RRF/Malton Herald & Sun: Difference between revisions

From The Urban Dead Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
No edit summary
(Replacing page with '{{:{{MHSSighfer|Codein=33}}}}')
 
(18 intermediate revisions by 4 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{| style="width:801px; font-family: verdana; font-size:90%" align=center CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0
{{:{{MHSSighfer|Codein=33}}}}
| style="width:801px"; background-color:Black; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-bottom:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-left:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue;"|[[Image:MHS2008Newest.png|center]]
|-
|}
{| style="width:800px; font-family: verdana; background-color:honeydew; font-size:90%" align=center CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0
|style="width:13%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-left:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Ridleybank Resistance Front|RRF Front Page]]
|style="width:17%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Ridleybank Resistance Front#Current Activities|RRF Current Activities]]
|style="width:11%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Malton Herald & Sun|Current Issue]]
|style="width:10%; text-align: center; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue;border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue"| [[Malton Herald & Sun#Archives|Archives]]
|}
{| style="width:800px; font-family: verdana; color:Black; font-size:90%" align=center CELLPADDING=0 CELLSPACING=0
|-
| style="width:140px; padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:honeydew; border-left:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-bottom:solid 2px CadetBlue; text-align:left"|
{| style="padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:honeydew; border:solid 2px CadetBlue"
|
 
{| style="width:140px; padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Papa'''</span><br/>
<small>'''''<span style="color: Black">Johnny Bass</span>'''''</small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
{| style="width:140px; padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Editors Emeriti'''</span><br/>
<small>'''''<span style="color: Black">DM<br/>Marina<br/>Murray Jay Suskind<br/>Tarman2007</span>'''''</small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
{| style="width:140px; padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Editor '''</span><br/>
<small>'''''<span style="color: Black">DM</span>'''''</small></center>
|}<br\/>
 
{| style="width:140px;padding:2px; vertical-align:top; color:Black; background-color:White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue;"
|<center><span style="font-variant:small-caps">'''Staff'''</span><br/>
<small><span style="color: Black">
-''Draugrh''<br/>
-''DJ Deadbeat''<br/>
-''drugsanimudongs''<br/>
-''Johnny Bass''<br/>
-''Ironic Sponge Tissue''<br/>
-''Murray Jay Suskind''<br/>
-''Yama LaVey''<br/>
</span></small></center>
|}<br\/>
<br\/>
 
|}
 
 
 
 
| style="width:950px; padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color: honeydew; border-right:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-top:solid 2px CadetBlue; border-bottom:solid 2px CadetBlue" |
 
{| style="padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:honeydew; color:Black; border:solid 2px CadetBlue"
|
 
| style="width:600px; padding:10px; background-color: White; border:solid 1px CadetBlue" |
{| style="padding:10px; vertical-align:top; background-color:#Honeydew; border:solid 1px CadetBlue"
__NOEDITSECTION__
 
=All the News that is Fit to Eat=
 
==A MH&S Special Feature: So You Want to be a Harman==
''Editor's Note: This is Part 1 of an in-depth look into everyone's favorite Urban Dead enemy: the Survivor.'' 
 
So, you think you have what it takes to be a survivor in Malton? You think just because you waltzed through No Mercy on extra-hard, mowing down Tanks and Boomers with a sawed 'off shotty that you are now some zombie-killin', axe swingin' manly God-of-war? And now you believe that you are a bad-enough dude to rescue Malton? After all, how hard could it really be?
 
7800 zombies? Whatever. You killed that many yesterday waiting for the chopper to pick up you, Bill and Zoey from the hospital roof. Yeah, it was hard watching the undead tear apart Zoey as she tried to go back and help Bill, but she should have known that zombie apocalypses are not about helping survivors.
 
Zombie apocalypses are not about being the hero. Zombie apocalypses are about mowing down legions of undead with a flamethrower, before splitting some zed's head open with a battle axe while doing a running backflip. And nowhere is this as true as it is in Urbandead.
 
Welcome to Malton. Welcome to Hell.
 
This is as real as it gets. Don't be fooled by the falling zombie numbers or the fact that harmanz currently outnumber zombies. Malton is a dangerous place, and death and decay will greet you at every corner. You will face some of the biggest, baddest hordes known to the genre. You will face morally difficult choices. At times, you may even face situations where the only thing separating you and your fellow survivors from a gruesome death is raising a barricade from Very Heavily Barricaded ++ to Ridiculously Heavily Barricaded +++.
 
Do you still think you have the right stuff? Then read on....
 
