was a bit worried.<br>
 
“In my first few months, Jorm formed the Mob, and I worried that it would split the RRF... I should not have worried, most folks just made another zambah for Mob and played both.”<br>
 
Zemi claims that the reasoning behind the eventual switch of characters was based partly on ZW wanting to play the Harman side and broadcast pro-zombie propaganda. The characters were swapped out in December 2007, just as an upheaval in the horde began with the selection of Moloch as the new Papa, to the objection of many fundamentalists who believed it was much too awkward having a harman in command. The controversy surrounding the RRF Olympics at the time also added fuel to the fire and combined to result in several defections to the MOB.<br>
 
By the time the dust had settled, AU10 was in need of recovery and was eventually righted under the leadership of Cthulhu in Lingerie (Nellie). ZEmil33 promised to help out with this task, but still feeling burnt out from the drama, declined any sort of leadership role. However,by the summer of 2008, real life had called Nellie to school, and leadership was passed onto Tarman, while ZEmil33 was talked into taking up a leadership role beside him.<br>
 
“I had no intention of leading zambahz ever again, but when Nellie needed me, I stepped up,” said Zemi.<br>
 
With the selection of Tarman as her 2nd at the time, Nellie had put together the basis for the current command model AU10 uses today, with just one piece left to be added.<br>
 
“I like Tarman very much, we get along splendidly. We decided that since neither of us could be there every day, we would do the co-commanders thing. We picked Sponge for our second, and it's worked splendidly! Nellie has filled in now and again the few times that none of the three of us could make it.”<br>
 
She admitted its an odd command structure, but that it’s worked just fine for the team. It could be described as “one to post, one to smile, and one to raar.” Zemi also stated that she is quite proud of being a Ridley, and in particular is proud of her team.<br>
 
As for her take on the RRF as a whole, Zemi believes that the sense of community she gets from both her team and the rest of the horde, is what keeps her around.<br>
 
According to her, “The RRF are really an AHHZAM zambahgang. I am proud to have become a Ridley.”<br>
 
 
=Unlifestyles=
'''BANANA GANGBANG!'''<br>
''The Courtship of Nellie''<br>
*by Murray Jay Suskind<br>
 
''Editor's note: Due shipping complications this article may appear to be out of date.''
 
For a long time I was the zombie who shambled alone in Malton.  Goolina had her Sir Fred.  Naners had his Cialan.  DJ had his Fiffy.  Even the notoriously unsentimental Jorm had his significant other shambling around Malton.  However, I was like the old captain of a boat: one treated their ship as their mistress, I treated the horde as mine (sorry about those crusty stains).  However, for a long time I had my eye on a fetching young lass.  Sure she was a mythical sea God, sure she was into some truly disturbing physical practices and sure she was a lesbian.  But I decided that I wanted to be with Cthulhu In Lingerie (some of you whippersnappers may know her as Nellie) and got to courting her.
 
I always had a thing for Nellie.  She was demented like me, she was a lot of fun to hang around with, her tentacles were the longest, most shapely and alluring I had ever seen, and she seemed impossible to creep out (always an important thing in an online gaming relationship).  However, it was one day when I [http://iwrecords.urbandead.info/04-17-08_0100hrs_PRIVATE/OUT_53-52_Thor_9bf-b27-37c.html overheard] her playing with the legendary Thor that I became truly infatuated.  The grace and sensuality she possessed was overwhelming.  Later she rescued my beloved [http://iwrecords.urbandead.info/04-30-08_1700hrs_PUBLIC/IN_50-98__cb4-644-0c5.html schmeckel] from the Randoms after ravaging it in the most intense way I have ever seen.  I began to feel a certain rapport with her.  She was clearly the ultimate prize for any suitor in the game.<br>
 
Now, it took me a while to work up the courage to ask her out.  Those who have seen Thor know that he's very intimidating and leaves a void too large for any man to fill by himself.  However, I had something on my side... the fact that I'm creepy, dirty old man willing to degrade himself in any way for a fine tentacle monster.<br>
 
A couple of months ago I finally decided to make my move.  I knew from talking with her that she thought boys were smelly and hairy, so I gave myself third degree burns in order to remove excess body hair and covered myself in the finest and most pungent of body sprays to make myself more physically alluring.  I also gave her a fine selection of gifts which are not appropriate to publish in such a family publication.  I flutter arose in my bosom when she accepted a date.<br>
 
