The Burchell Arms Regulars/Goldenhandshake Test

The Burchell Arms Regulars The Snug - Crumpled Up Newspaper - Staff Cleaning Rota - Broken bottles, Painkillers & the Jukey - The 3rd Floor Lavvy - Syzpid's Hobby Cupboard - No! No! The beer barrels go in the cellar! - Cabbie Sam's Dartboard (AKA The Deadbeat List) - The Burchell Arms Employee Of The Month! June 1993 - Rockefella Plaza Rocky, 52, was nominated as Employee of the Month for June 1993 due to his unstinting devotion to cheap sherry, having disposed of 18 bottles that'd been hidden away in the Burch. Rocky likes collecting model trains, backing sheets from salted peanuts, Grattan catalogues and Thermos flasks. He is most well noted for his famous carpet slippers and Farah trousers which he wears to stunning effect. Always a ladies man, he does find wearing their smalls is most gratifying. May 1604 - Jesus Sante Sante loves the outdoors! He can often be found in his cagoule and sou'wester braving the elements. The fact he's wearing nothing else but these PVC items is a moot point! It was Sante who'd designed the menu in the Burch, having decided that gruel and oats weren't for him any more. People queue for miles around to get some fresh air when he enters the room. Favourite comic: Garfield. The one where everyone NEVER existed. August 1920 - Danger Lightfoot Fabled Mummy's Boy, Dinger was weaned on Newcy Broon, which was a shock to his system as his Mam's milk was 90% proof. Dinger was voted Employee Of The Month as he drank Father O'Keefe's slops in a dare. Coming round three weeks later he claims the coma didn't effect him that badly; the simple fact he's now left-handed, and can't wee straight gives lie to this. It also gives him wet patches on his denim hot-pants. Jan 2000 - Rebecca Sensecal Dr Sensecal, as she insists on being called... Or is that Ms Sensecal (we just cannot handle this Mrs/Dr thing)? Becca, in honour of her ability to set bones, fix sniffles and make people whole again has been voted as employee of the month. The simple fact that the diploma from Universidad de El Salvador hasn't yet arrived to be framed, honourably, behind the Bar is something we've conveniently hidden behind what has been termed as... closed doors... Still, our resident tee-totaller is an honoured member of the BAR. December 1830 - Cabbie Sam Sam... Sam, Sam, Sam... Now where do we start with Sam? He's as hard as nails. As hard as tungsten if we're honest. But, BOY! Does he have problems with authority. That is.. if 'authority' is deadbeats and text rapists and other small-dicked ballsacks. Well, yes, YES he does. But he also has problems with directions, with understanding orders not to 'just go out and shoot the innocent' and also step-by-step instructions for Swedish furniture. Voted as Employee Of The Month out of some misguided sense of loyalty.