'''Part 1: Separating yourself from the Herd'''
 
Before we can transform you into the ultimate zed-killin' machine, we need to know a little bit more about you. Playing a survivor in Malton is not about just picking a class and a few skills. It is also about forging an identity, a glimpse into the real you that separates you from the thousands of other pretenders running around the city. You want to create something special, something unique, a character that mothers walking in the streets can point to and say "Now Billy, that is what a real survivor looks like."
 
'''Selecting a Class'''
 
Selecting a class is the first step. It is also probably the most important decision you will ever make, so do not take it lightly. Every class has its strengths and weaknesses. For example, firefighters are highly trained in axe warfare, but are limited later on to necrotech skills, advanced medical training, and advanced military combat. Likewise, military privates are highly trained in advanced military combat, but are limited later on to necrotech skills, advanced medical training, and axe warfare.
[[Image:Lifesentence.jpg|300px|right]]
 
Weigh your decision carefully.
 
Do you really want to be a Level 41 medic who can only revive survivors, treat the wounded, and kill anything that moves when you have been a Level 41 cop who can only revive survivors, treat the wounded and kill anything that moves? Selecting the right class is probably the largest step you can make in your goal to have yourself standout from the thousands of other police officers, firefighters, and scientists roaming the city.
 
A good rule of thumb is to select whichever class you feel looks the most badass while shooting some dumb zed mrhing at a revive point.
 
I see you selected Private. Good choice. Man, you are going to look really badass stepping over those wounded survivors to blow away some poor zed in the street.
 
 
'''Creating a Backstory'''
 
With that out of the way, we can now pick a name. Again, this is an opportunity to let those other losers in Malton know that a new kid is in town, so pick something unique and meaningful to you.
 
Remember, you are not simply creating a character. You are making a legend.
 
I see you selected ZedDead54. Solid choice. Ok, the last step is to give your character a description and a backstory. Again, treat this as another opportunity to separate yourself from the herd, and to put your own unique spin and viewpoint on why ZedDead54 is different from the other 53 ZedDeads.
 
For example,
 
:''"On the first day of the outbreak, I came home to find my family brutally murdered by a ravaging horde. As I fought my way to the top of a mountain of undead and my lungs once again tasted fresh air, I looked across the burning city and made a vow: I would have retribution, and I would not stop until the entire city was cleansed of the undead.''
 
:''Other survivors call me John. Zombies have a another name for me.''
 
:''They call me War."''
 
would be an excellent description for the compassionate, caring survivor who seeks to help out the wounded, keep other survivors safe, and rebuild the city. But this isn't you. You are not a compassionate survivor. You are a badass. Try something edgier.
 
Phrases like
 
:"''staring vacantly into the chasm of the human soul,''"
 
:"''drifting endlessly in a sea of despair and turmoil, toward an endless chasm of hopelessness and anger, I knew one thing: Revenge would one day be mine.''"
 
:"a''wash in hatred and anger at losing my family, only one thing now stands between me and eradicating the undead from this dark, lonely planet: finding a 50th shotgun.''"
 
are always good to work in any description. Remember to strive for uniqueness. Small details like rugged ammo belts, the mythical seventh katana, and black leather boots may seem trivial, but they will give you that extra degree of realism that other survivors will notice and respect.
 
Good job ZedDead54. You are now ready to face the hordes. But first, step back and admire yourself in a mirror.
 
Damn.
 
You are such a badass.
 
'''Next Issue:''' Part II:Battling the Hordes
 
----
 
[[Image:Radioadnew.jpg|500px|center]]
 
==A Gore Corps Play Date with the Malton College of Medicine==
by Draughr
 
The RRF typically tears through terrified suburbs, slaughtering disorganized mall-rats and showing trenchies who the real badasses of Malton are. On occasion, we run up against adversaries worth noticing. The Malton College of Medicine is one of them. While in Eastonwood, the Ridleybank Resistance Front met resistance from the MCM. Who the hell are these guys anyway? I dunno, I just shoot 'em and eat their cookies. They bake some damn good cookies. According to their wiki "Malton College of Medicine's primary mission is to educate new survivors about how to stay alive in a post-apocalyptic world."
 
During our confrontation in Eastonwood, the MCM displayed more intelligence than your average survivor group, hiding out in dark buildings instead of setting up an all you can eat buffet in the local NT. When the Gore Corps was stumbling around in dark buildings, hiding from the eyes of decent people and zambahz, we were surprised to find members of the MCM hiding right alongside us. At first it was a bit of a culture shock, and we were slightly disappointed that none of the students would join in any of our customary safe-house orgies, but we still managed to have a good time. In the words of Professor of Communications and Chief Muffin Maker QBee, “We really enjoyed chatting with the Gore Corps in surrounding buildings during the build up. You guys don't get much conversation with your dinner do you? Next time, do spend some time enjoying the cookies and blue punch...between rounds that is.”
 