From there I continued to shower her with gifts, feed her dinner nightly, exchanging various amusing and disturbing videos, [http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/7311/19034908431429313b0dgv3.jpg dancing] with her, and the end of the evenings hugging her for three damage and kissing her for four.  Eventually we consummated our relationship (well, at least with both me and my schmeckel around at the same time) in a very violent, painful, loving and caring way.<br>
 
Eventually, I realized that our relationship was too big, too loving, too adventurous and too kinky to keep to ourselves.  We decided to make the ultimate commitment that two people who refuse to take part in any action that has a legal sanction could... we volunteered to be BANANA GANGBANGed!  Our closest friends gathered in Nellie's favorite spot in Malton (the Horsey Museum) and ravaged Nellie and I before we took turns with each other.  It was one of the most touching, violent and perverted displays we had ever been a part of.  We had achieved the ultimate.<br>
 
Now with Valentine's Day approaching Nellie and I appear to be an older couple sometimes.  We enjoy more quiet nights in watching videos.  We spend more time feeding the children than feeding and/or ravaging each other.  But rest assured, we still feel those same twisted, disgusting feelings we've felt for each other for so long.  I BANG you, my lovely.  And rest assured that on Valentine's Day...<br>
 
'''''I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU'''''
 
=Op-Ed=
 
'''The Greatest Menace'''<br>
*by Murray Jay Suskind
 
[[Image:Menaceofpants.jpg]]<br>
The Ridleybank Resistance Front has always been the face of liberation in Malton. We embrace our liberation from mortality. We liberate countless harmanz on a daily basis. We liberate those who are trapped behind totalitarian barricades, showing them the world outside their walls. We free brains from skulls. We enlighten those who view non-harmanz as the only legitimate source of food. BARHAH! is the greatest expression of this freedom. Working together of our own volition with our brazzahs ahn z!zzaz to free trapped harmanz can only be described as joyous. However, there are many out there -- including zombies -- who cling to the last vestige of oppressive life. I, of course, speak of pants.<br>
 
Long ago Papa Petro showed all of us that letting one's lower body be exposed to the outside world is the ultimate form of liberation. Not only a rejection of harman life, but also the ultimate representation of its arbitrary trappings and repression. The value that mortals place upon ill-founded and frankly hypocritical modesty is the very opposite of freedom. Is it modest to run around in camouflage pretending to be a soldier? I think it's a cry for liberation. Is it modest to dress up as a scientist and then peddle drugs and addiction upon the population of Malton? I think drug addiction is a form of personal slavery. Is it modest to put on the vestments of holy men and attempt to exorcise a hungry zombie who just wants a meal? I call that blasphemy. Is it modest to wear a tartan kilt and claim that you have both the "advantages" of covering one's self (which we know do not exist) and the "liberation" of being pantsless? That is outright apostasy.<br>
 
Pants are to zombies what shackles are to the prisoner. They are a symbol of our imprisonment. Liberate yourself! Show all that you are serious about liberation! Take off your pants!<br>
 
=Eye Candy=
Due to the current economic crisis, the MH&S has had to seek advertising revenue. This issue is brought to you by.....
 
[[image:ized.png]]
 
=Thanks For Making It This Far Down The Page=
From the RRF to you, we wish you luck amidst the pleasant ruins of Malton.<br><br>
Want More? Check out the [[RRF/Malton_Herald_%26_Sun/BackPage | Back Page]]
 
{{RRF}}
 
|}
|}
__NOTOC__
 
[[Category:Groups]]
[[Category:Zombie Groups]]
[[Category:Press]]
[[Category:Ridleybank Resistance Front]]

Latest revision as of 03:20, 18 March 2011

Mhsbanner.png


Blackmore 4(04)


Editor's Note: This is based on Blackmore 4(04), an historical event that took place during August, 2010. For more information, read here for the original version or continue below for the correct version.

Blackmore 4(04) was a failed, grass-roots initiative to develop a renewable, free-ranging, human herd in Ridleybank, and to show the rest of Malton that small-scale, sustainable local harvesting could overcome the city’s rapidly-dwindling human food supply. The ill-fated project took place from August 19, 2010 to August 31, 2010, almost four years to the day after the first, failed attempt to bring affordable, fresh-food to downtown’s starving zombie population.