Of course, Moloch’s influence on the Gore Corps remains, and we’re still not allowed to have that much fun. So we killed everyone. The Gore Corps did something it never does: installed a generator. The moments the lights came on, all laughing and cookie sharing stopped as the MCM saw about half a dozen shotguns pointed at their dean, Violet Begonia. Within a couple of minutes, there was no one left breathing in the room as the Gore Corps fanned out looking for more victims, having gotten a little too worked up in response to Violet’s bullet bukakke. When asked for comment on the event, the only MCM member to respond, my good friend Shank, simply said “Draugrh is literally the worst person ever.” Then I shanked him.
 
Only a matter of minutes and all the MCM’s leadership and many other member were lying in pools of their own blood. Within the next 24 hours, each and every one of them got a revive, showing their efficiency. Instead of sticking around and using the MCM as a never ending food source due to their speedy revives, the horde got bored after smashing the suburb and moved on. Both the RRF and MCM claimed victory. According to the MCM, that’s how things should be. As Violet said “Malton isn't a war zone, it's a huge tennis match! If you're going to have a good tennis match, you need good opponents. And even though you're on opposite sides of the net, the game is more fun when you're friendly.”
 
==Dear Survivor Security Zone==
 
It's me. The Ridleybank Resistance Front. My life hasn't been the same since you let those other little startup hordes move in to your ransacked buildings. I was angry when you opened Hildebrand's door to any zombie able to crawl. I was upset that I was no longer the only horde to graze your ruined, destroyed pastures. But I was wrong SSZ. I want you. And deep down in your heart, you know that you want me too. You know that we were meant to be together.
 
Take me back Survivor Security Zone. Please baby. I can change. It will be different this time, I promise. We can do all those things that you used to love to do: the long, romantic walks along the endless revive queue lines. Candlelight dinners on top of the remains of Tynte Mall: You, in your flowing black duster with the matching camouflage ammo belts. And me, in my tattered, blood-stained clothes, holding a bottle of Pinot Gris with one hand, and your jugular with the other. The way love should be. The way we used to be.
 
All I ask for is one more chance baby. One more time to show you that I have changed. Come on baby. I am a different horde now. I have grown. I have matured. I am tired of running around Malton, eating my way from one suburb to another. That isn't love. I want to settle down. I want to be with you baby. With you and you alone.
[[Image:Diedbarhah.jpg|300px|right|Let us work together to bring Malton more Barhah!]]
 
You remember the good times, don't you Survivor Security Zone? God, we were so hot together. Do you remember when I used to raze your outer police stations before moving into your inner Mall core? Remember when I took Hildebrand down overnight? Yeah you do you little minx. Man those were good times. We used to be so great together.
 
And you want to throw it all away? Like nothing happened? Like we didn't happen? Well fine. Go. I don't need you anymore. I never did. You are dead to me. Hear that SSZ? DEAD. Besides. I found someone else. Want to know who I am with now? Buttonville. And guess what? They are a much better lover than you could ever hope to be.
 
Oh God. I am so sorry Survivor Security Zone. I am drunk. I didn't mean it baby. God I didn't mean it. Please forgive me. Please just take me back. Please. It will be better this time. I promise.
 
Just me, you, and a bunch of empty, ruined buildings.
 
Love,
Ridleybank Resistance Front
 
==What I Did Over Summer Vacation==
by dongs, 2nd grader at Billings Lane Zombie School
 
''Editor's Note: Occasionally, we receive essays from students attending the primary schools in Ridleybank. Here is one such essay from a youngster who took some time from their busy schedule of reading, writing, and disemboweling survivor honor roll students to tell us about their summer vacation:''
 
This summer was very fun. I will tell you about a trip I took. The (slightly) older zombies in the Praetorian Guard said that we would stay in Ridleybank and eat humans while the rest of the Horde ran around Malton eating less brave humans. It seemed like they would have all the fun. I was sad*. But I believe that the RRF is 1/3 Ridleybank. It is important to eat humans there. So I stayed. But then there were almost no humans in Ridleybank. Far Traveller, Kittentits, 707, and Wisuguya always eat them first because they do a good job and I usually hunt at 3am. I got hungry. I remembered that there were always humans in Stanbury Village.
 
So when the other Praets weren't looking, I went to Stanbury Village. It was not far. I went where there were some other zombies, but all of the buildings were at EHB and my remaining brain cells have ADD. So I went back to Ridleybank. It was still ruined. We do a good job.
 
So I went to Roachtown and there were some barricades. Me and some ferals took down the cades, but there were no humans. So I went back to Ridleybank. Still ruined. We do a very good job.
 
So I went to Pimbank and it was the same thing: barricades and no humans. I thought, "Gosh, these pussy-ass cade-strafing motherfuckers must be so bored of jacking off their shotgun muzzles in their shit-strewn malls that they have nothing better to do than roll through here with herpes and a toolbox and make our UD experience about as exciting as getting a blow job from Terri Schaivo."
 
So I went to Barrville. There were humans! There was a guy in a hospital who was still alive. I checked. Delicious. He was wearing a jacket. It said "Malton Fire Department" on it. I thought he was lonely because he didn't have three alts with nearly-identical names with tags from other DEM branches to keep him company. So I gave him a hug. Actually, I gave him about 19 hugs. Then he died. So I ate him. It tasted very much like every other DEM human I've eaten.
 
Maybe they are actually the same person.
 
After this, I was very full and satisfied. So I went back to Ridleybank to continue the glorious labor of keeping Ridleybank for zombies. Now I am back in zombie school and I am writing this essay for you, Mr. Zombie.
 
The End.
 
==Missed Connections==
 
'''Marvin Mall'''
 
'''You:''' Tall ,dark, and thin, your unkept black hair covering up a network of battlescars that could only come from a lifetime of service at the Malton Quick-e-Mart. You were wearing a beige overcoat on top of a black duster on top of a set of urban military encounter armor on top of a bulletproof vest on top of a white t-shirt covered by grape Tast-E-Freeze.
 
'''Me:''' Missing right arm, crushed skullcap, and torn clothes, eviscerated organs trailing behind me, my claws pressed against a old woman's head.
 
You blew away a zombie child with a shotgun, looked in my direction, and then screamed that shooting me would somehow erase the miasma and darkness rotting your soul. I felt a spark then, a small feeling, a romantic connection that could only be satisfied by gutting your abdomen and tearing open your brain. We gazed into each other's eyes, I blew you a gentle kiss, and then you called in the airstrike. As the bombs fell around me, I never imagined that I would meet such a tender, caring lover.
 
Call me.
 
Let's reconnect.
 
Sexy.
 
'''St. Luke's Hospital'''
 
'''You:''' Red, plaid shirt, tight jeans. You were with a group of friends, listening to some music as we broke through the lightly-barricaded front door. I would have slipped you my card, but I thought it would be rude to interrupt as the horde surrounded your friends and began to dismember them. You had such beautiful eyes and soft skin.
 
Please.
 
If you get this and have managed to stop the internal bleeding, then call me.
 
I still have your arm.
 
==Warrant Issued for Former RRF Papa==
by Draughr
 
A Spanish judge has issued a warrant for former RRF papa Lord Moloch’s arrest this week, claiming universal jurisdiction. Judges in Spain have been using the precedent of universal jurisdiction go after international criminals for years now, and Lord Moloch has been targeted most recently. He has been charged with war crimes, crimes against harmanity, attempted genocide, terrorism, conspiracy to eradicate all vestiges of harman culture and life, and jaywalking. Reports on his treatment of the Gore Corps as are just now beginning to be investigated, but rumors of sexualized punishment and drugs as rewards have the courts concerned. When asked what his name was and how he got any of this information through the quarantine, the Spanish judge threw down a tiny object which caused a bright flash followed by thick smoke. The judge had disappeared.
 
==A short dedication to the ones we love: the Harmanz in Malton==
by Draughr
 
Thank you, harmanz, for your contribution to the zambah cause. Thank you for being (still here) after hitting me with an axe again... and again... and again... and again... and again. Thank you for making a babah mistake at level 15. Thank you for wasting your AP on failing to kill me, being a fresh meal for when I wake up, and then wasting your AP trying to kill me with your underdeveloped claws. Perhaps most of all, thank you for further clogging the revive point where you were XP farming.
 
== Archives ==
{{MHSArchive09}}
 
{{RRF}}
 
|}
|}
__NOTOC__
 
[[Category:Groups]]
[[Category:Zombie Groups]]
[[Category:Press]]
[[Category:Ridleybank Resistance Front]]
[[Category:Malton Herald and Sun]]

Latest revision as of 03:20, 18 March 2011

Mhsbanner.png


Blackmore 4(04)


Editor's Note: This is based on Blackmore 4(04), an historical event that took place during August, 2010. For more information, read here for the original version or continue below for the correct version.