Initial seeding of the Ridleybank area began on August 19th, with the introduction of several breeds of human into carefully selected release points around Ridleybank. Researchers initially hoped that a sustainable, robust human herd would finally be able to graze in the desolate downtown wasteland. The project ultimately failed thirteen days later on August 31, when zombies from the Ridleybank Resistance Front, The Feral Undead, and the Minions of the Apocalypse gave up on all that hippy, tree-hugging, renewable crap, and killed every man, woman and child in the Greater Ridleybank metropolitan area.

The rest of this story is continued here.


Behind the Killing Floor: the Big Bash III


It happens every Spring in Malton. The snow finally starts melting. The days start getting longer. Birds can be heard chirping. And thousands of zombies began to wander the city, looking to slaughter every man, woman and child foolish enough to remain in our lovely zombie city.

BB3-big.png

Yes, it must be Big Bash season, and the love of harman genocide is still in the air. This past week, the Malton Herald and Sun were lucky enough to sit down with Bash organizers Bisfan, Aichon, Amber and Skoll and find out exactly what goes on behind the scenes of everyone's favorite event.

MHS:This is third time a Bash has been organized in Malton. What has made this Bash different from years past?

Aichon: I was here! Since I only joined the game about a year ago, I missed out on a lot of the big events of Malton's history. Being asked to help out with Big Bash 3 was a real treat for me, since I knew this was a chance for me to be involved in something big that others would be reading about for years to come.

Besides me being around (which isn't actually that important), I think one big difference with this Bash was that we had zombie interference working for us. Older Bashers will remember Giddings Mall and the frustrating month-long siege of it in Big Bash II, but thanks to the introduction of interference, we were able to keep Big Bash 3 almost entirely feral while making steady progress, which was a first.

Bisfan: Aside from the "3" at the end of the Bash? ;)

More seriously, a lot of effort went into making this Bash capture the spirit of both previous Bashes. It has attempted to bring together players, in the spirit of fun, and encouraged them to embrace a play-style akin to a zombie wrecking ball. This Bash hasn't been about "being different", it's been about encouraging fun. Malton is suffused with drama, and the intent here has been to try and put drama aside, and just do what zombies do best; eat stuff and mess places up.

Amber: I've only seen the last two bashes but I've noticed a couple differences. There was more of a sense of community. There was a wider variety of old and new zombies from other hordes wanting to get involved on some level. And there were more brains during BBII. I might be showing my age, but I find myself longing for epic sieges such as the Battle for Pitneybank, just so I can point to it and tell babahz "You see? This is why we're still shambling." Bizzles will probably recoil at it's mention, but that moment - The birth of the beachhead - there hasn't been anything like it since and there probably won't be for a while. And don't get me wrong. I remember throwing all my energy at barricades and barely taking them down to very heavy. Or getting headshot two or three times daily when bigger zombies opened the doors for me. And getting combat revived before I could finish a meal and popping inside to listen to the frantic screams, barked orders and pleas for help on the radio. Or getting zerg rushed - clawed down and set up a headshot while Bub swayed in the corner of Byrne Auto Repair. I remember it all quite vividly. But all of that is what made the pink, fleshy center of the mall and the Morrish Building so much more sweet.

Skoll: While this is my first time participating in a Big Bash, I would have to say what made things different from the previous two were fundamental changes in tactics such as cade blocking and the new bellow which draws zombies from a 21x21 radius. Clears buildings quick. I can also say that whole suburbs fell within a day or two during this bash, which is something that didn't happen with the previous two.

MHS: Now I know its hard for some of your brainrotted zombies to remember, but what has been your favorite memory so far with the Big Bash III?

Aichon:Probably when the buzz about BB3 was first building was a high point for me. For me, as word started to leak that the Bash was coming, it was a lot of fun to see people getting really excited at just the prospect of another Bash. And when we finally posted a countdown to the big announcement on the wiki page, it seemed to me like the wiki and IRC just exploded with activity. Seeing that the wiki page had been visited something like 3000+ times in the week that we just had the countdown posted was pretty amazing to me. That's probably when it first sunk in for me that I was part of something big.

As for during the event, it's hard to pick just one. Arriving in Pitneybank and trashing the entire place, including the fort and the mall, in about a day and without any real organization was a major demonstration of what the Big Bash could do. And, before that, when we were first starting out and were moving so fast through the city that we were getting complaints from people trying to join up that we had moved 8-10 suburbs in the time it took them to get to where we had been just a few days earlier...that's always a nice affirmation. We also sprayed a lot of graffiti around the city in the month or so before the event started, and it was always great when we'd break into a building and see one of our messages such as "Big Bash 3 Entry Point" or "Spread the undead - Join BB3!" inside.