Blackmore 4(04) was a failed, grass-roots initiative to develop a renewable, free-ranging, human herd in Ridleybank, and to show the rest of Malton that small-scale, sustainable local harvesting could overcome the city’s rapidly-dwindling human food supply. The ill-fated project took place from August 19, 2010 to August 31, 2010, almost four years to the day after the first, failed attempt to bring affordable, fresh-food to downtown’s starving zombie population.

Initial seeding of the Ridleybank area began on August 19th, with the introduction of several breeds of human into carefully selected release points around Ridleybank. Researchers initially hoped that a sustainable, robust human herd would finally be able to graze in the desolate downtown wasteland. The project ultimately failed thirteen days later on August 31, when zombies from the Ridleybank Resistance Front, The Feral Undead, and the Minions of the Apocalypse gave up on all that hippy, tree-hugging, renewable crap, and killed every man, woman and child in the Greater Ridleybank metropolitan area.

The rest of this story is continued here.


Behind the Killing Floor: the Big Bash III


It happens every Spring in Malton. The snow finally starts melting. The days start getting longer. Birds can be heard chirping. And thousands of zombies began to wander the city, looking to slaughter every man, woman and child foolish enough to remain in our lovely zombie city.

BB3-big.png

Yes, it must be Big Bash season, and the love of harman genocide is still in the air. This past week, the Malton Herald and Sun were lucky enough to sit down with Bash organizers Bisfan, Aichon, Amber and Skoll and find out exactly what goes on behind the scenes of everyone's favorite event.

MHS:This is third time a Bash has been organized in Malton. What has made this Bash different from years past?

Aichon: I was here! Since I only joined the game about a year ago, I missed out on a lot of the big events of Malton's history. Being asked to help out with Big Bash 3 was a real treat for me, since I knew this was a chance for me to be involved in something big that others would be reading about for years to come.

Besides me being around (which isn't actually that important), I think one big difference with this Bash was that we had zombie interference working for us. Older Bashers will remember Giddings Mall and the frustrating month-long siege of it in Big Bash II, but thanks to the introduction of interference, we were able to keep Big Bash 3 almost entirely feral while making steady progress, which was a first.

Bisfan: Aside from the "3" at the end of the Bash? ;)

More seriously, a lot of effort went into making this Bash capture the spirit of both previous Bashes. It has attempted to bring together players, in the spirit of fun, and encouraged them to embrace a play-style akin to a zombie wrecking ball. This Bash hasn't been about "being different", it's been about encouraging fun. Malton is suffused with drama, and the intent here has been to try and put drama aside, and just do what zombies do best; eat stuff and mess places up.

Amber: I've only seen the last two bashes but I've noticed a couple differences. There was more of a sense of community. There was a wider variety of old and new zombies from other hordes wanting to get involved on some level. And there were more brains during BBII. I might be showing my age, but I find myself longing for epic sieges such as the Battle for Pitneybank, just so I can point to it and tell babahz "You see? This is why we're still shambling." Bizzles will probably recoil at it's mention, but that moment - The birth of the beachhead - there hasn't been anything like it since and there probably won't be for a while. And don't get me wrong. I remember throwing all my energy at barricades and barely taking them down to very heavy. Or getting headshot two or three times daily when bigger zombies opened the doors for me. And getting combat revived before I could finish a meal and popping inside to listen to the frantic screams, barked orders and pleas for help on the radio. Or getting zerg rushed - clawed down and set up a headshot while Bub swayed in the corner of Byrne Auto Repair. I remember it all quite vividly. But all of that is what made the pink, fleshy center of the mall and the Morrish Building so much more sweet.

Skoll: While this is my first time participating in a Big Bash, I would have to say what made things different from the previous two were fundamental changes in tactics such as cade blocking and the new bellow which draws zombies from a 21x21 radius. Clears buildings quick. I can also say that whole suburbs fell within a day or two during this bash, which is something that didn't happen with the previous two.

MHS: Now I know its hard for some of your brainrotted zombies to remember, but what has been your favorite memory so far with the Big Bash III?

Aichon:Probably when the buzz about BB3 was first building was a high point for me. For me, as word started to leak that the Bash was coming, it was a lot of fun to see people getting really excited at just the prospect of another Bash. And when we finally posted a countdown to the big announcement on the wiki page, it seemed to me like the wiki and IRC just exploded with activity. Seeing that the wiki page had been visited something like 3000+ times in the week that we just had the countdown posted was pretty amazing to me. That's probably when it first sunk in for me that I was part of something big.

As for during the event, it's hard to pick just one. Arriving in Pitneybank and trashing the entire place, including the fort and the mall, in about a day and without any real organization was a major demonstration of what the Big Bash could do. And, before that, when we were first starting out and were moving so fast through the city that we were getting complaints from people trying to join up that we had moved 8-10 suburbs in the time it took them to get to where we had been just a few days earlier...that's always a nice affirmation. We also sprayed a lot of graffiti around the city in the month or so before the event started, and it was always great when we'd break into a building and see one of our messages such as "Big Bash 3 Entry Point" or "Spread the undead - Join BB3!" inside.

Bisfan: The thing I appreciate most about this Bash has been the number of zambahz who have stepped up to contribute to it. Whether it be working in a strike team, acting as ambassadors to the myriad established zambah gangz in town, administratively behind the scenes, scouting...so many of the zambahz involved have been keen to help that it has made it a pleasure to be involved.

For a specific moment...I would have to say it was a rare zambah visit to Miltown, and breaching the Fliney Necrotech Building there. There was nothing epic about it, it was just a routine break-in, like you'd see on any other day in Malton, but in another life I have worked very hard to keep Miltown safe, and Fliney NT in particular so it was a rare and personal pleasure to be there on the side this time :D

Amber:Probably when when an ex-escapist told me that the bash had changed his perspective significantly. It reminded me a lot of how BBII changed my views.

Skoll:My favorite memory? Theres so many, the entire event was so much fun, but I'll try to pick just one... I'd have to say my favorite memories are the collective breaching and beachheading of malls that H.A.R.M. accomplished as the Bash's only organized strike team. Except for Treweeke and Caiger, we were the ones that led the charge on every mall in Malton when the Bash came knocking.

For the rest of the interview, go straight to jail, do not collect $200, and read here.



Lack of Brain-rot: Is he really into you, or ... is he just testing the zombie waters? What the saavy, single zombie needs to know about today's zombie dating scene


It's Saturday Night...and you check your watch. It is almost seven o'clock. He will be here in less than ten minutes. You hurry to finish dressing, trying on several outfits before finally deciding on a torn, blood-matted gray dress that matches your eyes perfectly. A quick dash of dried blood to your lips and then a subtle trace of a pencil liner to accentuate that long scar running down your left cheek. You turn around in the mirror and smile, noticing the decayed flesh hanging from your right leg. Normally, you would not care about your appearance. But tonight was different.

Tonight, you are meeting him.

You grab your overcoat and head out into the dark night, pausing briefly to savor the stench of decay surrounding the ruined core of downtown Malton. You hear a loud growl echoing into the night, and your heart begins to beat just that much faster. It was him. And he had a reservation at the city's hottest new restaurant: Club Penfold. Where you first met.

Zombopink.jpg

As you crawl through the broken barricades, you think back to that first night. You, a fresh corpse, rummaging through the remains of the ransacked statehouse, and him, an infected firefighter, coughing up blood in the corner. You remember him trying to crawl away from you as you shamble toward him. You always did like when they played hard to get. As your teeth began to tear through his carotid, you remember him screaming in pain and horror, and you feel a warm glow inside you.

Yes, you reflect, he always did know exactly what to say to melt a girl's heart. This one was definitely a keeper.

You smile as the memory leaves your rotten mind, and you begin to look inside the club for your flame. You catch a scent of a dying policeman in the corner, mixed in with the smell of fear and blood as the harmanz slowly realize that they are not alone. A new scent appears and your heart begins to beat faster. He was there.

But something is different. Something is wrong. He is different. He is wrong.

A dark figure approaches you, two flashes appear in the darkness, and as your broken body crumbles to the floor, you think to yourself, “How could I be so stupid? How could I not see this coming?” He finishes you off with a quick headshot, dumps your body in the street, and walks out the door, leaving you to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and skull.