Bisfan: The thing I appreciate most about this Bash has been the number of zambahz who have stepped up to contribute to it. Whether it be working in a strike team, acting as ambassadors to the myriad established zambah gangz in town, administratively behind the scenes, scouting...so many of the zambahz involved have been keen to help that it has made it a pleasure to be involved.

For a specific moment...I would have to say it was a rare zambah visit to Miltown, and breaching the Fliney Necrotech Building there. There was nothing epic about it, it was just a routine break-in, like you'd see on any other day in Malton, but in another life I have worked very hard to keep Miltown safe, and Fliney NT in particular so it was a rare and personal pleasure to be there on the side this time :D

Amber:Probably when when an ex-escapist told me that the bash had changed his perspective significantly. It reminded me a lot of how BBII changed my views.

Skoll:My favorite memory? Theres so many, the entire event was so much fun, but I'll try to pick just one... I'd have to say my favorite memories are the collective breaching and beachheading of malls that H.A.R.M. accomplished as the Bash's only organized strike team. Except for Treweeke and Caiger, we were the ones that led the charge on every mall in Malton when the Bash came knocking.

For the rest of the interview, go straight to jail, do not collect $200, and read here.



Lack of Brain-rot: Is he really into you, or ... is he just testing the zombie waters? What the saavy, single zombie needs to know about today's zombie dating scene


It's Saturday Night...and you check your watch. It is almost seven o'clock. He will be here in less than ten minutes. You hurry to finish dressing, trying on several outfits before finally deciding on a torn, blood-matted gray dress that matches your eyes perfectly. A quick dash of dried blood to your lips and then a subtle trace of a pencil liner to accentuate that long scar running down your left cheek. You turn around in the mirror and smile, noticing the decayed flesh hanging from your right leg. Normally, you would not care about your appearance. But tonight was different.

Tonight, you are meeting him.

You grab your overcoat and head out into the dark night, pausing briefly to savor the stench of decay surrounding the ruined core of downtown Malton. You hear a loud growl echoing into the night, and your heart begins to beat just that much faster. It was him. And he had a reservation at the city's hottest new restaurant: Club Penfold. Where you first met.

Zombopink.jpg

As you crawl through the broken barricades, you think back to that first night. You, a fresh corpse, rummaging through the remains of the ransacked statehouse, and him, an infected firefighter, coughing up blood in the corner. You remember him trying to crawl away from you as you shamble toward him. You always did like when they played hard to get. As your teeth began to tear through his carotid, you remember him screaming in pain and horror, and you feel a warm glow inside you.

Yes, you reflect, he always did know exactly what to say to melt a girl's heart. This one was definitely a keeper.

You smile as the memory leaves your rotten mind, and you begin to look inside the club for your flame. You catch a scent of a dying policeman in the corner, mixed in with the smell of fear and blood as the harmanz slowly realize that they are not alone. A new scent appears and your heart begins to beat faster. He was there.

But something is different. Something is wrong. He is different. He is wrong.

A dark figure approaches you, two flashes appear in the darkness, and as your broken body crumbles to the floor, you think to yourself, “How could I be so stupid? How could I not see this coming?” He finishes you off with a quick headshot, dumps your body in the street, and walks out the door, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and skull.

Let's face it. We have been there before, thinking that we have found the zombie of our dreams, only to discover that our new love is nothing more than a harman in disguise. So how do you know your new man or woman is committed to being a life-long zombie? Here are some hints that your new flame may not exactly be the one for you:

  1. They introduce themselves as Zomkiller23, ZedDead5, SlayDeathToonB, or PenultimateZomboApocalypse.
  2. Their idea of a fun night is to stand around a park, bleating “Mrh?” while swaying back and forth.
  3. While you are certainly open to spicing things up in the bedroom, you do wonder if bringing twenty loaded shotguns, a portable generator and thirty fire-axes to bed is really necessary.
  4. Lately you seem to be running out of conversation topics, and his story about being a “lost soul, drifting endlessly in a sea of melancholy and despair toward a chasm of hopelessness and sorrow, who now must avenge the death of his parents by killing every zombie in Malton” is no longer the funny anecdote it used to be.
  5. He avoids your subtle questions about commitment, why he does not have brainrot and why he has been spending most of his time hanging out at the Thompson Walk Revive Point.
  6. You have started to wonder if you really want to spend the rest of your unlife with a man whose long-term plan is to cleanse the zombie menace from the suburbs of Stanley Village and Roftwood using the holy, purging fire of long-range howitzers and fuel-air bombs.