Let's face it. We have been there before, thinking that we have found the zombie of our dreams, only to discover that our new love is nothing more than a harman in disguise. So how do you know your new man or woman is committed to being a life-long zombie? Here are some hints that your new flame may not exactly be the one for you:

  1. They introduce themselves as Zomkiller23, ZedDead5, SlayDeathToonB, or PenultimateZomboApocalypse.
  2. Their idea of a fun night is to stand around a park, bleating “Mrh?” while swaying back and forth.
  3. While you are certainly open to spicing things up in the bedroom, you do wonder if bringing twenty loaded shotguns, a portable generator and thirty fire-axes to bed is really necessary.
  4. Lately you seem to be running out of conversation topics, and his story about being a “lost soul, drifting endlessly in a sea of melancholy and despair toward a chasm of hopelessness and sorrow, who now must avenge the death of his parents by killing every zombie in Malton” is no longer the funny anecdote it used to be.
  5. He avoids your subtle questions about commitment, why he does not have brainrot and why he has been spending most of his time hanging out at the Thompson Walk Revive Point.
  6. You have started to wonder if you really want to spend the rest of your unlife with a man whose long-term plan is to cleanse the zombie menace from the suburbs of Stanley Village and Roftwood using the holy, purging fire of long-range howitzers and fuel-air bombs.

Remember, only diamonds and brainrot are forever. Otherwise, last month's unrotted fling might suddenly become tomorrow's light morning snack.


Wanda...Baby...our little girl is gone...


by Bob Boberton 303 Commander

Wanda,

My loving wife. It is like a horrible nightmare. Every day and every night I still see our daughter’s face. You do remember, don’t you my dear? It seems like just yesterday that we were watching our little Becky play on the swingset. I still remember glancing over at you, watching you smile and laugh as Becky climbed down the swingset to pick up her favorite stuffed polar bear. Our sweet, little girl. It would break your heart to see her last Tuesday. Screaming and crying as I dragged her toward the front door of Blackmore to trade her for a single generator. A single generator. No parent should ever have to receive so little in trade.

I never thought this day would come. I still remember the day you told me you were pregnant. I remember your face as we talked about Becky’s future, our future. We walked through her life together. Her first birthday. Her first words. Her first day at school. Her first kiss. The crates of DNA extractors and crowbars we would get after shipping her off to New Arkham on her tenth birthday. But those dreams are gone now, my love. Instead, I am left here with nothing to remember her, except this generator. One lousy generator that will be probably be destroyed within the hour. These truly are dark times we live in.

No father should have to go through what I just went through, Wanda. The pain. The complete humiliation of settling for less than ten shotguns and two generators for their eleven-year old. I still remember the other 303er’s laughing at me when I returned to Blackmore, receiving so little for someone, who, at one time, held so much promise.

I should have done more when we were raising her. I should have seen this coming. Why did I not see the warning signs? If I was a better father, I would have crated her and left her in Wyke Hills until the market got better. God knows my father would have done the same for me. But now she is gone, Wanda, destined to spend the rest of her life in shackles in a Ridleybank Harmanz Processing camp. It was her time to go I guess. She knew it, I knew it, and the zombies knew it. I just wished we got have gotten more for her.

Wanda, you shouldn't have to suffer for my mistakes. I know we haven’t talked much since I left your mother to die at Nichols. I am sorry baby, I really am. You and I both know that traveling with less than 40 FAKs is tantamount to suicide. We couldn’t spare even one. I really am I sorry. I was hoping to get a flak jacket for that old hag.

But you have to forgive me and we need to move on. I need you Wanda. I need you to help me get through the pain and the suffering. Please, come back to me baby. If not for me, then do it in loving memory of our daughter. And, Wanda, when you come, be sure to bring our son Jake, and his friends Ernie and Jackie. I am still hoping to get that tenth fire axe.

Love Always,

Bob



Meet a Ridley: Bobby the Hatchet


As a part of new feature in the MH&S, we will be interrupting the murder sprees of everyday RRF members to interview them, so that you, the good people of Malton, can learn a bit more about the people slaughtering you in your sleep. This past week, we had the pleasure of sitting down with Bobby the Hatchet, dedicated Ridley and Gore Corps devivification expert.

MHS: So how did you come to join the Ridleybank Resistance Front? Did you know members in the RRF before? Or did you just get really drunk one night, and five states and two weddings later, you had somehow managed in your drunken stupor to sign up on Barhah.com?

BH: As a fairly new player, after witnessing the raw power of a somewhat coordinated strike involving the Ridleybank Resistance Front and ferals, I laid dead in the street thinking to myself, “I want that.” I decided to join almost instantly. I was amazed to find such a coordinated effort tucked away beneath the clawing and growling of the streets. Serving Ridleybank seemed to be an obligatory part of the Urban Dead experience, and I’ve never looked back. I started out as a bahbah eating with Team America and my axe-murdering ways ultimately led me to the Gore Corps. The heavy drinking and vulgar displays of bad judgment actually came after I was locked in.

Rrfposter14.jpg

MHS: Some of our readers have learned the hard way that combat reviving a Gore Corps member is one of the quickest ways to meet some of the more interesting members of the gun family. Have you meet any interesting harmanz who have revived you...and then thanked them with the loving gesture of a shotgun double tap?