Remember, only diamonds and brainrot are forever. Otherwise, last month's unrotted fling might suddenly become tomorrow's light morning snack.


Wanda...Baby...our little girl is gone...


by Bob Boberton 303 Commander

Wanda,

My loving wife. It is like a horrible nightmare. Every day and every night I still see our daughter’s face. You do remember, don’t you my dear? It seems like just yesterday that we were watching our little Becky play on the swingset. I still remember glancing over at you, watching you smile and laugh as Becky climbed down the swingset to pick up her favorite stuffed polar bear. Our sweet, little girl. It would break your heart to see her last Tuesday. Screaming and crying as I dragged her toward the front door of Blackmore to trade her for a single generator. A single generator. No parent should ever have to receive so little in trade.

I never thought this day would come. I still remember the day you told me you were pregnant. I remember your face as we talked about Becky’s future, our future. We walked through her life together. Her first birthday. Her first words. Her first day at school. Her first kiss. The crates of DNA extractors and crowbars we would get after shipping her off to New Arkham on her tenth birthday. But those dreams are gone now, my love. Instead, I am left here with nothing to remember her, except this generator. One lousy generator that will be probably be destroyed within the hour. These truly are dark times we live in.

No father should have to go through what I just went through, Wanda. The pain. The complete humiliation of settling for less than ten shotguns and two generators for their eleven-year old. I still remember the other 303er’s laughing at me when I returned to Blackmore, receiving so little for someone, who, at one time, held so much promise.

I should have done more when we were raising her. I should have seen this coming. Why did I not see the warning signs? If I was a better father, I would have crated her and left her in Wyke Hills until the market got better. God knows my father would have done the same for me. But now she is gone, Wanda, destined to spend the rest of her life in shackles in a Ridleybank Harmanz Processing camp. It was her time to go I guess. She knew it, I knew it, and the zombies knew it. I just wished we got have gotten more for her.

Wanda, you shouldn't have to suffer for my mistakes. I know we haven’t talked much since I left your mother to die at Nichols. I am sorry baby, I really am. You and I both know that traveling with less than 40 FAKs is tantamount to suicide. We couldn’t spare even one. I really am I sorry. I was hoping to get a flak jacket for that old hag.

But you have to forgive me and we need to move on. I need you Wanda. I need you to help me get through the pain and the suffering. Please, come back to me baby. If not for me, then do it in loving memory of our daughter. And, Wanda, when you come, be sure to bring our son Jake, and his friends Ernie and Jackie. I am still hoping to get that tenth fire axe.

Love Always,

Bob



Meet a Ridley: Bobby the Hatchet


As a part of new feature in the MH&S, we will be interrupting the murder sprees of everyday RRF members to interview them, so that you, the good people of Malton, can learn a bit more about the people slaughtering you in your sleep. This past week, we had the pleasure of sitting down with Bobby the Hatchet, dedicated Ridley and Gore Corps devivification expert.

MHS: So how did you come to join the Ridleybank Resistance Front? Did you know members in the RRF before? Or did you just get really drunk one night, and five states and two weddings later, you had somehow managed in your drunken stupor to sign up on Barhah.com?

BH: As a fairly new player, after witnessing the raw power of a somewhat coordinated strike involving the Ridleybank Resistance Front and ferals, I laid dead in the street thinking to myself, “I want that.” I decided to join almost instantly. I was amazed to find such a coordinated effort tucked away beneath the clawing and growling of the streets. Serving Ridleybank seemed to be an obligatory part of the Urban Dead experience, and I’ve never looked back. I started out as a bahbah eating with Team America and my axe-murdering ways ultimately led me to the Gore Corps. The heavy drinking and vulgar displays of bad judgment actually came after I was locked in.

Rrfposter14.jpg

MHS: Some of our readers have learned the hard way that combat reviving a Gore Corps member is one of the quickest ways to meet some of the more interesting members of the gun family. Have you meet any interesting harmanz who have revived you...and then thanked them with the loving gesture of a shotgun double tap?

BH: All the time. I generally try to target all who revive or heal me, in keeping with tradition. Combat Revives on Death Cultists are especially pleasant, because it allows us to demonstrate our true nature, almost immediately. Nothing makes me giggle like being Combat Revived during a live attack and then returning under a hail of gunfire to put an axe in their guts. When we dishonour the needle, we dishonour life, and it shows survivors that their own ignorance can be just as dangerous to them as our claws.

MHS:What do you enjoy the most about Urban Dead? I mean, besides slaughtering harmanz?

BH: The meta-gaming community, especially within Barhah, has been great. I find that this bizarre little game-that-should-not-be attracts all sorts of people from various walks of life, united towards a common goal, with plenty of hilarity in between. When one gets involved in the human element here, it totally enhances the game. It’s really the only way to play. Also, the low-impact time constraint prevents me from being ridiculed as a nerd by my peers.

MHS: What do you enjoy the most about being in the RRF and in the Gore Corps? What is your role in the Gore Corps?

BH: I enjoy being in the Ridleybank Resistance Front because it is a significant part of Malton’s history. Ridleybank is the heart of the city, and its roots run pretty deep. It’s a massive group full of veteran players and it brings in a constant influx of new faces. The group takes responsibility for legit play and there’s seldom any groundbreaking drama, which is great considering how widespread everyone is. As a member of the Gore Corps, I get to experience Death Culting at its finest, prowling the ruins as our brothers and sisters close in around us. There is nothing greater than logging on and finding myself on the street, eaten and Death-Rattled at by a fellow Ridley. We must know our place and respect the horde, and it is an honor that we have been able to serve as long as we have. Regarding my role in the Gore Corps, I must remain vague, as we are a bit secretive with our sadism. I will admit that I am nothing more than a mild-mannered henchman taken under their tattered wing.

MHS: Now, some heretics-- we will call them “Mrh cows” – claim that being a survivor takes more than knowing a simple set of skills. Surviving--they say--takes hard work, a dedication to watching a barricade level drop slowly from EHB to VHB, and a commitment to acting selflessly, and not hoarding all thirty of your FAK kits. So...when you are revived...is it really as painful as I have been told to see the world as a survivor sees it?

BH: Survival sheerly for the sake of survival, takes almost no work at all. It is a futile endeavour that we have all instinctively faced at one time or another. Any “Mrh Cow” can hole himself away in an early grave of boards and light. The true labor comes with learning how to break free of those confines and truly live, walking the earth unafraid. When I am revived, it does indeed pain me to see survivors locked inside, quarrelling over sticks and stones. These days are a cause for celebration, yet they fail to embrace it, sharing their misery with the rest of us. Fortunately, when I am saddened I tend to cry double-ought tears of lead, so my revival is really more painful for them than it is for me.

MHS: What has been your most memorable moment in UD so far?

BH: I believe the most memorable moment so far was being involved in Excursion IV. I was just coming back from hiatus, linked up with the Gore Corps, and it was the first time in Urban Dead that I was able to really witness the full power of the Ridleybank Resistance Front on such a massive scale. Our strike teams were always dangerously close and when Death Culting I often found myself barely making it out of buildings alive as we scorched a path of death and destruction across Malton.

MHS: Some say that the harman is the most dangerous game, skillful at evading a pursuit, and lethal when cornered. What do you think? Any memorable battles / encounters with the most dangerous game / easiest meal?

BH: I believe the most dangerous game is the harman that we seldom see; those who stray from the beaten path, nomads lurking in ruin, rebuilding the framework of humanity. These select few have evolved with the times, they will be the last of the dying breed, and when it comes time to confront them in the final battle, perhaps centuries from now, there is no telling what they will be capable of.

MHS: Now for something more serious...is it true what they say about Lord Moloch?

BH: Yes. He is a fine leader and a gentleman and after serving in two groups under the man I would certainly be severely uncomfortable allowing my children near him.

MHS: For my final question, let's pretend that you are the last living member of the Gore Corps in a world taken over by zombies. You come across a small child, and she starts smiling at you. So...shotgun, pistol, knife or claw?

BH: I would do the honorable thing, axe down the cades, jump to my death and feeding drag her into the street. Victory would be shared; the last drop of survivor blood belongs to the horde.

MHS: Well, we would like to thank Bobby for taking the time to answer some of our questions, and we'll leave our dears readers in Malton with this loving thought: It's 10PM, the kids are tucked in, and the power just went out...are you sure your door is locked?