BH: All the time. I generally try to target all who revive or heal me, in keeping with tradition. Combat Revives on Death Cultists are especially pleasant, because it allows us to demonstrate our true nature, almost immediately. Nothing makes me giggle like being Combat Revived during a live attack and then returning under a hail of gunfire to put an axe in their guts. When we dishonour the needle, we dishonour life, and it shows survivors that their own ignorance can be just as dangerous to them as our claws.

MHS:What do you enjoy the most about Urban Dead? I mean, besides slaughtering harmanz?

BH: The meta-gaming community, especially within Barhah, has been great. I find that this bizarre little game-that-should-not-be attracts all sorts of people from various walks of life, united towards a common goal, with plenty of hilarity in between. When one gets involved in the human element here, it totally enhances the game. It’s really the only way to play. Also, the low-impact time constraint prevents me from being ridiculed as a nerd by my peers.

MHS: What do you enjoy the most about being in the RRF and in the Gore Corps? What is your role in the Gore Corps?

BH: I enjoy being in the Ridleybank Resistance Front because it is a significant part of Malton’s history. Ridleybank is the heart of the city, and its roots run pretty deep. It’s a massive group full of veteran players and it brings in a constant influx of new faces. The group takes responsibility for legit play and there’s seldom any groundbreaking drama, which is great considering how widespread everyone is. As a member of the Gore Corps, I get to experience Death Culting at its finest, prowling the ruins as our brothers and sisters close in around us. There is nothing greater than logging on and finding myself on the street, eaten and Death-Rattled at by a fellow Ridley. We must know our place and respect the horde, and it is an honor that we have been able to serve as long as we have. Regarding my role in the Gore Corps, I must remain vague, as we are a bit secretive with our sadism. I will admit that I am nothing more than a mild-mannered henchman taken under their tattered wing.

MHS: Now, some heretics-- we will call them “Mrh cows” – claim that being a survivor takes more than knowing a simple set of skills. Surviving--they say--takes hard work, a dedication to watching a barricade level drop slowly from EHB to VHB, and a commitment to acting selflessly, and not hoarding all thirty of your FAK kits. So...when you are revived...is it really as painful as I have been told to see the world as a survivor sees it?

BH: Survival sheerly for the sake of survival, takes almost no work at all. It is a futile endeavour that we have all instinctively faced at one time or another. Any “Mrh Cow” can hole himself away in an early grave of boards and light. The true labor comes with learning how to break free of those confines and truly live, walking the earth unafraid. When I am revived, it does indeed pain me to see survivors locked inside, quarrelling over sticks and stones. These days are a cause for celebration, yet they fail to embrace it, sharing their misery with the rest of us. Fortunately, when I am saddened I tend to cry double-ought tears of lead, so my revival is really more painful for them than it is for me.

MHS: What has been your most memorable moment in UD so far?

BH: I believe the most memorable moment so far was being involved in Excursion IV. I was just coming back from hiatus, linked up with the Gore Corps, and it was the first time in Urban Dead that I was able to really witness the full power of the Ridleybank Resistance Front on such a massive scale. Our strike teams were always dangerously close and when Death Culting I often found myself barely making it out of buildings alive as we scorched a path of death and destruction across Malton.

MHS: Some say that the harman is the most dangerous game, skillful at evading a pursuit, and lethal when cornered. What do you think? Any memorable battles / encounters with the most dangerous game / easiest meal?

BH: I believe the most dangerous game is the harman that we seldom see; those who stray from the beaten path, nomads lurking in ruin, rebuilding the framework of humanity. These select few have evolved with the times, they will be the last of the dying breed, and when it comes time to confront them in the final battle, perhaps centuries from now, there is no telling what they will be capable of.

MHS: Now for something more serious...is it true what they say about Lord Moloch?

BH: Yes. He is a fine leader and a gentleman and after serving in two groups under the man I would certainly be severely uncomfortable allowing my children near him.

MHS: For my final question, let's pretend that you are the last living member of the Gore Corps in a world taken over by zombies. You come across a small child, and she starts smiling at you. So...shotgun, pistol, knife or claw?

BH: I would do the honorable thing, axe down the cades, jump to my death and feeding drag her into the street. Victory would be shared; the last drop of survivor blood belongs to the horde.

MHS: Well, we would like to thank Bobby for taking the time to answer some of our questions, and we'll leave our dears readers in Malton with this loving thought: It's 10PM, the kids are tucked in, and the power just went out...are you sure your door is locked?